Drag Race RuCap: “Bathroom Hunties”
Sunday, March 24, 2024 at 9:00PM
Cláudio Alves in Drag Queens, Drag Race, LGBTQ+, MTV, RuPaul, RuPaul's Drag Race, TV

Nick Taylor and Cláudio Alves are watching and recapping RuPaul’s Drag Race season sixteen. This week, it’s time for episode twelve…

This Pit Crew hunk was the episode's real winner.

CLÁUDIO: After last week’s mirthless drag of an episode, there was nowhere to go but up. And surely, “Bathroom Hunties” is better than “Corporate Queens,” though that improvement has little to do with the producers whose challenge ideas are increasingly preposterous. This was a naked recycling of the Night Club to Hotel concept of All Stars 4 and 5, but why they would want to do a reprise of those messes is anybody’s guess. Thankfully, the queens are here to make this hour entertaining even if it kills them, powering through a poor premise and even poorer judging to deliver a fun bit of television. But do you know who’s also doing a good job of salvaging Drag Race Season 16? The Pit Crew, of course. Those hunks were hunking this week, their bulges bulging like never before. Thank heavens for that. 

NICK: We haven’t been sexualizing men enough this season, and I’m glad to see the show really lean on the Pit Crew as props again. Lord knows we needed some unapologetic hunkiness. And from head to toe, tip to base, top to bottom, we got that. One of the few truly uncomplicated pleasures of the episode . . . .

“Bathroom Hunties” starts with the queens commending Morphine for besting her Miami sister in the previous episode’s lipsync. Morphine’s thrilled to have shown Mhi’ya up in this long-coming battle, and for the bragging rights she’ll get when they reunite after the show. Dawn is so goddamn excited about this top six, and as much as she really needs a challenge win, she’s tremendously proud of making it this far with such a damn strong group of queens. I wouldn’t say this is the strongest sextet Drag Race has ever had, but it’s impressive these girls have popped as much as they have amidst such odd and demanding maxi challenges.

The conversation tries to turn to praising Sapphira for her third challenge win, but the sourness radiating off Q is too stifling. To her credit, she knows she’s too pissed to say exactly what she’s thinking, and I am very grateful we did not witness whatever tantrum is boiling under that brow. And I don’t envy Q being set up to win from every direction only to come in second. But she spoils the party fast, and everyone is sensitive of just how sore a loser she’s being.

CLÁUDIO: I know I’ve been harsh on Q these past few weeks, and I apologize for the sourness. However, that’s not about to change anytime soon. Contrasted to Dawn, who has been high multiple times and never won, the bald one’s irritation reeks of misplaced entitlement. Moreover, the Drag Race producers have been moving heaven and earth to keep her, constantly saving the bitch from the bottom whenever she faceplants, not to mention that time they declared her the winner of a lipsync she clearly lost. As someone who’d have sent her home on Girl Groups week and thinks her two victories should have gone elsewhere - Plane for the dolls challenge and Nymphia for Neo Goth - I can’t stop myself from finding her tantrums unwarranted. 

One doesn’t mean to invalidate an artist’s feelings or throw around the word “ungrateful” willy-nilly, but Q is testing my patience. To make matters worse, she’ll be saved again by the end of THIS episode!

Next day in the WerkRoom, the queens are discussing which eliminated sisters they’d switch in for some of their fellow top six rivals. Dawn immediately wishes she could have Amanda back in Plane’s place, while Morphine would rather be with Xunami than Nymphia. In other seasons, such a convo would lead to a bitchfest beyond compare, but these girls take it jovially, and not even Q can spoil the party. Well, she almost does when apolo-lying to Sapphira before being saved by the bell. On-screen Ru delivers a cryptic message verging on potty humor before the real deal shows up with one doozy of a mini-challenge. Would you like to explain the abs motorboating that took place?

NICK: In the spirit of Ru’s dearly departed bestie Tammie Faye Baker (though “dearly” may be up to personal interpretation), the queens are asking to replicate her make-up smeared “I ran into Tammie Faye at the mall” t-shirt. The queens are asked to apply heavy smears of quick drag before slamming their faces on the white t-shirts worn by six strapping members of the Pit Crew. Norvina, the HBIC of Anastasia Beverly Hills, is there to provide heaping pounds of makeup and help Ru oversee the challenge.

So, the queens slather their mugs on and go to town. It’s fucking goofy, especially since each contestant has their own ideas about even marginally trying to win the challenge versus rubbing their faces over every inch of those men’s bodies. Nymphia, in particular, goes hogwild on that guy’s stomach. It’s a very different kind of facial. Norvina announces Plane Jane as the winner of the mini-challenge, and damn if she isn’t actually best in show here.

Ru then announces this week’s maxi challenge: The queens must work together to design a hip gender-neutral bathroom for folks to hang out at. They must also try to sell it to the judges, giving a tour while highlighting the distinct qualities of their bathroom as a team. As you said, it’s a very weird challenge with so many more moving parts than I’d expect. Design, physical labor, character building, improv comedy, advertising. And for a bathroom. Again, winning the mini-challenge doesn’t grant the power to pick teams. Plane is paired with Sapphira, Morphine gets Q, and Dawn gets Nymphia. Who stands out from these groups to you? 

CLÁUDIO: Brooklyn’s twinkiest elf and the Banana Buddha herself are the most interesting combo of the lot, mostly because of how mismatched they are. Dawn is coming down from a stressful ordeal where she had to captain a sinking ship while Mhi’ya did her best Magikarp impression, but she doesn’t seem eager to yield control. From the head honcho to a creative partner of equal standing with Nymphia, she’s almost shocked to have to adapt to another person’s ideas. Miss Wind, for her part, isn’t especially good with writing comedy, having depended on past teammates to come up with the jokes. She may ace a delivery, but that’s not enough when Dawn is similarly floundering.

Fair enough, their parody of high art has merit. More so than Morphine and Q’s hell-themed toilet.

At first, Sapphira and Plane also seem at odds, with the Philly gemstone eager to showcase her opera singing through a 1920s theme. I confess I was a bit confused by that correlation, and the Aircraft herself seemed a bit miffed at Madame Cristál’s insistence on a musical angle. However, the two quickly adjust, going into the room prep phase with the most coherent idea of the cast. At least, that’s how I saw it.

NICK: I think all three groups have solid ideas, though I’d rank Morphine and Q’s hellish designs as the least original of the bunch. Dawn and Nymphia’s modern art angle is ripe for bathroom humor, though I agree Sapphira and Plane have the strongest concept on its own terms. A public bathroom that’s also a speakeasy? If only it were true.

The groups are then shuttled to three bare rooms to be made up and decorated. Sapphira immediately starts moving in props and furniture, much to Plane’s dismay - she’s never done a day’s work in her life, according to her baby soft hands, leading to Nymphia and Sapphira making a joke about the white privilege of this inept bitch. The other queens start with painting the walls. Q tries teaching Morphine the right way to hold a paintbrush to get smooth lines, though eventually just paints her wall too. Nymphia and Dawn keep spitballing ideas as they work, what colors to use and whether they should leave one wall white. The mildew/piss yellow wall is a powerful artistic decision, that’s for sure.

Sensing too much tranquility, Plane childishly decides to stamp some red paint on Dawn and Nymphia’s white wall. This leads to a very silly paint fight between the two teams while Morphine and Q eat popcorn and watch the brawl. For all the pressure the queens must be feeling, it’s nice to see them cut loose this way. Actually, given how many scatological conversations are coming later on, “cutting loose” might be overly evocative phrasing. 

CLÁUDIO: What do you mean? Didn’t you love Morphine’s story about sliming all over the dancefloor? Honestly, the Miami queen might be a bit too comfortable disclosing such shitty (literally!) details on camera. According to Megami on social media, there was a whole WerkRoom convo we didn’t get to see because Morphine started a cast-wide discussion about painting your man. Still, better than taking ten imodiums like that irresponsible porn star. Silliness aside, there were a lot of strong emotions in this mirror chat.

Because of the challenge’s theme, conversations surrounding anti-trans legislation were inevitable, but the queens go further still, disclosing how they have been victims of such rhetoric, attacked in bouts of gendered violence and homophobic vitriol. As this is airing during an election year, one can’t fault Drag Race for the tonal rollercoaster. In other news, the effort to humanize Plane Jane continues in the cutting room front, with a good part of this section dedicated to her insecurities and self-reflective harshness.

Though I question how genuine some of these interactions are, there’s no denying the revealing nature of her confessions or how much Sapphira seems to empathize. If not for the fact she’s a top contender for the crown, I’d assume the season’s Mother of All Mothers was a sure bet for Miss Congeniality.

NICK: The bathroom discussion was something I admittedly did not expect, given how silly the episode has been. Their personal testimonies are already upsetting, magnified by how many similar experiences  they’ve shared about being policed in airports and at the clubs they’ve worked at. 

On a lighter note, what I’m additionally learning is that Sapphira could have absolutely just dressed as herself for the Significant Mother runway in the ball, and I am proud of her restraint. Also, much love to every tboy who watched Sapphira say she’s had a lot of transmasc partners and short-circuited for a few seconds. Seismic shift in the queer force there.

In no time at all, we’re on the main stage. RuPaul welcomes Mayan Lopez as this week’s guest judge, a woman I had never heard of who never once made sense for this gig. Ru looks stunning, her dress beaded to the gods, with a silver disk fastened just below her collarbone that appears to be some kind of cunty pacemaker. The runway theme for this week is... Chains!

First up is Morphine Love Dion, wearing her best runway in the competition. She’s bathed herself in gold chain mail, almost as if she’s wearing a suit of armor, with golden glitter on every inch of her skin and gold body paint for a little extra oomph. The headpiece, in particular, is to die for, along with that perfect mug accented by bejeweled lips. I love how much the midriff, sleeves, and hip pieces work to allow for sturdiness and movement. I kinda hate the yellow underwear, but otherwise, this is an excellent look for a queen who might have to lipsync for her life and still be fabulous.

CLÁUDIO: I hate the underwear, which looks a bit diaper-y when combined with Miss Love Dion’s unusually meaty tuck. Beyond that, it’s a good look though I’ll never be a fan of glitter lips as a makeup trend.

Q comes next, and I’m out of love for her outfit, too. The trousers are fantastic, but her chain bolero is a step too far, muddying the entire silhouette. It would perhaps work better if the chains looked weightier, less plastic and toy-like. Also, what’s that on her head? I blame you for this. You’ve been begging her to wear more wigs, and, like a monkey’s paw wish, this… thing is the result.

NICK: The hair on Q is fucking wack. No good explanation for it. We’re basically simpatico on her runway, which is totally eye-catching and mostly not for good reasons. Remember at the start of the season when her taste was so exciting to us?

Next up is Dawn, whose simplicity with color and silhouette looks quite elegant. Her makeup looks cunty, yeah? Love Dawn’s insistence on showing off her figure under any and all circumstances, especially when the white stockings provide such a shapely contrast. Chains on chains on chains frame her body beautifully, and the headpiece is a nice risk. Stellar wig. And still my immediate reaction was “oh, that’s not a good dress to lipsync for your life in, is it?”

CLÁUDIO: Dawn is downright chic, even if the chains look a tad like an afterthought. I wonder if this was a dress she already had and the metalwork was a last-minute addition to fit the prompt. Kudos for the face chains, but I think there were more elegant ways to do it.

Nymphia Wind remains a runway delight, never missing a chance to showcase her culture and killer fashion sense. Sure, this is just a corset with jewelry on top, but each piece is so beautifully done that there’s no way of denying their cumulative impact. Rendering Chinese knots as a chain motiv is genius, and so is the way her ponytail rhymes with the whip. Attagirl!

NICK: The intricacy and detail of Nymphia’s corset is more than enough to elevate the simplicity of her design. Her glass platform heels are the cherry on top of this look. Gorgeous.

Plane Jane also maintains some runway staples, namely spectacular padding, an inability to match her breast plate or her stockings to her skin color, and a bodacious outfit that still reads like the prompt was a complete afterthought. I don’t see the chains as remotely integral to this runway, and her outfit just isn’t enough to make up for that absence. 

CLÁUDIO: It’s a fine armor look, some slutty warrior from the future with an odd but not unwelcome penchant for lime green accents. Of all these runways, hers is the one where the chains are least featured, but it’s otherwise well done. Skin mismatching aside, my big takeaway is that the design looks better from the back than from the front.

From chatting with you off the record, I know you were quite dazzled by this look. Sadly, I can’t say I share the same feeling, though I concede that Sapphira Cristál’s puppy play concept is a stellar provocation. The execution is where it loses me, specifically the odd proportions that make her look like a busty, stretched-out triangle with a tiny head on top. The chainlink contour to each spot is fun, but I’m not sure the scale is correct. The train should be a proper tail, and the eyelash of her white eye gets too lost in the makeup. At least the purse is a pitch-perfect accessory. No nitpicks there.

NICK: The purse, the collar, the bouncy ears, the ruby red lips contrasted against all that latex. I love looking at it from the front, where the train makes it look like some kind of latex dress. I don’t disagree about the tail, but I really love that this was how Sapphira responded to this prompt. And I like the chain contour around the white spots. Such a creative idea, and for me the execution matched it.

Once the queens are collected together onstage, we get to watch the pilot episode of “Bathroom Hunties” and you know what? It could have been worse. First up is Morphine and Q’s Naughty Pottie, where the hell-themed bathroom is run by two little devils who have a member of the Pit Crew chained to the wall to be tickled for all eternity. And that man almost cums from it. Highlight of the episode. The queens themselves do a solid if not actually impressive job of presenting the space - Morphine stumbles a bit trying to remember her lines, but I don’t think she or Q were funny enough for that to really make her performance worse. We got the vocal fry, we got the repeated catchphrase. Love the toilet paper hook placed just out of reach and the golden coat racks that throw your coat onto the floor, but we definitely started with the weakest group. 

CLÁUDIO: You know what I think of Q’s “shouting = comedy” approach to these challenges, but even then, I can’t quite deny how smooth her delivery was compared to Morphine. Neither of their improv or pre-planned bits was very good, however, and the design component felt more clichéd than anything, even lackluster in parts. Those basic ass red dresses they wore are a bigger sin than anything else on display.

But speaking of display, that Pit Crew member sure was enjoying the tickling. Either that, or he had a very shapely sock stuffed down his itty-bitty red briefs. Honestly, considering the general quality of these toilet sketches, he deserved to win the episode. Give him the cash tip of 5,000$! And then give him another tickle for good measure since he likes it so much. 

Moving on, Nymphia and Dawn go about their modern art parody with the expected amount of cringe, though I admired their commitment to the bit. From the twink’s breathless affirmation that they are the future to the yellow princess’ slapstick nonsense, they were down to clown, and that’s got to be celebrated. The polish wasn’t there, but gutsiness counts for something. Design-wise, their bathroom was probably the best, even though the color story was sickening in a bad way. But I get why they didn’t waste prettier paints on the set since they had a more interesting canvas planned all along.

The bad girls in red had their horny devil. These green-loving snobs have Bruno, all naked and gorgeous, ready to be smeared and fondled along the way. Am I hallucinating, or are these bitches producing fetish content? Is this a shameless tactic to get more viewers, MTV? If so, I approve.

NICK: They are absolutely producing fetish content, at least for this episode, and though I’m not gonna advocate for them to lean hard into this dimension, it’s very fucking funny.

I thought Dawn and Nymphia’s bathroom was a hoot. You’re right about the lack of polish, but for me this counts as a plus - the power of modern art requires absurdity, spontaneity, and above all, commitment to the bit. Their bathroom was impeccably designed, and I loved their props, namely the platinum plunger proudly on display and their mobile toilet seats. Where would the waste even go, if the toilets aren’t connected to any sewer system? A provocative question, as all great art must inspire. My only complaint is that they didn’t have ridiculous accents.

But best for last is certainly Sapphira and Plane’s ‘20s speakeasy bathroom. They absolutely have the best chemistry as a team, with the most thorough retinue of jokes prepared for their presentation. So much prep also meant great improv, and their dynamic had a sitcommy punchiness without being canned. The set design for their bathroom is also unnecessarily good looking, giving their ridiculous concept an air of legitimacy. Bonus points for the obligatory scat joke, the sheer amount of liquor stuffed in every nook and cranny of that bathroom, and for being the only team to even include a glory hole.

CLÁUDIO: They lucked out on having good props from the studio storage because their idea of set design seemed to be painting the walls red and pushing furniture against the walls - there, done. What makes it work is surely their performance chops and stellar comedic instincts. More impressive, still, was how neither partner outshone the other, with Sapphira and Plane striking a balance between them. They were so smooth I could be convinced these bitches have been lying all season and have actually had a double act somewhere on the East Coast for the past few years. The musical interludes? A Jinkx-level stunt. 

In summation, if they didn’t win this as a duo, we’d have to overhaul the entire Drag Race industrial complex. Thankfully, justice was done so there’s no need to bear arms against World of Wonder. That’s not to say the judging was sane or even minimally up to snuff.

You would think that, since the speakeasy broads won as a unit, their sisters would also be considered within their team dynamics, right? Well, you clearly don’t think like a Drag Race producer. But even beyond that nonsense, some of the critiques were headscratchers. Digging into Nymphia for talking too much was bananas, and not the kind our Taiwanese diva loves so much. The praise for Q was expectedly unwarranted, revealing just how much the showrunners are invested in her making it far. They’re clearly not as interested in Morphine and Dawn. The latter seems to have been thrown to the bottom for no reason other than the fact she has no narrative momentum backing her up, no wins, or a snowflake’s chance in hell of taking the crown. And while I get it from a producer's POV, it reeks of rigga morris.

NICK: It’s incredibly bizarre judging. I don’t get the praise for Q, whose critiques sounded worse than Dawn’s for the challenge and the runway. Why did the judges have worse critiques for Q in private than when she was onstage? Why weren’t Morphine and Dawn paired together to begin with, to make pitting the two winless queens against each other easier for everyone? It’s just disrespectful.

Dawn and Morphine are announced as the bottom two queens of the week, and as soon as the song started I think the understanding of what was about to happen was universal. Our lipsync for your life track is Megan Thee Stallion’s “Body”, and Morphine assassinates Dawn so totally that I can’t even describe it. This is Monet X Change taking out Dusty Ray Bottoms. This is Peppermint, specifically for the gunshot motion Morphine does at “touch-me-out”. Dawn is clearly a talented performer, based on any number of lip-sync videos circulating on YouTube. That dress didn’t help, almost forcing her into a witchy routine that’s evocative in the very brief moments she gets the camera’s attention. But what caveat is there that can take away from Morphine’s victory, the best individual lipsync of the season.

CLÁUDIO: If the early passages were fetish content, this lipsync was a snuff film. From the second the song title flashed on the screen, it was over for Dawn. If I were in her stilettos, I’d have pulled a Ginny Lemon so respect to the Brooklinite for resisting that impulse. Anyway, Morphine vaporized her sister like promised, a Thanos snap scenario through and through. In the battle of the hydrogen BBL vs the coughing baby elf, the results were as expected. Indeed, I’m confident in saying that Morphine delivered the year’s best individual lipsync performance. Maybe she, not Mhi’ya, is the season’s assassin.

In any case, I’ll miss Dawn, who would have probably done good work in next week’s makeover challenge. Historically, that challenge has resulted in some of the series’ most dubious judgings, so gird your loins, girls. We’re in for a bumpy night next Friday.

NICK: It is a crime we won’t see Dawn transplant her mug onto the brawny face of a Pit Crew member. As the last white girl left in the competition I really respected, I’ll miss her nonsense. My personal theory, as stated last week, is that Morphine will finally score a challenge win here and Q will be banished from the competition. Anything can happen, sure, but I think I know exactly what is going to happen.


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