By Ilich Mejia
;)
Avatar 2 just began production after it was announced that the saga's four upcoming sequels (filming back-to-back) will have an alleged combined budget of $1 billion. For those of you too pretty to be bothered by mental math, that's an estimated $250 million per sequel. Very good news for the realtor finalizing the purchase of Sigourney Weaver's next vacation home; less good for our over-stuffed "sequels no one needs" file.
To be fair, $250 million doesn't come close to matching the fourth installment no one wanted of the Pirates of the Caribbean series' ($370 million budget), but it is still two handfuls of zeroes (if—for whatever reason—you are missing a pinky) for movies that will come out in the next eight years.
In an effort that could willingly be misinterpreted as a cry against the threat of capitalism, we have come up with four more pressing ways to spend someone else's money. Come disagree!
;)
01. $250 MILLION for the Crazy Rich Asians press tour + sequels
Anyone who has read the novel (or its crazy brief synopsis) knows anything devoted to it calls for opulence and money. A lot of it! The film adaptation wrapped production back in June, but it will still need dough for promotion and other making-Constance-Wu-a-star purposes. We don't know if the film is any good yet, but we know even less about Avatar 4, so let's take our chances. The novel and its two follow-ups indulge in the extravagant lives of its characters. Why not invest in securing a sequel and going all out on exclusive costumes, lavish sets, and that Lucy Liu cameo the first movie won't give us? Then, repeat! Until the money runs out, or until Hollywood tries to throw in a white protagonist.
;)
02. $250 MILLION to support female directors
Especially female directors of color that could use the support to kickstart their careers. It is difficult to see high caliber projects headlined by female actresses—like Big Little Lies and Jackie—written and directed almost exclusively by men. Kudos to Jessica Chastain and Reese Witherspoon for championing budding female directors, but there is still quite a ways to go. Last year, Ava DuVernay became the first female director of color to helm a film with a budget over $100 million (Disney's A Wrinkle in Time). More of that! Also, this is a gentle reminder that Jane Campion's adaptation of The Flamethrowers is something that can't come soon enough.
;)
03. $250 MILLION to help Blossom Films make movies
Remember when The Danish Girl almost starred Nicole Kidman and Charlize Theron under Blossom Films, but then it all fell through because of money problems and seven years later Alicia Vikander won an Oscar for the wrong movie?
Money is no longer a problem because we took it from James Cameron!
So, we've decided to give a little to Kidman's production company, Blossom Films, so it can fund all of its pending projects and avoid butterfly effect-ing future Oscar races. As of now, Blossom has the rights to How to Marry a Millionaire (should they want to remake it), Gone Girl lite The Silent Wife, the novel Reconstructing Amealia, vampire play Cuddles, and a Michael Cunningham-penned Dusty Springfield project. If they don't act fast, these rights will expire and Tom Hopper will zoom in on all of this promise. Silent Wife went as far as attracting Adrian Lyne out of retirement, but they can't produce the movie without the money!
;)
04. $250 MILLION for whatever Harvey Weinstein tried to do with Gretchen Mol
Except not. Now that Constance Wu is a star thanks to Avatar's altruistic line producers, we need to invest in getting Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Gina Rodríguez, Paulina García, and Lupita friggin N'yongo star vehicles and the right push. We are taking matters into our own hands, here at TFE: picking up Hollywood's slack, $250 mill at a time.
How would you spend Avatar's billion-dollar budget? Break it down for us.