by Nathaniel R
All longform discussions of the trailer to Cats must be prefaced with one's own history with the Andrew Lloyd Webber megahit. It's the law. This is why no matter how insane the movie may appear, no matter how much it be instantly mocked on the internet, it will have (at least) a gigantic box office opening. The megamusical has been a phenomenon since 1981, grossing literally billions of dollars on stage, winning awards and selling millions of albums (back when people actually bought such things) with the hit song "Memory" being covered by hundreds upon hundreds of musicians thereafter.
Cats was my first Broadway touring show which I saw in Detroit (presumably at the Fox Theatre?) as a kid. My parents bought me the t-shirt and later for Christmas the Original Cast Recording. On my first ever trip to NYC in 1989 (?) it was then my first Broadway show. I know I know... I was once a typical tourist who saw something he'd already seen *shakes head at self* while in New York when other surely better and newer things were playing. I was so obsessed Cats that I learned "Memory" on the piano and named my next two kittens "Mistoffles" and "Rumpleteaser". How young and foolish and easily manipulated I was by splashy worldwide sensations as a child. And yet from the 1990s onward I've barely thought of it but for whenever discussions of a possible movie version would come up, most notably all the joking in Six Degrees of Separation (1993).
Okay that's my history. You must share yours (it's the law) and since Cats is such an event brand, we must do the Yes No Maybe So™ breakdown after the jump in real time screencaps rather than trifurcating with our yes, no maybe so headings. Ready?
To quote Judi Dench as "Old Deuteronomy"...
We're about to begin
YAAAAS it's finally here. A second or two of overture with cobblestone street. Beautiful.
Yes. Look at the color and the cinematography... and people in cat suits? Okay, so it's just like the Broadway show filmed.
aaaaaAAAAAAAhhhhh *hyperventilation at first appearance of a Cat-Human (translation: no). Why does it look like an actor's face was transposed over a humanoid with fur cgi creation. This is like that scene in Titanic where two stunt people run down the watery hallway and Kate & Leo's faces sort of float on top of them. YIKES.
YES. Casting real dancers is always good for musicals. Just look at the lines of her body. It's gorgeous (when you don't have to see the human face floating on cat body in closeup.
"I haven't seen you before" Judi Dench is most often a yes. And the cat people with lots of fur look better than the shorthaired cats which are a big no in this freaky vfx technique they've opted for. Which makes Judi Dench a... maybe so?
For those of you who don't know the "plot" of Cats, quotations intended, you're about to get spoilers. There is no plot. Old Deuteronomy is the boss and each year they meet and decide which cat ascends to the Heavyside Layer which is a fancy way of saying which cat gets reborn as a kitten (the whole nine lives thing, y'know.) So each cat introduces themselves in a big production number and then Grizabella is chosen and ascends. The end. [/spoiler] If this movie is longer than 100 minutes they have severely miscalculated their adaptation.
No. still not used to the CatPeopleFaceTuning and I've now watched the trailer four times (it's a sickness).
No. The first shot of Grizabella the glamour cat (Jennifer Hudson) is not doing anything for us. There's not enough glamour. Yes, she's supposed to be a faded beauty but still, a bit more degraded sparkle, please... like shouldn't the coat be both more impressive and more uncared for and matted?
Yes. So one Oscar nomination locked up for sure: Eve Stewart headed for her fifth nomination for all these practical oversized sets which make neat if slightly camp visuals with the little people cats dancing among them. Eve Stewart was previously Oscar-nominated for The Danish Girl, Les Miserables (BAFTA win), The King's Speech, and Topsy-Turvy and won the Emmy for Elizabeth I (2006).
No. Don't the proportions seem off though. Are these mice or cats? Toycats? They're so small for that bed.
Yes. Mr Mistoffles (the magic cat) was my favourite as a kid after Grizabella of course. This is Laurie Davidson, who previously starred as Shakespeare in the short-lived series Will (2017). He's quite a looker and also with the disconcerting face visual effects, the cats whose eyes look less human come off much better. We've never met a human with naturally masked eyes though they're some of our favourite cats.
Yes but No simultaneously. Real dancing is so beautiful. But these strange... just put CGI fur on human bodies looks vaguely too sexual. Furries are going to get so wet watching this movie. The graveyard kink here is probably making Tim Burton jealous... why didn't I do this one instead of Sweeney?
YES. At this point in the trailer Judi Dench gets her "come, we're about to begin moment" which is classic trailer technique 'let's check out this world we want you to buy tickets for' but it's classic cuz it always works.
Maybe So. The girl cats line up to watch Rum Tug Tigger (Jason DeRulo) dance. Do these girls know about the barbed penis? It's gonna hurt.
Maybe So. ROLL CALL time. The credits begin and this will all depend on performances so who knows...
NO. James Corden as "Bustoffer Jones". We didn't mean to get so down on James Corden but his casting in The Prom really irked and he never surprises us as a performer because he is so ubiquitous. There are so many other actors out there, Hollywood.
YES. A cat jumps in the trash can. Same while watching this trailer last night though we've since grown fond, more or less ironically. What? We're entitled to change our mind.
YES. We're glad they gender-flipped this role so we can have Judi Dench as "Old Deuteronomy"
Maybe So. Jason DeRulo as "Rum Tug Tugger" We've never seem him act so who knows... Oh but wait, we did watch "Empire" and he was on one episode so perhaps we have but don't remember. He looks like he's having fun as Rum Tum Tugger and he'll need to since it's such an exuberant role. Fun fact: Theater actor Terrence Mann was the original Rum Tug Tugger on Broadway and you probably know him as the old man villain "Mr Whispers" on Sense8.
YES. Idris Elba as "Macavity". We are a big NO on the need to make things look realistic (especially fanciful musicals) so the cats look way better more stylized like he is with the crazy green eyes and the hat. For those of you who aren't familiar with Cats, Macavity is an evil cat but he doesn't sing in the original musical so perhaps they've written a new song for Elba? Or maybe not. At any rate Bombalurina hates him. So it's Taylor vs Idris!
MAYBE SO. Jennifer Hudson as "Grizabella". The success of the music rests largely on Jennifer Hudson (no pressure!) since Andrew Lloyd Webber's musicals generally have one good song which is repeated ad infinitum. I think Memory gets three moments during the musical? Still deciding if we like this interpretation or not. JHud tends to oversing but her instrument is glorious so wouldn't you?
IT'S ALWAYS A YES WITH SIR IAN. Sir Ian McKellen as "Gus the Theater Cat" - what a good role for him and he'll be fun on the press circuit. Trivia: Sir Ian and Laurie Davidson (playing Mistoffles) have two movies together this year because they're both in The Good Liar, too, which opens a month before Cats.
Do you think Sir Ian said he'd only do that if they'd make him look like Lon Chaney Jr's Wolfman (1941)?
NO. Taylor Swift as "Bomabularina". I don't mean to alarm you but she's wearing high heels (and nothing else). For what it's worth the costume design is by one of our favourite men Paco Delgado but perhaps he was high while designing this one. For what it's worth the last time we remember him putting a cat costume on someone it was for the rape scene in The Skin I Live In (2011)
YIKES
NO. Rebel Wilson as "Jennyanddots" Her two slapstick bits in the trailer don't work.
Yes, "uncle". And they know it. "Memory" is ssuch an all time classic that they know it's going to thrill even if you want to be all NO about it. So they save the big unveil til after the cast list and then go for the full throated nostalgia kill
NO. Tom Hooper. Until he gifts his Oscar to David Fincher, it's rightful owner, we shan't be a yes.
Yeah, sure. At this point we're used to the hallucinations. Lots of crazy images of cat people dancing. The trailer starts out revolting but true confession: once you watch it three or four times you can acclimate to the insanity and even appreciate it though you'll probably still plan on being very intoxicated or high before hitting the movie theaters.
NO. A) THERE IS NO FOOD ON THIS PLATE AND B) THIS IMAGE IS GOING TO GIVE US NIGHTMARES.
Yes? We'll see. The real dancers might be the highlight of this spectacle. That's Francesca Hayward, a ballerina, as "Victoria," the youngest cat and we think this is Robert Fairchild as "Munkustrap" but we could be wrong. Robert Fairchild is a pretty great dancer from Salt Lake City who was Tony-nominated in the Gene Kelly role in An American in Paris on Broadway.
No. We are not actually anti-Swiftie, by default, but it's too disturbing to see the pop star in this context. It keeps taking us out of it. This is like an excerpt from a music video.
Maybe So. Yes, rescue us Mistoffles. Do something.
Maybe So. Grizabella is still singing and crying. She'll be doing that for the running time.
YES. Give us spectacle. That is the only reason for a Cats movie to exist since it's not a good musical and it has no plot. Having been acclimated /brainwashed by this trailer we are now certain that going for all out hallucinatory broke with the imagery -- including this rhythm nation salute to the sunrise or the heavyside layer or whatever is going on - was the only way this would have worked. Not that it does. We'll see on December 20th.
Yes. If it aint broke... and that logo is too iconic to mess with.
NO. This sounds like a threat.
Are you a Yes, No or a Maybe So? Did your opinion keep shifting while watching this like ours. Have you watched it more than once. Do you feel it's a bad dream you can't wake up from? We have so many questions... both for the filmmakers and for you.