8:01 SEE PREVIOUS POST FOR WACKY ARRIVALS.
I'd start there as some of the narrative threads continue into this live blog below
8:03 Ricky Gervais has already decimated The Tourist. Ouch. and even brutalized my Cher. "Why don't you want to see Cher?" Because it's not 1975." Ouch 2. And this wasn't part of the joke BUT when he said "The Walking Dead" they cut to Steve Buscemi. Ouch 3
8:04 My "comedy" in the arrivals was much kinder. Well but for the Silence of the Lambs joke.
Bale wins the night's first award
8:04 I don't know if you read Friday's Towleroad article but I devised a Golden Globe Drinking Game which goes like so.
Drink every time...
- Someone makes a Black Swan joke.
- Someone makes a Facebook joke.
- Cher licks her lips.
- Every time a presenter arrives that has absolutely no business being there other than as shameful attempt at attracting young viewers who won't be watching anyway. (Justin Beiber et. al)
- When "Miss Golden Globe" is introduced.
- Another swig if she's totally awkward about it. Having celebrity parents is SO mortifying!
- You spot a closeted gay. (Kevin Spacey et. al)
- Every time there's a closeup reaction shot of someone who clearly did not get Ricky Gervais's joke. (Even if they're laughing)
- You see two celebrities you'd otherwise never see together sharing a table. (The seating arrangements are so bent sometimes.)
- A winner is announced. Keeping chugging until they make it to the stage!
GOOD LUCK.
A Drinking Opportunity: Captain America with "The Fighter"?
8:14 BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR - CHRISTIAN BALE. The speech is great and I loved that he singled out Mark Wahlberg's work and mentioned that the stoic character never reaps the benefits. Like so.
Mark, really got a give a shout to Mark. You can only give a loud performance like the one I gave when you have a quiet anchor, a stoic character. I've played that one many times and it never gets any notice... thank you buddy. Kudos to you for that. Otherwise we wouldn't have gotten away with it.
8:16 Katey Sagal wins BEST ACTRESS IN DRAMA SERIES for "Sons of Anarchy" but we were ordering pizza so I missed her speech.
8:17 Miss Golden Globe already? "Gia Mantegna". She was not awkward about it at all so you only get one drink not two. Don't be greedy about it. You'll be drunk in no time even if you're VERY strict about the roles.
8:22 Ricky Gervais just introduced Bruce Willis as "Ashton Kutcher's Dad." HEE. But then Bruce made the evening more absurd by saying the word "fabulous". I somehow didn't expect that word out of Bruce's mouth.
8:25 BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR TV - CHRIS COLFER "GLEE"
Oh he's so shook up. And he's way back there, table-wise. Beautiful speech.
I think I dropped my heart between Natalie Portman and Julianne Moore so if anyone sees that please return it to me.
You know every gayboy in the world would love to say that line. It's "fabulous" as... uh... Bruce Willis might say.
8:30 UHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhh
8:31 I don't even know what to say. They bring La Pfeiffer out to present and she is the one who gets the "honor" of introducing Tim Burton's Eyesore in Wonderland.
Let this be a lesson to us all: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.
complete post -- you see there's more: Brad & Angie 'they're just like us!', shiny new Globe toys, The Bening's crazy ass hair, Pfeiffer's exhaustion, Portman's cuteness, and more.
8:34 BEST ACTOR IN A TV DRAMA - STEVE BUSCEMI BOARDWALK EMPIRE AND BEST SERIES DRAMA BOARDWALK EMPIRE The Globes do love the new series. SHINY NEW TOYS. I think we can all agree though that Michael C Hall is the winner for Most Two-Toned Hair. Red beard, brunette hair. Curious. "It's saying please wrap up already?" Be careful Buscemi. If they drown out Christian Bale, they won't be kinder to you.
8:42 Awards Season Giveth (Good Films Winning Stuff) and Taketh Away (Pfeiffer introducing Eyesore). And giveth again. Behold the cutest thing you'll see all night.
And as Julia reminds us in the comments. STARS. THEY'RE JUST LIKE US.
8:45 Ricky Gervais makes a funny about Jenny From the Block being "that block between Cartier & Prada"
BEST SONG GOES TO... "YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME" Why is there no reaction shot of CHER? Christina Aguilera's face looks curiously "full" tonight. Like Portman full but outside she was talking about not having another kid for awhile. BEST SCORE GOES TO... "Trent Rezor & Atticus Ross The Social Network' Nine Inch Nails in a tux?! I'm so weirded out but so happy.
8:50 COMMERCIAL and PIZZA arrival. Brilliantly timed. How is your evening going?
8:54 Oh confusion. Pizza did not arrive. False alarm.
8:55 Drinking Opportunity -- they're pandering to people who aren't watching! With Justin Beiber. Just because you have a concert movie coming out does not mean you are part of the movies. The kids have to introduce ANIMATED FILM because ANIMATION IS ONLY FOR CHILDREN. Get it?
8:59 TOY STORY 3 wins. The reaction shots are so great during this particular speech. We see a ton of celebrities. Brad & Angie are cuddling (I'm sorry I L-O-V-E them. I don't care how ubiquitous they are. It's like Liz & Dick only they seem happier than that.) And then Michelle again! She's EXHAUSTED by having had to pretend to like Eyesore in Wonderland.
"when am I going to get my own "The Kids Are All Right""?
9:02 Robert Downey introduces ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE COMEDY. Funny/smarmy intro as is his prerogrative.
9:04 ANNETTE BENING wins. It's a half standing ovation. The big stars are standing but I didn't see the "small folk" standing. Oooh, I'd never heard Mia Wasikowska pronounced that way. Love it. OOH, WENDY from Prince's WENDY & LISA (that's Lisa Cholodenko's wife) Or, excuse me "WENDY AND LISA on their own!" to quote Sandra Bernhard.
Kisses Julianne Moore and thanks her first.
I love The Bening's crazy-ass hair. Lisbeth Salander WISHES her hair was that spiky bad-ass naturally. The Bening should have starred in Tangled. With Helena Bonham-Carter. "And at last we see the light... and it's like a ♪ ♫ "
That was a dry careful speech but it ended beautifully with a silly bit about Warren Beatty winning MOST PROMISING ACTOR GOLDEN GLOBE in 1962. And he was, bitches. Have you seen SPLENDOR IN THE GRASS (1961)? Magic. Magic. Magic.
9:10 Sly Stallone introduces a clip from The Fighter.
9:13 Tilda Swinton "wow I get to say this" when giving the prize to Al Pacino (TV mini) Like that's a rarity. Claire Danes (TV mini) wins her 172nd prize for Temple Grandin.
9:23 Time for a baby bump? (see previous post to get this dumb joke)... I'm not really snorting anything! JOKE.
9:24 Wait, why couldn't MICHELLE PFEIFFER have introduced The Kids Are All Right? Zac Efron gets to do it? The universe hates me! Why couldn't they have made him do Eyesore?
9:27 BEST SCREENPLAY -- facebook jokes are you drinking? -- Aaron Sorkin for THE SOCIAL NETWORK. This That was a seriously confused speech. He ended it with a shout out to strong smart women indicating that he has obviously been stung by the criticism of The Social Network in this regard.
9:32 The show is lagging and so am I... what should we talk about? NATALIE PORTMAN? Don't listen. IT'S JUST AMBIENT NOISE. She's now part of your oxygen. She's a part of the very molecules you breathe!
9:37 Between Robert Pattison and Olivia Wilde's cheekbones and chins I think I'm bleeding. SUSANNE BIER WINS BEST FOREIGN FILM. I haven't seen "In a Better World" yet but I really love Bier, despite what Nick pointed out as her deep love of macro-closeups, eyeballs and all. I hope Halle Berry is applauding like a crazyperson after what Bier managed to pull out of her in Things We Lost in the Fire.
Was there a reaction shot of Pfeiffer in there? Pfeiffer was supposed to work with Bier herself but it didn't happen. Pfeiffer makes ... odd career decisions.
9:39 Helen Mirren is drrty.
9:41 There are STILL TV awards? Ugh, you're small screen is blocking my view of the big screen, bitches. Laura Linney wins BEST TV COMEDY ACTRESS.
9:48 Matt Bomer is made of plastic.
Pretty pretty plastic.
9:49 BEST COMEDY ACTOR Jim Parsons "The Big Bang Theory"
My writers. My writers... how crass. Oh the truth comes out.
My best girlfriend back home told me I should watch this who but I never have. Am I a bad person?
Now, who's an MTV Girl?
9:51 BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS MELISSA LEO in The Fighter. Okay I guess maybe the Oscar is hers. I kept thinking it was going to switch over to Amy Adams but maybe not. For a second I was totally worried that they were not going to show Jacki Weaver because they said "and Melissa Leo"
Thank you sweet Amy who might should be standing up here. That performance was amazing. Look at all the ladies they are inviting up here tonight? Hey Jane. Hey Annette. Not too bad.
Helena Bonham-Carter looks confused. Like 'Um, Leo. Jane didn't win anything. She was just a presenter. Pay attention.'
9:57 OOOhhhh the Cecil B Demille award. I'm going to make a "no guts no glory" prediction. ROBERT DENIRO for the win.
10:01 Matt Damon's intro is conceptually funny but not in execution. Except this bit. "Or who can forget Taxi Driver where he was literally unrecognizable as a 13 year old Hooker." Funny.
10:04 It just occurred to me that I didn't even mention JANE F'IN FONDA. Jane Fonda for the win. Oh wait. Nope. My original prediction was correct. It's Robert DeNiro for the Cecil Be Demented Prize. I want Michelle Pfeiffer to win one of these lifetime acheivement prizes so bad but you have to stay in it to win it. Or you have to be a man. Penises help.
10:06 Robert DeNiro plans to be along for a long time. Was that a threat? I also forget to mention that Angelina Jolie was applying lipgloss earlier. ANGIE FOR THE CECIL B DEMILLE AWA... oh damn. It's still DeNiro.
10:08 The Fockers series has convinced DeNiro he is a comedian. Oops.
10:09 I am in physical pain.
10:10 HELENA BONHAM-CARTER FOR THE CECIL B D--- Fuck! Still him.
10:14 The Tourist clip. Angelina's lips are so bulbous and luscious. How big is her lip gloss budget? Annette Bening seems SO happy tonight, doesn't she? Thus I am happy for her. Annette Bening for the CEC-- oh, that parts over (whew)
10:16 DAVID FINCHER wins BEST DIRECTOR. I was just thinking about how he was so negative about the praise this movie got and then he says this which explains it all.
I'm personally kind of loathe to respond to the... [i forget what he said something about the praise ] .... for fear of becoming addicted to it. Suffice it to say it's been really nice. Thank you.
10:18 So that heavily scripted banter bit with January Jones and Jimmy Fallon actually worked. That's a rarity. GLEE WINS BEST COMEDY.
10:20 I'm so tired. I just tried to fastforward LIVE TELEVISION. I am dumb. The end.
10:21 not really. about it being the end. I did try to fast forward. tee hee me(e)
"Julianne Hugs Some Starlet" - actual photo caption!
10:23 Have I given anyone alcohol poisioning yet? Some of those tables are seated really far away and you're supposed to drink the entire time they're walking up to the stage. chugchugchug. If that's the drinking game bullet point that defeated you please blame Joe Reid who suggested it.
10:25 Halle Berry just arrived in her Demi Moore designed gown and The Boyfriend says "She's still wearing that dress!?" HA. When would she have changed? The Boyfriend is not totally, shall we say, up on CELEBRITY and he has been my photographer this evening. He sends me photos from his phone that are cracking me up. Emma Stone has been renamed "Emily" and now "some starlet"
10:30 We have half an hour left and I think it's just NATALIE, COLIN and SOCIAL NETWORK left right? Do they each get 10 minute acceptance speeches?
10:30000HMYG0DITSSTILL0N Natalie Portman wins BEST ACTRESS, DRAMA.
Oh my god. Such a cute speech. She even comments on that scene we've mentioned a million times that "would you fuck her?" scene where Benjamin Millipeid just seems so embarrassed that he has to dance with this chicka who can't get her sexuality on. Natalie is winning me back. Her love for Benjamin Milipeid is contagious. I love the bit about "Now do this one for yourself" a direction for Darren Aronofsky on an extra take each time. Beautiful. Nailed that speech, Natalie. Now the ambient noise is drowning everything out. NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN NATALIE PORTMAN
10:40 THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT wins Best Comedy. Julianne Moore is VERY happy. But then when I interviewed her it was very clear how long she had been with the picture. Yay them!
<-- actual caption ["Hollywood Lesbian Royalty"] Actually I think that'd be Ellen & Jane, right?
10:48 Colin Firth wins Best Actor. He describes Helena Bonham Carter as an "exquisite no-nonsense" -he forgot "eccentric" 'exquisitely eccentric no-nonsense gal'. Speech kind of bounces around off of various parts of the room without really connecting though.
10:51 I think that actors and actresses should be forced to sit through the commercials we're forced to sit through during commercials. This way Johnny Depp could be subjected to Rango while Angie looks away reglossing the lips and Natalie would be subjected to all of the No Strings Attached ads. It's only fair.
10:55 Michael Douglas accepts the award for. No, I can't say it's too..oh wait he saves it with a funny bit
There's got to be an easier way to get a standing ovation.
Good for him. He's very happy to be there and we're glad he is too. Cancer is a bitch. BEST PICTURE to THE SOCIAL NETWORK. [Refresh]
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