Jewels wasn't the only one yawning through this acting challenge.
CLÁUDIO ALVES: After last week’s shitshow of an episode, the follow-up would necessarily feel like something of a disappointment. Don’t get me wrong - it’s a fine hour of reality TV, but not especially exciting in terms of drama, nor spectacular as far as the queen’s performances are concerned. It culminated in some dubious judging and a tragic elimination, fair as it might have been. Oh well, not every episode can be a winner. Overall, I’m still liking this season, in no small part, because of the contestants. It’s been a while since we had such dynamic characters on Drag Race, messy and rough around the edges, not untalented but generally unpolished. Well, most of them. If you call Samantha Star unpolished, she might just kill you.
NICK TAYLOR: It’s a genuinely great cast, and you can tell because they bring real personal stakes to such a mediocre acting challenge. And the elimination order is still surprising enough I don’t feel totally comfortable predicting a top four. We haven’t had a shocker of a frontrunner going home like Plasma last year, but neither has anyone been as generously over-protected despite some patent limitations as Q was. No one feels like they’ve snuck through the competition to make it this far, and give or take some bold judging, the track records for our seven queens (now six) feel fair to me...
The episode opens with the queens regrouping in the werkroom after Arrietty’s elimination. As one last slap in the face, they find Arrietty has left an absolutely nasty mirror message directed at Onya, revealing a deeply personal, uncomfortable secret I just do not want to repeat. Arrietty said it first, it’s not news to repeat, but I’ll just echo Onya’s response and say it’s just more proof the elf queen was ready to go home. Ugly behavior, and they just let Arrietty leave that message up there for the girls and the world to see? No one made her clean that shit up to save Onya the embarrassment? I don’t understand it.
Jewels Sparkles is happy to erase the message. Rattled as she was by everything thrown at her last week, she’s ready to get back to doing well in the competition. Lydia and Lana, on the other hand, want to keep their new hot streak going all the way to the finale. They want more of those positive critiques, goddammit!! Their fellow queens are over the moon for Lydia’s win and Lana’s high placement, though Sam can’t stop herself from saying she wishes she’d won the roast instead. Her little mutual antagonism with Lydia has been a surprisingly consistent subplot of this season, and the opener tells us pretty plainly it’ll be a central point to the episode.
CLÁUDIO: I quibble with your assertion that no queen feels like they’ve snuck through the competition with an unfair track record. But more on that later.
For now, I share your disappointment in Arrietty. The way the other queens speak about it leaves no doubt that Onya didn’t want this on television. Some of the RuGirls online have expressed dismay over the whole thing, too, pointing out that, no matter the current relationship between the season 17 queens, what the elf girl did will affect her sister forever more. In roasts, in fan interactions, in haters’ mouths, Onya’s condition will surely be brought up as a cheap shot. It’s sad but that’s the world we live in. Nasty, nasty behavior from the cast’s premier fashion goddess with the temperament of an irrascible insecure toddler.
I don’t have anything to add to the post-elimination chatter, so let’s move on to next day in the werkroom. Lexi has let her hair down and decided to move on from her one-sided feud with Suzie Toot but not before stating she’s been having nightmares about the tap-dancing menace. As we’ll see, these resolutions won’t last long. Lydia, on the other hand, is keeping the memory of Kori King alive in the competition by sporting her boyfriend’s sweater. It’s very cute, but I fear there might be a curse on that thing. And wouldn’t you know it - Ru comes in with news that the next maxi challenge will be another scripted comedy sketch, spelling doom for Butthole. More specifically, the challenge is a parody of Ryan Murphy’s Feud: Capote vs the Swans, with Ross Matthews in place of the Alabama gossiping writer. The gals seem excited, for some unfathomable reason. Wait, what am I saying? They’re excited for Cheynenne Jackson, of course, who’ll be directing them. I’d be excited too.
NICK: They’re so excited for Cheyenne to tell them what to do. It’s so funny to see the girls explain Capote’s historical significance and the premise of the show they’re riffing on in their confessionals. None of them watched the show! I sure didn’t! We’ve been the elder gays bemoaning Drag Race’s baby queens not knowing their history, but fuck, did the writers even watch the show? The premise is nothing but a scaffold for some viral reality show riffs and bitchy catfights, but can’t we give the girls better pop culture references than this?
Anyways, the queens sit down for a table read of the script. There’s minimal fuss around casting, with one major exception: Suzie and Jewels want the same role again. In this case, it’s the role of Chicago, who closes the skit with a monologue based on Tiffany “New York” Pollard’s scathing read of Gemma Collins on Celebrity Big Brother. Suzie argues she knows how to give layers and variation to a monologue, and will make it a better show. Sam points out Jewels got the role she wanted last time, and so it’d be fair to give it to Suzie now. The only catch being they don’t want to be fair to Suzie, as Lexi rebuts, it’s not about a better show, it’s about getting ahead in the competition. She, Lana, and Jewels form a united front against Suzie, barring her from the role of Chicago despite her protests. The final cast list is:
It’s very funny to me (derogatory) how half the cast has now taken on a one-sided beef with Suzie Toot. We can talk about whether her technical, theatre kid energy is making things worse - I can understand while Acacia and Jewels weren’t flattered by her justification for why she should get the parts she wanted while they would be better suited to other roles, even if I think Suzie was 100% right both times - but it seems Miss Toot hyped herself up so much at the start of the race she’s painted a target on her back with no way to scrub it off. Sam and Onya have been neck-and-neck with Suzie throughout the competition, and though I don’t want the girls spreading their venom to those two, their hater energy has ironically reinforced her frontrunner status better than the edit has these past few episodes. Beyond that, as Lydia points out, Suzie did great in the Rusical while Acacia went home. Jewels can savor this victory all she wants, but odds are the Tooter will do well either way.
CLÁUDIO: As much as her cockiness might annoy her sisters, Suzie is talented and came to the competition with a unique perspective on drag that stands out from the pack. I get feeling insecure - hi, Lexi - but ganging up on her won’t help any of the girls going forward. And again, they’re so focused on Suzie that they don’t seem to realize they’ve handed Onya another perfect role for her to kill and dominate. Are they blind to the fact she is the actual frontrunner theater kid among them? Those dumb bitches… Though, maybe nobody’s dumber than Lydia, who, again, picks a part for no good reason whatsoever. She’s drawn to a proctologist femme fatale because of the scatological humor backed into it and how it fits her brand. Sadly, she doesn’t even think if she’s suited for it or not - major “RDR Live!” vibes from the monochord twink.
As they start preparing for the shoot, Jewels finds herself alone since her scene is one-on-one with Ross and no other queen. You can see it start to get to the bitch, especially as the other girls seem to be vibing and working well off of each other. This is especially surprising for Lexi, who finds herself paired with her arch-nemesis while keeping faithful to her early episode self-actualization. It’s not going to last, of course, and Lana is quick to clock it. She’s also quickly shut down because there’s nothing these bitches love to do more than putting the lingerie queen in her place. It’d feel antagonistic if Lana wasn’t so chill about it, clearly in on the joke and happy to be the comedic punching bag. Still, the funniest part of this passage is probably how bad Lydia and Sam are at pretend slaps. Those petite women are so far apart you’d think they were airbending rather than beating the shit out of each other. Gotta love the fakery of it all.
NICK: I think there’s more potential for Lydia in the role, but she makes an absolutely superficial call on how it fits her brand. At least she and Sam are getting along, with both queens expressing an earnest if slightly begrudged admiration for each other as scene partners. Meanwhile, Lana and Onya are thriving. Lana admits she wanted to work with Onya to exercise her own newly exposed funny bone for the judges, and as far as the rehearsals show us, it looks like it’s working!
This carries over into the actual filming, where Lana looks to be at least three feet taller than Ross. She needs some coaching from Cheyenne to step up her game, but even though Lana never gets to Onya’s level of star-powered shenanigans, I thought she held her own quite well. We get a lower-quality version of this dynamic with Lydia and Sam. There’s more intention to Butthole’s dry deliveries than her nothingburger in RDR Live!, but she’s still not connecting with the competently punchy delivery of her co-star. At least she looks fabulous.
Once again, Suzie walks onstage and gives the exact right performance called for, almost to a fault. Lexi, meanwhile, keeps stumbling over her lines. She takes so long to get her shit right we get a whole montage of Jewels yawning as she waits for her turn to film. Jewels reports in her confessional she can feel her grasp on reality - and thus, on the monologue she rehearsed - fading with every hour Lexi spends fumbling the mic like Adrien Brody. Maybe she’s just making an excuse for her eventual performance, but she stumbles with her lines, mixing up the script with omitted lines from New York’s original monologue. Jewels knows it’s rough, but she eventually salvages it.
CLÁUDIO: I know it’s the edit, but the way Lexi immediately spirals after Cheyenne gives Suzie one compliment is maddening. Bitch, you’re a fabulous queen with superstar energy, skating by unscathed in a competition whose judges obviously love you. I know insecurities are often irrational but there’s really no reason to be feeling like that. At least, it provides some backstage humor when the two scene partners have to play-fight. The other queens speculate Lexi wasn’t acting at that moment and even she admits she was squeezing Suzie’s neck a lil’ bit. Miss Toot, on the other hand, is perfectly polished and professional, apart from that wig line. The unit’s borrowed from Onya and the tonal inbalance between the lace and Suzie’s skin leads to some heavy contouring. Too heavy since the tap-dancing diva looks like she’s wearing a brown headband.
There was a lot of borrowed drag during this shoot. Crystal left behind a lot of drag for her sisters and they’re putting it to use - Lana and Sam’s outfits, as well as Jewels’ wig all came from our beloved pageant blonde. Lydia is recycling a wig of confusing provenance as it’s been worn by about half the cast, from runways to challenges, while Lana has put on someone else’s boob bib beneath her catsuit. The only issue is that Luxx’s daughter didn’t secure that thing with no bra, so, halfway through the shoot, her entire chest seems to be sliding down the bitch’s torso. That’s some Substance realness right there.
Back in the werkroom for some pre-runway preparations, the girls aren’t as prone to trauma dump as usual. This is a light episode on that front. Instead, we get another week of the contestants thinking they all did good - over-confidence is pathological in this cast - and some beats by Lana to which Sam raps in full awkward white girl mode. Somehow, it works for a delightful bit of levity. Even if, as always, they all look crazy in half-drag. Suzie is especially frightening with her clown-white face. She’s serving Lexi Love’s sleep paralysis demon realness.
NICK: Lydia points out the overconfidence in her confessionals. I might even say the collective euphoria in the room is noticeably dimmed from past comedy challenges. It’s partially through due to the sheer lack of bodies in the room, but also because everyone’s a little too cautious about their place in the competition to feel comfortable. Which won’t stop the silliness, of course, but we’re at the stage where the queens are being skimpy with their supply of Drag Delusion. Only seven queens are left. You’d think we couldn’t take frontrunner status for granted with numbers like that.
From here we go to the runway, where RuPaul steps out in a bright orange jacket with a skirt underneath that appears to be made of pure rubber, based on how shiny it is. She looks good, don’t get me wrong, but I was confused. This week’s special guest judge Sam Smith looks fucking great, and their presence in Untucked with a plate of chicken wings for the queens continues this season’s largely unimpeachable trend of guest judges popping up backstage. The category for tonight’s runway is Black and White Ball, so without further ado, let’s begin!
First up is Sam Star, wearing what I can only describe as a revision to Bob the Drag Queen’s clown ensemble from season 8’s Black and White runway. The mug is fantastic, with those jewels on her cheeks and the giant earrings, topped off by a fabulous jingling jester mask. I don’t love the one patterned fabric across her knees, but otherwise I like the asymmetries happening all over this outfit, and the mixture of severity and garish, clashing patterns.
CLÁUDIO: Eh, I’m not a fan. Not to compare clowns, but Suzie’s Old Hollywood pierrot felt so much more interesting than what Sam’s serving. I wish the mask felt more personalized, that the jewels made more sense with the outfit, that she’d wear something other than a helmet-like blonde wig for once. Sorry for sounding so grumpy, but I expected much better from this runway prompt.
As ever, Lana is modeling something very different than what she usually does because everything’s new for this baby queen. Honestly, after all these runway confessionals over the last ten episodes, I’m starting to think Luxx’s daughter never wore any clothes before she came on Drag Race. That absurdity aside, she looks good. Indeed, the train and ribbon work makes me think of her mother’s penchant for kinetic fashion. However, I kinda hate those pimply tights. I also wish her panty was white rather than black because it really brings attention to how short the frock is and how Lana can’t really walk in it without the thing riding up like crazy. No wonder she kept pulling it down on the runway.
NICK: The black panty will remain a distraction. I’d have either preferred no polka dots or a full, Dalmatian-like commitment to them. Love the wig, and the train’s movement gives this a little more oomph.
Onya Nurve brings us a Björk black swan moment, with a smoky train winding up her body like she’s Bayonetta summoning a demon. She’s so hot. I love this look, which sits on the razor’s edge of elegant and ridiculous, and I love how Onya models it like she’s about to take home an Oscar. The sequins on the dress make her body look like a constellation. Yes, her eyebrows are still so high the swan is covering them completely, but she has the nerve to get away with it. What a great moment of alignment between runway and challenge prompts, made even more sublime because she nails both challenges so concretely.
CLÁUDIO: I confess that, on a first impression, I was underwhelmed. But the more I look at this, the more I appreciate the workmanship that went into creating the gown and the headdress. The swirls really evoke a plume of smoke or ink spreading through water, while the bill’s red gives the whole thing a good pop. I wonder if they gave them the specific prompt of Capote’s black and white ball. It would explain why so many of them went with costume-like ensembles or, in Onya’s case, a literal swan. Lest we forget, that legendary party was a masquerade.
I’m surprised that Lydia didn’t go with a Tim Burton homage. Maybe some Beetlejuice, a bit of Christina Ricci in Sleepy Hollow, mayhap a stitch of Mrs. Lovett morbid glam. Instead, Butthole chose old-school elegance with a twist, proportions taken to extremes and pattern-mixing turned up to eleven. The cheap faux fur brings the look down a little, but I’m into the general effect. The base fabric reminds a lot of Emilie Louise Flöge’s creations. As you know, I always tend to think what I would present a queen preparing for such a runway theme. This week, I immediately thought of Flöge, so Lydia’s design really spoke to me.
NICK: I enjoyed this look a lot, with so many eccentric proportions and pulling off the pattern-mixing much better than Sam does. I admittedly wish she didn’t have a black pelt on her front, which looks so much like a merkin it’s a little distracting. Still, I wouldn’t trade anything for those sleeves, or for her silly little scoots forward as she walks in her tight, tight dress.
For sheer graphic impression, I think Suzie Toot has my favorite runway this week. She reminds me of those cat nuns from David Tennant’s first run on Doctor Who, now tasseled for the gods and with a devilish headpiece. She’s a Gothic demon, a silent film icon, serving literal puss with real creativity. I’m not uninterested in Sam Smith saying she could have cinched her waist, but I like how Suzie’s silhouette amplifies the alien quality of her runway. Her neck looks so long.
CLÁUDIO: I think everyone saying she should have shown a tiny waist and hourglass silhouette is basic as fuck. This is a very impressive runway presentation from Miss Toot, all the better for how much it differs from her sisters’ more traditional approaches. Indeed, my only quibble is that the makeup is too literal for a costume that almost seems to turn the idea of a feline demon into a geometric abstraction.
Ok, time to get real about the limits of Lexi Love’s drag as presented on the RuPaul’s Drag Race runway. Her love for fashion references is appreciated but she sometimes seems to get lost in them. Pulling from a Mugler ready-to-wear ombré dress is fine, but that seems to be her only solid idea here. The rest is a retread of what she’s been serving so far. The accessorizing is the same old mixture of floaty fabric trailin’ behind her, high-glam bling counterpointed by late-90s/early-00s affectations like that tired ass choker. The garment itself is so tiny you don’t get ombré since there’s no space for the black to gradually transition into white, ruining the effect. I understand she loves to showcase her body, but not every design benefits from that. I also appreciate the bejeweled panty as a piece of cheeky drag wit but it’s not cohesive with the rest of the look. Furthermore, what is that wig, girl? By far, the worst thing she’s yet shown on the catwalk, tarp included. Great mug, though.
NICK: Phenomenal mug. I don’t hate this with the passion you do, but it’s a very effective distillation of what’s limited about Lexi’s runway package. There’s a saintly, maternal vibe to her mug and cape that’d have been interesting to explore, but instead she is wearing a diaper, and I hate it. Hands down the worst she’s looked on the show, and the runt of this particular litter by a good margin.
Speaking of litters, Jewels Bundren Sparkles closes the runway with a cat-themed getup with all the white lines and scratches painted on. The craftsmanship is really special, and she looks cute as a button. The black streak through her hair - solidifying her as the anti-Manila Luzon - is a good accent, and the cat ears and purse are even more inspired. Still, Am I being stingy to say the judges were a little too high on this look?
CLÁUDIO: No, no - I agree that the judges were way too effusive. It’s a good look, made better by how it’s an homage to Hayden Williams’ actual illustration rather than an attempt at concretizing the garment he envisioned. She is a living drawing, cute as a button.
As you can see, I wasn’t much enthused by the runway and the world premiere of “Ross Matthews vs the Ducks” didn’t lift my mood one bit.
Unlike you, I have watched the second season of Feud, but I can’t say the Drag Race sketch writers have. This has nothing to do with that mess beyond the most basic idea of Capote being bitchy to socialites, here modeled after reality TV personalities of today. Fair is fair, since I knew zilch about the characters they were referencing, a bunch of jokes must have surely flown over my head. Indeed, I have never encountered or searched for any Tiffany Pollard content outside of what I’ve been able to glean from years watching Drag Race. But even so, there are ways of making these things funny even if the audience doesn’t know the original material from which the parody sprung. Queens have been doing it on Snatch Game for almost two decades - remember Pearl’s Big Ang?
Anyway, Lana is good as a rapstress feuding with her own daughter. She looks impossibly tall and her delivery almost works though she rarely convinces as anyone’s mother. Still, it’s a solid effort, both complemented and eclipsed by Onya’s Big Fupa. From the nail-ography to the pointed looks, bawdy lines and body werk, Miss Nurve was sensational. Sam Star is similarly impressive, leaning hard on those Southern histrionics to the point she sounds like she’s come straight out of the Daytona Winds set. Not sure she sells the Whitney Houston song lyrics as dialogue, but it’s a good attempt. Lydia’s fine as the proctologist mistress to Sam’s husband. Her stone-faced monochord approach is actually funny up until the climatic catfight, when it just seems like she’s underplaying because she doesn’t have the range to do anything else.
Suzie and Lexi’s smackdown is much better by comparison, though Miss Toot is pulling the weight for most of the remaining sketch. I wasn’t blown away by her performance but there’s an ease with which she approaches this sort of thing that’s just nowhere to be found in Lexi’s tense delivery. I thought Jewels was better than both of them combined, apart from her half-assed shoe throw at the very end. All in all, I’d happily declare Ross Matthews this week’s acting challenge winner.
NICK: Ross’s weird Capote voice was better than I expected, so props are owed. My disagreements with your takes only vary by degrees, since by and large I agree with what you’re saying. I thought Jewels was wobblier than you did, and there’s a productive tension in Lexi’s forcefulness for the ASMR bit that worked for me. Nothing funnier than someone whispering with every vein popping in their neck. It doesn’t make the performance better, but I thought the weaker halves of all three partnerships had interesting connections with their costars. Lana fared the best of them, and I think she and Onya were the best duet of the night. Hell, Onya owns the challenge so completely they should have awarded her the win on the spot. Everyone at least nails their final kiss-off, but yeah, a decidedly minor achievement this week.
After we see the skits, the judges deliver their critiques. Although Ru never announces the queens will be judged individually rather than as a pair, it becomes clear pretty quick as they go down the line. Only Suzie and Lexi receive praise as a pairing, though Michelle has a lot to say about Lexi repeating herself on these runways. Onya and Sam get top placement for being standouts in their pairing. Lana and Lydia are criticized for being overshadowed despite their game performances, and Jewels is dinged for flailing all by herself. Aside from Lexi, everyone is praised for their runways. Right off the bat, I disagree with Lana being in the bottom for her work, which was perfectly solid and kept the energy humming. For all the judges praised Lexi for putting so much effort into her performance, I thought she deserved that credit for actually responding well to Cheyenne’s direction. No complaints about the tops, though the sheer awfulness of Lexi’s runway should have counted for much more than it did.
But then we get to the first real gag of the episode, as Ru asks the queens who deserves to go home tonight, and why. Onya names Lydia, saying it’s time for the weaker queens to go, and Ms. Butthole more or less retaliates by saying Onya’s name, rightly calling her competition. Suzie democratically names Lana on the basis of track record. But without hesitation, Lana, Sam, Lexi(!!),and Jewels all say they want Suzie Toot to leave. Not even saying she deserves to go home, she’s coasting, whatever. They all want her dead and gone - do they even name her as competition? It’s insane hater energy, as comically gratuitous as Alyssa Edwards saying Jade Jolie should go home when the bitch wasn’t even onstage. Maybe the better comparison is Rolaskatox gunning for Jinkx Monsoon, but with the cliquey bitch energy replaced with some gleeful fucking insecurity, especially from Lexi. Ms. Toot rolls her eyes at first but is visibly flabbergasted as they go down the line. She handles it much better than I would have, and seems fully unpersuaded by Jewels telling her to take it as a compliment in Untucked. It’s be funnier if wasn’t so mean, and kinda sad.
CLÁUDIO: Honestly, more than insecure, these girls came off as cowards. Whenever this question comes around - always once per season - some wishy-washy queens use the cop-out strategy of answering who they want gone, usually couching it in “she’s my biggest competition” justifications. But that’s not the question, now, is it? No! It’s who should go home tonight and why. Who SHOULD! At this point, since no one will ever give a cuntier response than Luxx Noir London, they might as well retire the routine. Rather than entertaining or even infuriating, this was just disappointing.
After the judging, Onya is announced as the winner - hooray! - while Lydia and Lana are made to lipsync for their lives. Why Lana ended up here is a mystery. Jewels seemed to receive worse critiques, and Lexi was a bigger letdown to me. Also, since the panel used Onya’s struggles in rehearsal to justify her lack of win for the Rusical, shouldn’t Lexi have been punished a bit more? I’m glad she wasn’t since I think these sorts of putdowns are always unnecessary - what matters is what ends up on tape - but it’s curious. At this point, I can’t imagine the producers will ever let Lexi fall. She’s got a top 4 placement secured along with Onya and Sam. Conversely, Lana is almost certainly on the chopping block next episode, no matter what she does.
I think they wanted to eliminate her this week, actually. Ru just wanted to get rid of Lana, facing the bitch against the season’s smoothest lipsyncer in Lydia. The only issue is that Kori King’s wife fucks it up. To the sound of Sam Smith’s Unholy, they battle it out and things seem to be going in Butthole’s favor early on. Lana has given up, her face a blank slate bereft of emotion. Meanwhile, Lydia’s camping it up, using her physical limitations in the hobble skirt to comedic effect, serving face all along. But then she pulls a pair of scissors out of her bra and it all goes to hell. She struggles to cut her dress open, gets her heel caught in the thing, flops on the ground, a whole mess. Lana keeps performing unenthusiastic sexiness to a deserved, if inglorious, victory. She’s not so much a lipsync assassin as a lipsync serial survivor à la Geneva Karr last season. So goodbye, Lydia, the season’s lesbian icon brought down by scissoring - a tragedy for the ages.
NICK: It’s such a sad loss. She would have absolutely won the lip sync if not for the scissoring. At least she and Kori are the easy frontrunners if this season has a lip sync smackdown for the eliminated queens. Then again, it’d be such a clear victory Ts Madison will just give them the title at the reunion. Ru gives Lydia the sweetest send-off any queen’s gotten this season, and though I hate to see her leave, I really can’t wait to see her again. Maybe give her a year or two to better hone her instincts and her taste, but she’s got something special.
Even after her survival tonight, I’d say Lana doesn’t seem long for the competition, but then next week’s challenge appears to be some sort of interpretive dance routine akin to season five’s RuPaulpera, so maybe it’ll be a chance for her to move around and strut that body. You think Sam’s gonna thrive in that environment? I’m choosing to have hope for Lana, especially when she’s willing to enter the werkroom each week with a positive, unpretentious attitude about what fate has in store for her and how she can meet those demands. Meanwhile, I’ll reaffirm my stance that Suzie is just as secure for the finale as Onya and Lexi are. She’s so far in a solid place for the Nymphia Wind “bookend with a strong track record” path, assuming she gets another win before the finale. I simply don’t trust all three queens with multiple wins will make it to the finale, and I’m keeping my bets where they are on Suzie and Onya, if only to spite the other queens - which is the best reason possible.
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