I normally look forward to Golden Globe night with the feverish pitch I otherwise save for Oscar Nomination Morning and Oscar Night itself. They're the holy trinity of awards season Father (Oscar Noms), Son (Oscar Night) and uh... Holy Ghost (The Globes). Well, there are spirits involved. I expect that the drunkest table will belong to The Help or Bridesmaids. Here's to inebriated ladies!
And here are my predictions. I'm just going for it and predicting a return to... January 2003. Wait, what? Read on!
MOVIES
BEST PICTURE, DRAMA
With most of the attention swinging towards The Artist, Best Picture Drama feels like a free for all this year. Three films (The Descendants, Hugo and The Help) look like feasible winners since they've retained heat after the nominations. Common wisdom points to the inexplicable near-universal love for The Descendants but for whatever reason I'm imagining a repeat of the 2002/2003 Globes season wherein the throbbing heart of a female epic (The Hours) beat out an expensive Scorsese film and the Alexander Payne film about the widower dealing with his angry daughter whilst having spiritual awakenings. (Gangs of New York and About Schmidt)
Prediction: The Help
Spoiler: The Descendants
BEST PICTURE, COMEDY or MUSICAL
This one seems all sewn up for The Artist but I think it's worth noting that the Comedy or Musical category tends to be where the Golden Globes house their biggest surprises on average. That said a defeat for the Artist would be the kind of shocker that only happens once a decade.
Prediction: The Artist
Spoiler: Bridesmaids (imagine the uproar!)
BEST DIRECTOR
Hazanavicius may or may not be the frontrunner for the Oscar. It's tough to say with lesser known directors when they're battling cinematic giants who win awards based on their whole filmography rather than the specific film they're up for. But I'm guessing that the presence of Woody Allen pulls enough votes from Martin Scorsese to keep Hazanavicius in the lead.
Prediction: Hazanavicius
Spoiler: Scorsese
PREDICTIONS IN ALL CATEGORIES after the jump...
BEST ACTRESS, DRAMA
This is probably a super tight race between friends who refuse to be combatants in all things Best Actress this year. It might be foolish to predict a surprise win for The Help in film and not its lead actress but if there's anyone who loves Meryl Streep as much as her super-fans on the web, it's the HFPA. She's their all time nomination leader and she's also won 7 of their acting trophies. Sometimes in television categories the Globe is all about the hot new thing and if they have a freakout about a new plaything we could have the shocker of a Mara victory.
Prediction: Meryl Streep
Spoiler: Viola Davis
BEST ACTRESS, COMEDY or MUSICAL
Common wisdom will tell you that it's impossible for Michelle Williams to lose this since it's a dramatic biopic category in a comedic shortlist. But common wisdom forgets that the Globes sometimes do really love to laugh. I don't think this is locked for Michelle but I do think it'd be a big crazy to predict a loss... particularly with Kristen Wiig seemingly eager to move on from Bridesmaids; she's not interested in doing a sequel and she's busy with new projects so is she really going to be schmoozing the HFPA to win this one?
Prediction: Michelle Williams
Spoiler: Kristen Wiig
BEST ACTOR, DRAMA
GLAMOUR. GLAMOUR. GLAMOUR. When the Globes decide to throw a movie star party, they know how to corral the biggest stars. This year they did it without embarrassing themselves like last year's Depp Double Dip of Depp D'oh! I think this is going to be really close and neither name would surprise me, but let's just assume that the Angelina Jolie factor -- also in the running for her directorial debut -- tips the odds ever so slightly in Pitt's favor.
Prediction: Brad Pitt
Spoiler: George Clooney (... but imagine how much press the Globes would get from a tie?!)
BEST ACTOR, COMEDY or MUSICAL
You never know with the Globes -- especially in the comedy categories -- but there doesn't seem to be enough support gelling anywhere else to derail The Artist party! If Ryan Gosling wanted to win awards. If he really cared about doing so, he might have put up a fight here or in drama (since The Globes are more likely to reward the young male beauties than Oscar is) but he doesn't. And plus: Jean Dujardin is charming in person and just fantastic onscreen.
Prediction: Jean Dujardin
Spoiler: none.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
In such a tight field heading into Oscar nominations (it's only these five and Melissa mcCarthy still standing) anything could theoretically happen in terms of a "win". But I'm not going out on a limb since I haven't a strong hunch to do so.
Prediction: Octavia Spencer
Spoiler: Bérénice Bejo
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Prediction: Christopher Plummer
Spoiler: Albert Brooks if they want a moment.
BEST ANIMATED FILM
Prediction: Rango ... unless they really have to have a Spielberg moment. In which case
Spoiler: Tintin
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
I know people feel that A Separation is unstoppable on its march towards Oscar. And though I wish that were true since I'm totes in love with it, I don't believe true locks are ever possible in foreign film categories unless the foreign film is also up for Best Picture. And besides... being a masterpiece is kind of giving yourself your own golden statue. Masterpieces have lost many prizes over the centuries. And how are they going to turn down an Angelina Jolie moment?
Prediction: In the Land of Blood and Honey
Spoiler: A Separation
BEST SCREENPLAY
I'm actually biting my nails on this one. I truly believe any of these five contenders could win (for entirely different reasons).
Prediction: Midnight in Paris
Spoiler: The Descendants
BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
Same goes for this category. Any of these people could win. So let's just go with the Best Picture
Prediction: The Artist
Spoiler: War Horse
BEST ORIGINAL SONG
With those adorable Muppet songs by Bret McKenzie nowhere to be heard, they're free to have a big celebrity onstage to accept this. Will it be Madonna, Glenn Close, Mary J Blige, Elton John... I truly haven't even a hunch. But let's say that this night will be kind to The Help somewhere -- even if my daring Best Picture guess is all wrong.
Prediction: Mary J Blige "The Living Proof"
Spoiler: Glenn Close & Sinead O Connor "Lay Your Head"
CECIL B deMILLE AWARD
I predict that Morgan Freeman wins this!
TELEVISION AWARDS
*please do not take the following AS seriously. I have never claimed to know what I'm talking about when it comes to the buzz surrounding television shows.
BEST DRAMA SERIES
They have so many "new toy" choices. Let's say they're all up in what the internet has been talking about the past month or two instead of what the internet was talking about three months ago.
Prediction: Homeland
Spoiler: Game of Thrones
BEST COMEDY SERIES
In the interest of keeping things lively, let's say that the Globes lean towards the newbie. Shiny new toys are something they're known to lunge for.
Prediction: The New Girl
Spoiler: Modern Family
BEST ACTRESS, DRAMA SERIES
If Madeleine Stowe does not win this one I will whisper this to every member of the HFPA I meet going forward
"Every time I hug you, the warmth you feel is my hatred burning through."
That said, Stowe willingly took herself out of showbiz for over a decade so she doesn't seem like the willing-to-schmooze-for-it type so I'm guessing a former winner takes it albeit in new character form.
Prediction: Claire Danes
Spoiler: Julianna Marguiles
BEST ACTRESS, COMEDY SERIES
Whoever wins, we win, right?
Prediction: Zooey Deschanel
Spoiler: Laura Dern
BEST ACTOR, DRAMA SERIES
Prediction: Uh.... I have no idea.. Jeremy Irons?
Spoiler: Steve Buscemi
BEST ACTOR, COMEDY SERIES
Prediction: I'M TOTALLY STUMPED. Baldwin?
Spoiler: Leblanc? Seriously I'm at sea here. HELP IN THE COMMENTS.
BEST TELEVISION MOVIE OR MINISERIES
Prediction: Downton Abbey (more on this soon)
Spoiler: Mildred Pierce
BEST ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION MOVIE OR MINISERIES
Prediction: Kate Winslet
Spoiler: none.
BEST ACTOR IN A TELEVISION MOVIE OR MINISERIES
Prediction: Idris Elba ???? I have literally only seen Downton Abbey and one episode of The Hour. I do not know. If you do please share your wisdom in the comments.
Spoiler: Dominic West
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A SERIES, MINISERIES OR TELEVISION MOVIE
Prediction: Jessica Lange. Awards Magnet.
Spoiler: Maggie Smith. Aso Magnetized.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A SERIES, MINISERIES OR TELEVISION MOVIE
Prediction: Peter Dinklage
Spoiler: none.
I'd love to hear where you think I've stumbled and where you think I'm prophetic in the comments. HAVE AT IT!