In Part 1, Kurt and I discussed the Best Actress fashions Tilda's alien goddess versatility, Steven Sodebergh and Paula Patton's obsession with yellow, Rooney Mara's lack of humor, and more. Read it. Vote on the polls! Now we move on to a Supportizzzzzzzzzzzz
PART 2
Nathaniel: Sorry. Sorry Propping eyes open! The Globes were mostly an all the colors of the rainbow affair which is just how we like our red carpets. "On trend" is a death rattle for awards show excitement. The Supporting Actress lineup was definitely on trend, what with all those faint blush colors. I had to include Evan Rachel Wood, so as to add the drama.
...With Evan there's always drama.
Evan, Chastain (one of them at least), Janet, Shai, Octavia
Kurt: Is she not the scariest thing? i'm getting such a fletsom and jetsom vibe here. Come pick up your daughter, Ursula
Nathaniel: Ha. I kind of love it. It's so fecund. She's some sort of sea creature all right. The thing that would have really made this look work for me is more drama in her hair. I want the wildness to continue up top. This might have been the most supernatural horrifying and therefore the very best if, say, Jessica Lange's lions mane were up top or a weave for slickness and length.
Kurt: Oh, jessica lange. No, Evan looks good, and it's a very cool dress. i just think she's terrifying.
Nathaniel: In general? Evan?
Kurt: LOL. Pretty much, yeah. She'll eat your first born.
Nathaniel: And not put on a single pound!
Kurt: Truth.
Nathaniel: I don't really want to discuss this lineup. Why did I spend the time photoshopping? Harvey may be the Punisher but I'm all about self-abuse. I really want to rearrange the dresses at least.
Kurt: Well someone's gotta put something else on dear Jessica Chastain. That poor woman.
Nathaniel: Or maybe put all of them in Evan's dress!
Nathaniel: Ahhhhh. Anyway... Janet McTeer is a very handsome woman with an amazing rack.
Kurt: Don't we know it.
Nathaniel: She's also the very best thing about Albert Nobbs and also: her man is hot. Just had to put that out there.
Speaking of amazing racks, MADONNA!
SMG, Macdonald, Garai, Madonna & MuseMORE INCLUDING THE MEN!
Kurt: Madonna looks afright, but I adore it anyway. She's essentially wearing her discography. She's Like a Prayer Virgin, and about to dissolve into that flock of crows from the Frozen vido
Nathaniel: YES. My most vivid mammarian memory of the Globes of all time -- so this is saying a lot -- was her win for Evita. The girls are much more tightly contained this time, and much less attached to newborn infants but you still always notice them. I'm guessing people hated this dress but I love love love it. Like Evan's it's got a lot of drama and it's very HER. That's so underrated. If you're not yourself who are you?
I grouped all these random women together because I'm guessing these looks are all divisive (though i haven't read a single page of fashion commentary yet)
Kurt: SMG was divisive leaning toward reviled. It's so my desktop background from 1999.
Nathaniel: LOL. She said her two year old picked it out.
Kurt: Don't tell the press your kid picked your dress. it's not a get out of fashion jail free card. It's very tasteless.
Nathaniel: In keeping with Sarah's Off-Buffy career then. No, I kid. I love her but I do question her taste level in all things. Buffy seems like a happy accident sometimes.
Kurt: I'm not exactly on the Buffy boat, so I can't sufficiently chime in there. but I do like her in general, as a...person?
Nathaniel: So you've been over for tea then? Tell her I said hi! But I wouldn't include SMG as one of the worst though. I've selected five women for that honor. If I do the photoshop work, I get to pick!
Kurt: Hit me with your worst dressed.
Nathaniel: All righty then...
sister wife, golden girl, pixie, a dress, and Rachel Berry
Nathaniel: Ladies and Gentlemen, your sister wife Jessica Biel, The Deschanel Sister Act, Piper Perabo Who Is Wearing A Dress That She Seems Very Proud Of and Ms. Lea Michele who will forever be imprisoned by Glee -- they've found a way to keep her on a fourth season. NOOoooooooooo.
Kurt: oh GOD i didn't know that
Nathaniel: I am not a Lea Michele hater so I don't want anyone to misunderstand. Rachel Berry is my favorite part of Glee by a huge margin but it is an ABSOLUTELY mistake for Lea Michele to stay on that show. She needs to find an escape clause in that surely epic contract.
Kurt: Well, since you brought her up, she is hands down my worst dressed of the night and she was vamping it up so embarrassingly on the red carpet i wanted to fire a tranqulizer through the TV screen. This antique Marchesa is a horrid Monet, I'm sorry. It's the opposite of Monet only pretty when up VERY close
uh oh...did you lov the dress? its very divisive
Nathaniel: No, no. Five worst dressed. But at least Lea is obviously into what she's wearing each time. She's taking a risk. I don't understand what Jessica Biel is doing at all. It's not faded or creepy enough to work as a gothic Victorian dusty ghost look but it's not modern enough to work otherwise. I just loathe it. And Emily Deschanel must have been to a Golden Girls wardrobe auction.
Kurt: haha. OMG. She totally flew in from St. Olaf. I kind of like Zooey's top, with the pixely green on her pixie boobs, but Piper is just mess. She is NOT a big enough star to be wearing this freaking thing. Do you know what I mean? You are not Sarah Jessica Parker. Coyote Ugly was like 100 years ago and no one watches your show. You knida have to make a statement with your work first.
Nathaniel: Agreed. Nathaniel's rule of award show fashion is that you must never wear more fabric than your place in the showbiz food chain.
Kurt: I love that.
Nathaniel: Olivia Wilde likes to do this to -- these gargantuan showstopper dresses that only showstoppers should be wearing! If you're not a nominee, CALM DOWN!
Kurt: amen.
Nathaniel: The men never get discussed and we aren't really breaking that rule much here with this meager assortment but let's waddle away with the penguins as a wrap up: JGL, BRAD, FASSY, THAT GUY FROM SCOTLAND, and LEO. Go!
Kurt: Well, as Inception proved, JGL can look better than most men on the planet in a tailored suit, but this look is quite underwhelming.
Nathaniel: Oh, I love it At least he kept it all "Comedy or Musical" with that bowtie.
Kurt: haha. cute.
Jolie is just knocking me over with her stunningness. I mean come on. She is ghastly thin, but this is one of the most beautiful creatures to ever come out of uterus.
Nathaniel: As opposed to...? We need Joanna here to school you on lady parts!
Kurt: I know people were mixed on the dress but i think it's pure movie goddess chic. perfect.
Nathaniel: When I suggested that Angelina had come dressed as a superhero a reader said "envelope woman" which made me LOL.
Kurt: OMG, Envelope Woman. That's great.
Nathaniel: Come to think of it... put HER in Evan Rachel Wood's dress. I want crazy Angelina back. I realize you shouldn't go off your meds for extended periods of time but maybe once a season, Angie needs to let the late 90s freak flag fly.
Brad Pitt is the most handsome man on the planet but I almost want him to go a bit more Johnny Depp fashion wise at this point, just to match the cane.
Kurt: Why does he have a cane?
Nathaniel: Only Joanna knows (something about saving his child?) and I am months behind on celebrity gossip. The only gossip that touches my ears for 4 months of every year is Oscar-related. So unless he twisted his ankle at an Academy Q&A for Moneyball, I wouldn't know about it. But i think he should love the cane as much as Julianne loves her emerald earrings. It suits him. And maybe the cane is Brad's way of preparing us for senior citizen Brad the way Kate has been preparing us for 40something Middle Aged Kate for like 10 years now?
Kurt: Me no like. But whatever I love them both 'til death, so if that's their new thing, i'll take it. it's certainly an interesting notion and i'm so praying a pitt best actor upset. he ssoo deserves it.
Nathaniel: so we're simpatico on best actor.
Kurt: i mean could best actor be any more boring. like, you really want to toss more gold to clooney? snooze.
Nathaniel: Ah well. Some people just have an 'ease' with life and just like how it's easier to get a job when you don't need one, people like to reward the already successful.
Kurt: Nice observation.
Nathaniel: What is Fassy wearing? Leather? Pleather? Rubber? For what it's worth Chris Colfer also wore this.
Kurt: Fassy can wear absolutely anything, but i'm not super keen on this. however, I do like that you have the light of god peeking out below his waist.
Nathaniel: THAT'S THE PHOTO. Lit by God himself ...and the good folks at the red carpet crew at the Globes.
I don't understand Gerard Butler's career at all but at least he always seems to be having fun. I just wish his fun were more contagious for me as a viewer. I was so disappointed that Ralph Fiennes threw his stage Coriolanus co-star (the great Linus Roache) over for him in the movie. I couldn't understand a word he was saying and it wasn't because it was Shakespeare!
Kurt: Ditto. Though, oddly enough, the Machine Gun Preacher look here is actually the most attractive I've found him in a long time. I generally don't get the appeal.
I'm glad we're ending with Leo because i don't think he's looked this dashing in many a moon. he's so blonde and dreamy in the gatsby stills
Nathaniel: God I hope he refinds his movie star spark there. It's been so missing if you ask me. Will be seeing "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN'S CHARISMA?" on milk carton's everywhere if he doesn't find a better role for his gifts soon.
Kurt: Strangely, yes. That's too much handsome to waste!
Any last comments on Globe Fashions? Whose looks would YOU wear if you had some glitzy occasion? Do you wish Angelina would have a Girl Interrupted moment again?
