This week's top ten list is dedicated to James T, one of my fav readers and twitterers, who asked me some time ago to "pick song titles that you'd have liked to be the titles of movies that should exist." I couldn't resist the odd wildly random challenge and given that I recently hosted a karaoke party (don't ask) I'm in the mood. So here goes...This list was actually hard to make because so many songs -- even great ones -- have totally generic titles.
TEN SONGS TITLES THAT I TOTALLY WISH WERE MOVIES
Next year can we have Fiona Apple title all the movies that come out?
Runners up: ""Extraordinary Machine, Hot Knife" or any of her album titles -Fiona Apple... and can we talk her into trying acting?, "Please Don't Make Me Too Happy" - Christine Lavin, "Backwoods Barbie" - Dolly Parton cuz she loves to write about herself so why not a fun biopic?
10 "Do You Wanna Funk" -Sylvester
And can it be a serious yet fun movie about discos and clubbing in the 1970s? 54 was so lame.
09 "Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen
But only if it's a romantic comedy that comes out in 2013 (like, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun would be a stupid title for a movie now but it was just right back in 1985!) . And yes I sang this at karaoke. Don't judge.
08 "Moves Like Jagger" - Maroon 5
I don't even like the song that much but my god that's a great hooky title.
07 "Oceania" -Björk
Especially if there are weird sea creatures, singing mermaids, deep sea madness, and art world superstars who flay themselves until they turn into whales.
P.S. But I really wish this Björk video were a feature film
06 "The Ladies Who Lunch" -Stephen Sondheim.
Because I had to have a Sondheim song in here and so I settled on one from "Company" because I so wish that Company were a masterpiece movie as company to Company the masterpiece stage musical. Bonus points if this is an ensemble satire about well heeled women so haughty and superior they make Maggie Smith look like a cuddly accomodating BFF.
I don't care if I have to wait until Anna Kendrick is old enough to star in it.
05 "Hollaback Girl" - Gwen Stefani
When Gwen Stefani started singing about them I didn't even know what they were. The urban dictionary informed that that's a "girl that is willing to be treated like a doormat or booty call. She is a girl that will allow guys to do whatever they want with her and will just wait for them to 'holla back' at them". I'm all for weepie melodramas about Women Who Lie To Themselves™ so give me this movie now but only if someone can make a weepy melodrama that's also a self-empowerment comedy so that the girl can realize that shit is bananas by the end of the movie.
04 "Gypsys Tramps and Thieves" - Cher
I wanted a Cher song in here and though "Dark Lady" has helpfully already written it's entire plot synopsis for us, it's kind of a dull title. Give me an omnibus movie immediately in which 10 stylish directors are asked to interpret this title in short films to be released as one feature. Enough with the "I ♥ Insert [This City Here]" franchise. Gypsys Tramps and Thieves. Which ten directors should direct? Go!
03 Anything by Tom Waits
"The Piano Has Been Drinking", "Shiver Me Timbers", "Hang On St. Christopher", "Tango Til They're Sore", "God's Away on Business", "Jockey Full of Bourbon" "Ol' 55" "I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You", etcetera. You're already dreaming of what fantastical, gritty, evocative, drunken, witty movies these song titles would make. I know you are!
02 "Freeek!" - George Michael
Mostly I just always wanted George Michael's "Fast Love" and "Freeek" music videos to fuck and give birth to a monster love child feature film baby. But Fast Love is a boring title and I'd want the movie to have some of "Freeek!"s unashamedly drrty energy / costuming abandon. Basically I think the world really needs hornier sci-fi films. So many of them are sexless beyond casting "pretty" actresses. Even when sci-fi movies have sexbots as major characters (Blade Runner, A.I. Artificial Intelligence) sex isn't part of the plot equation.
This number two entry has been brought to you by George Michael's recent participation in the Olympic Closing Ceremony singing one of his many classics "Freedom (90)". Pity that his troubled personal life and troubled relationships with recording contracts (and thus infrequent CD releases) have obscured the fact that he's a damn fine songwriter.
01 "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" - Taylor Swift
The title / lyric of Taylor Swift's latest hit is my favorite thing she's ever done. (Not that the bar was high!) I love when pop stars understand to be super immature and catchy simultaneously. Plus in our world lousy with Lawless style titling, anything ultra specific wins. I see this is as a anti-romantic comedy... like a War of the Roses thing.
Naturally, I have to ask which of these you'd see? And which song titles you picture movies to go with...