by Christopher James
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. If the title Dolly Parton’s Christmas on the Square didn’t already clue you in as to whether you are within the target audience for the film, the opening minutes do. After credits play over the kitschiest of Christmas landscapes, Dolly Parton appears as the world’s comfiest homeless person in full hair and makeup. Her beautiful voice launches into an original song/life lesson that prompts the entire town to break out into a highly choreographed dance routine. This all takes place, you guessed it, in the titular Square. Over the next 98 minutes, Dolly Parton’s Christmas of the Square continues to deliver exactly what it promised you upfront. With __ original songs throughout, Christine Baranski doing a drag version of her gay Twitter persona and Dolly Parton as the chicest homeless person around, Christmas on the Square is Parton’s Citizen Kane...
During that highly choreographed number, we’re introduced to town Scrooge, Regina Fuller (Christine Baranski), passing out eviction notices like they were holiday party invitations. After the death of her Father, she inherited the town and has decided to sell it all to a mall developer. In this timeline, malls still exist and can replace an entire small town. She faces opposition from her childhood best friend and hairdresser, Margeline (the always wonderful Jenifer Lewis), and the charismatic local pastor, Christian (Josh Segarra). Yes, the pastor’s name is Christian. If that makes you roll your eyes rather than laugh, you’re in the wrong place.
So where does Dolly factor in?
Even in real life, Dolly possesses an otherworldly, angelic quality. Thus it makes sense that Dolly starts appearing to Regina as an angel named Angel (again, same note as Pastor Christian). As Christmas looms and the sale is about to close, Angel forces Regina to reconnect with her old love, Carl (Treat Williams) and reconsider whether to evict the whole town.
The magical realism doesn’t stop there. Writer Maria S. Schlatter throws a lot more curveballs our way. With each musical number (and there are many), we seem to get redirected to another Christmas movie trope interpreted wildly by director Debbie Allen. Still, the movie always keeps moving with plenty of energy, glitter and Christmas cheer.
In the center of it all is the divine Christine Baranski.
It’s no secret that Baranski gives some of the best line readings in Hollywood. This makes her a perfect choice for the town Scrooge, as she gets to read and eviscerate any person who dares stand in her path. Gif-able moments a plenty will be heading to Twitter soon. Still, Baranski never makes Regina one-note. Even as she goes through her reckoning with Parton’s Angel, Baranski never sacrifices Regina’s bark while having a change of heart.
The rest of the cast never quite rises to the level of professionalism as Baranski, Parton and Lewis. The A-list stars seem even more A-list among the cheesy Lifetime-esque ensemble. Similarly, Parton’s songs are hit and miss throughout, with the opening number likely being the most memorable. Still, for all the cheesiness on every inch of the frame, it’s hard to resist Parton’s Christmas cheer.
There’s something almost ungradable about a Dolly Parton project. Her fan-base is so wide reaching because her persona touches on so many different communities. I’ve long admired her as a gay icon and activist, and there’s plenty of her camp persona on display here. For the family and religious crowds, Christmas on the Square presents a morality tale rooted in faith and Christianity. Even the Hallmark/Lifetime movie lovers get plenty of twists, turns and big swings as the movie rounds into the final act. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of overlap between these groups. Yet, Dolly Parton has long known how to bring people together over her 50+ year career.
A for Christine Baranski
B for Dolly Parton and Debbie Allen
ABCDF for the original songs
CDF for the rest of the cast
“Dolly Parton’s Christmas on the Square” premieres on Netflix today