Nathaniel: For this episode of Red Carpet Convos, I'm joined by our resident fashion-obsessive Jose and Guy Lodge of In Contention. We begin with a Lineup, culled from the premieres of Friends With Benefits, Horrible Bosses, and Captain America, respectively. This triple feature is now available at your local multiplex.
Emma Stone, Jennifer Aniston, Captain & Love Interest, Somebody
Guy: Oh, I see why you got me for this one
Jose: hehe I see Jen again
Nathaniel: Guy, I should admit right up front that I think Jen looks hot here and I mean that both ways.
Jose: is that thing made out of leather?
Nathaniel: Right? IN THE SUMMER.
Guy: Ha! I like that, in playing her first real vamp character, she's committed to the cause off-camera
It's like something Angie would have worn back when she was still fun.
Nathaniel: Spoken like a totally biased member of Team Aniston. Grrrr! I'm sorry but the news told me that it's over 100˚ outside -- I'm pretending outside doesn't exist (curtains drawn, air conditioning at full blast) -- so i can't even deal looking at this.
Guy: But it's short! At least her legs are breathing.
Jose: speaking of which, both Jen & Angie tend to do the same over and over when it comes to clothes, so I'm actually thrilled that this time Jen gave her standard look (black and mini) a slight twist
Guy: That's a very good point -- and the hair looks a little choppier and more summery. (Sorry, this is getting stalker-y on my part)
Jose: I still never will get dress pockets though, especially in such a tiny dress, does she have her whips and feathered handcuffs in there?
Nathaniel: Or mash notes from Guy. And a restraining order.
Guy: I'm all for dress pockets. Why should guys get all the comfort?
Jose: because we don't get to have fabulous bags * sad face *
Guy: I like stars who go a little bit casual (but still chic) for premieres -- save the real glamour for awards season, otherwise we'll never know when it ends.
Nathaniel: Point: Guy. But I don't approve of pockets on anything unless they're holding treats inside for pets... or hungry fans.
Guy: Anyway, at leat Jen's pockets aren't on the OUTSIDE of her dress. What's going on with Emma Stone?
Jose: don't mess with Lanvin, Guy!
Nathaniel: Her pockets are big enough to fit other starlets inside. If those are indeed pockets. I feel compelled to tell you that this is my least favorite color combination that has yet been invented.
Jose: her dress makes me sad for two reasons. it's obviously from the collection where Juli got hers for January and i think they would've been MUCH better if they had switched them, apparently pale redheads dig crazy pink Lanvin? I do think it's a fantastic, bold look though, a bit too old for Emma maybe, but I loooooove it
Guy: I actually like the red-pink clashing and the mini-Alexis Carrington shoulders... but it'd look so nice and trim without the sewn-on clutch bags. (I realise she's going to see Horrible Bosses, but how many flasks does she need to carry with her?)
Nathaniel: Actually she was at Friends With Benefits so back off. Flasks fully justified.
Guy: I'm glad she's a redhead again, though, even though she's a natural blonde, and even though I usually criticise starlets for doing the reverse... it's all very confusing.
Nathaniel: Yes.
Nathaniel: Moving on. Every time I try to think about what to say about Captain America and his love interest (Chris Evans and Hayley Atwell) I fall asleep.
Jose: LOL. I resent that this Chris Evans person is trying to pretend he's all geeky and stuff now, every time I see him all Benjamin Button-ized in the trailer I want to kick his ass
Guy: Is that Chris Evans? I didn't recognise him behind his cunning "look, I'm smart" disguise. And without his abs.
Nathaniel: Is he going for a Clark Kent thing here or is he ready to let himself go since he's said that those grueling two hour workouts to look like a super soldier made him want to vomit daily?
Jose: He's just being a drama queen. If I had those abs I would not bother with clothes EVER.
THERE'S MORE: Chris Evan abs (in motion), Ryan Gosling's perfection, Vanessa's unfortunate frock, Hayley Atwell's identity crisis and the über sexy cast of Crazy Stupid Love at their premiere AFTER THE JUMP.
Gif via "My New Plaid Pants"
Pretending protein shakes and heavy workouts to look hot are method immersion won't get him any Oscars. Golden Globes maybe...but he should quit this act
Nathaniel: In all seriousness I think the Steve Rogers part is perfect for him. He has that generic handsomeness problem that many would be superstars have (sorry wannabes and unimaginative casting directors but generally superstars don't come with generic beauty, look closer) but it's perfect for the All American "super soldier".
Guy: If it makes Chris Evans feel any better, I will say that I like his glasses and that I'm getting very similar frames next week. To counterbalance my not-very-similar abs.
Nathaniel: He just texted. He feels better.
Jose: Isn't his phone still in Emma's pockets though?
Guy: If there's one thing I'm grateful for this summer, it's that I've finally learned how to tell apart the Chrisses Pine, Hemsworth and Evans, who previously existed as a kind of hydra-headed monster of grunts and perfect teeth.
Nathaniel: Your new knowledge will be useless in 5...4....3....2...
"You guyssss. Stop it!"Guy: Is it significant that we've said nothing about Hayley Atwell? I think it is.
Nathaniel: I always have to remind myself that I know who she is.
Jose: hahaha is she in the movie or just escorting Evans to the premiere?
Nathaniel: She's in it. Though I had to remind myself that she was as I was watching it.
Jose: wait! is she the one I thought was Sienna Miller all this time? or is Sienna in it too?
Guy: Sienna Miller is blonde and sporadically spotted hanging on the trouserlegs of Jude Law and/or Rhys Ifans.
Nathaniel: LOL
Guy: I just don't get Hayley Atwell. Perhaps the blockbuster babe thing will work out better than the English heritage babe thing, but surely even she occasionally mistakes herself for Keira Knightley.
Nathaniel: I think you mean Kate Beckinsale, Hayley's ancestor in 'what's my persona again?'
Jose: all these starlets are so confusing, I see another person I don't know of ahead, is she one of those new Disney "singers"?
Nathaniel: That's Vanessa Hudgens at the Captain America premiere. She seems to have torn a page from a medical text book and worn it as a dress to the premiere. Is she trying to tell us that Chris Evans is a dick?
Guy: If her dress is a tribute to Chris Evans' manhood, it's not a very flattering one.
Jose: but Nat, Vanessa looks like that Selena Lovato person. Guy should devise a guidebook to help me tell all these people apart
Guy: I've only just mastered the Chrisses. Disney tween princesses are a more advanced science. It was clever and very green-minded of Hudgens to recycle the wood panelling from a 1950s TV set into a clutch purse though, I'll give her that.
Nathaniel: You say clutch purse but I can't see anything other than that medical illustration of a sexual organ pointing right towards hers! Do we have anything more to say about the deformed penis dress -- no offense intended if either of your penises or anyone's reading is accurately pictured -- or should we move on?
Guy: Just that if you're going to wear a penis dress, you may as well have it pointing upwards, y'know?
Nathaniel: OMG. I just now got Jose's "Selena Lovato" joke. lol tick-tock. They're all just so interchangeable! So I guess this is a lesson that wearing dick dresses gets you noticed since she's the first to appear on TFE.
Jose: I'm confused. Show me people I know, enough with the Hayleys and Vanessas
Guy: I'm not complaining -- you gave me such a big pile of ZOMG LOVE AWESOME with Jen 'n Emma that we need the other three to keep my heart from exploding.
CRAZY STUPID LOVE premiere
Guy: I spoke too soon.
Nathaniel: I KNOW. I feel like the casting director of Crazy Stupid Love was trying to kill us all with kindness. Anyone with good taste in movie stars will be dead by the end of that movie.
Jose: gasp, Emma and Juli! They should merge into a single creature and take over the world. awww and they're wearing the same-ish, I want to put them in my dress' pocket
Nathaniel: Or Emma's Lanvin dress pockets. Wait then she'd be holding herself? It's all so Being John Malkovich Emma Stone.
Guy: Seriously -- can't... breathe... I don't know how I'm even going to make it through Crazy Stupid Love without having palpitations. The law of averages decrees they should at least have cast Chloe Moretz in there to give me something to bitch about.
Jose: LOL
Nathaniel: The pointy hips thing must be a new trend. See Marisa & Emma
Jose: it's all very primitive, are they letting us know they're ready to mate? if so I want a dozen of Emma's babies!
Guy: I like this borrowed-from-Julianne look on Emma a lot more than the last one, which is funny since Julianne isn't wearing it that well this time. Perhaps Emma DID actually take her dress and Juli had to improvise at the last minute?
Jose: This dress is actually Tom Ford.
Nathaniel: I love Juli's dress. I can't tell if the detailing is meant to be butterflies or bows but either way I love that its whimsy is negated by the heavy gothic feel of the black layers. It's like something Helena Bonham Carter might wear if she weren't insane.
Jose: HBC would go for moths though. I'm with Nat though, the dress just works for her, it's very Twiggy-esque, all she needs is a head piece.
Guy: I'm loving the Veronica Lake hair on Emma, by the way. Dammit, I'm just loving Emma Stone -- I'll go to my grave saying she should've won the 2010 Best Actress Oscar. (Of course, I'll sound a little like Grampa Simpson doing so, but them's the breaks.)
Nathaniel: But I think we're missing the true star of this red carpet lineup which is Ryan Gosling. Have y'all noticed how adventurous he is with clothes? And he doesn't ever look costumey or "are you not entertained?" like the other men who wear odd fabrics (Robert Downey Jr, Johnny Depp, etcetera). He's a sartorial miracle.
Jose: when I think of Ryan clothes rarely come into the equation so no I hadn't noticed
Guy: I keep saying it -- Ryan Gosling is not just the best-dressed man in Hollywood, but the best-dressed PERSON. I'm sure there'd be many upsides to being his lover, but getting to borrow his clothes is at least #3 on the list
Jose: Diane Keaton would rock this suit!
Guy: I want him to get another big awards season soon so he can keep bringing numbers like THIS to the red carpet.
Nathaniel: Right? That's what I'm talking about.
Jose: Cute! I promise I'll pay more attention to his clothes from now on...
Guy: Plus, he wore a burgundy version of the same tux to the Cannes awards ceremony. This one is conservative by his standards!
Nathaniel: The weirdest thing about him surely is that he wears clothes like one of those absolutely svelte unbulky supermodels and then when he takes his clothes off the body is as muscley-good as any of the bulky Chrisses or Ryan Reynolds. How is this possible? CGI? Photoshop.
Guy: Maybe he wears a corset? There's a picture
Guy: Plus, I love him for trying to make pyjama-chic happen. He's still about comfort, y'all!
Nathaniel: I wore pajama tops briefly in college as day-wear fashion. Only i looked like a homeless person on a ramen noodle bender and not like a trendsetter.
Guy: I think looking like Ryan Gosling might have something to do with it. Just a hunch.
Nathaniel: Life is so unfair.
Jose: I think it's an optical illusion, I'm used to thinking that only douchebags have perfect abs, the Chrisses of the world, so Gosling's kindness and talent make us see him more beautiful than he is. Maybe it's all a "Shallow Hal" thing
Nathaniel: we didn't talk about Marisa at all but we need to wrap up.
Guy: Marisa will NOT have that.
Jose: fabulous as always and the fact we ignored her proves she's always good at sneaking behind our backs and getting Oscar nominations
Guy: It's almost as if we take her for granted because she's been so awesome for so long. (Could the upcoming awards season be graced with her presence yet again? The Ides of March, people.)
Nathaniel: True. Thank God she's one of those actors that got her due in her lifetime though... given the ease of her fabulousity.
Jose: I say give her an Oscar for that sexy tattoo she has going on, on her foot of all places...
Guy: I do like that she's carrying on the architectural-dove-gray look she began working at the 2008 Oscars.
Nathaniel: Gray is so underrated. Silver takes all the credit because it's the flashier sibling.
Jose: I think this is the classiest lineup Nat has ever fed me, all of these are truly fabulous bitches
Nathaniel: It is. Let's post it again. Ahhhhh ♥ Crazy Stupid LoveThemAll
Guy: Yeah, when the worst you can say about a Red Carpet Lineup is that Julianne Moore appears to have accessorised her shoes with Meryl Streep's bracelet collection, we're being truly spoiled.
Jose: amen
Guy: And how often can you put together a group this stylish and still have the token guy emerge as Best In Show?
Nathaniel: That's the miracle I was talking 'bout! May the movie spoil us as well. I worry that it couldn't possibly measure up to its own lineup.
Guy: The movie could be The Lovely Bones 2 and we'd still get to look at all of them. That's a win. All it's missing is Jennifer Aniston. (The lineup, not The Lovely Bones 2. Shush.)
Nathaniel: Bite your tongue. And shit, be careful what you wish for. I don't think i could sit through The Lovely Bones 2 even if Pfeiffer, Streep, Swinton, and Kidman all headlined.
JOIN THE CONVERSATION: Do you think Ryan Gosling is the best dressed person in Hollywood? Would you ever wear a penis frock? Can you tell the Chrisses and the Disney starlets apart?