8:55 Keith Urban announces that he is "not afraid to cry." Good thing because he's married to Nicole Kidman! Not to imply that she's difficult but she can access the heavy soul-shattering stuff.
8:57 Oh hi! Live Blog. Why am I doing this? Does anyone watch this? Refresh your screens!
8:58 Jeff Bridges is doing his Rooster Cogburn voice for the press guy? Does he feel like a performing seal?
9:04 Arnold Schwarzenegger emerges to open the show. Noooo... I was about to predict that Ahnuld would say "I'm back" or "I'll be back" or some lame Terminator pun that we'd enjoy as a guilty pleasure but no. He's being sincere. [gasp]. That's no adjective with which to open a show.
9:06 Ahnuld...
"I invented not speaking English correctly"
Okay that was funny. Albeit subtle funny which is always a tough sell during awards show.
9:07 Quick show of hands. Who believes that Ahnuld saw Black Swan three times in the theater as he claims?
9:10 THE FIGHTER wins Best Ensemble. I'm glad they let Jack McGee accept. He was really special in the background, don't you think? He made you believe that he could handle and was even happily married to Melissa Leo's Crazy! That's an achievement in authentic masochism. Go McGee.
9:17 Hailee Steinfeld wins Best Young Actor/Actress. Chloe Moretz is undoubtedly pissed. Hailee thanks "everyone in here. And the Lord." I always think it's funny when celebrities thank God when they beat other celebrities to prizes. If God is that guy cares about who wins movie awards than... ohmygod. I AM GOD!
MORE AFTER THE JUMP including made for tv movie titles, blonde Emma, Natalie skinny/pregnant and armpit licking.
9:20 Eva Mendes just described Mark Ruffalo as "a reluctant sperm donor" As I recall he wasn't so reluctant. Seemed like more fun than giving plasma. Best Supporting Actor now.
9:24 As God, (Nathaniel Almighty?) I would like to declare that I approve of Christian Bale winning Supporting Actor. And I also allowed "Alice" to rise again like Lazarus after that death scare.
That was a solid acceptance speech. Good job Bale. Globe next, then SAG, then Oscar. Easy-peasy.
9:25 Does Maroon 5 have too many mortgages to pay among them?
9:27 Chris Nolan wins Best Action Film for Inception. Do you think he resents that this is the only type of award he wins? His last bit.
And I'd also very much like to single out Joseph Gordon Levitt for letting us hang him from his toes for three weeks to make all the action scenes in zero gravity.
Wait. Joseph Gordon-Levitt doesn't let everyone do that? I seem to recall him defying gravity in other movies to. Didn't he keep (500) Days of Summer airborne, too?
"Do I have your full attention now, Mr Zuckerberg?"
9:31 Armpit licking always reminds me of David O. Russell's "Flirting With Disaster" and thus I love it.
Uh. I mean, the joke, not the armp-- well, if Josh --- UH, moving on.
9:32 Commercials. And now a Jackass spoof of The Social Network. It's longer than a Saturday Night Live skit.
9:36 The Kardashians? Oh BFCA. I haven't been this ashamed since Katy Perry didn't know who Darren Aronofsky was two years back. THEY are making jokes about documentaries and the failures of our educational system? Oh the levels.
9:38 Documentary goes to Waiting for "Superman". More earnestness. Do you think Mr. Guggenheim constantly reminds people that HE won the Oscar, not Al Gore for An Inconvenient Truth.
9:40 Computer problems. Just a moment.
9:47 I'm choosing to believe that was an optical illusion on my tv screen and not Jon Hamm's actual tie. They're joking about Made For TV movie titles.
That was a TOTALLY uneccesary poll. But I think I would watch any of them right now if things don't pick up. The Pacific wins BEST TV MOVIE or whatever the category is called.
9:51 This montage for Best Comedy is very very very loud. Louder than the action movies. EASY A wins Best Comedy. Will Gluck -- I assume that's Will Gluck? -- accepts and says an off color joke about Emma Stone pretending to have sex in high school. But she was home-schooled so was it incest? 'Your brother is hot...' I was going to share the whole joke but this show is moving too fast for me. Emma was totally taken aback. But Aaron Sorkin thought it was hilarious.
9:52 Do you like Emma Stone as a blond? I do not. Give me red.
9:53 I started my Golden Globe drinking game even before the BFCAs which was maybe not a good idea before live-blogging. Sofia Vergara (who better win the Emmy next year) and whatshisname present the ANIMATED FILM to Toy Story 3.
9:56 Do you think Pixar has mandatory free seminars for their employees called Nailing Your Acceptance Speech because all of them will win something in their lifetime.
10:00 Tribute to QUENTIN TARANTINO. Didn't he just win Screenplay last year? Spread the wealth people. I mean, my peoples. I didn't get to vote on who got a tribute! But something tells me the BFCA executives wouldn't approve of my ideas of spending 15 minutes talking about Sandy Powell or Mark Friedberg, y'hear? This is why I don't get to vote on such things. Tiny violins. Play them for me.
10:10 Wait this was called "First Annual Music Plus Film Award"? That is too bulky. I was definitely not consulted on this one.
10:16 Was literally just editing that bit at 9:31 about Josh Brolin and armpit licking and then he magically appears.
10:18 Melissa Leo wins Best Supporting Actress. Will she win the Oscar too?
Josh hands her the prize.
"How sweet is that. Josh Brolin! I worked with him when I was 17. We got to make out."
Ah but did he lick your armpit? NO? Then Patricia Arquette wins, Leo.
Patricia Arquette and Josh Brolin in FLIRTING WITH DISASTER
10:21 Melissa is talking about how people told her her career was over at 40 and it's just been blossoming ever since. Sing it sister! She's so fantastic in The Fighter. When I was watching it again for the top ten list write-up I was just so enamored. She's on fire in that movie. I'm completely happy for her though I resent that we didn't get a Jacki Weaver reaction shot since they showed the other women.
10:25 Original Screenplay goes to David Seidler for THE KING'S SPEECH. Very good acceptance speech: short, succinct, heartfelt, humble. Well done sir. But then the movie has Speech in the title so it' better be just so.
10:27 It's not 10:27 yet but I need a commercial so bad. I have to peeeeee
[note: At some point in here Adapted Screenplay was awarded to Aaron Sorkin]
10:32 Black Swan spoof.
10:35 Best Director already? Wow. Speeding along. DIRECTOR GOES TO DAVID FINCHER. Who is not there.
10:40 Matt Damon wins the JOEL SEIGEL AWARD. I love him. But they introduce him as "His Holiness Matt Damon". I guess my time as God was shortlived.
10:45 Colin Firth wins BEST ACTOR. Julianne Moore presents and is of course giddy that Her Single Man is the one. And Jesse Eisenberg, who lost, seems totally happy to be there. Firth pretends he's not going to win all the awards this season which sounds humble. And also: stupid. Because he is. Firth jokes about wearing the award around his neck as a talisman which is funny but that would so not be a good look for him. He's definitely a suit & tie man.
Although wouldn't it be hilarious if people had to wear their awards on their persons? Think how weighted down Meryl Streep would be!
10:48 EWWWWWW. I was totally enjoying Colin Firth's moment and then all of sudden they started talking about the technical awards ALICE IN WONDERLAND won. Way to kill the "Firthfterglow"!
List of Awards Not Handed Out During the Broadcast
Best Foreign Language Film: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Best Cinematography: Inception
Best Editing: Inception
Best Art Direction: Inception
Best Visual Effects: Inception
Best Sound: Inception
Best Makeup: Alice in Wonderland
Best Costume Design: Alice in Wonderland
Best Song: 127 Hours, “If I Rise”
Best Score: The Social Network
10:51 This new dialogue-free SOCIAL NETWORK commercial with just that fan-tas-tic score and the images? It's awesome. And such a great counter-point to the false notion that it's only great because of that razor sharp screenplay.
10:58 Natalie Portman, Best Actress. I'm including this kinda creepy out of focus snapshot to your left because it felt Black Swan'ish to me. It's the angle of her divine eyebrows that's all sinister, right?
Her Speech was all about her training for the role which is smart because Oscar eats up that physical transformation stuff. I was going to type up the speech but then the DVR ended and I can't fast forward two hours again to find it. The cutest bit was talking about how Darren made her skinny and now is indirectly making her fat because he introduced her to Benjamin Millipeid.
Cute.
11:01 Jane Fonda in the house!!!! She makes a joke about being a cougar and a naked young man in her dressing room. (She's one of my all time favs... though not for this joke. I just thought I'd say.)
BEST PICTURE = THE SOCIAL NETWORK
I love hearing the amazing Trent Reznor and Atticus NameIsEscapingMe score during the show. It's also an instant classic.
GOOD NIGHT.
List of Winners from tonight's Broadcast
Best Picture: The Social Network
Best Director: David Fincher, The Social Network
Best Actor: Colin Firth, The King’s Speech
Best Actress: Natalie Portman, Black Swan
Best Young Actress: Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit
Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale, The Fighter
Best Supporting Actress: Melissa Leo, The Fighter
Best Ensemble: The Fighter
Best Adapted Screenplay: The Social Network
Best Original Screenplay: The King’s Speech
Best Documentary Feature: Waiting for Superman
Best Animation: Toy Story 3
Best Comedy: Easy A
Best Picture Made for TV: The Pacific
Best Action Movie: Inception
Obviously The BFCA was going for the whole hog at predicting every Oscar category!
Lots more coming tomorrow and the GLOBES on Sunday!