Nicole Kidman just keeps whipping us into submission. Yes, yes, "Uncle!" You're a great actress and infinitely obsession worthy. But bow down we must, again, as The Paperboy nears movie theaters. Hurry up and get her already, movie! Her latest ploy is dressing up (by which I mostly mean undressing) for V Magazine.
The V doesn't stand for "Voilà" but... Voilà. Here she is boys...
More thoughts / drrty photos after the jump...
• Given that the V is pointing right towards her crotch, and that this comes hot on the heels of the news that she'll have a small role in Lars von Trier's Nymphomaniac (2013?), it's all of a piece; Kidman Hot Piece.
• I always prefer Kidman as a redhead but if she must move away from the ginger, trashy white blond with bad roots is, to my surprise, the best way to go!
• Why am I surprised? I've always loved platinum blonde with dark roots.
I'm getting a little old for that whorey look."
-Cristal Connors, Showgirls
• You're never to old for the whorey look!
• Would you go blind if Kidman's red wrap was actually the shag carpeting for an entire room? Would you shag Nicole Kidman on blindingly red shag carpetting?
• See through underwear is hilarious. Why wear it?
• I'm sure it wasn't intentional since the photographer is probably not as old as me or Kidman but this look is SO '80s and screams Donna Mills "The Eyes Have It" mixed with ONJ's "Soul Kiss" to me.
• Every reader under 40 just scratched their head with utter bewilderment. Who is "Donna Mills"? What's a 'Soul Kiss'? What is an "ONJ"? But back to Donna Olivia Kidman Nicole...
• Blue Eyeshadow makes me weepy with nostalgia. It's the single most potent Eighties mnemonic to me. Probably on account of my then undisciplined Actressexuality.
• The metal dress, pink stilletos, and green chainmail panties look astoundingly uncomfortable. But Kidman was married to Tom Cruise for ten years so she has The Stamina.
• This photo makes me wish I was straight and not just Actressexual.
• This photo makes me hope that Nicole Kidman's Oscar campaign for The Paperboy is loud, outrageous, and frequently naked.
Cristal Connors: I like nice tits. I always have, how about you?
Nomi Malone: I like having nice tits.
Cristal Connors: How do you like having 'em?
Nomi Malone: What do you mean?
Cristal Connors: You know what I mean.
Nomi Malone: I like having them in a nice dress, or a tight top.
Cristal Connors: Mmmm. You like to show em off.
Nomi Malone: I didn't like showing them off at the Cheetah.
Cristal Connors: Why not? I liked lookin' at 'em there. We ALL liked lookin' at 'em there!
Nomi Malone: It made me feel like a hooker.
Cristal Connors: You *are* a whore, darlin'.
Nomi Malone: No I'm not!
Cristal Connors: We all are. We take the cash, we cash the check, we show 'em what they wanna see.
• Photoshoots of actresses are so blown out and retouched these days that it's a wonder anyone takes the time to for botox or dermabrasion. Modern celebrity portraiture IS plastic surgery and cosmetic enhancement and it's painless for the actor!
• "Please use the Lord & Taylor Accessories Wall thoughtfully."