The Razzies Are Coming, The Razzies Are Coming

Hey everybody. Michael C here. Can you feel the suspense? Not the Oscars, that’s going to be The Artist. No, I mean that we are only one week away from The Razzie nominations, where we can get a little retribution for the cinematic crimes of 2011.

Without M. Night Shyamalan, the Stanley Kubrick* of the Razzies, in the race it’s a little more challenging to predict the nominees for worst film than usual, but I'll give it a shot anyway. Full Disclosure: I haven't seen most of these and unless someone backs an armored car full of gold bars into my driveway it’s gonna stay that way. I am judging strictly off their public and critical reception

*True Fact: At their first ceremony The Razzies nominated Kubrick for worst director for The Shining.

The Front Runner

Suicide as mercy killing?

Adam Sandler's brother and screechy voice sister opus Jack and Jill is the King’s Speech of this year’s race, a vehicle specifically designed to win Razzies. Megastar completely phoning it in? Check. Super-thin premise that quickly dissolves into a series of fat and fart jokes. Check.  Orgy of whorish product placement culminating in Al Pacino rapping about Dunkin’ Donuts while a guy in a giant donut suit dances next to him? Che- Wait. What?

Jack and Jill has got that rare “Are you effing serious?” quality like The Love Guru and Catwoman that tends to win Razzies. Most people I know believed this movie was a joke Trey Parker and Matt Stone cooked up on South Park until the horrifying image of Sandler in drag started squishing donkeys in commercials.

The Spoiler

If Jack and Jill is the King’s Speech of this year’s Razzie race then Sucker Punch is the Social Network, totally up to the minute and cutting edge in its awfulness. Zak Snyder has synthesized comic book, anime, and video game culture into one completely incoherent package of steam punk gobbledygook.

Of all the titles in contention Sucker Punch is one of the few that deserves the designation of "so bad it’s good". Snyder doesn’t fail lazily drinking a coffee surrounded by old SNL buddies like Sandler. Sucker Punch goes down in a madly ambitious wreckage of CGI automatons, zombie Germans and PG-13 masturbation fodder so spectacular you want to stand and applaud.

The Blockbusters

It’s no fun to only pick on the little guys. The Razzies always devotes a few spots to big stars, bloated egos, and cynical cash grabs. Were talking past nominees like Wild Wild West and Alexander. Michael Bay has put up three nominees including winner Transformers 2 (Pearl Harbor was no match for Freddy Got Fingered) This year there is a wealth of big-budget Summertime crap to choose from. Pirates 4, Hangover 2, Transformers 3, Green Lantern, Zookeeper, The Smurfs. Last year Twilight: Eclipse was the big money-maker on the list but I doubt Breaking Dawn has the buzz to repeat. Ditto the even sillier-looking Twilight knockoff Red Riding Hood.

My hunch is that all the action blockbusters cancel each other out and New Year’s Eve takes the spot. Gary Marshall’s schmaltz-fest takes down too many big name stars with it to be ignored.

The Wild Cards

I’m discounting the chances of the otherwise clear favorite Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence simply because it seems to be begging for this prize, and I think the Razzies prefer their choices not to be in on the joke. Ditto Shark Night 3D. Even if Bucky Larson didn’t have an unheard of 0% rating at Rotten Tomatoes it will still demand a spot for making people look at Nick Swardson repulsive buck teeth and Prince Valiant haircut for a month last fall.

After Bucky I’m betting on the inclusion of under-the-radar contender Atlas Shrugged Part 1. First, it appears to be truly, atrociously bad. The most boring series of board meetings since Phantom Menace. Second, it has the added bonus of being a bizarro right-wing infomercial whose makers imagine they will change the public discourse via endless scenes of plutocrats sipping wine and talking about steel. Unfortunately this will probably overshadow Sarah Palin’s own unhinged campaign ad, the hilariously titled The Undefeated, although I would not be surprised to see her turn up in the Worst Actress category. The Razzies aren’t sticklers for classification like the Oscars.

Predictions

• Atlas Shrugged Part 1
• Bucky Larson
• Jack and Jill
• New Year’s Eve
• Sucker Punch

 Quick closing thought: I think the Razzies need a category for Oscar bait, don’t you? Iron Lady and J. Edgar are way too good to be included here, but someone needs to be held accountable for making me sit through endless scenes of a senile Margaret Thatcher chasing her ghost husband all over the apartment.

 The Iron Leaden J. Oscar

Feel free to tee off on your own worst cinematic experience of 2011 in the comments and to get into all the other categories. Larry the Cable Guy for Worst Actor in Cars 2, am I right? You can follow Michael C. on Twitter at @SeriousFilm or read his blog Serious Film. 

Comments

[Beau]

No, honey, I think you're SPOT ON in the nomination for 'The Iron Lady'.

That film was shit. No excuses.

[Jan]

I'd vote for War Horse in the Oscar bait Razzie category, even over J. Edgar. As Chandler Bing would say, could it BE any cheesier?

And not to forget foreign language crap, We Have a Pope was utterly, utterly pointless - potentially at least somewhat interesting story of a secular psychiatrist sent to analyze the new pope and deal with a bunch of reactionary religious geezers is thrown completely out the window by having the pope wander through the streets of Rome while the psychiatrist organizes a volleyball tournament for the cardinals, instead. Whuck?

[Evan]

Agreed- The Iron Lady was horrendous.

Another film I'd put in the failed Oscar bait category (and this one is controversial in that some actually love it) is Like Crazy. I was completely unsympathetic to the characters-- their story is exactly why one should always heed one's mother's advice. The only character I cared anything about was Jennifer Lawrence and she must have had less than five lines. Sigh.

[brandz]

I liked The Iron Lady, especially the old lady stuff. It's not as bad as critics make it out to be.

[Patryk]

Did Tyler Perry release anything last year?

[John T]

For the record, it was Breaking Dawn, not New Moon that came out this past year.

[Edward Copeland]

I think the Razzies should be brave and throw some nominations to a really big turd that has earned way too much inexplicable praise: Bridesmaids. Nominations from the guilds for art direction and costume design in addition to all the writing nominations for this overlong, unfunny piece of crap? Melissa McCarthy was its only saving grace.

[Beau]

Agreed with Evan. The two main characters garnered no sympathy from me, so I felt Like Crazy was a waste of time. Which is unfortunate, because I was really looking forward to it.

[/3rtfull]

Scre4m and Bad Teacher get my vote.

[Carl]

I think we have all heard the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure." For each film that gets nominated for a Razzie (Razzy?) there is probably at least one person out there who liked the film that paid money to see it. For "Sucker Punch", there were at least two - me and the missus. We both thought it was very good and very misunderstood by the critical community. On the strength of its cinematic 'eye-candy' alone, it would rise above the level of Razziness. The visual spectacle, however, was used in service to an underrated script and story. The performances were solid as well. It was certainly one of my favorites from 2011.

[Paolo]

Sucker Punch is the only movie on that list that I've seen, although it has like one or two merits. I try to block the rest out if I did see them.

And FYC Priest. Never have I laughed at the face of sexual repression so hard.

[eurocheese]

While War Horse would be completely deserving, the only craptastic choice for me would be Kaboom. That film was so stupid I wanted to punch someone when I left the theater. I'm sure I would have felt the same about Sucker Punch, but I knew better than to see s Snyder film for any reason. (He has to be my least favorite working director, partially because he takes himself seriously.) Jack and Jill is a clear winner/loser here though.

Any chance Jonah Hill gets a Razzie nod for The Sitter? It's at 22%. I'd feel better calling him "Academy Award and Razzie nominee," though he was perfectly fine (bot not nomination worthy) in Moneyball.

[Ryan T.]

I'm with Evan and Beau on LIKE CRAZY. More like LIKE AWFUL. I wished the film revolved around her parents. They were fantastic.

I nominated Natalie Portman for Worst Actress. Just think about it... YOUR HIGHNESS, THE OTHER WOMAN, and NO STRINGS ATTACHED. Despicable each and every single one.

Also I'm shocked that no one mentioned the two Alex Pettyfer-headlined stinkers this year: BEASTLY and I AM NUMBER FOUR. They are bound to get some notices with this group, right?

[leon]

Nathaniel, there's a shortlist for the Razzies since January 6th. No "The Iron Lady", no "J. Edgar", no "Sucker Punch", but yes to Kidman (twice), Portman, Bassett, Oldman and Christie

http://www.goldderby.com/odds/index/31
http://www.goldderby.com/forum/topics/view/403/page:5

WORST PICTURE
Abduction
Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
Atlas Shrugged Part 1
Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star
The Hangover Part II
The Human Centipede 2
Jack and Jill
Just Go With It
New Year's Eve
The Smurfs
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

WORST ACTOR
Russell Brand - Arthur
Nicolas Cage - Drive Angry / Season of the Witch / Trespass
Daniel Craig - Cowboys & Aliens / Dream House
Anthony Hopkins - The Rite
Ashton Kutcher - New Year's Eve / No Strings Attached
Shia LaBeouf - Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Taylor Lautner - Abduction / The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1
Jason Momoa - Conan the Barbarian
Robert Pattinson - The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1
Ryan Reynolds - Green Lantern
Seth Rogen - The Green Hornet
Adam Sandler - Jack & Jill (as Jack) / Just Go With It
Nick Swardson - Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star

WORST ACTRESS
Jessica Alba - Spy Kids: All the Time in the World
Jennifer Aniston - Just Go With It
Megan Fox - Passion Play
Nicole Kidman - Trespass
Martin Lawrence (as Big Momma) - Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son
Sarah Palin (as herself) - The Undefeated
Sarah Jessica Parker - I Don't Know How She Does It / New Year's Eve
Natalie Portman - No Strings Attached / Your Highness
Adam Sandler (as Jill) - Jack & Jill
Kristen Stewart - The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Hank Azaria - The Smurfs
Orlando Bloom - The Three Musketeers
Peter Dante - Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star
Patrick Dempsey - Transformers: Dark of the Moon
James Franco - Your Highness
Neil Patrick Harris - Beastly / The Smurfs
Edward Herrmann - Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star
Ken Jeong - Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son / The Hangover Part II / Transformers: Dark of the Moon / Zookeeper
Jason Lee - Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
Alfred Molina - Abduction
Gary Oldman - Red Riding Hood
Al Pacino - Jack & Jill / The Son of No One
Nick Swardson - Jack & Jill / Just Go With It
John Turturro - Transformers: Dark of the Moon

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Angela Bassett - Green Lantern
Julie Christie - Red Riding Hood
Brooklyn Decker - Just Go With It
Katie Holmes - Jack & Jill / The Son of No One
Rosie Huntington-Whitely - Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Brandon T. Jackson (in drag) - Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son
Milla Jovovich - The Three Musketeers
Nicole Kidman - Just Go With It
Virginia Madsen - Red Riding Hood
Frances McDormand - Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Christina Ricci - Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star
David Spade (in drag) - Jack & Jill
Sofia Vergara - New Year's Eve / The Smurfs
Sigourney Weaver - Abduction

WORST DIRECTOR
Stephen Bannon - The Undefeated
Michael Bay - Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Tom Brady - Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star
Bill Condon - The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1
Dennis Dugan - Jack & Jill / Just Go With It
Raja Gosnell - The Smurfs
Paul Johansson - Atlas Shrugged Part 1
Garry Marshall - New Year's Eve
Joel Schumacher - Trespass
John Singleton - Abduction
Tom Six - The Human Centipede 2
Jason Winer - Arthur
-The Human Centepide II
-Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon

[leon]

WORST SCREENPLAY
Abduction
Atlas Shrugged Part 1
Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son
Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star
The Green Hornet
Green Lantern
The Hangover Part II
The Human Centipede 2
Jack and Jill
Just Go With It
New Year's Eve
The Smurfs
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

WORST PREQUEL, REMAKE, RIP-OFF OR SEQUEL
Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
Arthur
Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son
Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star (rip-off of "A Star is Born")
Conan the Barbarian
The Hangover Part II
The Human Centipede 2
Jack and Jill (remake of "Glen or Glenda")
Just Go With It (remake of "Cactus Flower")
The Smurfs
The Three Musketeers
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

WORST SCREEN COUPLE
Any characters from anus to anus - The Human Centipede 2
Any chipmunks - Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
Any couple - New Year's Eve
Nicolas Cage and anyone
Megan Fox and Mickey Rourke - Passion Play
Shia LaBeouf and Rosie Huntington-Whitely - Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Taylor Lautner and Lily Collins - Abduction
Adam Sandler (as Jack) and either Al Pacino or himself (as Jill) - Jack and Jill
Adam Sandler and either Jennifer Aniston or Brooklyn Decker - Just Go With It
Kristen Stewart and either Taylor Lautner or Robert Pattinson - The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1
Nick Swardson and Christina Ricci - Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star

WORST SCREEN ENSEMBLE
Abduction
Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son
Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star
The Human Centipede 2
Jack and Jill
Just Go With It
New Year's Eve
The Smurfs
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

[Cinesnatch]

I'm glad Edward Copeland has venom to spew over Bridesmaids, since he clearly hasn't seen The Hangover Part II.

As far the shortlist containing Just Go WIth It nods, no, it wasn't that bad. Average at worst. And one of its nominations is an actual spoiler. And, if you're even paying attention, as average of a person/actor/celebrity Jennifer Aniston may be, she was actually acting in the movie.

The qualm is ultimately trivial, as Just Go With It is no work of art.

[KitCon]

I also agree with you re Iron Lady. That script would only be forgivable if the topic was Alzheimers research.

[Rax]

If this was the 80s J. Edgar and The Iron Lady would probbaly be in the running. But these days the Razzies rarely go beyond very safe and obvious targets. In the early days you'd have performances nominated for both Oscar and Razzie like Amy Irving and James Coco, or yes even Stanley Kubrick for The Shining. Yeah, undeserving, but at it had people talking about the Razzies. Not so much anymore.

(Although Cate Blanchett in The Golden Age did make the longlist for Worst Actress a few years ago, if not the actual list)

[Peggy Sue]

I totally agree with Rax.

[Erik]

I'm glad that I'm not the only one who disliked - hated - Like Crazy. I didn't get it at all.

[Volvagia]

leon: If those are the longlists, predicting the nomination lists just became much easier.

Picture:

Bucky Larson
Abduction
Atlas Shrugged
Jack and Jill
New Year's Eve

Actor:

Adam Sandler, Jack and Jill & Just Go with It
Taylor Lautner, Abduction & Breaking Dawn Part 1
Russell Brand, Arthur
Nicholas Cage, Drive Angry, Season of the Witch & Trespass
Nick Swardson, Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star

Actress:

Megan Fox, Passion Play
Martin Lawrence, Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son
Sarah Palin, The Undefeated
Adam Sandler, Jack & Jill and Just Go With It
Kristen Stewart, Breaking Dawn Part 1

Supporting Actor:

Ken Jeong, Transformers 3, Hangover 2, Zookeeper and Big Mommas (just the quantity of awful in that listing secures him a place)
Gary Oldman, Red Riding Hood
Al Pacino, Jack & Jill and the Son of No One
Neil Patrick Harris, The Smurfs and Beastly (both likely deserving of at least one nom)
Jason Lee, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked

Supporting Actress:

Christina Ricci, Bucky Larson
Rosie Huntington-Whitely, Transformers 3 (they're not going to let it go completely empty handed in terms of nominations)
Angela Bassett, Green Lantern (again, this has to get at least one nom)
David Spade, Jack & Jill
Brooklyn Decker, Just Go with It (if it's going to pull one nom on it's demerits alone, here's the most likely place)

Director:

Tom Six, The Human Centipede II (maybe one or two nominations)
Paul Johannson, Atlas Shrugged
Dennis Dugan, Jack & Jill and Just Go With It.
John Singleton, Abduction
Garry Marshall, New Year's Eve

Screenplay:

Jack and Jill
Abduction
Green Lantern
Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star
New Year's Eve
(Twilight as possible spoiler knocking off Green Lantern)

Worst Prequel, Re-Make, Rip-off or Sequel:

Arthur
Bucky Larson
Jack and Jill
Breaking Dawn Part 1
Transformers 3

Screen Couple:

Any Chipmunks, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
Nicholas Cage and Anyone
Megan Fox and Mickey Rourke, Passion Play (see her take Worst Actress)
Taylor Lautner and Lily Collins, Abduction
Adam Sandler (Jack) and either Al Pacino or himself (Jill) Jack & Jill

Ensemble:

Bucky Larson
Big Mommas
Abduction
Jack and Jill
Transformers 3

[Michael C.]

Leon - Well I'll be damned. I had no idea Razzies did BAFTA-like short lists.

In that case my predictions hold up pretty well, with only Sucker Punch missing out (I'm stunned)
I also called the Paliln nomination (that felt wrong writing that)

I will sub in The Smurfs for Sucker Punch on my ballot as far as predictions go.

[Michael C.]

Nic Cage vs Adam Sandler vs. Nick Swardson in Worst Actor is going to be an epic battle.

[DrewB]

Those Razzie lists aren't like the BAFTAs. From what I read a sort of committee makes those lists as suggestions, but members are allowed to put write-in candidates. Apparently, several nominees not on these lists make it annually.

[Robert G]

If it wasn't for The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence, The Iron Lady would be my worst film of 2011. I genuinely think they're both so self-important and stuck in trying to be artistic that they lose any semblance of coherence in their messages. Only the former frustrated me because of that. I have never in my life seen a film that bad look that good on the screen. Such a waste of a cinematographer, art director, and editor.

And don't count Amanda Seyfried out for a Razzie nomination if they remember Red Riding Hood. She was horrible in that. It should be a lock for director and screenplay if it's remembered.

[Frank]

If you're going to diss Sucker Punch, at least get ZaCk Snyder's name right. Clearly you don't give a damn about researching the bs you post on your website. It seems like it just oozes out of the sewer that is your brain.