by Eric Blume
The new limited-theatrical-release / now-on-Netflix movie Bird Box is a puzzlement. It’s a post-apocalypse thriller directed by Oscar and Emmy-winner Susanne Bier, and stars Sandra Bullock, John Malkovich, Jackie Weaver, and Trevante Rhodes as survivors of a world-ending crisis. A lot of talented people are involved in this film, so it’s a true curiosity that the whole thing ends up a gigantic shrug.
The details of this apocalypse are a little murky, but it goes something like this. Scary creatures (which we never see) are appearing around the globe, and they tap into your deepest fears somehow(?), and cause you to immediately commit suicide...
I think we're clear
Bullock joins a house full of random strangers, and they hole themselves indoors and have to wear blindfolds if they go out so they can’t see anything. The less time spent on the logic of this set-up the better, because it sure is a dumb premise. The movie spends a fair amount of its screen time with people putting on and taking off bandanas or diving under blankets, neither act being cinematic magic.
It’s kind of like A Quiet Place, but instead of not being able to make noise, you’re not allowed to see. But then Bird Box also takes elements from The River Wild, Night of the Living Dead, and countless other better movies, throws them in a blender, and just pours out whatever is left.
If this thing gets any worse you're going to want to be off the roads and on a horse, trust me."
Bier seriously screws up the first half hour of this picture: the scale of the horror is actually colossal, but it plays out with TV-movie pacing and energy. Granted, true human panic is one of the hardest things to realistically portray (Paul Greengrass did it horrifically well in United 93), but Bier’s set-up scenes feel forced and fall flat. Then the subsequent scenes, which introduce the characters, continue this tone-deaf take. The world is ending, and nobody can get in touch with their loved ones, but the dialogue and acting remains light and sometimes comedic? Nothing ever seems at stake, when of course the stakes couldn’t actually be higher. The film takes an even more preposterous turn later with the introduction of a new intruder played by Tom Hollander (who, to his credit, brings some campy zing to the proceedings).
Bier does get some juice going in the second hour of the picture, but it’s too little too late. Any future where you’re left alone in the world with only Trevante Rhodes can’t be all bad but Bird Box feels overstuffed, undernourished, and too often, just plain silly.