Drag Race RuCap: “Werq the World”

Wednesday

Mar132024

Wednesday, March 13, 2024 at 9:00PM

Nick Taylor and Cláudio Alves are following and recapping RuPaul’s Drag Race season sixteen. This week, it’s time for episode ten…

Sapphira is our Lisan al Gaib. All others are false prophets.

CLÁUDIO: It’s been quite the week to grumble about robbed queens, but enough about the Oscars. In RuPaul’s Prison Experiment, there were no such robberies. Indeed, there isn’t even an elimination to discuss since Mother Reverend Charles blessed us with a non-elimination episode. I’m not sure how I feel about that last bit, but I can’t help but cheer as Sapphira cements her claim on the crown. As we’ve discussed off-record, this chapter feels like the moment when a winner comes into their own, the place where, in retrospect, the narrative solidified and their Golden Path came to be. God Empress Cristál has risen, while both the Banana Queen and the bitchy aircraft fumble - false Kwisatz Haderachs, the two of them. Now, will you indulge my Oscar/Dune nonsense, or is it time to get serious?

NICK: Listen, I’m used to just nodding along while people say things I can barely grasp in context, so go off diva...

This was a very underwhelming episode for me, mainly due to a non-elimination Top 2 LipSync For The Win moment that felt totally unearned. We could have easily and justly lost a queen last week, and Sapphira’s claim on the win seems so all-encompassinging I’m almost insulted she had to fight for it. And what a waste of the whole immunity gag! Could have been an all-timer moment if they put Plane in the bottom two like she deserved to be, but alas, it seems we’ll have to wait at least another week for Drag Race to get rid of another while girl.

We open on the queens mourning Plasma, a feeling arguably overpowered by how goddamn gobsmacked they are that her track record couldn’t protect her. We’ve hit another level of “This is SERIOUS now, NO ONE is safe, mama!!!” Q is feeling her oats after her second challenge win. Mhi’ya is rightly celebrated for tearing up the main stage, but she’s peeved about being in the bottom again.

In no time at all, the next day comes, and Ru announces today’s challenge will be a political anthem. The queens are asked to write a verse for Ru’s newest track, “Power”, a funky jam aimed to inspire the listeners to take action and vote! It’s our second songwriting challenge, and the third lipsync choreo-heavy group performance of the season. What the fuck! At least Jamal Simms is here to teach the queens their choreo, which may or may not work if they don’t have soul in them to begin with. Sapphira is thrilled from the word go, and she will fulfill that joy every step of the way. The moment she said her inspiration for her song will be “Lift Every Voice and Sing” before giving a detailed history on the Black National Anthem, this became the Sapphira Cristál episode.

CLÁUDIO: The Philadelphia queen has this in the bag, and not even the editors can make us believe otherwise. All the other bitches have doubt cast upon them, however. Concerns range from a personal brand to hoe-y to adapt to a political song to a complete and utter lack of rhythm. Nymphia, for her part, is panicking for real after performing nervousness on so many other episodes. Just as Megami and the Banana Buddha said on social media, Nymphia didn’t write her Girl Group lyrics. This time around, however, there’s no one to help her, which gives Miss Dawn a lot of joy, that nasty little elf. Mhi’ya, on the other hand, is rhyming equal with equal, prompting the baldie fashionista to go off in the confessionals. Q, baby, don’t cast aspersions when you’re bound to flop. As much as our seamstress extraordinaire might claim she landed in the “Girl Groups” bottom because of a shoddy outfit, we know that wasn’t the sole reason.

If only to corroborate that, the recording session with Leland proves to be an ominous exercise for the two-time maxi challenge winner. Rather than sing, she screeches her lyrics, like stabs into the viewers and her sisters’ poor ears. After RDR Live and Snatch Game, I’m starting to wonder if Q’s idea of performance ever branches beyond yelling. Sorry to be so mean, but not really.

NICK: It’s amazing how badly most of them do in rehearsals. It’s like Snatch Game, watching the queens jeer and talk shit on the bleachers only to bomb in new and idiosyncratic ways when the mic is on them. Sapphira is Little Edie, and no one can even reach Tamar Braxton realness. Dawn and Morphine at least have solid plans for their verses and how to sell them. God bless Leland for trying to help Mhi’ya make that equal = equal nonsense work for the song. Funniest of all is how badly Plane bombs after talking so much smack. Not even her profound levels of delusion can keep her from recognizing this.

Oh! And this gets us to the juicy center of the episode, as Plane conspires with Dawn that, all things considered, she doesn’t think any of these hoes deserve to be saved by her immunity potion. Nymphia wails on the main stage in the most ridiculous yellow puffer jacket you’ve ever seen, and Dawn suggests Plane pull a joke on Nymphia. Plane should convince Nymphia that she’ll use the immunity potion on her, and then not do it, like Lucy yanking the football from Charlie Banana Brown.

It’s so devious! Dawn really is such a little bitch, and I love her for it.

Things do not go better with Jamal. It’s hysterical how uniformly stiff the white girls are trying to learn this choreo. Not to post schadenfreude on main, but I am m convinced I could learn this soul choreo better than any of those crackers. I can’t walk in heels though, so maybe it’d be tough. Who can say? Mhi’ya and Morphine kinda turn it, while Nymphia’s loosey-goosey goofball routine seems like . . . . it could click for the challenge with more rehearsal time. Sapphira, of course, sails through beautifully. She’s got funk in her, and you can’t fucking fake that.

CLÁUDIO: It almost seems unfair how easily Sapphira demolished this episode without breaking a sweat, sailing through sections edited to imply everyone else is at the risk of failure.

Back in the werkroom for elimination day, Plane is projecting unwarranted confidence and Morphine isn’t having it. She knows her sister is about to bomb and she won’t indulge her fantasies. Jumping from that to the serious topic of this week’s mirror moments is a tad clunky, but one can’t argue with the importance of what’s discussed. Specifically, I’m referring to Dawn opening up about her struggles with mental health. As someone who can relate to a lot of what she says, I cosign her message that one shouldn’t feel ashamed of suffering from something like depression. Moreover, seek help if you need it, don’t beat yourself up over that necessity nor close yourself from others. Reaching out for support can be daunting, but it can also be life-saving.

Cut to Nymphia asking to savor Plane’s juices. Watching this show can give one such tonal whiplash. Wow.

NICK: Dawn’s honesty with her mental health was very moving to watch. As much as we’ve been underwhelmed by Dawn’s performances throughout the competition, she’s been a fairly delightful presence this whole season. Her vulnerability here is quite touching, without the forced quality that pervades some of Plane Jane’s confessionals, either as delivered by the queen or presented by the show. Also, I really enjoy her form of cattiness.

Seen a lot of folks calling her the season’s real villain but I think she’s just good at throwing shade without being a cunt.

We also get a moment where the queens discuss the importance of voting and political action in the queer community. It’s not the most hardcore radical queer treatise on television, especially in the wake of Ronan Farrow’s recent interview where Ru reveals he has a fucking apocalypse bunker in case of a civil war, but as per usual, Ru can’t fully diminish the impact and sincerity the queens are bringing to the table. Especially when it comes to Sapphira and Dawn’s testimonies about the importance of keeping up with local elections, knowing who’s on your city council. That shit really matters! You gotta know who’s running your town and your state, not just your country.

CLÁUDIO: Following these detours into earnestness, it’s time for the performance of “Power.” First things first, I must commend the show for the production quality of this number. From set to lighting, everything is on point and ready to make the queens shine.

It’s a pity, then, when they miss that opportunity. Dawn is fine, but I didn’t vibe with either her lyrics or her outfit, while Mhi’ya makes up for her somewhat stilted text with good delivery and performance. From the initial trio of performers, Morphine is the one to exude real star power, while her companions are more like backup dancers with an inflated feeling of importance. Nymphia and Plane come next and they’re struggling. Sure, the Banana Buddha redeems her awful lyrics (worst of the episode, methinks) with some smooth slinky choreo in a costume whose movements were downright hypnotizing. However, the Bostonian bitch completely misses the point of the challenge with her writing, while her outfit is an eyesore. That said, I’d sooner re-watch either of them before I subjected myself to a reprise of Q’s verse.

She’s got a voice for silent cinema and dancing skills fit for radio.

Last, but most certainly not least, Sapphira comes in to show the girls how it’s done. She is amazing, seemingly born for this funky rock register. Oozing charisma and confidence, the bitch commands your attention and refuses to ease her grip until the last note hits.

NICK: Dare I say it, this performance is pretty inspiring, both on its own terms and in comparison to how badly everyone else whiffed it. Morphine is the clear runner-up of this group, from lyrics to choreo to makeup and costuming. We’ve both wanted more from her for a goddamn while, and she really delivered here.

Dawn’s therapy-themed lyrics are affecting but not really the theme of the challenge. Mhi’ya and Nymphia both compensate for mediocre songwriting with great stage energy - I didn’t mind Nymphia’s campaign-slogan lyrics, but her last two lines are an awful mouthful. But Q is bad, and Plane is even worse. Q’s outfit is flashy, but is it Michael Jackson onstage or in Scary Movie 3? I did not expect Plane to be the most stilted bitch at the ball! It’s so disappointing.

Also, I’m not sure if this is the sound mixing falling through or the mediocre performances from the queens while they were recording their verses, but did some of the lyrics not sound legible to you? I found the singing harder to hear than I expected. Did the divas not enunciate? Was Patti LuPone instructing them on diction? That was weird.

CLÁUDIO: From there, we go to the main stage, where RuPaul Atreides is wearing rainbow string as clothing - a look that would land any queen in the bottom two of a design challenge, unless their name was Jorgeous. Michelle Visage is also in attendance, wearing a denim abomination, while Ross Matthews and Jamal Sims are sartorially boring by comparison.

But enough about the judges. It’s time to judge the queen’s fashion as they present their favorite hues. Category is…True Colors!

Mhi’ya Iman Le’Paige is first on the catwalk, modeling a red confection that’s somewhere between old school pageantry and Vegas showgirl. It’s a nice outfit, if uninteresting, though I wish I could cut off the father fan above her butt. Also, is the wig too low on her forehead?

NICK: She looks good, but her Pearl Bailey realness from the Flowers runway outclasses this handily. It’s also very fucking strange to me how many queens heard “pick your favorite color!” as the prompt and ran to nude illusion fabrics. Where was this energy for the Cher runways?

Nymphia’s next, and would you guess than she chose yellow as her signature shade? It’s a testament to her artistry that she’s brought so much formal variation to a theme/gag that’s arguably worn out its welcome. Her Carmen Miranda dress and headpiece are just stunning, and the sheer amount of plastic bananas accenting this look is really something.

CLÁUDIO: Despite her banana shtick, this is only the second banana-themed look she has modeled on the runway, give or take her doll design. But yes, it’s a bit tiring, even if she keeps finding new twists to keep things exciting. Here, she combines Carmen Miranda with Josephine Baker, coming up with an outfit that moves beautifully even as it mixes ruffles with plastic fruit. The less said about her recent IG post about this outfit, the better.

Plane Jane opts for green in what has to be the most boring basic pageant gown of the entire season. She talks a big game, but, this episode, she was pedestrian if not downright mediocre in all areas of the competition. Speaking specifically of the garment, I’ve come around to respecting the styles typical of drag pageantry, but the preponderance of nude illusion gowns with random bedazzlement will never be my cup of tea. At a certain point, it looks like you’re dragging around a skirt made of skin.

NICK: Hands down the worst look of the night. Boring as all fuck. Why can’t she match any of her 200 nude illusion looks to her own skin tone even a little bit. The sheer nerve to describe this as “asymmetrical green patterning” as a cope for the construction paper cutouts plastered across her body. I can get Plane hyping herself up, but how did the judges not read this to filth! What is happening here! What the fuck!

From the middling worst to the unambiguous best, SAPPHIRA CRISTÁL. How did no one else understand the assignment as well as she did! How did she fit so many ginormous units and dresses into her suitcases! Sapphira’s royal blue ball gown is to die for, voluptuous and excessive without swallowing her whole. The gold accent marks in the stitching and jewelry down her front really add shape to the whole look. And the Marge Simpson hair is the cherry on top of the whole damn outfit. I love looking at this.

CLÁUDIO: Well, this seems like an outfit whose space-taking silhouette is mostly supported through understructure that, like historical hoops, likely collapses/folds unto itself, so it doesn’t take that much space when packed. In any case, I love the cartoon regality of this lewk and agree with you about the gold accents. My only nitpick is that the center panel of the skirt is so heavy it’s pushing the sides up, making the hem wonky. Alternatively, this might have been designed without the proper skirt supports in mind. Either way, it’s a minor technical detail. Nothing can invalidate the show-stopping mpact of this blue spectacle.

Dawn opted for a more subdued midnight blue, and delivered the best look she modeled all season. This is a stunning off-beat design that takes this queen’s idiosyncrasies and renders them in a coherent vision, part child spookiness, part conceptual uncanny. Her bizarre walk only added to the theatrical presentation. After so many weeks doubting her Drag Race potential and runway prowess, I’m happy to say… attagirl!

NICK: I fuckin love this look, for all the reasons you’ve said. I think the maximalist, grab-bag quality of Dawn’s designs resonates more with me than you on average, but the relative simplicity of her childhood night terror is so perfect. Bless the clean lines and ruffled fabrics, performed so ideally with that weird but not quite threatening scurry. Anyone who said she should have made bottom two with this look on is deluded.

Up next is Q, wearing a lavender number I cannot make myself get too excited about. The ruffled pants and huge hat are keepers, but the bra decked with sheer, glittery fabric reads as atypically undercooked for this seamstress, taking the rest of the ensemble down with it. On the plus side: look at her wearing a wig for her runway instead of a headpiece! I don’t like Michelle’s mantra of demanding eccentric queens tamping themselves down to prove they can pull off traditional glamor, but god, I’m so glad we got to see her wear a wig for her runway at least once.

CLÁUDIO: The hat and bra might work in conjunction with other pieces but, as a whole, this outfit is another rare miss for Q after that shoddy robot on the dancing queens runway. The way every shade of lavender is slighty clashing with the others makes my eyes twitch.

Finally, we have Morphine Love Dion serving royal purple in ostrich feathers and nude illusion. The combo of dress, bodysuit and hat is pretty nifty, even if the skin tone of the torso and legs is bizarrely mismatched to her arms and face. Maybe this is a genetic condition of the Morphine/Plane drag family. Why are her boobs so light they almost glow? Whatever, kudos for redeeming Miss Aircraft’s Cher wig after last week’s Plasma disaster.

NICK: The skintone stuff is too distracting for me, especially the caucasian breast fabric, but Morphine’s look is otherwise a knockout. Is there any excuse she could’ve used to wear this for the Cher runway? Her bone-white nail extensions are a great accent against the royal purple. More than that, it’s nice to see her wear something that feels Big in a way her drag doesn’t typically seem to aspire to.

Once all the queens are assembled on the runway, Ru asks Plane Jane for the final time if she’d like to use her immunity potion. And wouldn’t you know it, she says yes! She’s decided to use her potion on . . . . Nymphia Wind! and the girls are fucking gagged. Dawn is shocked Plane actually did the thing she joked about not doing, and Morphine seems even more dismayed at her sister’s bad decision-making. Everyone in the room seems to know Plane needed that potion more than Nymphia did - except, of course, for Plane.

With Nymphia sent offstage to untuck, Ru and co. judge the six remaining queens. Predictably and hilariously, all the white queens get the worst critiques, while Mhi’ya, Sapphira, and Morphine all get strong praise. Less predictable and hilarious, the judges don’t really have that many negative critiques to hand out. They’re certainly not as severe as they should be. Dawn’s lack of rhythm is relatable and endearing, Q’s distractions from her utter failure to meet the choreography are clever. Plane’s stiffness gets the worst critiques, but even then, they like her awful dress so much. What the fuck is happening?

CLÁUDIO: I fully believe they saw that they couldn’t take Mhi’ya out this week and decided to make it a non-elimination episode, even before the queens hit the runway. It’s unexplainable otherwise. How does this meager performance deserve such high honor and not the Rusical, among others? Listening to the judges’ “critiques” was a mindfuck, as if they saw a whole different challenge. Maybe they did. Who knows?

Nevertheless, it’s unconscionable that Q and Plane not only avoided a bottom two lipsync but also skirted by without much reproach from the panel. It gives them an unwarranted sense of confidence neither of these big-headed bitches needs. Also, as much as I admire what Morphine accomplished, to pretend like she and Sapphira were at the same level is an insult to Miss Cristál.

And to add insult to injury, they lipsynced for the win to the sound of Meghan Trainor’s “Made You Look,” another TikTok hit from last year that now seems dated. Not even these two master performers could make me care about the tune, their freedom of movement curtailed by the deadly combo of inspid melody and corny lyrics. I guess they did their best in the circumstances, but it wasn’t enough. Still, in the end, the right queen won, so Sapphira joins the two-win club alongside Nymphia, Plane, and Q. Everyone else should be very concerned about their longevity on this competition. Time to step your pussies up!

NICK: It’s a dull week made frustrating by very baffling judging. Coming up next is some sort of group presentation before a live audience, because we can’t just do stand-up comedy or a roast for some reason.

I can’t pretend to be super psyched about this challenge. Is Q funny? Could she be going home next? We can only hope.