Jane Fonda. She Knows She Rules.Last time on red carpet lineup Kurt and Nathaniel chatted about the annual Met Gala. This time out, Jose and Nathaniel are discussing the first few days of Cannes international fashion parade. Find out which actress Nathaniel is starting a religion to worship and which audition tape Jose dreams of seeing.
Nathaniel: Hello Jose. I must know. Before I throw dresses at you if you've been following Cannes 64 at all?
Jose: Hi! Well yes, but mostly for the dresses actually, considering most of us mortals never get to see all those movies they talk about over there.
Nathaniel: So though you're a cinephile, for Cannes you're rather like the very casual Oscar watcher then?
It being all about the gowns?
Jose: Sadly, yes. I blame distributors!
Nathaniel: The perfect scapegoat.
Jose: At least they can't take fashion away from us.
Nathaniel: True. Or movie stars for that matter. Even when the movies aren't there anymore you're still a legend for the purposes of the red carpet. Like Faye Dunaway...
FAN BINGBING, MAIWENN LE BESCO, FAYE DUNAWAY, SJP, PENELOPE CRUZ
Jose: I love that they're paying tribute to her in Cannes.
Nathaniel: It does feel like a reevaluation is coming. Or at least a revival. Even Mommie Dearest... you don't hear people dissing that performance anymore so much as voicing the theory that gonzo acting ruined her career.
Jose: Absolutely, but I think she'll do more serious work. She's even quoting Meryl Streep in interviews!
Nathaniel: I don't know enough about fashion to know what type of dress this is but gossamer modest flowy light things always make me think of ghosts in Victorian mansions... or Stevie Nicks. Who is also back!
Jose: Faye looks so graceful. Stevie rocks! But I think the new queen of ghost wear is that Florence from the Machine lady.
Nathaniel: This is the part of most celebrity discussions where I would start singing
the dog days are over
the dog days are done
can you hear the horses
because here they come
and then someone would snark about Sarah Jessica Parker.
BUT we both like SJP. So there.
Jose: "Like"? I'm obsessed with her! People can say whatever they want about her face and Sex and the City but the woman is a red carpet visionary! This Elie Saab dress is proof of that. I love how she's been trying to bring back the 70s lately (with her in charge of Halston and everything...)
Nathaniel: I will say that this dress looks MUCH better in motion than it does in a still photograph. Because here it look just... too much. Too much fabric for a tiny diva. But she definitely is a risk-taker. And bringing back the 70s is going well for her if red carpet looks from other women are to be believed.
Jose: Maybe she was paying tribute to Faye. too?
Nathaniel: I hope everyone is with her face plastered on all the posters. Incidentally she wore this dress to the premiere of Peter Chan's Wu Xia and the only unfortunate thing about inviting international fashion icons to your premiere is that your stars get ignored.
Jose: Smart move in case everyone hates the movie, no?
Nathaniel: Well sure but this movie stars Takeshi Kaneshiro, Kara Hui and Tang Wei and I haven't seen one photo of any of them, yet. And they were there as this video proves!!!
Jose: Maybe they were hiding from the cameras under Sarah's ample dress.
Nathaniel: Heh. One thing that happens with celebrity photo feeds is if someone of SJP's fashion stature shows to any "smaller" event, the event is often completely ignored. Even in the headlines. It's weird.
Jose: Shh, don't say that, people will hear you and SJP won't be invited to things anymore! I had no idea Tang Wei was in new movies. I had started to assume she'd pulled off a Falconetti on us and retired after Lust, Caution.
Fan Bingbing at the "The Tree of Life" premiereNathaniel: I always include Fan Bingbing in red carpet lineups because she really wears a deep groove in the Cannes carpet each year. I can't imagine the size of her luggage. How do you ship entire closets?
Jose: I have no idea what this woman does for a living but being beautiful seems to be enough.
Nathaniel: She's an actress, silly. I ignore the models and celebutantes, even when I like what they're wearing.
Jose: She was featured in every option of a "Best Dressed in Cannes" poll, the other day. Maybe entire fleets carry her dresses?
Nathaniel: She never seems to repeat colors styles fabrics. I think maybe mice and birds sew her into custom-made gowns each evening.
Jose: Magic! Must be hard being under so much sartorial pressure. No wonder she rarely smiles...
Nathaniel: I had to include Mäiwenn Le Besco (Crouching Tigress) in the photo above.
Jose: Crouching Tigress, Obvious Drunkard! Girls seems to be enjoying her champagne. Who does that on a red carpet?
Mäiwenn ... actress, director, Diva PlavalagunaNathaniel: Heh. Maybe she's reminding everyone that she wields cameras these days. I saw her last movie The Actress' Ball and it was extremely self-indulgent but also intermittently hilarious and obsessed with actressing so I respect her. When I was interviewing Ludivine Sagnier last month that movie even came up.
I'm always secretly thrilled when Mäiwenn shows anywhere because I love explaning to people that she's the blue opera diva from The Fifth Element and shocking them. Bam! Are you freaked?
Jose: VERY. I always assumed that was a man!
I can't believe you're not letting me talk about Pé yet.
Nathaniel: Your wish is granted.
Jose: Sigh. Nat, I kid you not. I didn't want her to do Cannes because I was afraid she'd disappoint me. Mrs. Bardem has been doing some weird ass red carpet choices, post baby Leo. But I'm actually in love with this.
At first I thought she'd gone all out on Cannes (they love nudity there) and actually had had people paste tiny rocks and fabrics to her body.
Nathaniel: Split opinion here. I think this color is three kinds of wrong on her. I'm not fond of nudity unless it's actually nudity. I hate skin tone dresses with accessories or second color layers. If you're going to show off, show off. COMMIT TO THE SKIN.
Jose: Maybe she's shy...or was trying to remind us there's mermaids in the new Pirates flick. Which, for the record, I will see only because of her
Nathaniel: And she should send you a gift for your tireless devotion. For you will be tired.
Jose: Hopefully she'll send me her audition tape for Melancholia. I shall never forgive her for passing on that for Pirates.
Nathaniel: Hmmm get mentally tortured by Lars von Trier for barely any $ (when you already have respect, Oscar, and a legendary auteur to fall back on), or get millions upon millions upon millions to hang out with Johnny Depp for a couple of months for the next three years in tropical locations. Choices. I honestly wish On Stranger Tides had been good because it's kind of a brilliant part for her. In theory. But alas... don't misunderstand.
WE HAVE TO TALK FASTER.
My favorite thing about Cannes might be that unlike the Oscars where you get a very specific subset of People That Are Hot Right Now From Hollywood, in Cannes you get everything: Faded legends, world class auteurs, newbies, international beauties, global superstars, respected actors who are beloved to their constituencies but hardly household names, and more...
ROSSY DE PALMA, MELANIE LAURENT, GONG LI, UMA THURMAN, EMILY BROWNING
Jose: Oscar is nuts to ignore Uma so much! She's truly an icon of modern cinema -- that Schweppes' ad?!
Nathaniel: I love that in one day at Cannes, provided you were invited to A list celebrity shindigs, you might see a movie legend like Gong Li, a beautiful freak like Rossy De Palma (where has she been lately?), Goddess UMA, and then rising stars like Aussie Emily Browning and French Melanie Laurent; Cannes is wondrous.
Jose: And so is UMA, though she should be doing white dresses less though...she's always in white.
Nathaniel: I don't know if i've ever told you this but though my first celebrity sighting in NYC was kind of embarrassing (Jennifer Love Hewitt) the second and third were DREAM sightings. This was back in 1999 so I was not yet acclimated to celebrity or meeting actresses. I saw Sarah Jessica Parker (filming a Sex & The City episode) and then Uma. She walked right by me on 13th street and our shoulders brushed against each other! I stopped dead in my tracks and my friends were like, "What? What's wrong with you?" Nobody had noticed her. I was double taking and paralyzed.
Jose: Sounds dreamlike. Maybe Uma only manifests to believers!?
Nathaniel: Perhaps I should invent a religion. Quentin Tarantino was the first Prophet.
Jose: The Thurmangelists? Count me in! We all have to wear Chanel as she does though...
Nathaniel: And Lavender Prada.
Jose: Amen.
"...but I've done them superbly"Nathaniel: Confession is the best part of Thurmangelism. You find a steamy dance partner you want to get with a la Henry & June and you whisper in their ear
I've done the vilest things, the foulest things... but I've done them superbly.
After which you confess the sins and then commit more. Obviously!
Jose: I confess I don't get what the fuss is about this Browning girl then, she's pretty yeah but Sucker Punch, well, sucked and Sleeping Beauty has been getting terrible reviews there.
Nathaniel: Do I even want to know what her tatoo says? I feel like only Angelina Jolie should be allowed to have tattoos. 'Sorry, you're not HER.'
Jose: I fully agree. She's "classed up" the tats. Even if hers' were originally trashier than Melanie Griffiths', now they have an almost tribal beauty to them, as if someone found her in some weird sarcophagus, woke her up and made her a movie star. They even freaking look good with her Versace now.
Nathaniel: Don't confuse me with awesome imagery. Now i need to start TWO religions based on actresses.
Jose: You'll be starting religions for the rest of the year.
Nathaniel: I'm really bad with rules so maybe starting religions would be the worst idea. I'd constantly be contradicting myself. Oh, wait...
Jose: LOL. Better stick to movies then.
Nathaniel: I really have nothing to say about Gong Li's dress other than i love feathered bodices and I love Gong Li. The end.
Jose: Classy, simple and effective. Very Peking Black Swan.
Nathaniel: Gong Li is so beautiful I don't understand how she even exists. Each time I see her in photos that aren't film stills, I experience surprise. It's the kind of beauty that only seems feasible on the silver screen. And nowhere else. TOO MUCH FOR THIS WORLD!
Jose: And she never ages either, she's too much indeed.
Nathaniel: Before we end, I do have a confession to make about Melanie that everyone will hate me for.
I was just watching Beginners. And for her first 20 minutes or so I kept being distracted by "I'M SO GLAD THIS WASN'T MARION COTILLARD" That probably sounds mean but France is basically Heaven on Earth when it comes to actresses and it's a really good part and it was a joy to see Someone Else.
I mean no harm Cotillard lovers.
Jose: When I saw the trailer for that I actually thought it was Greta Gerwig with a French accent. They both should be used more and I'm sure Cotillard fans will forgive you, girl needs to take a break.
Nathaniel: I'm already bored by the couples photo I included. But let's say one thing about each of them since I went to the trouble.
MELANIE & ANTONIO.
Jose: I'm thrilled she wore something! He looks perfect, tux a bit too big maybe? And is it me, or are they beginning to look like each other?
Nathaniel: His tux is not tight enough. I assume that Almodóvar will prove that he still has a bod' in The Skin I Live In. Hasn't he been naked in every Almodóvar movie? Oh wait. not Women on the Verge...
Jose: Oh but I think nobody was naked in that one, so it doesn't count.
Nathaniel: Thank You!
Jose: Is it wrong that whenever I see the SKIN teaser, I think Melanie will pop out from under that mask?
Nathaniel: Ha. Pedro forbid.
Jose: She used to be such a freaky wife, following him everywhere, wanting to kill Madge in Evita...I'm pleased she looks so normal now.
Nathaniel: Melanie's "Antonio" tattoo always cracks me up. When she first got it I was so embarrassed for her. For the reasons you state. But so many years of marriage later, Melanie has the last laugh.
DIANE & JOSHUA
I featured Diane Kruger and Joshua Jackson only because I hadn't realized or perhaps didn't care to remember that they are a couple.
Jose: I think not even they remember they're together. He must be the most boring celebrity alive.
Nathaniel: For some reason I got it in my head that she was Tarantino's.
Jose: Isn't she though? If it wasn't for Inglourious Basterds she would remain in obscurity, except for appearances in fashion magazines every now and then. That movie earned her eternal goodwill I think, I last saw her in Unknown and remembered why I avoided her movies before. She's not the greatest actress and she doesn't know how to hide her boredom under bad directors. She just seemed so alive in Basterds though.
Nathaniel: "Alive" is a great way to describe Tarantino's actors. Maybe that's the secret to his gift with them. They're fully there when his camera is on them.
BRAD & ANGIE
Behold the most traditional of all my celebrity tastes: I can never have enough of Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie. EVER. I totally totally love them. It's so People's Choice of me (gasp) but it's a truth that I cant' deny.
Jose: I must be one of the only people alive who finds them so boring. Did you hear that more than 3000 people showed up at that red carpet just to see them? I don't get it, I mean sure they're pretty and sure they're gazillionaires, but I find them so perfect that they become dull.
Nathaniel: LAST PHOTO.
GWEN STEFANI, ANGELA, MELANIE ???, ELIZABETH OLSEN, JANE FONDA
Nathaniel: I just realized I included Melanie Laurent in this one, too. LOL. I must really like her in Beginners.
Jose: Ha. (I thought it was Claire Danes somehow). Maybe Marion Cotillard is hiding behind her in the picture.
Nathaniel: How could zey give a French actress in American film role to anyone but meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?
MARCELLLLLLLLLLLLL
Jose: I choose to imagine her more as a crazy Mal, than a dramatic Edith though -- threatening poor Guillaume Canet in order to have him fulfill her crazy pregnant lady cravings 'pate flavored ice cream NOW!'
Nathaniel: I've got some cravings that Guillaume Canet can fill. (sorry)
Jose: naughty
Nathaniel: sorry sorry sorry but just look at him. Jesus.
Jose: Kruger must have been insane to divorce him, no? To be with boring Joshua! Blech
Nathaniel: JANE FONDA
Jose: She refuses to let the 80s go.
Nathaniel: Why should she leave the 80s behind? Barring possibly only Madonna & MJ she owned them what with the Oscar nods, the dramatic retiring, the workout empire building, the leggings. I know she's been taking tentative steps back to the movies but i am beginning to think that all of the world's great directors are looneytunes because if i were, oh, ANYONE, I'd be writing a role just for her now that she wants to work again. One of the best actresses ever.
Jose: You're right, I read a feature about her in The New Yorker last week and I was shocked to learn that people aren't devoting entire studio armies to make her movies. It's partly her fault but at least she's ready to come back.
Nathaniel: There should be a fund when you fill out your tax forms. Like "Would you like a portion of your taxes to go to the budget of a new drama with Jane Fonda in the starring role?" CHECK
Jose: Sadly nowadays those funds would go to Snookie though.
Nathaniel: That is the first time this name has ever been uttered on this blog; you just peed on the carpet.
Jose: I think Mäiwenn was doing that earlier, actually.
Nathaniel: LOLZ. Oh this was fun. We gotta wrap up. Final thoughts. Gwen Stefani is here because she is hot. And because i've noticed a trend of women wearing pants on the red carpet (they were also seen on Paz Vega and Rachel McAdams).
Jose: Iman did the jumpsuit better at the Met though :P
Nathaniel: I don't think I like the trend though I love this particular look. It so reminds me of DAZZLER from the X-Men comics. Back when she was a silver disco queen and not a headbanded blue and gold suited team member.
Jose: I would've loved seeing Jane pull the jumpsuits out too. She was freaking hot in the 70s.
Nathaniel: Damn straight. Oh, we totally ignored ELIZABETH OLSEN and I think Oscar will too.
Jose: At this moment I think she's our Jennifer Lawrence this year.
Nathaniel: For some reason i'm not feeling it.
Jose: And AMPAS will enjoy pissing off her sisters probably.
Nathaniel: Well, it's not like either of them have been trying to become real and serious actresses.
Jose: How dare you? New York Minute was one of the seminal films of the last decade. For the record, I do love Elizabeth's flapper look though.
Nathaniel: I just realized we totally ignored the yellow froufrou in the room. That's the director Angela Ismailos.
Jose: Who somehow resembles the Lohan ladies.
Nathaniel: She made "Great Directors" a documentary where she interviewed 10 of the greatest living directors. It played at Cannes two years ago. She seemed to have good taste in directors but maybe she shouldn't make a movie called Great Designers.
Jose: LOL Other than Sofia Coppola, every female director out there seems to ignore the rules of style
yes, even you Babs. Oh wait Madge and Angie are "directors" too, so nevermind.
Nathaniel: Little known fact: Yellow is my least favorite color.
Jose: Is it Renée Zellweger's fault?
Nathaniel: What isn't?
