Time for another "watch this before it leaves" warning. It's so stupidly complicated to follow these things is it not? So we'll do what we can here and there. The big 'new month calendar dump' is approaching but we'll deal with those next week. For now, let's just talk random streaming stragglers. The following titles are leaving either Amazon Prime or Netflix Instant quite soon so give them a shot if you've been meaning to.
As we do we've freeze-framed them randomly to see what they're serving up and to (hopefully) prompt discussion...
- Oh hey Nelson where's Matt?
- He's in the bathroom jerking off into my dead cat's oral medicine dispenser so that he can inject you with his baby juice.
...
- Before my first cup of coffee?
Gayby (2012) leaves Amazon Prime April 14th
Jonathan Lisecki (pictured as Nelson above) wrote and directed this rude and funny gay indie about two best friends Jenn & Matt (Jenn Harris and Matthew Wilkas, also besties in real life - for once a movie doesn't have to use bad fake photoshop to show old photos of its characters!) trying to get pregnant. Harris and Wilkas do not get enough work though you can see Wilkas briefly as one of the hot piece victims in the current gay serial killer spoof You're Killing Me (Gayby is much funnier, though). Speaking of serial killer spoofs, Jenn Harris was hilarious in a stint as Clarice Starling in the Off Broadway hit Silence! The Musical a few years back.
I really appreciate you giving up your Christmas for me and my crazy wedding plans. I'm... overwhelmed.
The Perfect Wedding (2013) leaves Amazon Prime April 14th
Some sort of gay romantic comedy about about some gays helping out a sister with her wedding plans. I can't vouch for this one as I haven't seen it but the few images I've seen scream 'no budget indie!' There's nothing wrong with low budget movies but I always wish they would risk bolder colors in costumes and decor just so there was visual interest. Don't expect occasional actor flesh to do all the heavy lifting -- Maximize your budget limitations!
Baby, Mommy needs a xanax... Oh hello, my name is Patricia.
Hot Guys With Guns (2012) leaves Amazon Prime April 14th
I swear to god I typed that last wish for bold colors/kitsch BEFORE freeze framing this image from the next movie. These "bye instant watch" posts are constructed chronologically on the fly just to see what happens. I don't know what this movie is about (don't say "hot guys with guns") but it's the second image in a row with a woman barging in on two gay men in bed. The last time I found this relatable was in college but in movies it seems to last the whole gay lifespan. (Maybe I'm doing it wrong. Keys to my apartment for everyone!)
Has anyone seen this? Why are so many gay indies leaving on the same day?
Fireworks? What fireworks?
Third Star (2012) leaves Amazon Prime April 14th
Tom Burke and Benedict Cumberbatch and friends are sitting in a tent for some reason discussing fireworks. He's one of those strange celebrities whose fame seems to be roughly a million times greater than awareness of the actual movies he's in (though things will surely balance out with Doctor Strange). What accounts for his absurd fame level? Don't all shout "Sherlock" at once. I know. I suppose I should get around to watching it.
-No, no. hands down.
-[Laughter]
Broken Circle Breakdown (2013) leaves Amazon Prime April 15th
Did you ever see this nominee for Best Foreign Language Film? My memory of it is that it was sexy, highly gripping, but much too long. But damn is the music great (I still listen to the soundtrack) and there's a lot it in this story about two musicians who struggle with their faith and marriage when their daughter becomes deadly ill.
About that Oscar race: I remember Denmark's The Hunt having its die hard fans but Italy swept the season with The Great Beauty. My vote was all in for Cambodia's astounding docu-memoir The Missing Picture but this was probably the runner up for me. You?
There's almost nothing more exciting than fucking someone you don't know, right? You don't know their name; barely saw their face.
New York I Love You (2008) leaves Netflix April 15th
I chanced upon the Yvan Attal segment with Robin Wright and Chris Cooper. (They're still making these travelogue omnibus city-loving movies right? I've lost track of them since Paris & New York) and Robin Wright is toying with Cooper here (not wearing panties, etcetera... you know how those seductresses do). Did you ever see Yvan Attal's Leaving (2009) with Kristin Scott Thomas? That was (sexually) intense. Though he's been in some big pictures as an actor, I'd wager his most famous directorial effort is his debut My Wife is an Actress (2001) and he would know from that drama; he's been with Charlotte Gainsbourg since the early 90s (they have three kids together) though they've never married. Imagine what it's like to deal with her on her off hours from a Lars von Trier set! Attal is also the French voice of Tom Cruise since France likes to dub their movies... (le sigh).
P.S. We just interviewed Chris Cooper icymi.
P.P.S. Robin Wright, also just discussed, is so f***ing sexy in this (and in general).
This is one of Bill's hats. Everyone on the street looks at me when I wear this hat.
My hat salon was on the 10th floor. Ginger Rogers used to come. And Joan Crawford. Marilyn Monroe was one. But I had no interest because they weren't stylish.
Bill Cunningham New York (2010) leaves Netflix April 15th
This acclaimed beloved doc about a former milliner and New York Times photographer, who documented fashion, street styles, and individual flair in NYC for decades was an Oscar finalist (though not nominated) in its year. Lots of name-dropping and eye catching looks herein.
-MAAAAXXXX!!!
-Finnick, we have to go.
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013) leaves Amazon Prime April 20th
You guys. This one is the last in the franchise I watched and yes, my completism with Julianne Moore is guilting me into finishing the franchise but I just don't wanna. They're SO dull. I was trying to figure out why I was bored stiff all the time and I realized it, oddly enough, when viewing one of its many derivations thereafter, The Shanarra Chronicles on MTV (don't judge. I quit after a handful of episodes). Yes, I know the source material predates Hunger Games but, admit it, everything in the wake of this franchise has been retrofitted to be more like it. Including apparently Star Wars heroines -- the only bummer about that Star Wars trailer is how much Felicity Jones screams Katniss. Yes, I know that it was insane downgrading that Anton Yelchin chose Felicity Jones over Jennifer Lawrence in Like Crazy but that doesn't mean we should try to rewrite history and make Felicity Jones over in JLaw's image!
As it turns out the most boring sub-style of action filmmaking, film or television, is when each fight, chase or scuttle ends the same way. Which is to say that something you can't have forseen or does not merge organically from the fights or violence therein abruptly saves the heroes whether it's a sudden reappearance of a character to deal a killing blow, a sacrifice from a minor character, or a deux ex machina coincidence (The Hunger Games has a shit ton of the latter). As a result all sequences have no weight or the same exact weight and nothing is ever at stake. The heroes are never fierce warriors who prevail so much as blessed Kings on a chess board that the filmmakers move around and protect with all other player pieces and narrative strategies.
I have come to absolutely loathe this style of action filmmaking. It's not always easy to spot as it takes several scenes or even a couple of movies to reveal its repetitive nature. However, once you've seen it, you can't unsee it and thrills are next to impossible to come by.