I felt like the red carpet lineup feature needed a rethink so let's make it a conversation instead. I've enlisted Kurt from Your Movie Buddy to chat with today. This is but a small sampling from this week's big event which seemingly hundreds of celebrities attended. But we're only talking about 18 of them.
SEVIGNY, FANNING, LOPEZ, PINTO
Nathaniel: The Met's annual Costume Institue Gala has been nicknamed the "Oscars of the East Coast" in the past -- everyone goes -- so I figure we should uh, say something, though predictions cannot apply. Nobody wins anything except for maybe your oohs and aahs.
Hi Kurt!
Kurt: Hi Nathaniel! I was not aware of such a nickname, but okay. I'm all for lavish attire and oohs and ahhs. As for the first quartet of ladies you've provided, shall we go through them one by one?
Nathaniel: Two by two because... Chloë Sevigny and Freida Pinto. Don't they seem like inverted images. The theme was "Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty" I think -- there's always a theme. Wouldn't it be great if Oscar had a theme each year?
Kurt: They have unofficial themes -- remember when everyone wore red in 2008? "Savage Beauty," eh?
Nathaniel: What's with the ties (?) and the black and white reversed?
Kurt: There's not much savagery in the Sevigny-Pinto duet, unless you count Chloe's 'do. The inversion is interesting. I feel like it's part of a trend I'm not privy to, as both of these ladies seem to be on fashion's cusp. As for who wore it best -- I'm Team Freida.
Nathaniel: Vote Split! As for women in ties, I would like to vote for Diane Keaton circa Annie Hall in absentia and perpetuity.
Kurt: Of course. for the record, though, I am a HUGE Chloe fan
Nathaniel: True story. When i was a little kid I thought it was pronounced "shlow" and my friends never never never let me live it down.
Kurt: In that case, I imagine you would've had a helluva a time with SEVIGNY
Nathaniel: LOL. no not Sevigny herself. Just her namesake. But when one says they are a fan of Chloë that can mean SO many things. Don't you think she has kind of a schizo fan base like acting, fashion iconery, polygamist cult-obsessives, drag queens... So what kind of Chloe fan are you?
Kurt: Very schizo fan base indeed. I'm of the opinion that if you like Chloë S., we can prob. be friends. She has a very specific coolness. Me? I'm a fan of the actress first, the fashion icon second, and whatever else she's into third.
Nathaniel: Is "whatever else she's into" a reference to Brown Bunny because this isn't that kind of blog!!!
Kurt: Haha! I'm going to admit I've never seen that. I've heard it's such a slog, and I feel like I'd only be watching for the BlowJ part. Not that that's not worth seeing, I just feel like I'll let it keep its lore and mystique. Besides, I'm certainly no Vincent Gallo completist.
Nathaniel: Fair enough. I worry for people who are. Is it fair to say that you're a fan of Dakota Fanning -- I know you liked her Runaways work -- or am I being too pushy about recruiting? She needs some support given The Rise of Elle.
Kurt: I'm definitely a Dakota fan. She's one of my favorite young stars to watch. The whole evolution thing is really fun when the star is actually a big talent. I feel the same way about Saorsie Ronan (who suggests future Blanchett chameleonism in Hanna). I remember thinking in that awful movie Push, which Dakota totally ran away with, that she has all sorts of Jodie Foster parallels. I think she will be a star until she's dead.
Nathaniel: Are you suggesting that Elle will have to kill her to dethrone her? I hate what Dakota is wearing here. But moving on... I only included Jennifer Lopez because she's "relevant" again (damn you American Idol) DON'T MAKE ME TALK ABOUT HER.
Kurt: Oh no, we MUST. JLo is a perpetual red carpet fiasco, which is so funny because she's obsessed with fashion. Here we have another mess...
[long pause]
Nathaniel: I've half typed seven different jokes and can only raise a white flag. JLo has defeated me. I have nothing to say.
Kurt: Was one of them "bondage gardener?" I was so excited when I saw her in the lineup. She is the queen of excess, which I guess is appropriate but MY GOD. It's always the antithesis of "take something off before you leave." And this getup looks so effing uncomfortable.
Nathaniel: But does it look Savage? Or Beauty-ful?
Kurt: I'll give her Savage. Savage Garden
Nathaniel: Heh. These lineups are very random except when I wanted to pair people.
KRUGER, MICHELE, IMAN, ZEEEEEE, MENDEZ
And I have to say this about both Zeéeeee and Eva Mendes. You have to give them points for tenacity. Whatever their onscreen merits, I feel like they both have death grips on their fame. They're just not going to give up. Eva's look screams very sophisticated key party to me. As for Zeéeeee, well she is fairly reliable as red carpet stars go.
Kurt: (Oh, that inescapable pout...) Interesting point about death grips. Eva rides high on sexiness, which is definitely what keeps her working. Renée Zellweger...oy...she sure has made the early '00s go a long way
I'm so glad Beyonce attended... :)
Nathaniel: Can you believe that IMAN is nearing 60.
Kurt: Crazy.
Nathaniel: I included her because RuPaul's Drag Race recently ended and I feel like her Amazonian confidence, glamour and Bowie-adjacent fame must have inspired gaggles of queens over the past few decades.
Kurt: Oh, I'm sure. Raja could do a mean Iman.
Nathaniel: YES.
Kurt: And she won! your fave I will say I was glad...Raja was super interesting and that walk...
Nathaniel: Naomi Fierce. Who could play Iman in a biopic? I mean, other than RuPaul.
Kurt: Beyonce, of course (kidding). I think we'd need some reincarnation of Grace Jones...
Nathaniel: Maybe it's because I photoshopped Lea Michele right next to her in the lineup, but I suddenly pictured Jane Lynch in her David Bowie get up from last night's Glee as Iman's date. It was kind of awesome in my head.
Kurt: I missed last night's Glee! I was attending a press screening of THOR that wound up being canceled because the "hard drive was corrupted." I miss celluloid (*tangent)
Nathaniel: Ohhhh, that is the saddest thing i've ever heard today.
Lea Michele always makes me feel guilty. I feel like I am always bitching about something with her but in truth I kind of live for her musical numbers on Glee. And you can tell that she really really loves her red carpet life which is endearing...
Kurt: Glee...I've said many times that I don't know if I've ever had a fiercer love/hate relationship with a bit of media. it's appointment television, yet i complain incessantly. And, yes, Lea's numbers are incredible. her fashion on the other hand...safe, safe, safe.
Nathaniel: But would you really want her to go "edgy" I think that might be disastrous.
Kurt: True. Rachel Berry in avant garde would look like Halloween. But you must admit, what began as the "next red carpet mvp" has become snoozy -- solids and simple silhouettes, if not solids and excessive ruffles
Diane Kruger is definitely my best-dressed of this group.
Nathaniel: I included Diane partially because she is very good at red carpet eleganza and partially because i wanted to say --- how on earth is she ever going to be able to top Inglourious Basterds? Working with really vivid screenplays must be both exhilariating and terrifying as in "A) its' awesome that i get to do this. And B) After this I have to go back to playing the Girl again."
I need to jump back to Zeéeeee for a second -- my overactive imagination again but that little scaley midrift bedazzlement. Might this actually be Mystique pretending to be everyone's favorite lemon-face.
Kurt: haha--now i'm picturing those blue scales enveloping her whole body...maybe she'll morph into herself circa Empire Records. That'd be nice.
Nathaniel: The hell? i totally forgot she was in that. But you only said that because I just gave you a celluloid flashback with Liv Tyler in the lineup, admit it.
Kurt: I hadn't even look at the new photo yet! Diane -- sad but prolly true. It's hard to imagine another director putting that much faith in her again.
GOODWIN, HUDSON, TYLER, ROBERTS, STEWART
Nathaniel: You know how weird it probably is for celebrities that people only remember them for one particular role? With Liv Tyler it's even worse for me. I see her and the ONLY thing i can ever thing of is...
"If you want him, come and claim him."
which is my single favorite moment in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Honest to Smaug.
Kurt: I LOVE that part, too. I wrote a paper on LOTR in college that dissected that particular sequence. I watched it...a lot. I remember Liv Tyler a lot from the Aerosmith videos, too. omgggg this is so much fun. well, we know which Something Borrowed star stole the spotlight...again.
Nathaniel: Are you ready for my theory on Ginnifer Goodwin?
Kurt: Shoot.
Nathaniel: I sense from every single paparazzi and red carpet photo I see that her onscreen persona is not even a tenth of what she has to bring. Or at least that her onscreen persona is ten times removed from her actual personality.
Kurt: Very exciting. In that case, she's a damn fine actress, because she's so freaking winsome on screen it's ridiculous.
Nathaniel: But she always has some weird punk energy offscreen. Or at least punk-pop. As in I could totally see her all drugged up as Belinda Carlisle in a Go-Gos biopic. Or maybe playing Robyn. " If you're for real and not pretend then I guess you can hang with me ♪ ♫ .."
Kurt: Robyn! Nice. I can't remember seeing a whole lot of Ginnifer off screen, but this pic is all attitude. It might be my fave look so far.
Nathaniel: It's probably not okay to diss a pregnant woman -- and I think she looks beautiful here -- but i do not understand Kate Hudson's career ...at all. She keeps playing these bitch goddess parts only she doesn't bring the goddess part so they're just bitches. Get me?
Kurt: Got you. Although I felt the spot on (albeit cartoonish) archetypes were among the better things about Something Borrowed. That said, Kate Hudson irks me to no end. I hate that she holds this mantle as America's Sweetheart. It's so unearned.
Nathaniel: May I ask a personal question?
Kurt: Sure.
Nathaniel: How to you feel about ass? Because whenever someone serves it up with bright colors. I feel like they want you to notice it.
Kurt: Well, first off, I certainly don't think Liv Tyler is a likely candidate to "serve it up"
Nathaniel: Ha.
Kurt: But if it works, go for it, and i think its working here. She's making ass-highlighting look quite elegant.
Nathaniel: Yes. agreed. But whenever anyone does that, it makes me think of assless chaps. [Ahem]. Maybe that's my problem and not theirs. Uhhhh... NEXT.
Kurt: Emma Roberts looks as pretty as she does awkward
Nathaniel: Yes very stiff. I kind of liked her in It's Kind of a Funny Story but something about that movie was just so... limp. I couldn't even figure out what wasn't working about it but it just refused to work.
Kurt: ugh. I hated that movie. And from Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck? Bizarre. From raw and honest to wannabe quirk. It all rang so false and uninspired to me.
Nathaniel: I think i was trying to like it on behalf of Half Nelson and Keir Gilchrist but it just wasn't happening.
Kurt: Shame. But I love Emma Roberts. Did you see Lymelife? She was really great in that.
Nathaniel: Alas, no. I'm not sure why Kristen Stewart wormed her way in to this lineup. Honestly there's only one more batch of photos and i had to leave SO many people out. But I think that whenever she's wearing something halfway interesting -- I like this gown -- I suddenly am relieved that she tried. My biggest pet peeve ever with celebrities are the ones who act put out by fame like it's all a big drag or like they'd rather be smoking out back.
Kurt: The funny thing is, that's initially what I liked about Kristen Stewart -- like she couldn't care less about acting, but is actually pretty good at it. I have since changed my mind. Now I just feel angry and kind of depressed whenever I look at her.
Nathaniel: It's like Spider-Man says (?) With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility.
Kurt: With Great Angst and Apathy comes Great Viewer Dissatisfaction.
Nathaniel: I was thinking more along the line of With Great Fame Comes Great Roles Which Means Other People Didn't Get Them So Fuck Your Apathy! but... yes, what you said.
Kurt: ohh...i'm laughing a lot
Nathaniel: There was going to be a whole section on couples but i ran out of steam. So the only guy who is getting any today is Eddie Redmayne. I know some people think he's ugly or ugly hot or just handsome... well the point is there is divisiveness about his mug. But I walked past him on the street last year and... my point is this: SEXY. against the odds?
RICCI, DUNST, REDMAYNE, WILLIAMS
Kurt: Oh, I definitely think he's sexy. Yay for interesting faces. He was thrilling to watch in Savage Grace.
Nathaniel: He's so evil to great actresses onscreen though -- shooting at Cate Blanchett, stabbing at Julianne Moore -- so I have to worry about Michelle Williams in My Week With Marilyn.
Kurt: In what movie did he shoot at Cate Blanchett?
Nathaniel: Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Kurt: Aha. Talk about Costume Gala.
Nathaniel: Ha! TRUE. That's one of those movies that it feels really unfair that the costume designer is below the title. It should have been "CATE BLANCHETT" "ALEXANDRA BYRNE" and "CLIVE OWEN" in "Elizabeth 2!"
Kurt: should we just get to the Ricci elephant?
Nathaniel: Yes, let's. I feel like maybe -- and i'm totally guessing -- she snuck in backstage at the momentarily shuttered Spider-Man musical and stole some costumes and props and then stitched them all together for this.
Kurt: This is a "Spider-Man"-sized disaster. Unless of course, she's out to become the next Bonham Carter...which is a lofty goal
Nathaniel: you know what's really weird? She is basically the same age as Michelle Williams and Kirsten Dunst (Dunst is slightly younger but the other two are 30) but isn't it kind of hard to imagine them competing for roles?
Kurt: Christina Ricci seems like she's been around so much longer. I now pit her in the same category as Rose McGowan -- enigmatic brunette vamps who went from hot to cult. I don't see Williams as being in the same league, nor do I imagine her competing for a lot of roles. Well, maybe Marilyn, but she's so choosy, I don't imagine her waiting by the phone. I see her as the new, American Tilda Swinton (which we'll get to later, re: Meek's Cutoff)
Nathaniel: Dunst and Williams competed for Ryan Gosling sort of, by virtue of release dates (All Good Things vs. Blue Valentine) but roles? Well we'll see if Melancholia brings new or rather old, newly polished acclaim Dunsts's way. I am a huge Kiki fan btw but this seems really casual for this type of event.
Kurt: Yea, this is an odd look. I don't know what it would be appropriate for...Little Women reunion?
Nathaniel: *wipes tear of laughter away* Claire Danes was also there!
Kurt: I LOVE Claire Danes on the red carpet; although, I might kill myself if someone greenlights Temple Grandin 2.
Nathaniel: Claire used to be able to make me sob just by trembling her lip (such awesome tear-jerking power she wielded in 1994).
P.S. Please note that I did not photoshop that white crotch seam on Eddie Redmayne.
Kurt: Noted. METICULOUSLY noted.
Nathaniel: I feel like that white seamed crotch somehow goes with Liv Tyler's bright fanny but I don't want to push the point too much.
Kurt: Savage Grace + Stealing Beauty = Savage Beauty
Nathaniel: Brilliant. All roads do lead to this. The Costume Gala, not his crotch. Or... well... uhhh...
Kurt: If the pants fit...
Nathaniel: I think maybe I should say THE END right here but then I'm thinking of Liv's again.
Kurt: Shall I say it? A nice end, indeed.