For this week's red carpet convo, Your Movie Buddy Kurt is back to chat with Nathaniel and we're joined by special guest Guy Lodge from In Contention! We're discussing a couple handfuls of usually cross-platform celebrities who hit the Tony Awards.
Kurt: i should say first that i did not watch the show
Guy: That makes two of us!
Kurt: but i did see NPH's opening number. killer.
Nathaniel: Here we go... soak it in.
TAMMY BLANCHARD, PACINO, FRANCES & WHOOPI
Guy: WOW where to even begin?
Nathaniel: Let's start at the obvious place. Make up a show in your head that allows for all of these looks to happen. A schizo show it might be...
[long pause]
Guy: I'm imagining a revisionist take on the Wizard of Oz where a washed-up tennis star, a washed-up Lilith Fair singer-songwriter and a washed-up Julianna Margulies body double all join forces to seek guidance from an all-knowing, black-clad sorceress -- except instead of lacking heart-brain-courage, they simply all lack style. And a mirror.
Kurt: way to make Whoopi the magical negro.
Nathaniel: I love you, Guy. You've even brought us full circle to TAMMY BLANCHARD's original calling card: that Judy Garland miniseries aeons ago! Tammy is in a sparkly blue number here. I don't think we can top Tom & Lorenzo's comment "serving drag queen realness." But Tammy is a biological woman.
Kurt: She's really out of place here. Has my taste level plummeted or does she look pretty ok?
[silence]
wow. ouch.
Guy: That she's also the best dressed person here doesn't bode well.
Nathaniel: Well, I've started with dessert - this is as crazy as it gets.
Kurt: fo realz. I really want to talk about Frances but we should probably move left to right.
Nathaniel: We can hop around. Something is telling me that FRANCES MCDORMAND wouldn't mind that breach of etiquette as she showed up to an awards show in a jean jacket!
Guy: On reflection, I think Whoopi's actually the best-dressed here -- because she looks more like herself than any of the others. You know she only dresses to amuse herself.
Kurt: She's amusing me, too.
Nathaniel: Is that how you explain WHOOPI GOLDBERG's Queen Elizabeth Oscar look?
Guy: Totally. And remember that purple dress with green leggings she wore to the Oscars one year? Frankly, if she pitched up dressed in a sleek Prada number, I'd be worried about her.
Kurt: very true
Nathaniel: Perhaps one can say the same for Frances, who clearly cannot be bothered to project FAMOUS MOVIE STAR and instead opts for THEATER COMPANY EARTH MOTHER
Kurt: this look is absolutely nuts.
Guy: She clearly wants to show how serious she is about her craft that she can't be bothered with all this glam-up business... but come on.
Kurt: it's a little tooo defiant.
Nathaniel: I was talking to Joe Reid earlier today and he said that he wanted to go on record. 'Make sure someone defends Frances McD' he says. I'm like "ON WHAT GROUNDS?!" and he says "That she's Frances McDormand and can do as she pleases"
Guy: Well, she's Frances McDormand and we love her, but that's as far as the defence goes. Remember the navy dress she wore when she won the Oscar? It was simple and sensible and got the same message across without being fugly.
Nathaniel: True Story: I once had a jean jacket and painted Annie Lennox on the back of it (circa SAVAGE cd) and wore it everywhere and everyday. But i don't know that I would have pulled it out for awards night.
Kurt: Should Frances turn around then?
Guy: Yes, in fairness, we can't see what's on the back of Frances's leather jacket.
Nathaniel: Ha. I think she mentioned some hippie rock band being on that stage last time she was in this very theater.. I forget who. Maybe I'm mischaracterizing.
Kurt: from the waist up, she's on her way to see a hippie rock band.
Nathaniel: also she's in Transformers: Dark of the Moon so maybe SHE HAD TO DO THIS to reestablish her Serious Thespian cred.
Guy: If it has "SUCK IT, VANESSA REDGRAVE" on the back or her jacket in iron-on letters, she's totally forgiven.
Kurt: HAHA
Nathaniel: Frances nears the triple crown -- just the Emmy remains -- but Vanessa is a triple crowner already
Guy: As she should be
Nathaniel: As is AL PACINO. Do you think anyone would notice if Whoopi and Pacino traded headgear?
Kurt: i really like guy's washed up tennis star notion; however, i can never look at Al anymore without thinking of Roy Cohn, and here, Roy just got back from a tryst and still has the dude's underwear on his head
Nathaniel: That is so wrong Kurt... so so wrong.
Guy: Whoopi's hat would help Al's look -- if only because it could fall over his face and he'd be spared the embarrassment of being recognised.
Nathaniel: Was there a hairplug incident? He had to mprovise last minute and Whoopi would just not trade!
Guy: Maybe the hair is ATTACHED to the hairband.
Nathaniel: ...serving drag queen fierceness.
Kurt: is that the evening's theme?
Nathaniel: no, sadly.
Kurt: because frances would be lip-synching for her mother effin life
Guy: Aside from the headband, though, what's up with the ill-fitting suit? He looks like a teenager wearing his older brother's tux to the prom.
Kurt: I was gonna say. Sadly, the vest is actually the outfit's worst feature. it's blinding me and it's enormous.
Nathaniel: Incidentally since you guys missed the show. Frances's acceptance speech was kinda awesome if a little braggy. She said she's played both Stella and Blanche AND ALL THREE OF CHEKHOV'S SISTERS.
Guy: Rub it in, Frances.
Kurt: That's not easy to boast while wearing that. Rock star.
Nathaniel: and then implied she thinks this role she won for in "Good People" would one day join the canon of "great parts"
Guy: Yeah, bet she said that about "Handler" in Aeon Flux.
BOBBY CANNAVALE & SON, NPH & JACKMAN: DUELING HOSTS, DAVID BURTKA
IT'S NOT OVER! keep reading for... Catherine Zeta-Jones inner fire (plus super gay firemen!), and Viola Davis as "the Voice of Reason."
Nathaniel: hee. Okay, some handsome men to look at -- consider it your cigarette at intermission.
Kurt. Nice. Who is with BOBBY CANNAVALE?
Nathaniel: That's his son, Jake.
Kurt: Whoa! I do not think of him as a father at all.
Nathaniel: Why the hell not? Thems good genes. [Trivia note: Jake's mom is Jenny Lumet who wrote Rachel Getting Married... Hollywood is such a small world.]
Guy: Well, as someone who find's men's fashion more interesting than most, I will say that HUGH JACKMAN's double-breasted jacket with peaked lapels is a bit more adventurous than the usual.
Nathaniel: That's something you can only wear if you have a superheroic ready chest.
Guy: That's why he's wearing a bow-tie -- his chest would swallow up a normal necktie. Seriously, bonus points to the guys keep the bowtie tradition alive at red-carpet events -- doesn't it look that much classier?
Nathaniel: bow ties are the best .. with tuxes! Otherwise, no. Since neither of you watched I must tell you that NEIL PATRICK HARRIS started the show with "it's not just for gays anymore".
Kurt: I did see the opening number. Amazing.
Nathaniel: 'It's not just for gays anymore' was hilarious but so much so that Oscar may never come calling. But then his number with Hugh ended with "baby if i'm the bottom you're the top" via Cole Porter so there was some mixed messaging if you know what I mean.
Guy: Hugh's the top? Poor NPH, he'll get crushed.
Nathaniel: they sang it simultaneously so...it's left to your imagination.
Guy: Ah, that's more sensible.
Kurt: i'm at a loss...
Nathaniel: Your imagination can't possibly be at a loss given those bones tossed. But this is a PG-13 blog so we'll understand a speechless response.
Kurt: Precisely. Call me Dr. Horrible.
Nathaniel: Jackman & NPH's duet might be my single favorite entertainment moment of 2011 thus far. I'm probably overselling it but I'm so gay while watching the Tonys that I was wearing this exact Neil Patrick Harris outfit on my couch.
Kurt: haha. but i'm just now realizing that NPH had to wear three layers for that opening bit.
Nathaniel: Yes. Sweaty.
Guy: And then you changed into something a little more comfortable -- like a striped all-weather tarpaulin and a denim jacket.
Nathaniel: My god, Guy. Are you spying on me?
NPH & Burtka and their twins
Incidentally DAVID BURTKA, NPH's hubby, is a fine actor himself.
Kurt: Super cute.
Nathaniel: I've seen him twice on stage but it was ages ago. I knew who he was before I even knew he was NPH's but he's from my hometown (well, next door) so I'm partial. It's probably both wonderful and sucky to be married to someone hugely famous when you're in the same field.
Guy: Could be strategic. If you're married to 'em, it's that much easier to kill 'em.
Kurt: NPH's outfit looks a little like a fireman outfit i had as a kid. And that was gay to begin with.
Guy: Interesting. How do firemen dress where you come from?
Kurt: Well it wasn't purple or sparkly, but the material and black stripes are in the right ballpark
Nathaniel: You do want a color that will look good with the flames licking up around it.
VIOLA, ELLEN, VANESSA, CZJ & SUTTON FOSTER
Guy: Whoa, VIOLA DAVIS?! Lookin' good.
Kurt: Marvelous. loves her
Guy: I didn't recognize her at first with all those breasts. It's an improvement on the time she dressed up as an actual statuette.
Nathaniel: Remember how Meryl Streep asked Hollywood to write a movie for her back in the Doubt days? Shows you how little power Meryl Streep has! How many best friends and sounding boards has Viola played now?
Kurt: or the mayor of Philadelphia in Law Abiding Citizen
Guy: Ugh, she got to play the voice of reason in Eat Pray Love. What more does Meryl Streep WANT?
Kurt: and she'll reprise the voice of reason for The Help!
Nathaniel: That's the Hollywood-approved roles for the black actresses: government official, voice of reason, or the Maid (Viola's double dipping with The Help - Coming Soon!)
Guy: Here's a thought -- Meryl could stop hogging all the scripts and hand some over. Viola would make a fine Maggie Thatcher, y'know.
Kurt: Word.
Nathaniel: Meryl is both ham and hog. But at least she hasn't retired, bless!
On the Viola & movies tip... Broadway doesn't get half enough credit for this but Broadway is way kinder to black actresses than Hollywood. They get rich roles frequently and color blind casting, too.
Guy: Does Angela Bassett ever do stage work? I love the thought of her perfectly formed vowels bouncing off the ceiling in a Broadway theatre.
Kurt: I have a vivid picture
Nathaniel: don't you mean a vivid soundfile.
Kurt: yessir
Nathaniel: I have this vivid suspicion that Angela has never been able to sneak into a room even as a child because everyone hears her coming around the corner - PRO•JEC•TION with her diction.
Guy: Now, ELLEN BARKIN won something, I understand?
Nathaniel: Best featured actress for playing "Doctor Death" a super angry shouty doctor who treated more AIDS patients than anyone else at the start of the epidemic. I could hear the vocal nodules forming. I hope someone casts her as a mute woman next for the sake of her convalescence.
Guy: Funny, 'shouty' isn't how I think of Barkin. She couldn't make it a super-husky AIDS doctor?
Nathaniel: I'm VERY sure that the reason Barbra Streisand wanted to make The Normal Heart (my review) into a movie a hundred years ago was to win another Oscar.
Guy: The reason Barbra Streisand does anything is to win another Oscar. Even when she isn't making movies.
Kurt: Even Mrs. Focker?
Nathaniel: You guys. I'm so sad that when VANESSA REDGRAVE came here she was doing Driving Miss Daisy. Because Redgrave is sheer class but i hate that play so much that I was just like: Her in That? I had a fannish shortcircuit. MIXED MESSAGES.
Kurt: someone else said basically the same thing to me
Guy: Who was in Driving Miss Daisy with her? Even without looking it up, I'm to guess James Earl Jones. Zzz.
Nathaniel: Yes, it was the Battle of the Elegant Stentorian Thespians.
Guy: As if JEJ is remotely capable of playing an illiterate.
Kurt: Darth Vader. Now i'm reimagining Driving Miss Daisy as an epic space opera.
Nathaniel: With all the things George Lucas ripped off for Star Wars maybe some old hoary race relations drama was one of them?!
Kurt: hahahahah
Nathaniel: HEY... speaking of Enunciating Actors: Angela Bassett! You could slip her right in there for a gender swap version!
Guy: Now, THAT's a play worthy of Vanessa Redgrave's presence
Nathaniel: Imagine the undertones. [Scott Pilgrim voice] "lesbian." "lesbians?"
Guy: Vanessa's outfit is interesting -- she's wearing Celine Dion's Oscars '97 tux the right way round at least, but it's still not happening. Hope Vanessa ups her red-carpet game in time for Oscars next year. (Yeah I'm saying it.)
Nathaniel: Coriolanus!
To wrap up, I know you guys don't know SUTTON FOSTER but I have to talk her up when I get the chance. She is an A+ stage star but nobody else knows her. She doesn't even do like guest starring roles on bad police procedurals like all the other stage stars. I am confident that the public in general would love her if they had the opportunity.
Kurt: You're going to wrap up w/o talking about CATHERINE ZETA-JONES?
Guy: That will not stand. She'll KILL us.
Nathaniel: Lol. She trotted out looking so sparkly, fire engine red, sensational.
Kurt: a stunner
Nathaniel: But I had an ungenerous thought when she started speaking. She mentioned winning the previous year (a controversial win) and there was tepid applaus and I was like 'Does she have any DOES "FANS"?' I've never met anyone who said 'you know who my favorite actresss is? CZJ, BABY!'
Guy: I'M A FAN, CATHERINE
Kurt: I'm a lifelong fan for Chicago alone. We were just talking about that perf, Nat! Sadly, seems it was the peak...
Guy: Unless she gets cast in that Liz Taylor-Richard Burton biopic that's been mooted recently.
Kurt: oooh i love that casting.
Guy: It'd be ideal casting, since CZJ's own onscreen strengths and limitations are not unlike Liz's (though obvs Liz is the better actress).
Nathaniel: True and Truer.
Kurt: Who's being rumored for the Burton role?
Guy: Russell Crowe, pre-circumcision scandal
Kurt: Yawn.
Nathaniel: Promising. But won't Hollywood want Angie & Brad for it?
Kurt: Jolie is already doing Cleopatra
Guy: CZJ always looks so perfect that it's a little boring to talk about her. In her whole career, has she had ONE red carpet disaster? Her stance in that shot, it's like she's saying, "I'm hotter than anyone here and you know it, bitches"
Nathaniel: Totally. Come to think of it "fire engine red" might be the ideal CZJ color. It's so Type A Ambition... it's a good color to represent that killer glint in her eye before her big numbers in Chicago. "I am going to burn this mother***er down!"
previous convos: MTV Awards, Cannes, "Savage Beauty"