Two multi-syllabic would be 2014 blockbusters teased us yesterday. We already looked at those X-people, so it's time for the more substantial offering Captain America: Winter Soldier. And, listen, I know that on the internet you're only supposed to talk about such things within the hour they debut so this makes me at least, what, 30 hours late? Though I type like The Flash with super speed I have other things in my life! This is why I can't always be there for the superheroes the second they're begging for attention. And when aren't they, really? The superheroic are SO needy and they take up so much of the internet's time. We should all stop enabling them but until the demi-gods, aliens, mutants, and super soldiers stop being the lolcats of film blogs (i.e. instant traffic draws) the madness will truly never end.
Question: If I wore horizontal tripes would it make my chest & shoulders look this broad / great?
Answ--- hey, you don't have to be mean!
THE TRAILER. Let's break down the good captain's promo after the jump. Are you a Yes, No, or a Maybe So for round two with super soldiered Chris Evans?
YES
• Scarlett Johansson's Black Widow -- I'd watch in her own movie (something I never thought I'd say after Iron Man 2) so I'm thrilled that she's the co-star which might help this be as fun as The Avengers
• Remember how sexy/noble/oldfashioned Chris Evans was in this role the first time around?
• "This isn't freedom. This is fear"
• It looks suitably big and I love some shield play...
Just when we were loving The Black Widow is she reduced to Damsel in Distress this time?
NO
• "Shield play" not S.H.I.E.L.D. Play. I am so over S.H.I.E.L.D., Marvel's espionage operation, even though its parallel tv show is starting to rise from terrible to decent. If I'm going to a superhero movie I want superheroes, not self-serious spies dressed in black.
• I'm tired of Samuel L Jackson phoning it while barking out orders as Nick Fury.
• Ugh why are the Falcon's wings metallic? Why must everything be like antiseptic machinery. Seeing The Falcon's wings marks the only time in the history of me that I've ever looked back nostalgically on the execrable X-Men Last Stand (Angel did have cool wing-like wings!)
• There is not one T&A shot of Chris Evan here of any kind suggesting that Chris Evans prudish handlers are at it again -- remember that tragic time about 5 years ago when they told him to stop taking his shirt off for photoshoots -- thoroughly misunderstanding his appeal. Either that or the new director doesn't get it. Chris Evans is better with his clothes off. This is not horndog prurience but FACT. Chris Evans with his shirt on for a whole movie is like drying Julianne Moore's tears, CGI erasing George Clooney's crow's feet, or covering Tom Hardy's lips with a complicated breathing apparatus.
• Robbing Sebastian Stan of half his prettyboy face is a similar though far lesser infraction.
MAYBE SO
• The action does look kind of exciting though I worry that they've used all their money shots upfront.
• Anthony Mackie is always welcome and so reliable as a supporting player. The Falcon might be a good role but it's hard to tell from this trailer
• The opening joke in the trailer suggests that the movie understands that it needs to have a few light moments but I still worry because the first two posters suggest, along with everything we've seen of the Thor sequel, that Marvel is suddenly wanting their Avengers all dark brooding and Nolan-like and forgetting that the Marvel brand out-box-officed The Dark Knight Rises last year partially by remembering that superheroes are FUN.
In short, I am shocked to report that I'm a "No" based on the evidence presented in this trailer which seems to have missed entirely how good Captain America: The First Avenger was and, more importantly, WHY it was good: i.e. it wasn't trying to be like every other superhero movie (a song and dance number! I mean, come on) and it understood Chris Evans square jawed blank faced Americana charisma.
Where do you stand on all this? Please don't stand backlit, with back to camera (above). That's every other movie poster now!!!