Neither are we, Aura. Neither are we.
NICK TAYLOR: Boy, the merciless editing of MTV’s reinstated 40-minute format really fucked the Snatch Game. I’m struggling to find a truly positive note to say about this as an episode of television - yes, this arguably did a better job of showcasing the queen’s talents than last week’s episode, but it might just be the nature of the challenge itself. Some of the queens were so poorly incorporated they might as well not have participated! Reality TV always involves manipulation and compression, but it feels bad to see these talented queens have to fight for fucking airtime...
It’s frustratingly brisk, and makes me fear the editing issues aren’t going to go away no matter how few queens there are. What, are really going to unlock the judge’s deliberations once we reach top 8?
CLÁUDIO ALVES: Once upon a time, the Drag Race editors knew how to pace 40-minute episodes. However, the format has evolved so much (and the audience’s expectations calibrated accordingly) that it feels like the show just can’t work as it is. Part of the problem may be that the season was produced without foreknowledge of the episode’s eventual runtime. In any case, no matter the reason, it makes for a fucked-up piece of television. Hell, the Untucked felt more nourishing than the flagship show. Before, you only got half the story if you skipped the bonus content. Now it feels like you miss 80% of it.
We didn’t even get to see the queens react to Poppy’s mirror message!
NICK: You’re right about Untucked, which gave the two bottom queens some sorely needed depth and character development. I don’t know enough about the deal to get Drag Race back on MTV to speculate whether season 15 was produced for its original 60 minute runtime, but cutting that shit down after signing the contract sounds insane, right? Surely that’s the kind of thing that would have to be agreed upon beforehand, which makes how choppy the production feels even more baffling?
I imagine we’ll be complaining about the overall structure of this season for a while now, so let’s get to the meat of the episode. We start with the customary post-elimination huddle. Amethyst says being in the bottom twice has taken a toll on her confidence as a comedienne, while Luxx and Loosey argue about who was second place to Sasha in the previous challenge. As with episode 3, Loosey’s drive to win is quickly established as one of the main narratives of the episode, and before you know it the opening credits roll and Ru presents the double-decker Snatch Game to the queens. Were you gagged, Cláudio?
CLÁUDIO: I was gagged by Ru’s recycling of his Met Gala look - come thru, Lisa Frank realness. Gagged by the doubled-up Snatch Game? Not so much, mostly because it seems like a perfect recipe for disaster - increase the size of the most famous maxi challenge while reducing the episode’s overall length. In the end, it wasn’t a trainwreck but it wasn’t any good either. Hell, some queens only got one interaction with Ru beyond their introduction.
Anyway, let’s assess the mess.
;)
We start with Group 1, and Marcia Marcia Marcia as Tim Gunn is first up. Honestly, she’s great, funny and fully deserving of the top 3 placement. I was especially impressed with the visual transformation though the voice was the main joke. Bitch was wearing more makeup in the Snatch Game than she does on the runway.
NICK: Marcia was my favorite of her group, for every reason you stated. Really superb comedic timing, and I didn’t know she had that transformation in her.
Next is Luxx Noir London as Amanda Lepore. Luxx is doing some incredible makeup work to reshape her face like Amanda’s, and her jokes were funny. A top-tier performance? Maybe not, but she did the damn thing, and she was right to feel confident about outdoing Trinity the Tuck’s take in season 9.
CLÁUDIO: Meh. Like Trinity, hers was a perfectly safe performance that didn’t dazzle much beyond the cosmetic wizardry at hand.
She was certainly better than Malaysia Babydoll Foxx as Saucy Santana. The look was good and she seemed enthusiastic, ready to play. However, either Ru didn’t vibe with her or the editing team hates the bitch. She barely registered as a presence in the panel.
NICK: She seemed so ready! But I guess that’s what happens when Ru mishears your answer and you don’t correct her: Malaysia, like a competitor in group two, might as well not have been in the room. Mistress Isabelle Brooks starts the second row, playing a woman I never fully bought as Rosie O’Donnell. The voice wasn’t there for me, but her makeup is really something (as always), and she worked the room better than anyone else in her group. Takes chutzpah to steal Anetra’s catchphrase out from under her.
CLÁUDIO: Mistress’s work may fail as an impersonation, but it’s hella entertaining just the same. Anetra as George(na) Ramsey would be so lucky. After two strong weeks, the premiere’s duckwalking victor flounders Snatch Game like nobody’s business. No jokes, no transformation, not even the ability to remain in character as Ru riles her up.
NICK: Anetra had big “Monique Heart as Maxine Waters” energy, in that I appreciated her breaking since she was having fun even if I wasn’t. What was up with her accent? Just a baffling character choice, especially since there has to be a famous female chef with that hair. Hell, save that wig to do Lydia Tár for All-Stars. At least she made an impression, unlike Robin Fierce as Real Housewife Karen Huger. Did she even tell a joke?
CLÁUDIO: Nope. Also, at least she looked good in pink. Moving on, this group’s biggest disappointment was clearly Salina EsTitties as The Virgin Mary. Sadly, her confessional talking about the (brilliant) idea was funnier than the performance itself. Still, it's a great look, I enjoyed the blasphemy of her background nipple play, and…that’s it. She was extremely loud, I guess, but that’s nothing new with this queen.
NICK: The concept of watching Mary get divinely knocked up during the show could have fucking ripped and all Salina did was get louder every time she was asked a question. At least her bits didn’t interrupt the vibes in the room? But yeah, major disappointment.
;)
On to Group 2, where Loosey La Duca opens with a Joan Rivers so vocally pitch perfect she’s on track to win from the moment she speaks. I don’t think she outdoes Jimbo’s impersonation (which I’m shocked no one mentioned in the episode, but maybe it got edited out), and it sometimes feels like she’s half reacting spontaneously and half nailing Joan’s old standup. Still, Loosey works the room as good as Mistress did, if not better, and she inhabits her role much more convincingly than Mistress.
CLÁUDIO: While I, too, prefer Jimbo’s Joan, Loosey was the episode’s obvious winner. In part, that was thanks to her perfect impersonation and great comedic instincts. On the other hand, she was also the participant most benefited by the edit, appearing constantly, whether answering the prompts or joking around with the other dolls.
You know who wasn’t as lucky? Sasha Colby as Jan Crouch, televangelist extraordinaire and Adore’s Snatch Game choice for All Stars 2 before she abandoned the show. Our beloved Sasha might have walked out without the spectator noticing, so meager little was her screen time. At least, the bitch looked great and was entertaining for the few milliseconds she got.
NICK: I want Sasha to be in more of the show! She’s not being used as a narrator queen, we barely see her in this challenge, all her fellow queens revere her and she can’t get more screen time than this? Baffling. But the mug is impeccable.
Speaking of flawless faces, Jax is the Mona Lisa! Her introduction joke is perfect, her reaction shots were funny, and I liked watching her wink at the camera and the guest judges. An undeniably safe performance that won me over totally.
CLÁUDIO: I feel she could have been great with a bit of fine-tuning and a more generous edit. Still, solid work altogether, and an inspired out-of-the-box choice for Snatch Game.
It’s finally time to talk about one of game’s trainwrecks - Sugar as Trisha Paytas. The twins’ whole vibe in the first four episodes has been characterized by being annoying to the point they cross over into endearing. Sadly, this was just annoying, and not in a paradoxically genius Paytas-appropriate way. Opportunities were missed left and right, no joke landed, and, at most, she registered as a persistent irritation to the other queens.
NICK: Sugar especially failed at finding the right moment to interact with the other queens, and the rebukes she got suggests they really don’t like her. I don’t know anything about Paytas except her being the mother of Queen Elizabeth II’s reincarnation, but this fits comfortably in Drag Race’s esteemed lineage of queens fucking up with playing very modern figures.
On the other hand, we have Amethyst as Tan Mom, someone whose existence the show never stopped to explain but has to be a recent phenomenon. I thought Amethyst was pretty fucking fun, committing to the bit wholeheartedly and acing her jokes better than she has this whole competition. It’s very gratifying to see her sense of humor finally translate in a sustained way - she’s handily the second-best performance in her group.
CLÁUDIO: She was high-safe, a concept freshly introduced by Luxx in Untucked, and was probably very close to a top 3 position. I still don’t know who or what Tan Mom is, but I had a lot of fun. It reminded me of nothing more than Pearl’s Big Ang on Season 7.
Spice as Miley Cyrus feels like a much safer choice. Unfortunately, that didn’t help her one bit. Between the premature costume change to the unexplainable Goofy noises, hers was a total shitshow of a performance. Not even her Disney Channel-inspired repartee with Sugar worked.
NICK: Thank you for bringing up Big Ang, who I should have mentioned. Anyways, Spice had the worst Snatch Game of the night. It’s conceptually kinda neat to try a Snatch Game that jumps across your character’s career (imagine doing this with Lady Gaga), but I’m not sure she made a single successful choice over the whole show.
Then we have Aura Mayari as Bretman Rock, a fashion internet person I had not previously heard of. This is absolutely the sexiest Aura has looked so far, but it may also have been the driest performance of the night. Even the one semi-solid joke, throwing out an answer in Tagalog and claiming it’s a match, was shot down by Ru so completely she knew she was destined for the bottom 3. I need her and Robin to step their shit all the way up, fast.
CLÁUDIO: I’m slightly more familiar with Bretman than you are, but that knowledge didn’t make Aura’s work any better. If anything, it made her look even worse, failing both as comedy and impersonation. After her performance across the first four episodes I want to do like Bianca Del Rio and ask Miss Bicep: “What can you do successfully?”
After Snatch Game is over, we move on to an abridged werkroom section, complete with an obligatory Tragedy Mirror™ moment. Amandla Stenberg is the extra special guest judge du jour, looking dragtastic in queen-worthy makeup and a costume covered with the faces of past Drag Race winners.
The week’s runway theme is “Beautiful Nightmare,” an enticing concept that upped my expectations and quickly led to disappointment. As a Dragula fan, I don’t imagine you’re any happier.
NICK: As a Dragula stan, I am first and foremost filled with a smug air of superiority and a clear sense of which floor show outfits beat almost all these queens at their own game. But then I remember how the Dragula girlies have been vocally supportive of this cast, and choose to not be petty. Besides, Drag Race has enough weirdos in its history to make this runway disappointing without evoking other shows. Without further ado…
;)
CLÁUDIO: First up, we have a tooth-themed Marcia Marcia Marcia. According to social media, this was a last minute replacement after the designer failed to deliver the planned outfit. Well, it looks like what it is, half-assed, basic mediocrity with an incongruous belt and slightly more paint than usual.
NICK: I like the idea a lot, but it’s just not there in the execution. Is she gonna be like Monet X Change in season 10, where her runways actively held her back from winning any challenges?
;)
Next is Luxx Noir London, selling the hell out of a styrofoam cinder block as a bride drowned by her husband. From the waist up, I absolutely love this. Great mug, great deployment of a wet-looking wig. Could she have pushed the bridal angle harder? Absolutely. But man, why aren’t her legs covered if she’s not gonna paint them? Hell, wear gray stockings.
CLÁUDIO: I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that the color discrepancy was a lighting issue rather than a makeup failure. Overall, nice idea, so-so execution. Lacks oohmp.
;)
Malaysia looks incredible, cosplaying a feathered Wild Thing that escaped Spike Jonze’s island and became a drag queen. It’s a perfect adaptation of pageant aesthetics to the prompt’s demands. Easy runner-up, runway wise.
NICK: I saw her as a gorgeous, spooky Aromatisse, maybe a yet-undiscovered Fairy/Ghost type regional variant. Malaysia’s runway knocked me on my ass - I love that she is actually beautiful and nightmarish, she picked a spoke of the color wheel that most of her castmates didn’t explore, and she sold the fuck out of it. I could look at that top picture of her all day long.
;)
I’m much less enthusiastic on Mistress. Not sure what, if anything, she’s supposed to be dressed as, and she kicks off a series of underwhelming spider-themed ensembles. Great from the neck up, but the lack of coherence does her no favors.
CLÁUDIO: Underwhelming spider bitch #1 is underwhelming. Great mug, though.
;)
Underwhelming spider bitch #2 sports the worst makeup of the bunch, complete with an infantile spiderweb motif that reminds me of afternoons spent painting kindergarteners one summer when I was a teen. Triggering but not nightmarish.
NICK: This was not a good week for Anetra! I like the wig, kinda? At least it’s not the worst spider bitch of the pack.
;)
Next is Salina EsTitties, doing a zombie realness foreskin dress rooted in her fear of circumcision (according to Untucked). She sells it fine, but between her promising-but-underwhelming Snatch Game and her promising-but-underwhelming runways, my enthusiasm for Ms. EsTitties as a full-force personality hasn’t really been matched by her ability to fit her drag into the show’s demands.
CLÁUDIO: Comparing queens may be rude, but I couldn’t keep one thought out of my head while watching Salina’s skin-grafted runway: Lawrence Chaney did it better. The titty-munching was unexpected, at least.
;)
Underwhelming spider bitch #3 completes the trio in a note of costume-y mediocrity. Robin needs to step her pussy up tout de suite.
NICK: Guys, go look up Koco Caine’s black widow floor show in the Dragula: Titans finale. Please. Feed yourselves. God, there’s still another spider bitch after Robin.
;)
Thank fuck for Loosey La Duca’s runway, which is much better than it needed to be for her to win this challenge. Her makeup is pretty fantastic, and it’s a strong reinvention from the housewife-y ensembles and silhouettes she’s been serviing. I wouldn’t mind if this outfit had more filth to it, and I don’t think using a hockey mask like you’re the Phantom of the Opera suddenly makes a witchy black dress into Jason Voorhees drag, but it’s a hot look, so whatever.
CLÁUDIO: More filth is always nice. Personally, I wanted a machete in there, somewhere.
;)
Sasha Colby had the best runway in my eyes. First of all, it’s drop dead gorgeous without sacrificing a sense of unease, mainly conveyed in the extended fingers and spooky makeup. Then, we must contend with the hotness of it all, how she combines darkness with body-baring fashion. Lastly, I just love how this looks like the conflagration of disparate ideas, somehow made coherent by the queen of all queens. She’s a witch and her broomstick, a spectral ghoul and the dark forest they inhabit, a temptress and a hag. Fuck, I love Sasha.
NICK: Love this look, love the pieces of straw sticking out of her face, love that she’s the only queen to really try, let alone achieve, sexy and scary at the same time. She and Malaysia are so clearly the best runways of the night.
;)
Jax, on the other hand . . . . good from the neck up. I dig the braids, and “walk into the club Perseus first” is a killer line. But man, that nude illusion doesn’t work even a little bit.
CLÁUDIO: I didn’t realize that was supposed to be a nude illusion until just now - yikes. I like the hair but hate the lack of snakey goodness. Also, her mug might be an attempt at serving Voldemort, but I’m getting Ron Howard’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
;)
Similarly, Sugar tried her hand at Monster High realness, but her outfit feels like the failed Bratz ripoff or even Ever After High. The possessed doll accessory is the best part of the lewk.
NICK: The dollness of it all just emphasizes Sugar and Spice’s relatively interchangeable styles in the worst way. I like Sugar’s runway more than her sister’s, but this barely fits the challenge.
;)
Speaking of Spice, is there much to say? It’s a bit strange to me that she fumbled this, given that she’s supposed to be the “edgier” of the two. Do I really like it less than Sugar? Or are they both just bad?
CLÁUDIO: Just bad. Also, why does she look so much like the Party City idea of a sexy French maid? The biggest surprise of all is that it looks kinda cheap, as far as the materials go.
;)
I don’t care that Amethyst is covered in blood - this Lady Gaga cosplay doesn’t fit the runway theme. Moreover, she merely copies Mother Monster, doing nothing to elevate the look or drag it up further. She deserved to miss the top 3 on the basis of this costume alone.
NICK: After the conversation last week about appreciating her nose, I liked seeing Amethyst stepping into Gaga’s shoes if only for that reference of shared insecurity and beauty. But lord, her look does not belong in this category at all.
;)
Last but not least, Aura Mayari, serving a spine-tingling runway so good she can’t even pretend to be scared about lipsyncing for her life in the Untucked. It’s not my favorite outfit of the night, but it’s elegant and straightforward with its beauty and ghoulishness. The bedazzled bones and glittery gore pop really nicely, though I maybe wish it looked more like actual bone? Still, good shit.
CLÁUDIO: She’s a distant third in my runway rankings, below Sasha and Malaysia but above everyone else by a wide margin. One thing I really liked about this was Aura’s presentation, jaw locked in an ugly grin, body stiff, fingers splayed in constant spasm.
So, after the runway, Loosey wins, with Marcia and Mistress completing the top 3. Aura and the twins land in the bottom, but the hunk’s strong look saves her from real danger. Additionally, we always knew a twin vs twin lipsync was on the cards. The only surprise was that it came this early. Still, trust those flavorful imps to pull one over the producers, refusing to fight it out on stage. Instead, they perform a choreographed routine to Pat Benatar’s “You Better Run.”
This first in Drag Race herstory is as cute as it’s annoying, landing on the right side of endearing, but just barely. Sugar, as the sloppiest of the pair, gets the chop. What did you think of the LSFYL, dear Nick? And are you excited see Spice without Sugar from now on?
NICK: It’s definitely cute, and if they’d done better I kinda wonder if they could’ve actually pulled off a double shantay. The lipsync was pretty fine - the song seemed more for the twins than the runway, which was weird. I’m very curious to see how Spice will do without her sister, and I hope she’ll be able to really shine on her own. The bonding the twins have with the rest of the cast on Untucked was pretty moving, and as cheesy as Ru saying that Sugar is leaving with 15 sisters, the cast seems ready to do so. Hell, they’ve got a few moms, too. Any final notes from you, Cláudio?
CLÁUDIO: Only that the best part of the episode were the Snatch Game contestants. This season, they’re all Pit Crew members, generously oiled and costumed in tiny speedos for our pleasure. Honestly, give whoever came up with those crotch windows a set design Emmy!
;)
Previous RuCaps:
- Episodes 1 & 2: "One Night Only"
- Episode 3: "All Queens Go to Heaven"