I don't have the heart to do a "yes no maybe so" on the trailer for The Seventh Son, the latest fantasy epic would be franchise (there are more of them each month) because the movie has been moved to January. But it does co-star Julianne Moore as the sorceress Mother Malkin and the trailer does use her voiceover in a very Queen-Ravenna-in-Snow-White-and-Huntsman-trailer kind of way. So there's that.
Coincidentally (?) there are seven shots of our goddess in the trailer.
THE SEVEN SHOTS
1. "Did you miss me?".... Mother Malkin materialize from the air and slinks towards Jeff Bridges Vocal Affectation. Oh Juli, in theory we always miss you but since you are one of the hardest working women in showbiz we seldom have to.
2. Woman in chains. But there's no holding magic bitches down.
3. Speaking of Magic Bitches... This shot was so reminiscent of Charlize Theron's Queen Ravenna -- who also loved feathered collars, seductive doomsday voiceovers, and shattering CGI objects in slow motion -- that I instantly felt bad for Juli because competing with that won't be easy. On the subject of actresses aging into demonic sorceress roles (see also: Pfeiffer, Weaver, Huston, Theron, etcetera) I should probably damn Hollywood for both ageism and sexism -- what do they have against the foxiest bitches in the world that they gotta turn them into demonic succubi and suggest that it's only BLACK MAGIC that's still giving you a boner all these years later.
4. Come to me. Yes, mamma!
5. Lip Acting!
6. 80s Homage. This is my single favorite shot in the trailer. Julianne Moore doing her best Daryl Hannah in Blade Runner and/or Annie Lennox Homage...
7. Maleficent Wannabe. Mother Malkin is the dragon, too, right? In the closing money shot of the trailer she roars at Jeff Bridges Vocal Affectations. Okay, I cheated a little to get to seven. I haven't read the books but the trailer keeps visually suggesting that Mother Malkin shapeshifts into the dragon on multiple occasions. In which case this shot is also of Julianne.
Oh and here is the trailer if you haven't yet seen it and need to see Julianne Moore and Jeff Bridges Vocal Affectaions in motion. Warning: This trailer may also induce sympathy for handsome blank Ben Barnes who will probably not register at all with those two movie stars camping it up while sharing his frames.