A week ago I just couldn't get myself worked up over the first glimpse of Tom Hardy's back in The Dark Knight Rises. The new pic spread across the internets so fast you'd think his flesh was covered in Lady Gaga tattoos. I couldn't get excited because I'd seen it so many times before with better views; the back, not the shot of "Bane"! Bane once broke Batman's back so it's fitting that we'd see that side of him first. It all comes back to the spine.
So herewith an impromptu top ten random ten shots of Tom Hardy from the back.
10 THE CODE (2008)
The Code, which often films Tom Hardy from the back as more important characters are viewed from the front while they chat is a prime example of the retroactive casting problem with rising stars. When you watch their pre-ascendance movies, it's totally distracting how little the director notes their presence... as if you should actually care more about the characters who share their scenes. As if!
Stop talking men in suits. Show us the Hardy!
09 STAR TREK: NEMESIS (2002)
One of Hardy's earliest roles was one of his highest profile parts as he puts the nemesis in Nemesis. When Shinzon (Hardy) meets the crew of the Starship, the room is dark and the camera is careful to only show him from behind (or cloaked in shadow) for minutes on end.
You're not at all what we expected you to be.
...Capt. Jean Luc Picard tells him and he doesn't even know how true that is. Turns out Shinzon is actually genetically identitical to Picard, a clone! The antagonist decides to stop playing coy. "Computer bring the lighting up four levels," he says for the dramatic reveal. The lights come up and I think you're supposed to gasp that Tom Hardy LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE Patrick Stewart.
If by exactly like you mean: also bald. Hollywood hates bald people! We all look the same to them.
08 THE DARK KNIGHT RISES
Seen up top. The reason it's not higher is I actually prefer my Hardy with less steroid bulk. Where are the architectural details of a screen body when it's shaped like a brick wall? Give me "Handsome Bob" rather than "Bronson" is what I'm saying... even if Bronson is definitely the... uh... fullest... way to really enjoy your Tom, heartily. To date.
More on Bronson in a bit. Warning: nudity after the jump...
07 SCENES OF A SEXUAL NATURE (2006)
Confession: I haven't actually seen this movie and it's not normally my practice to sound off on things I've only viewed clips from online. Seeing things out of context is completely disorienting.
See... Sophie Okonedo understandably wants to fuck Tom Hardy and tells him so. She just puts it out there. But once she gets his pants down -- out in public with dogs running by -- she inexplicably don't want to no more. What gives? If you've seen the movie in better circumstances then blurry YouTube clips, please to explain.
07 MAN OF MODE
Tom Hardy's back is so attractive that sometimes unseen ladies will just grab on to his shoulders and yank him out of frame for (we're guessing) sexual purposes as seen in this promotional video.
06 ROCK N ROLLA (2008)
But not everyone likes to look at Tom Hardy's back. Especially not his best mate "One Two" played by Gerard Butler in Guy Ritchie's crime drama. You see, "Brutally Handsome Bob" (Hardy) just came out to One Two and now it hurts to look at him. "I've had showers with you. You've seen my fuckin' cock" he whines. But he learns to deal, even consenting to a dance. "Was it a slow dance?"
05 SERGEANT SLAUGHTER, MY BROTHER (2010)
This short film by Greg Williams (who has a gift for vivid short bursts of eroticism), in which Hardy parades around in the nude in beret, sculpting and attacking his younger brother, had a brief bit of internet fame -- lots of screencapping and gifs before it was pulled on copyright grounds from Vimeo and YouTube and the like.
04 LAYER CAKE (2004)
Before director Matthew Vaughn got big visual f/x ticket assignments like Stardust, Kick-Ass and X-Men: First Class he made this stylish little Brit thriller drawing more attention to underused talents like Hardy and Daniel Craig (pre 007). This is Tom's drug-prepping intro as the camera spins 'round.
This is Claude, double first in Cambridge in industrial chemistry. He's got to pay off his student loans somehow.
03 DOT THE I (2003)
SPOILER ALERT!!!!
This Gael Garcia Bernal thriller literally ends with Hardy pulling a joint from his end. I'm not making this up. Hardy and cell-mate Charlie Cox (pre-Stardust) laugh it up with the weed in their post-credits tag.
What is it with Tom Hardy and prison time?
02 BRONSON (2008 or 2009 depending on your continent)
"Charles Bonson" (not his real name) spends the bulk of his life in solitary confinement in Nicholas Winding Refn's pre- Drive (2011) calling card film. Here's how the title character is introduced.
My name is Charles Bronson. All my life I've wanted to be famous. I knew I was meant for better things.
That's the opening lines and first two shots of Tom Hardy. One: First full frontal confrontational; Two: conductor's view theatrical. But Bronson is so Hardy-specific, such a monster movie, we have to give it two spots in the countdown.
Oh, it's sooooo big.
01 more BRONSON
Nicolas Winding Refn, who just managed a director win in Cannes with Drive, alternates between these presentational modes (full frontal confrontrational and conductor view theatrical) throughout the movie, resulting in a treasure trove of Hardy shots.
The movie is disorienting but if you like high-wire acts for director and star, even ones that could have used a safety net of some sort (like, oh, a clearer narrative arc or more tonal variation), you really ought to see it.
The end.