With Smash gone to its grave and Mad Men nearing its end and still no official word on a second season of Bunheads (i'm losing hope) I need a new TV show to write about weekly. So indulge me in TEEN WOLF which has finally given werewolves a good name again. It's roughly three trillion times better than Hemlock Grove and roughly one billion times sexier than The Twilight Saga probably because the guys and girls are hotter and have personalities that extend beyond "mopey" and "lovestruck" though they amply cover those character traits, too. I have flirted with covering it before writing up the first three episodes and ogling the muscles. But weirdly, though I realized the leaps and bounds it made in quality in Season 2, I didn't commit to blogging it. So... Season Three!
Teen Wolf Magical Logic #1: Werewolves can't get tattoos because they heal too quickly. Unless those tattoos are by torch in which case the healing just gives up or something?
"Tattoo"
In the first episode we pick up as the school year begins (teen shows always have this trouble of built-in expiration dates that they always botch by NOT allowing for a rotating cast of different-aged main characters right from season 1!). Scott and Stiles (Tyler Posey, Dylan O'Brien) are still pining for Alison (Crystal Reed) and Lydia (Holland Roden) who they've barely seen during the summer. Lydia's boyfriend and season 1 & 2's half villain / full hunk Jackson (Coulton Haynes) left the show *sniffle* so we learn that his rich daddy has moved him overseas. In a supernatural show where killing off a main character would be totally dramatic (and dramatically sensible) this feels like a cheat. It's obviously only Blighty so they can make an American Werewolf in London joke. That honor goes to Lydia. [more...]
Most of this first episode is set-up for the arrival of the Alpha Pack (Season 3's collective Big Bad we presume) and the animals in town are terrified: dogs bite their owners, a deer suicides right into Lydia's car like a scene out of The Ring and a flock of birds attack the school like they're huge fans of Hitchcock!
But mostly the alpha pack causes trouble, kidnapping Isaac, killing mysterious school counselor / vet friend whatshername (?), and fighting with Scott and Derek (Tyler Hoechlin) in a hospital elevator and then the hospital itself. Like the main locales in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, (library, school, The Bronze, magic shop, cemetery) a show which is obviously mecca and touchstone for the Teen Wolf writers , the main locales in Teen Wolf (locker room, school, police station, hospital, woods) are weirdly underpopulated so nobody seems to notice the frequent insane fights breaking out where people with claws, fangs and glowing red eyes do supernatural battle. About those claws... apparently they can share and steal memories now with them. Proof that they're making this up as they go along #1
But for ease of use and since this is a highly visual show our commentary each week will be mostly photo-based and chronolocial
Beefcake Camp!
The entrance of the twins in the episode's pre-credits grabber is hilariously camp. No longer running as fast as a moving vehicle to chase Isaac down, they strut into an empty warehouse like its never known its true purpose until it became a runway. The electronic thumping heats up as they strip. Live Go-Go Boys! Every Monday Night on MTV
Teen Wolf Magical Logic #2: During this opening sequence the twins do this weird lift and throw catapult with foot in hand move where one uses the other as launching pad. But since we've seen even much weaker werewolfs leap just as high from standing position this makes no sense whatsoever unless they're just showing off.
Teen Wolf Magical Logic #3: You must remove your shirt to become a werewolf but pants mysteriously do not hinder transformations into your bigger badder wolf self.
Cold Shower: The idea of the twins is super cool but it would be much hotter if they hadn't cast strangely Lautner-esque boys with familiar neanderthal brow ridges. Seriously are they related to him? No likey. Hopefully they are better actors though this episode doesn't shed light on that.
Girl Talk
Alison: You know it's okay to be single, focus on yourself for awhile, on becoming a better person.
Lydia: Alison, I love you. So if you need to do that thing where we talk about me and pretend we're not actually talking about you, It's totally fine."
I ♥ Lydia. The only way this show could improve on the girl talk is if there was also some gurl talk and they gave Danny, Beacon Hill High's only Gay, something to do. He's barely ever in it (and not in this episode) and seems like a certain future corpse now that his only connection to the narrative (his best friend Jackson) isn't on the show.
Style Style Style
In nearly back-to-back scenes we see a female werewolf drug vulnerable Isaac as she comes in and out of focus
Coundtown with me Isaac. One... Two... Three"
and then we're at the highschool as Stiles worries about strange animal behavior. Lydia dismisses it since it's only two (deer and dog).
What's that thing you said about threes?"
A bird slams against the window suddenly, out of focus, startling the classroom.
This show has serious style. And is seriously critically underappreciated. (It ran circles around True Blood in concurrent seasons last year)
Joyce Melissa Death Watch
I'm new at this."
Buffy's mom, who learned of Buffy's supernatural activities in Season 2 of BtVS, survived nearly 5 seasons of Buffy. Scott's mom Melissa, who learned of Scott's supernatural activities in Season 2 of TW, is obviously not going to make it through 3. Fact: all parents of superheroes have short life spans, ofttimes not even making it through the origin story!
So Unsanitary!
This hospital needs way stricter health codes.
Scott is Dumb
Season 3's Big Bad, the presumptive Super Alpha among Alphas, pretends to be blind -- or maybe is? -- and uses Scott as Seeing Eye Dog in the hospital. Perpetually dim Scott doesn't realize he's pure evil.
Teen Wolf Magical Logic #4: Scott has supernatural senses but never smells another unfamiliar werewolf in time. He only ever figures out who they are with that boring normal human sense of sight when the claws come out or the eyes go yellow.
One-Liner To Go
Aren't you supposed to be in school?
Perfect punchline for the here comes the cavalry return of Derek (Tyler Hoechlin) and the return of Teen Wolf. I'm so happy it's back. *wags tail*