It's the final poll of the 87th Oscars and our last red carpet lineup for awhile *sniffle*. In addition to those things this is your daily reminder that Julianne Moore won an Oscar. Because it needs to be repeated often as healing balm for our beleaguered actressexuality.
Who was best dressed on Oscar night?
NATHANIEL: Please welcome back Anne Marie and Margaret to discuss these ladies (and five more, too).
ANNE MARIE: Best Actress! Obviously, we must start by repeating the best news, which is that JULIANNE MOORE IS NOW AN ACADEMY AWARD WINNER. I get tingles when I write it.
MARGARET: BLESSED BE.
NATHANIEL: Thank you. This will serve as our daily reminder (Hee! Are you sick of the daily reminders yet?) But I have to say that beyond Juli as the season ran on I came to love this lineup abundantly. It's the best possible lineup we could have gotten given the media's reticence to admit that there were intersting and worthwhile performances happening all year long in all kinds of films. I even grew to love Felicity Jones in a way (I think she gets an unfair wrap as a coattails nominee when a lot of that movie depends on her emotional fluidity and stubborness. But I hate this dress. It's so off color and pale as to make her fade away.
MARGARET: Felicity Jones' supportive-wife staple aside, how few 'types' there are! A really great array of characters, only improved by their great performances.
NATHANIEL: I even grew to love Felicity Jones in a way. Yes, it's a type. But I think she gets an unfair wrap as a coattails nominee when a lot of that movie depends on her emotional fluidity and romantic willfulness. But I hate this dress. It's burying her. It's so off color and pale as to make her fade away.
Reese & Rosamund & Aussie goddesses after the jump...
I think only someone that cheerful could pull off those big blocky stripes
ANNE MARIE: I love Reese in that dress, but ever since Election I've thought that the preppy/and/or/clean look was her best.
NATHANIEL: Yes. she really pulls off minimal fresh looks -- remember that deep yellow she did that one year? But let's talk Rosamund because - jawdropping.
MARGARET: Magnificent. Custom Givenchy, darling and she is wearing it like a queen, plus it makes me giggle to think it could serve as a nod to her bloodbath scene in Gone Girl that NPH and Anna Kendrick shouted-out in the opening number.
NATHANIEL: I stand by my fears (discussed earlier) that Rosamund will one day be revealed as a sleeper Terminator from the future and start knocking off actresses who will one day save the world.
ANNE MARIE: I could see that. This gown's dyed in the blood of her enemies. And I love it so goddamn much.
NATHANIEL: There's something about her that is SO not quite human but I actually really love her as sleeper Terminator pretending to be a human actress pretending to be various characters SO I mean this in the kindest possible way.
ANNE MARIE: You're just saying that so she doesn't add you to her hit list.
NATHANIEL: I think we can all agree that I have no plans on saving the world in the future so I'm safe.
ANNE MARIE: But what a way to go!
MARGARET: Some misogynist gossip or other is trying to spread rumors that she's "difficult" or whatever, and her glamorously disinterested deflection of those, or indeed the requirement that actresses be likeable at all, has made me a forever fan.
But we haven't said anything about the glamorous couture winebags on Mmes Cotillard and Jones!
ANNE MARIE: "Winebag?" Is that what you call the bunched cape on the back of Cotillard's dress? Honest question, no snark.
MARGARET: Well, both she and Jones are swathed in rather a lot of excess fabric.
NATHANIEL: I think the internet agreed that Cotillard was doing a tribute to sushi if I recall? But I took it it as protective layers in case she ran into Jennifer Aniston. But then we say Jen and she looked happy so no worries.
ANNE MARIE: Of course she looked happy. She's half of the sexiest couple at the Oscars and she knew it. Plus she's smart enough to make good use of her momentum-- I'd be very surprised if we don't see her back on the awards circuit in short order.
NATHANIEL: I just read that last sentence backwards 'short circuit' and I was thinking about Pike again. That dress is such a wow. It's going to be used in every article about famous Oscar dresses for years to come (at least I hope so). But i do have something to say other than "omgjuliannemooreisanOscar winner" about our Julie. I struggled and struggled about what to think of this dress but have finally succumbed to its brilliance. I have discovered its secret: It's a visual tribute to Still Alice and Alice Howland's standing order at Pinkberry for shredded coconut and blueberry yogurt. So it's very meta and it makes me love Julianne even Moore.
MARGARET: It goes well with a statue, too.
NATHANIEL: Okay. Final lineup.
Turquoise Jasmine, Mother Monster, Friend of Kidman, Kidman, Margot Robbie
I'm calling this one "The Aussie Invasion" but let me start by saying that I'm fully aware that Lady Gaga is not from Australia. But, see, I needed five for the lineup and since she's from another planet that's close enough. G'day, readers! Also: Glenn is going back to Australia soon and I'm totally sad about that so I keep thinking of Australia. Also: I needed to include those red gloves. Lady Gaga is ever meme ready, at our service.
ANNE MARIE: Every time I look at Lady Gaga in this picture I'm reminded that I need to break out the Lysol and scrub my bathtub.
NATHANIEL: Oh my god I just did that or had it done rather. And my bathroom looks beautiful. (I recommend the service "Handy" - affordable and so convenient and I honestly wish I had been using it for years. And if any of you sign up I get credits towards cleanings. #shameless.) Ahem. Ladies. Gowns.
MARGARET: On the great scale of Lady Gaga's red carpet invasion outfits, this is downright conservative.
ANNE MARIE: These are downright conservative for pretty much all of our Aussie ladies.
MARGARET: But to a one, they look fabulous. And so well accessorized! That pop of turquoise on Cate Blanchett is giving me life.
NATHANIEL: Turquoise is the best. Let's give credit where it's due, though. Naomi Watts didn't go conservative. This is a divisive dress what with its black tube top cutout and that print, like a brick wall or a street. The Boyfriend thought it was the worst of the night, but I love its neurotic cobblestone flirtatious "come here baby, walk all over me!"
MARGARET: I like it, too! Plus in this picture she looks more than a little bit like my beloved Patty Clarkson, and that gets a gal serious points.
ANNE MARIE: Patty Clarkson would also rock that dress. I'm in favor of it.
NATHANIEL: She was at the after party! But dressed in white.
ANNE MARIE: I just adjusted my screen brightness a bit and discovered that Nicole Kidman's dress is actually pale yellow, not cream like I originally thought. It has improved in my estimation.
NATHANIEL: I like the sort of sheen covering of Nic's dress. It's like a piece of furniture people pretend is new by never removing the plastic. And also I love the color because it looks great with her strawberry blonde.
MARGARET: And it's not quite like anything I've seen worn before! She always brings it to the red carpet.
NATHANIEL: Did you guys notice the deconstructed unfinished shoulders on Cate's dress? It's like someone tore off the sleeves right before she walked the red carpet.
ANNE MARIE: Maybe she got into another fight with Judi Dench?
NATHANIEL: HEEEEEERRE I AMMMMMM
