I am no more.
But the glorious finale of my life, too brief though watched by millions, was sensual mastication in the mouths of the world's greatest beauties. My only regret, days later whether unnaturally purged or properly digested, is that I never reached the pillowy lips of the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award Winner.
To Angelina... my unrequited love!
10 Ellen DeGeneres for ordering me
09 [tie] Harrison Ford & Calista Flockhart for pizza is love
07 Jennifer Lawrence
06 Jared Leto who had for too long forsaken my brothers and sisters.
05 Julia Roberts you have worshipped her megawatt smile but I have known it intimately.
04 Chiwetel Ejiofor who I voted for for Best Actor; and none for you Matthew McConaughey
03 Brad Pitt who so lovingly passed out the paper plates which did cradle me in those final moments and who held me so gently as his perfect teeth pulled desperately at my cheesy surfaces. I didn't mean to resist; I just wanted the moment to last forever.
02 Kerry Washington to provide sustenance to your unborn!
01 Meryl Streep who is the best at everything. Including devouring me.
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