9:00 Black Swan and 127 Hours and Kings Speech jokes. oh my. My television is a time machine. Or MTV is. Jason Sudeikis made a joke about the set being Lady Gaga's bedroom. But I think... no... this is more like how I imagine Spider-Man Turn off the Dark set to look like.
Eva Mendes has been Teem Edward the whole time.
9:12 They've already told four Team Jacob / Team Edward jokes? That's like one every 3 minutes.
"My heart says Jacob. But my weiner says Edward. My balls are indifferent."
I'm scared to ask but...
9:13 Best Male Performance goes to Robert Pattinson who doesn't even do a good job of acting "indifferently cool / bemused". Jesse Eisenberg could act that while acting 7 other emotions simultaneously with an undercurrent of self loathing. These awards are always stupid.
9:27 Three people we like at once on MTV. It's kind of a rare occurence!
Crazy Stupid Indifference To This Awards ShowSteve Carell made a joke about horny dolphins. Emma and Ryan are both so naturally funny that the laughs are all reaction shots. Yay them. Can't wait for Crazy Stupid Love.
9:28 Tom Felton won "best villain" for snivelling sheepishly in the background of the Harry Potter movies. Now the Foo Fighters perform.
9:30 I love Hailee Steinfeld so much more now that I know she's as bored by the Foo Fighters as I am. That's as excited as she got during their performance. I call this look "indifferent serenity"
9:46 I fell into a deep dark hole of not caring. In that space of time Inception's zero gravity hallway and Amy Adams vs. The Sisters lost best fight to Twilight. BWAHAHAHA. Why do they even have these awards? I'm actually being serious. Why don't they just host like annual Twilight and Harry Potter parties. Wouldn't they be just as popular with MTV's crowd?
9:52 SERIOUS REFLECTION MOMENT: the template for awards show hosting is to a) insert yourself into movie clips as opening monologue joke. b) Sing funny songs later on during the show that are about the movies that are and aren't nominated. That's it. Will anyone EVER shake up this formula. It's been this way since the 90s I think on every show from the Oscars on down.
10:00 I thought Best Kiss would be split amongst the Potter and Twilight crazies and it would go to Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis but instead it went to Bella & Edward. I'm assuming they've won before. Robert Pattison ran out to kiss Taylor Lautner instead which would have been funny / worth all the press it's going to get if they had actually committed. But it was basically a bear hug with a forehead kiss.
LAME.
Although knowing MTV they'll want to nominate this for "Best Kiss" next year. Maybe they could fill up the whole category with Breaking Dawn smooches?
10:20 Generation Award to Reese Witherspoon. That movie collage and Reese's speech reminded me that I love Reese Witherspoon (and I do forget from time to time.) She tries to make it cool to be a good girl again...
When I came up in this business if you made a sex tape. you were embarrassed and hid it under your bed. Like if you take naked pictures of yourself on your cell phone. Hide your face, people, hide your face.
But dissing fame through reality television and bad behavior doesn't seem to be getting much applause from the MTV crowd.They led up to the MTV Movie Awards with a Jersey Shore marathon.
Make a great movie again, Reese! Hurry up.
10:23 Texting during an illegal street race is stupid.
10:29 a fetus just won"best line from a movie" over The Social Network.
I want to get chocolate wasted!
Although, if I'm being honest I like to get chocolate wasted myself, well and often.
10:32 Best Female Performance? Let me guess. Kristen Stewart though it should be Emma Stone!
10:36 Music Performance = Bathroom break just like at the Oscars!
10:46 Host promises the show is almost over. I'm holding him to that. Emma Stone wins "Best Comedy Performance" which is the first award that's many any sense tonight. Sanity temporarily restored.
10:49 Now the Twilight cast is introducing a preview of Breaking Dawn in which Kristen Stewart becomes the thinnest pregnant woman ever! Fact: Vampire fetuses are very small.
10:58 The Twilight Saga: Eclipse wins Best Movie ending with this surreal site of Gary Busey in a bubble looking on at the young vampires and werewolves and mopey human girls.
Is this image....
a) visual metaphor for being too old and thus removed from the MTV party? No one does ageism like MTV!
b) to protect the Twilight cast from Gary's communicable diseases / crazy?
c) a literal ball of indifference?
You will tell me in the comments, yes?