Each year we stress ourselves out with live blogging of all the big events but for Oscar... Since it's my favorite holiday I usually throw a party and recap later right here. Tonight I'm taking a cue from the fatigue I see all over the red carpet. As I turned on the TV Berenice Bejo had the microphone in her face. Why are the Oscars so special?

Because it's the last one."

While that's a genuine truth, "the last one" came out with something like a squinting faraway desperation for a week in bed. The cast and crew of The Artist have been working it for months you have to admit.

They're so committed I wouldn't be surprised to have seen them helping to roll out the red carpet. Bejo's high heel imprints are still faintly visible on red carpets all over the state.

I am party-less so I'll be live tweeting. Something more low key. I miss so much when I'm typing and photoshopping and polling and everything all at once. And I don't wanna miss the Oscars. I'll update this post a few times during the night with my tweets as guide so remember to refresh your screens. 

Red Carpet

"I love the energy, the light, the american faces and the cinammon rolls"

-Jean Dujardin

• It'll be hard to top Jean Dujardin's red carpet quote about his awards season experience.

MORE AFTER THE JUMP

• I'm really quite annoyed that ABC asked Nick Nolte about his pet crows and then they didn't let him finish talking about them. one is named "John David" but the other one is named....? NOoooooo I must forever wonder.

• BREAKING: Cameron Diaz still invited to Oscars

The stars seem to be filing in... 

• Gwyneth Paltrow and Angelina Jolie would totally look like twin superheroes. Let's name them!

• The crowd is totally enjoying Billy's return. There's also a lot of Tom Hanks already. Old White Guys for the wins I guess.

 • Speaking of Old White (Haired) Guys...
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY Robert Richardson for Hugo
BEST ART DIRECTION Dante Ferretti (sans hair) for Hugo

• I'm so going to lose the Oscar pool.

• More Fabulous Old White Guys!

BEST COSTUME DESIGN Mark Bridges for The Artist
BEST MAKEUP The Iron Lady. Meryl looked so happy for her longtime collaborator.  

Two biggies in a row
BEST FOREIGN FILM A Separation
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESSS Octavia Spencer, The Help.
First standing ovation of the night. Tate Taylor took every step up with her. Train dresses are dangerous on staircase, don'cha know. 

See it just moves too fast. Too fast. People complain that the Oscars are too long but I can never keep up. Feels great to watch it again instead of typing it. We shall discuss in greater detail the rest of week. I approve of these little clips of the craft fields.

I loved the idea of that Wizard of Oz test screening skit (execution not quite so much) but I sure miss the Christopher Guest crew.

EDITING The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Kirk Baxter and Angus Wall are the first back-to-back winners since 1935/1936.
SOUND EDITING Hugo
The sound editors thank Thelma Schoonmaker first.
SOUND MIXING Hugo
Hugo is really doing well. It was tonight's true wild card in terms of number of statues.  

I was prepared to be all snarky about Cirque Du Soleil but it was kind of cool. Too bad about the direction/editing. When people are dancing you leave the camera in longshot, dumbasses. Sometimes you couldn't even tell what clip their dancing was related to. Argh.

DOCUMENTARY Undefeated
ANIMATED FEATURE Rango 

• And that win was followed by a commercial for Brave. Wow They're letting movies advertise finally at the Oscars?

This is my first time presenting an award. Hiiiii."
-Emma Stone 

• Emma Stone is joy and hilarity. Can she just host the rest of the night? Please? 

VISUAL EFFECTS, Hugo
Wow. It's just magnetized for trophies tonight.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR, CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER BEGINNERS.

You're only two years older than me. Where have you been all my life"
-Christopher Plummer to Oscar.

LOVE.  He's the oldest person to win an Oscar.

Humorous Billy Crystal bit about reading people's thoughts by looking at them. Punchline was Nick Nolte Growling.

• Funny. That's just what I'm thinking half the time anyone wins an Oscar.

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE, The Artist
I was going to get worried if they lost that one. 

BEST ORIGINAL SONG, Man or Muppet

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY, The Descendants
Lots of cheers for that one.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY Woody Allen for Midnight in Paris
Angelina accepted on behalf of the Academy accepting for Woody Allen who never shows to collect.

Woody Allen is the male version of Katharine Hepburn the only idol they're okay with being ignored by.

LIVE ACTION SHORT The Shore by Terry George
DOCUMENTARY SHORT Saving Face by Daniel Young
ANIMATED SHORT  The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore

• The Bridesmaids cast (presenting all three) made this entire year so much better. Someone throw them a pizza party or something.

• "SCORSESE!" [gulps back drink] Apparently Martin Scorsese doesn't watch the SAG Awards as that joke entirely confused him.

• They cut to commercial with "Best Director coming up" while showing a Hugo clip...

• psyche! It's still MICHEL HAZANAVICIUS, THE ARTIST for BEST DIRECTOR

• Honorary Oscars. you're so important you get to stand up while we pan up to a violinist and cut to commercial. 

• In particular I'm pissed we didn't get to see that Dick Smith makeup artist tribute because he looks so genuinely touched.

• IN MEMORIAM: all the white fade to white photographs were like the beginning of a very special episode of Six Feet Under

• The "In Memorium" ended with Liz Taylor's Oscar speech "thank you with all my heart" followed by a Cleopatra wink. Great. 

BEST ACTOR Jean Dujardin

I love your country."

 He tap danced on his way off the stage but they didn't cut to the camera that would see it well. What is up with the direction tonight?

BEST ACTRESS Meryl Streep

 When they called me I had this feeling I could hear half of America going 'Oh no. Oh come on why? Her. Again?' You know. But, whatever."
-Meryl's funny intro. 

 
Beautiful speech as per always.

BEST PICTURE The Artist
Taking my prediction score to a decent but unspectacular 17/24... t'was Hugo that threw me. 

My new phone suddenly stopped taking pictures / working just as Meryl won which is surely a sign that I should sleep on it and come back tomorrow evening with a clear head, and final words... and quite possibly a new new phone. Not that I blog from my phone. I need all ten fingers to type like the wind.

Good night.