By Spencer Coile
Although Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is not particularly good (see Dan's review), it is at least somewhat fascinating. Luc Besson's world-building is admirable if bloated, and there is definitely a lot of thought behind the action. It would be easy to detail all of the film's shortcomings but instead, let's talk takeaways.
Five Notes on Valerian
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01. Laureline really knows Valerian's name
You could turn the number of times Laureline says Valerian's name in one scene into a very dangerous drinking game. In every line she utters she repeats his name in case we've forgotten it or the film's title. The film's title was initially Valerian and Laureline and was later changed to Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. It's not enough that the demoted Laureline must say Valerian's name constantly, but must bombard us with his importance, too...
02. Yes, Ethan Hawke does play Jolly the Pimp
In just one scene, Hawke manages to make every person watching the film go "HUH?" Not only is he given nothing to work with in his short screentime, but he leaves you wondering why he was in the film to begin with. These questions may never be answered. If anything, though, you can at least start a conversation with, "So, how about Ethan Hawke as Jolly the Pimp?"
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03. The film really is beautiful
Tonally, Valerian is all over the place, the character development is minimal, and the emotional component does not feel complete. Still. At least the film puts its massive budget to work towards being gorgeous. Every set piece is stunning.
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04. New Avatar. Who dis?
It is only a matter of time before think-pieces compare Valerian to Avatar. The similarities are jarring; two different worlds and separate visions but some of the creatures look eerily recall Cameron's space epic.
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05. Rihanna is actually a scene-stealer
The pop star's presence feels shoe-horned in at best. But even if Rihanna is there solely so that Rihanna could be there, she really does make the most effective use of her time. In a movie with Cara Delivingne as its leading lady, we needed this.
There is still so much that could be said about Valerian, so many things to learn from Besson's strange concoction. If you're still trying to make sense of the film, sound off in the comments with what stood out to you whether it was good, bad, ugly, or kooky like the film itself.