by Nathaniel R
A silly and serious Globes preamble. We won't be live-blogging the Globes tonight though we'll do as much as possible tomorrow for a recap so until then one serious thought and two silly ones. We're heading into an unusual season when Hollywood is in a very serious mood due to the sexual harassment scandals. Awards shows aren't all that well-equipped to be serious as their format is inherently celebratory and "fun". That comes partially from the practice of comedians as hosts but it's there in the basic DNA since each awards night is a long and glitzy 'you get a prize and you get a prize and you get a prize' parade of the rich and beautiful and famous. In times when Hollywood curtails the glamour to address a serious crisis (like a new war for example or the lack of gender parity in Hollywood) it can come across as merely glum. It's as if the entertainment industry has crises of identity whenever they think people don't want escapist diversions but direct addresses to their ills.
Our theory is that people actually want both (which is why we try to balance the fun and the serious here in film conversations) and the celebrities that are best equipped to actually deal with tonight's mood are probably the celebrities who are inherently "fun" but can also turn deadly serious without feeling like a buzzkill. Or, in other words: Meryl Streep. Rescue us Meryl.
One area we know will be atypical (at least) is the red carpet...
Many actresses are planning to wear black tonight in #MeToo solidarity / resistance to end Hollywood's sexual harrassment culture. Curiously there's also been talk of men joining them in wearing all black and though its unkind to judge anyone's intent when they fight for worthy causes, this last bit rankles in concept. Men almost always wear black to awards shows so this "solidarity" carries the risk of looking like the emptiest gesture of all time in a time when empty gestures are their own kind of epidemic. But that's a topic for another time. For those of you who long for the glamour of traditional red carpets, don't feel bad about yourself. Vox has a stunning interview up with the Go Fug Yourself girls in which they address the debates that always rage in serious times as to whether red carpets and fashion are frivolous. [Hint: they're not if you do them right!]
And now on to silly fun before you hit your viewing parties! We asked Team TFE and friends to address the two following scenarios in honor of Molly's Game and Glow.
SCENARIO: Jessica Chastain hosts a poker game with all the Lead Actress nominees. Who wins? Who sucks at bluffing?
Jazz Tangcay: Chastain watches. Streep wins. Williams folds. Hawkins thinks she has a full house, but Streep has the royal flush!
Nick Davis: Frances McDormand wins AND sucks at bluffing. Imagine Frances McDormand bluffing. Though she did describe Ben Davis's cinematography of Three Billboards as exceptional in an interview, so I guess she can fib with the best of 'em. She gives herself good cover with all that straight talk, the other 99% of the time.
Guy Lodge: Sally Hawkins wins quietly, just because everyone assumes she's so guileless. Mirren gesticulates so hammily that she accidentally reveals her hand to everyone.
Ilich Mejia: Mirren wins. She was in between Robbie and McDormand's ham the whole time, so no one even noticed she was playing.
Glenn Dunks: Helen Mirren wins with a dud hand because her wigs and accents distract everybody. Emma Stone has the best hand, but bows out early because she's run out of chips to play. Judi Dench never bothers to show up, but Jessica invited her anyway. Sally Hawkins never says a word, rarely wins, yet somehow comes out even steven. Michelle Williams just makes All the Money in the World puns to disguise the fact that people are suspicious of her being there.
Jorge Molina: Frances McDormand has the best poker face anyone there has ever seen. Margot, Saoirse and Emma are just glad to be included but they're still getting the hang of it. Judi Dench is not what she used to be; she wins a few hands but has gotten rusty. Michelle Williams has never played poker in her life, and Sally Hawkins spends the entire game trying to teach her. At the end, it's a battle between Helen and Meryl, with Helen winning it allbecause of her ruthlessness. Playing The Queen has finally paid off for her.
Chris Feil: Fran cuts out early and heads to the bar. Jess politely explains the game to Michelle all night, losing focus and the hand. Meryl leads most of thenight, but wrongly suspects Sally of bluffing and never recovers. Sally wins.
Who do you think wins this poker match readers, and why?
In honor of GLOW... Who would emerge victorious if you threw all the nominated TV actresses in the wrestling ring with Alison Brie from GLOW?
Nick Davis: I don't really know what you're talking about, but I suspect Reese is a scrapper. Ann Dowd, too. High likelihood Susan Sarandon winds up in a headlock or worse, from almost any corner.
Salim Garami: Susan Sarandon looks like she's seen some shit, so my money is on her.
Dancin Dan: Something tells me Susan Sarandon would go all out in a wrestling match.
Katey Rich: I would never bet against Reese Witherspoon.
Guy Lodge: Nicole Kidman, because she emerges victorious in most aspects of life.
Matthew Rettemund: I hope Alison would win, to give "GLOW" some props.
Kim Rogers: Listen, don't mess with Caitriona Balfe. Have you SEEN what she's had to deal with on Outlander?
Jorge Molina: As with wrestling, it doesn't matter who wins. I now need a "GLOW" type show with all these actresses coupling up and take on one another. Issa Rae against Shailene. Pamela Adlon taking on Michelle Pfeiffer in a Grease 2 reunion. Elisabeth Moss versus Nicole. Ann Dowd and Jessica Lange. Please, who do I pitch this to?
Lynn Lee: No question Reese Witherspoon's Maddie ("Big Little Lies") would come out on top of that heap. That woman will go for the kill every time.
YOUR TURN READERS. WHO WINS IN THE WRESTLING RING?
HAVE FUN TONIGHT!