Like in the last couple of years, Nick Taylor and Cláudio Alves are following and recapping the new RuPaul’s Drag Race season…
Condragulations, LEXI! You're a winner, baby.
CLÁUDIO: Call me Nostradamus because I foresaw the bitchtrack epidemic, an autotune apocalypse, crunchy dips as far as the eye can see. This is the state of the Drag Race Talent Show industrial complex, and I am not happy about it. Or call me Old Methuselah because being in your thirties now means having one step in the grave, according to a bunch of drag babies who dare call Lexi Love a grandma. I can’t wait to see the 34-year-old diva crush those brats’ dreams under her hooker heels. Or her rollerblades, as the case may be. She’s now my pick for season 17 winner, a choice I come to out of spite but also admiration. Because, make no mistake, “Drag Queens Got Talent - Part 2” was Miss Love’s episode, and all those other whores were fighting for runner-up honors. Call me Grandpa Grumps because this episode got me grumpy as fuck, almost as much as it entertained me.
NICK: Lexi Love fuckin’ owned this episode. No one touched her in the talent show or the top 2 lip sync. I’m honestly glad she and Suzie Toot did their performances on different nights, even if tonight’s portion of the talent show was much less entertaining on average than last week. Would I have loved to see Suzie tap to “Alter Ego”? Obviously. And thank fuck Lexi Love didn’t have to settle for “Woman’s World”. But we’ve now got two top-tier divas at the head of the pack with a win under each of their belts…
It’s at least a credit to the editors for making this episode so full of personality and suspense despite the talent show presenting a very clear first and last place. More than anything, the season 17 premiere did a great job of laying down who these queens are, their strategic mindsets going into the competition, and the energy buzzing around the werkroom. It really feels as though the queens are treating each other like they’re backstage at the club - no one’s cowed by the camera or goaded into bullshit TV theatrics. The final twist for sure caught me and the rest of the queens off guard, but dare I say it’s the right fuel going forward in the competition? Or am I just hoping the show will be more fun with the talent show concluded? Maybe it’ll stay fun if we get more cameos from the likes of Lawrence Chaney, with her purple kilt and her silly jokes.
CLÁUDIO: Can’t wait to see our Scottish champion on the next All-Winners season. You know Ru is salivating at the thought of having her beloved Scot back in the fold, making her Mama laugh to heavily-accented nonsense. As a Chaney fan, I share Ru’s obsession - yes, Bimini is amazing, but Lawrence is a good winner!
Speaking of nonsense, Lucky and Arrietty remain super horny for each other, while Acacia is trying to devise who’d make for a better lip sync opponent. It becomes clear quite early that Hormona is the runt of the litter in Miss Forgot’s eyes, an ideal adversary to send home in the season’s first proper battle. Kori is also enjoying some silliness, flirting with Lydia who remains much more appealing out of drag than she is with a full mug on. Not a complaint, by the way, since I’ll always respect a queen willing to make herself off-putting rather than merely glam.
While all of this is happening, Joella keeps hogging the spotlight and trying to force herself into the edit. Sure, she’s being prompted by producers, but the KatyCat queen is quickly becoming one of the season’s bigger personalities and not in a good way. I feel like she’ll either go far with a delusional/villain storyline, or become one of our early outs.
NICK: I’d say the quality of Joella’s drag thus far makes me think she’ll fall into the latter category, but who knows. It’d be hysterical (in a depressing way) if Drag Race followed crowning its first-ever East Asian winner by once again eliminating the one Asian competitor first - something the show hasn’t done since season 13. So far she seems like her talk far outpaces her walk, but who knows what fate has in store for these divas. The same might be said for Sam Star, whose schtick seems stale even after two episodes.
Hormona Lisa is quickly pegged as an easy target, but more surprising is the number of queens who decide Lexi Love being 33 is somehow an indicator of weakness brought on by advanced aging. Lexi rightly takes this as a bullshit insult from the fetuses she’s competing against, yet it’s clear this isn’t the first time she’s heard this kind of talk levied against her. 33 is still young!! Let her live!! The other queen to spill their personal history in a big way is Onya Nurve, who talks about feeling alienated from the queer community in Cleveland. She came into her sexuality relatively late, and has had trouble finding a group she genuinely belongs to. Nothing fits quite right for her. Will she find her people among these queens? Fun fact, Onya is 31 and Hormona is 30, meaning the season’s most aged, enfeebled queens are the stars of this episode.
CLÁUDIO: Such ageist claptrap! Those fetus queens need a good slap so they can snap out of it. Where’s Cher when you need her most?
Moving on from Werk Room intrigue, the main stage awaits us with this week’s judging panel. Ru is looking as glorious as ever, though I would recommend a necklace with her latest frock. Michelle Visage is a vision in animal print while Mother Ts Madison is sporting a… confusing garment. Still, the head styling is impeccable. Doechii is also here, a radiant star who is sheer perfection as a Drag Race guest judge, So much so that I wish they had saved her for an episode where she’d be able to interact more directly with the queens.
After the usual puns, it’s time for the pre-talent show runway. The theme “Is It Cake?” asks for some bare buttocks and delicious behinds…
;)
Sam Star is first on the catwalk, sporting an Ivana Trump cum Patsy Stone beehive that elevates her bridal couture above anonymity. The Ruveal is fun and cheeky, though I question that tiered skirt’s color story. Yes, I understand the nuptial white, but the intricate details are lost in the glare of stage lights. Some contrast would have helped her stand out. Sadly, it’s an outfit that looks more impressive on Untucked than Drag Race proper.
NICK: Ha! You said cheeky and the category is about BUTTS. Sam wins points for being so literal-minded in how she interprets the runway prompt - I’m a bit surprised more queens didn’t go this route. I agree the detailing blurs a little against so much white, but it’s a clever conceit, and it sells her persona in such a concise way.
;)
Onya Nurve continues the food-forward approach to this category by dressing up as a Georgia peach. It’s one of many designs I like but(t) perhaps do not love.The I unabashedly love everything on her face, especially her earrings and the peach leaf placed ever-so-appealing askew on her head. Does the dress go with the corset, or does the fabric just look kinda meh? I wish the butterfly thing covering her butthole looked better.
CLÁUDIO: It’s a fun idea and she knew how to style it, mug perfect and hairstyle nearly as good. However, the skirt looks too flimsy in a stretch material that reeks cheapness and detracts from the old-school glam the rest of the look’s selling. Also, that thing is supposed to be a butterfly?
;)
Crystal Envy bypassed glamour, going for pure comedy in a sunburnt muscle queen fantasy complete with a pooch trying to rip her bikini bottoms off. It all makes for a bizarre package, made only weirder by her inability or unwillingness to paint the face to match the bodysuit. To make matters worse, those pumps are the definition of a sartorial needle-scratch. But credit where it’s due - for once, her hairline looks right.
NICK: It’s very strange! Could she have done this without the muscle suit? It’s a funny concept, I just hate looking at it. Why are her heels the same color as the bodysuit? The mug is good, she gets one for the mug, but if someone tries this gag again, I hope they do it better.
;)
Kori King comes next, wearing an homage to Monet X Change’s outfit while performing on the Werq the World tour. Is homage too generous for how much copying she’s doing? Either way, Kori looks fabulous. The white and velvety pink ensemble compliments her skin tone beautifully, allowing her to serve some scrumptious neapolitan realness. Kori also inspires the single best comment from the judge’s panel: as Ts Madison exclaims “that ain’t no Lil’ Debbie” at the sight of Kori’s perfectly padded ass. And she’s right to say it!
CLÁUDIO: If we were just judging asses, Kori would be the clear winner. According to the All-Stars 4 twinner, this might actually be her old costume since she sold it way back when. If that’s the case, it would explain some of the fit issues I see with the top. Either way, it all works wonderfully once queen King reveals her padded glory.
;)
Lexi Love delivers the most outré approach to the prompt, dressing up as the embodiment of a TV test pattern, complete with an hologram hovering over her own face. I’m not sure I love the way her mug is completely obscured, but the effect is spectacular nevertheless. It’s like someone took Cheddar Gorgeous’ BBC couture and Lazy Susan’s sheer illusion and mashed them together. This “grandma” is keeping true to her avant-stoopid sensibilities and I’m here for it. Keep it coming!
NICK: Part of me feels like the exposed asscheeks on Lexi’s outfit are more of an afterthought to an outfit with otherwise no focus on those cakes. It’s a fantastic outfit, don’t get me wrong, but the butt’s maybe the least exciting part. The bedazzled TV on her head is so goddamn ingenious, and I love how the stripes on her outfit keep the TV static theme going. Lexi’s a very analogue diva.
;)
Hormona Lisa is the first Marie Antoinette of the night, and on those terms she clears the competition. In context of Drag Race’s long history with Marie Antoinette cosplay, this is a solid entry into the lineage without much to distinguish it. She looks gorgeous, but the “let them eat cake” pun underwhelms. The marble white washes her out a little, yeah?
CLÁUDIO: I feel this is a pretty mediocre take on Rococo drag. The back of the frock is especially mystifying - why is it cut like cleavage and why does that flap of fabric remain hanging on after the Ruveal? I guess she’s better than the other Queen of Versailles we have coming up but that’s about it.
;)
I’m surprised by how much I loved Lana Ja’Rae’s leopard fantasy. The idea is something we’ve seen before from the likes of Detox, but the execution is just so perfect I can’t help but be a tad enamored. The base fabric with a subtle ribbed stripe is a fantastic backdrop for the bejeweled spots and the way the satin ribbons trail after her just adds to the dreaminess of the whole presentation. Lana’s making mama Luxx proud.
NICK: Lana looks absolutely fabulous. She gets bonus points for actually showing her ass, which I thought more of the divas would do. For sheer fashionability in answering the runway’s theme, this might be my favorite look of the night. Also, she looked so much like Doecchi with her hair and makeup like that.
;)
Acacia Forgot definitely showed ass on that catwalk, and good on her for doing so. We need more hairy cakes on our TV screens. Was it a bit of a jump scare? Sure, but a welcome (and tasty) one at that. I’m not sure I have a lot to say about her look otherwise, aside from loving her wig and being very distracted by how severe the cheek cut on her blush is. Showing ass was the right move. Do you have any thoughts on her dress?
CLÁUDIO: Well, you know how the saying goes: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. That’s what I’m contributing to the discussion of that outfit. Great ass, though.
;)
Arrietty looks divine, serving satellite dish couture. And I do mean couture, because this bitch is always ready to take her creations to Fashion Week. And yet, there’s a drag sensibility to Arrietty’s work that prevents it from looking out of place on this stage. In other words, bless those rhinestones, those crystals, that rhinestone supernova on her bussy.
NICK: I’m glad Arietty and Onya had the same idea about glittery anuses. I really love the hairpiece, and how the curlicue spirals on her sleeves rhyme with the wig and the heart-shape curve of her ass. Now that’s art.
;)
Jewels Sparkles does the country showgirl thing better than the actual country showgirls in the competition. I don’t love how the crotch of the pants seem a little too low, like they’re cut to make room for the nude illusion asscheeks. I thought I had more compliments stored up for this one. She’s selling it, at least.
CLÁUDIO: Taking the Cuban and Puerto Rican flags, mashing them together to better represent one’s identity on the runway is a good idea. Well, it’s a nice concept, at least, one that works better in theory than practice. It really bothers me how distorted and borderline unrecognizable the stars are. It ruins the effect. Love the unit, the mug, and the bangles.
;)
Nick, I am so confused. Apart from the front half of the wig and the vague suggestion of paniers, what about Joella’s ensemble reads Marie Antoinette? Also, it’s so ugly my eyes hurt. The textile on the front looks like wrapping paper trimmed with yellowed old lace, a mess that’s at least coherent. But then there’s the back, with its bloody bondage theme which… has nothing to do with the rest? And why are so many of these girls wearing skin-toned bodysuits that stop at the ankles? It never looks good, not even when it matches the queen’s complexion, which it doesn’t here. Also also, the back of that wig is a crime against art, drag and good taste. My poor eyes.
NICK: I am so confused by the fucking wig. Joella’s outfit would probably be more distinct if she went with the BDSM theme, yeah? Nothing we could say about this look beats literally every queens taking turns roasting this monstrosity during Untucked. It’s so funny it almost makes up for the fact that we had to look at it.
;)
Lucky Starzzz takes an avant-garde approach to serving cake, reminding us an artist can be sorta baffling in a creative way instead of being purely off-putting. I definitely was not expecting miss thang to make the “sponge” part of sponge-cake the prominent element here, or to go the route of a flat, square ass. As a larger graphic impression, I don’t love the soap-sud dress, but I could get lost staring at all the details in those pores. The mug’s fun!!
CLÁUDIO: I have a pal with trypophobia who’s a Drag Race fan. I’m not sure they’re following this season as it airs, but I’m suddenly very curious to know how they’ll react to this spongious abomination (complimentary). For some reason, the white gloves with the prim pearl bracelets are cracking me up. She’s a proper traditional housewife doing the dishes - she just happens to have fused with her cleaning tools. Typical.
A butthole comes down the runway dressed like a rosebud - ha! Of course Lydia B(utthole) Kollins isn’t just playing with the many meanings her name can take. She’s also serving Beetlejuice vibes - again - by modeling a sluttified version of Winona Ryder’s red wedding dress from the original. I guess that’s why she’s holding tulle trimmings like some sort of deflated cheerleader poms. I guess the thorny ass is cute. The finishing of those ruffles less so, but the general effect is fetching.
NICK: We love a rosebud! Lydia’s runway reads as a smart blending of her glam and edginess. She’s clearly having fun with the trimmings - it’s always important to have a giant piece of fabric to swing around as needed. Love the eye makeup.
Saving the best for last, Suzie Toot gives a majestically literal approach to showing ass. A princess drinks a love potion, only to learn she’s been transformed into a donkey woman! She gets points for executing one of the best reveals of the night, to say nothing of how good the outfit looks - it’s a great princess look before the reveal, and the costume-y nature of the whole thing makes it even better drag. The floppy ears and hoofed heels are fantastic embellishments, putting over the runway from great to truly inspired.
CLÁUDIO: I agree that the costume-y nature of it is a feature rather than a fault. However, even as I applaud Suzie, I can think of a number of ways in which this could have been done better. For example, wouldn’t it have been even more impactful if she lost the princess bodice to reveal a furry continuation of her donkey transmutation? I promise I’m not a furry yearning for jackass tidies. Moreover, I dislike how, when she moves, the gap between the bodice and the bottoms makes the latter look more like pants than her new biology. Just some nitpicks, nothing major. This is still a great lewk for Suzie who’s already showing some variations in her paint without losing what makes her Toot. Attagirl.
NICK: From a fun, creatively addressed runway, we go to a fun, not particularly creative talent show routine. The sheer number of lip sync performances to original song tracks causes the queen’s routines to blur together collectively, regardless of how well anyone did. It sure doesn’t help that the one person who performed live totally bombed, but I’m going to save the worst for a quick, merciful finish. As far as the lip sync performances go, two queens stood out as not really serving. After so much huffing and puffing, I have no idea what Sam Star thought she was bringing with her number, a country-lite routine with minimal choreo and a bale of hay subbing in for your typical Aja box. A wildly underwhelming serve, which suddenly has me questioning if her prominence in the premiere is actually signaling her as an early out. To continue the nepo baby realness, Lana Ja’Rae’s debut on the Drag Race stage sure doesn’t showcase the firepower her mama brought to a similarly decent number. She gets points for her elegant splits and the yawning gag, but I wanna see more fire from her.
Onya Nurve, Kori King, and Crystal Envy all showed pretty well. Onya’s stupid comedy spiced her number up a bit - I was half convinced she was about to do the whole hokey-pokey - but I wouldn’t have minded a little more oomph. Loved the black-and-yellow number with the giant organzas flanking her. Kori’s choreo is exactly as high-energy as this routine needs to be, and the track itself has a solid hook. She looks excellent in white, and I can’t pretend to care about her ice cubes flying off. Girl’s got energy and I fuckin love it. Crystal gives the performance I was expecting from Sam, with a lot of showgirl firecrackers and even more autotune. More than anyone else in the cast, I don’t like how her face looks in drag, but she can kick-flip me six ways from Sunday, so, point for her.
Still, two divas stand supreme at the end of the episode. Hormona Lisa braves the waters of live stand-up, and though we must give a little credit for taking such a risk, it backfires spectacularly. You can see her lose confidence as her jokes get less and less laughter. Some of the bits were good as written, and I like the vaguely topical thru-line of it all, but her delivery makes it seem even worse than it is. Fabulous outfit, at least. But from worst to best, Lexi Love stands head and shoulders above her sisters with her roller-blading gymnastics. Yes, there was a really solid bitch track she was lip-syncing to, but the important part is SHE DID FIVE SPLITS IN A ROW!! SHE CARTWHEELED!! AND SHE SERVED FACE THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME!! To quote one of your favorite directors, Lexi Love proved she could organically, authentically, 100% be that diva.
CLÁUDIO: I can’t wait for Pablo Larraín’s eventual Detox biopic starring Lexi Love. You know she’ll kill it.
In any case, I cosign all of your frustrations with this set of performances. There comes a point where it’s hard to distinguish between a bunch of bitches who took the exact same approach to the talent show prompt. It’s the safe choice par excellence and that is immensely frustrating, especially when it results in numbers like these, which say very little about the queens performing them. As far as being our introduction to the performers, they mostly fail. I guess Onya and Kori are the best of the lot, with Miss Nurve getting my vote simply because her comedic touches made her routine a tad more memorable. Crystal was so over-produced that her song sounded like a robot recital, while the styling was horrid. What’s the deal with her wigs? Why do they always have these harsh hairlines?
The biggest disappointments were the pageant pro and Ru’s apparent fave. The former delivered some flavorless western shtick complete with the crunchiest dip this side of Global All-Stars. The latter was an unmitigated disaster, a case study of the importance of proper delivery. I’m convinced some of the jokes would have worked if only she had known how to perform them. At least Hormona looked good in her crystalized floor-length gown. Sam just looked odd in her cowgirl fantasy with a bare belly but no belly button. She was serving Kyle XY realness. I might honestly have put her in the bottom over Hormona out of sheer spite and disappointment. Lisa girl took a chance on a risky number and floundered. On the other hand, Sam went the safe route and couldn’t rise above mediocre.
You’ve already written all that needs to be said about Lexi, whose routine was the best between the two episodes. Queen shit, right there, and winner energy to spare. When she jumped into the splits (on rollerskates!), I gay gasped.
NICK: You gaysped, as they say. And the other girls agreed, naming Lexi Love one of the Top 2 queens of the challenge. As with last week, the second spot went to Most Polished - or as you put it, Most Produced - and went to Crystal. The editing drummed up some decent tension around how the vote might shake out, with Onya and Kori placing all over the board and Lydia ranking Sam last. Kori probably gets my second place vote, not just for her number but for her killer runways in both episodes, and for how animated she was watching the Top 2 lip sync. She was jumping, clapping, dancing, clearly getting her life watching the white girls duke it out, but I bet she would’ve been so fun on that stage.
The top 2 song is Doecchi’s “Alter Ego”, a pretty fantastic bop on its own terms, and the queens match its high-energy bad bitch hooks like nobody’s business. Crystal takes to it much better than I expected, and the slowed-down duck walk at the bridge was a nice touch. But from the second the track starts playing, Lexi lights the stage on fire. Her attitude, her voguing, her face, it’s all fucking pristine. The hoes ain’t phasing her one goddamn bit. It’s certainly more entertaining than the Lip Sync for Your Life.
CLÁUDIO: While I was not a fan of that slow-mo noguing, I would agree that Crystal did better than expected. Even so, Lexi owned that stage, communicating one of my favorite things about a lip sync performance - fun. She looked like she was feeling herself and having a blast with the song, battling for the win and living the moment simultaneously. It reminded me of nothing more than the effervescence Nymphia Wind showcased during her duel against Sapphira at last season’s finale.
Sadly, as you suggest, the Lip Sync for Your Life can’t compare. The song choice doesn’t help - sorry Arianators - as “yes, and?” lacks some of the oomph that would have helped the queens form an arc for their performance. I guess both Acacia and Hormona get some laughs out of it, but their comedic mugging only goes so far. I’m surprised to say I would have probably kept Miss Lisa over our country songstress, even though neither queen impressed me much. Honestly, I’d have been fine with a double elimination after their sleepy face-off. Punish those bitches for their lackluster drag!
That said, I understand Ru’s decision to declare Acacia Forgot as the victor. She deserves flowers for using a makeup brush as a buttplug and a lip sync prop. We love innovation.
NICK: I’ll second all of that. If this is how y’all are gonna act when you gotta fight for your lives . . . . what are you gonna do when this happens again? More nothing? Hormona Lisa also makes sense as the sacrificial lamb for the pure drama of the final “twist”. Ru reveals Hormona has one last chance to save herself, if she can win against the Badunkadunk Tank. Michelle Visage is perched on a carnival dunk tank in a leopard-print bikini, while a panel with ten levers on it magically appears on the main stage. Two of the levers will send Michelle plummeting into the waters like the season 5 premiere mini-challenge, and if Hormona sacrifices Michelle to the briny depths she’ll be safe to slay another day. Don’t worry about how the levers are connected to the dunk tank, though, it’s tooootally connected.
In a shocking twist - and I’m not being sarcastic here - Hormona is saved, and none of the other queens are happy for her. Not even the simple joy of watching Michelle doggy-paddle can outweigh the simmering rage. They’re even more sour when Ru announces Hormona also won a trip to Las Vegas, because losing is the new winning. Acacia looks pissed, and I can’t blame her. You beat a bitch in a lip sync for your lives and you can’t even send her home? What do they think this is, season 14? Now nine levers remain, and only one has the power to save a queen. Are you excited about this twist? I hope it has the same sad trombone effect as the chocolate bar gag. Otherwise, this feels even more obvious as behind-the-scenes tinkering, likely without the chance for a spectacle like Bosco opening her chocolate bar.
CLÁUDIO: I’m as thrilled about this twist as I would be about a guest appearance by Kitty Scott-Claus and Kween Kong. Absolutely thrilled. As for that miraculous save, I only have one thing to say: Rigga Morris, girl!
Let’s hope next week’s a more pleasant watch and that someone finally gets chopped. It’ll be a design challenge, so I expect some of the craftier queens to thrive. Lucky Starzzz, I’m putting my hopes on you.
Previous RuCaps:
- Episode 1: “Squirrel Games”