It would be a lie to say that The Film Experience has been anxiously awaiting the latest trailer from Zach Snyder. But life can surprise you and the newly released Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice promo literally begins with this image of Oscar Winning Diva Holly Hunter!
Today is a day for truth."
And her line reading is so over-the-top IMPORTANT that I want it on a Vine loop. Like Jessica Lange screaming "Knotty Pine" or something. Is it too much to ask that Holly's Senator is like Cristal/Showgirls self aware of what kind of movie she is in?
For now we are free to imagine that this movie is actually an action drama about Senator Holly Hunter's vendetta against Superman wherein she cosplays Wonder Woman (briefly glimpsed though it's never clear who she is fighting in her cutaways) to lay waste to him. Featuring Oscar nominees Diane Lane and Amy Adams! (Those grim self-important steroid warriors are just there to sell tickets to fanboys and muscle-queens!)
So let's Yes No and Maybe So it this thing (okay the real thing - sigh) after the jump...
YES to Holly Hunter... quite obviously. And always. Or at least since 1987.
Yes but in an Ironic Way to the image of Superman floating down into so much crowd animosity... "God Hates Aliens" LMAO!
No to Superman being constipated. I liked Superman when he had Christopher Reeves dorky heroic smile.
Yes to the notion that that kind of power is very dangerous. This is chased by an image of Ben Affleck running into what is -- wait is this a flashback to Man of Steel from another perspective and everyone is angry about Superman destroying Gotham?
Yes to this image of Bruce Wayne running head first into apocalyptic city smoke while everyone else is running the opposite direction.
Yes to keeping Bruce Wayne Batman "of a certain age" (and Ben is looking great!) because the Superhero baby craze... well, it can be hard to take teenage looking superheroes seriously. Good luck Tom Holland (it'll help that he's a really good actor)
(I'm scared how much yes so far cuz i wanted to make fun of this trailer for the whole post!)
No "From Director Zach Snyder". Look I loved his work on Dawn of the Dead but since then. Yeesh. What really bugged me was when he got "visionary" comments for Watchmen despite the fact that he was just restaging actual comic book panels/framing by the original artists.
Maybe So Who sent this threatening news clipping to Bruce Wayne. I love that they mailed it like a good citizen (see the stamp) instead of slipping it under a door or something.
Yes & No. Jeremy Iron's easy gravitas voiceover.
The Fever. The Rage. That turns good men cruel."
These are not maybe the best comments to play over Ben Affleck's monotone face. Like Henry Cavill, he looks more constipated than angry or serious.
Yes to hot sweaty actors playing naked chained up prisoners.
EXCUSE ME... ahem...
WHERE WERE WE, CONTINUING...
No to Batman Vigilante Bad. OMG I'm so sick of these dark angsty superheroes. Marvel got it right lightening things up considerably, and remembering that superheroes are sometimes happy too and sometimes like each other. And their facial muscles can actually produce smiles outside of action sequences.
Maybe So. Here comes the cameo portion of the trailer. Laurence Fishburne. Amy Adams. Diane Lane. Jesse Eisenberg. Michael Shannon (well his dead face in a body bag).
You don't get to decide who cancels Hannibal!"
The reason that this is a "Maybe So" instead of a "Yes" with all these strong actors is that being a strong actor doesnt' necessarily help you find a role worthy of your gifts in a franchise movie. Amy Adams was all wrong for Lois Lane (probably still is) and Diane Lane is way too sexy to be reduced to "superhero's farmwife mom" -- I saw her at a party recently (for Clouds of Sils Maria) and she was unbelievably sexy/beautiful in real life and her body was amazing.
All of which is to say, why can't she play Wonder Woman?
Yes. Okay it's kind of fun that there's a Nightwing costume all graffiti'd up as if he's already been killed by the Joker or something? I don't know. I don't follow Batman comics mythology. There is also a random shot of a an Asian girl escorting some kind of container down a hall.
Yes. First shot of Wonder Woman in Diana Prince garb? While Batman moans about "how many good guys are left?"
No. Batman saying that we have to destroy Superman and pulling some tarp off some a supersized Bat Signal in a torrential downpour. Subtlety thy name isn't Zach Snyder.
No No No. Batman looks way too bulky. How can he move? It's not unlike seeing 1984 size Arnold Schwarnezzeger squeezed into a Batsuit form instead of naked as a Terminator. That bodybuilder stiff look worked for Arnold but normal superheros look better slightly more lithe if you ask me. Like they could actually touch their toes or rest their arms alongside their bodies or dance with their ladyfriends or run down the street rather than waddle or what not if they wanted to.
Yes. Great suggestions of what Lex Luthor will be like in every scene he occupies in this trailer. Especially this weird subservient style shot where he's almost caressing Superman who looks P-I-S-S-E-D. This might be more effective if Supes didn't always look pissed though in every shot in this trailer.
OH HELL NO
We have to sit through the Batman origin story again? They show Bruce Wayne's parents being killed. What is this cinematic bloodlust for papa Wayne. We don't need to see the same person die in 5 or 6 movies you know? STOP IT. God, this is genuinely sick now, the amount of times filmmakers won't to violently off this innocent philanthropic billionaire while his kid is watching.
The last minute of this very long trailer (3 and a half minutes) is all action so let's just say "Maybe So" for the rest of it. Some of it looks ridiculously self-serious, some of it makes us curious -- like every shot of Wonder Woman on account of she's something we've NEVER seen in a feature film (how weird, right?) but who knows how it will turn out.
The red capes are coming. The red capes are coming."
YES YES YES ... to Jesse Eisenberg taking the piss out of the film's self seriouness with his mocking voiceover at the finale.
I am very surprised to consider myself a firm "Maybe So" at the end of this assault, when Man of Steel and superhero fatigue had me completely in the "No" camp prior to seeing this? Are you similarly halfway to convinced?