Kieran, here. The Razzie Awards, “honoring” the worst cinematic offerings of the year have announced their nominees and it’s pretty much as expected—knee-jerk, steeped in misogyny and patriarchal nonsense (more on this later) and generally indicative that they don’t care about quality filmmaking any more than the offenders they’re highlighting. A little background on who votes on the Razzies—voting is actually open to the public. People who want to vote pay an annual fee or you can pay a whopping $500 for lifetime membership. Why would anyone ever pay to be part of this unseemly orgasm of fruitless schadenfreude, you ask? To quote Sarah Paulson’s Abby in Carol, “I can’t help you with that”.
Anyway, here are the nominees...
50 SHADES OF GREY their nomination leader
Worst Picture
Fantastic Four
Fifty Shades of Grey
Jupiter Ascending
Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
Pixels
Worst Actor
Johnny Depp, Mortdecai
Jamie Dornan, Fifty Shades of Grey
Kevin James, Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
Adam Sandler, The Cobbler and Pixels
Channing Tatum, Jupiter Ascending
Worst Actress
Katherine Heigl, Home Sweet Hell
Dakota Johnson, Fifty Shades of Grey
Mila Kunis, Jupiter Ascending
Jennifer Lopez, The Boy Next Door
Gwyneth Paltrow, Mortdecai
Worst Supporting Actor
Chevy Chase, Hot Tub Time Machine 2 and Vacation
Josh Gad, Pixels and The Wedding Ringer
Kevin James, Pixels
Jason Lee, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Desolation of Smaug
Eddie Redmayne, Jupiter Ascending
Worst Supporting Actress
Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Road Chip and The Wedding Ringer
Rooney Mara, Pan
Michelle Monaghan, Pixels
Julianne Moore, Seventh Son
Amanda Seyfried, Love the Coopers and Pan
Worst Remake or Sequel
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip
Fantastic Four
Hot Tub Time Machine 2
Human Centipede 3
Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
Worst Screen Combo
Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, Kate Mara, and Jamie Bell, Fantastic Four
Johnny Depp and his glued-on mustache, Mortdecai
Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson, Fifty Shades of Grey
Kevin James and either his Segway or glued-on mustache, Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
Adam Sandler and any pair of shoes, The Cobbler
Worst Director
Andy Fickman, Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
Tom Six, Human Centipede 3
Sam Taylor-Johnson, Fifty Shades of Grey
Josh Trank, Fantastic Four
Andy and Lana Wachowski, Jupiter Ascending
Worst Screenplay
Simon Kinberg, Jeremy Slater and Josh Trank, Fantastic Four
Kelly Marcel, Fifty Shades of Grey
Andy and Lana Wachowski, Jupiter Ascending
Kevin James and Nick Bakay, Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
Tim Herlihy and Timothy Dowling, Pixels
Worst Screen Combo
Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, Kate Mara, and Jamie Bell, Fantastic Four
Johnny Depp and his glued-on mustache, Mortdecai
Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson, Fifty Shades of Grey
Kevin James and either his Segway or glued-on mustache, Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
Adam Sandler and any pair of shoes, The Cobbler
Worst Director
Andy Fickman - Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
Tom Six - Human Centipede 3
Sam Taylor-Johnson - Fifty Shades of Grey
Josh Trank - Fantastic Four
Andy and Lana Wachowski - Jupiter Ascending
Worst Screenplay
Simon Kinberg, Jeremy Slater and Josh Trank - Fantastic Four
Kelly Marcel - Fifty Shades of Grey
Andy and Lana Wachowski - Jupiter Ascending
Kevin James and Nick Bakay - Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
Tim Herlihy and Timothy Dowling - Pixels
Razzies Redeemer Award (Seriously…what the heck does this category even mean?)
Elizabeth Banks
M. Night Shyamalan
Will Smith
Sylvester Stallone
As expected, they went after Fifty Shades of Grey in a big way. It’s a film that’s hard to defend as “great”, but a dubious choice for “Worst of the Year” when its biggest sin is that its forgettable. It probably secured its nomination here the moment the adaptation was announced, long before any voters laid eyes on it. Even if you happened to think Fifty Shades of Grey was dreadful, calling Dakota Johnson’s performance one of the worst of the year feels patently false. She’s admittedly not given much to work with, but there are real glimpese of a talented young performer yearning to breathe free.
This is what the Razzies call a bad performance. Madness.
Looking through the history of their nominees and winners in the female acting categories, a few things struck me. Firstly, they cited Shelley DuVall in The Shining (probably the best performance in a horror film) as one of their nominees of 1980. They also nominated Gina Gershon's brilliant turn in Showgirls, because that film was a punching bag and bile is rarely discerning. Also, their nominees and winners seem to be largely comprised of attractive actresses, working at varying levels of accomplishment. Also, being a pop star and acting in a film seems to be a surefire way to get nominated with this group, regardless of merit or lackthereof. There seems to be a hatred of attractive, accomplished women running through their voting trends. Perhaps sad, insecure men getting “revenge” on women who would never look twice at them in their actual lives? You be the judge. Also note Jamie Dornan, Eddie Redmayne and Channing Tatum (again…not great in their films, but worst of the year?) in the male acting categories as possible further evidence of this resentment and anger towards the young, the rising stars and the attractive.
Here’s the thing…it’s fun to trash bad art sometimes. This is true. But, to have an entire awards ceremony dedicated to the worst in film when you don’t also talk about the best in film just seems crass and useless. Do the people voting on these films have no organizational principle whatsoever when deciding what to watch and what to avoid? Can you imagine actually deciding to go see The Human Centipede 3 and then somehow being upset that it’s bad? What were the people who cited Paul Blart 2 expecting from that film that they didn't get? It’s very strange, very odd. It seems like people with no taste voting on the worst in art, which is quite the snake eating its own tail. I’d much rather watch the Oscars, gripe as we may about their choices sometimes. It really does take more effort to be negative. Also, including Julianne Moore on the worst of anything ever is a place I'm just not willing to go.