Review: Shouldn't "The Gorge" be more fun?

by Nathaniel R

My invite arrived in February. So what if I finally walked in? I'm late to the party, true, but it's doesn't appear to be much of a shindig and it's still going on over at Apple TV+. Party planners director Scott Derrickson and screenwriter Zach Dean have done the bare minimum and way too much, respectively, to prep for their big event...

The usually inspired crew including Oscar winners Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross (our deejays), and Rick Heinrichs (on decor), andd Oscar nominees Dan Lautsen (he brought the lights), and Ellen Mirojnick (on dress code duties) must have been under-the-weather because this party is weirdly cheap and drab looking given their collectively epic history.

With nothing much to look at, we turn the comely guests of honor Miles Teller, Sigourney Weaver, and Anya Taylor-Joy. Surely they can be the life of the party? Yes and no. Miles is on the dance floor but barely moving. Sigourney is sitting absently in the corner. They're both po-faced and guarded. That's strange when you consider the deeply silly mad-libs prompt Zach Dean chose. I'm paraphrasing but I heard he drunkenly slurred something like this before they opened the doors:

Think Mr & Mrs Smith, bankrolled by the Weyland-Yutani Corp from the Aliens franchise, meet Annihilation crossed with Sleepy Hollow during World War II... or maybe the Cold War? Oh and one more thing: it takes place inside "The Fold" from Shadow & Bone: Okay now, GO!" 

The only attendee who appears to have understood and chuckled incredulously at the prompt is Anya Taylor-Joy playing a Lithuanian sniper named "Drasa". She's side-eyeing everything (albeit without judgment!) and swinging around a bottle of Russian vodka like she means to down the whole thing herself. Or maybe she's already finished it and is hoping it magically refills itself? Stranger things have happened and will continue to happen... at this very gathering, in fact!  (If you're still thinking of coming to the party, definitely pre-game it.)

The morning after I'm wondering if I misread Anya's antics. Maybe she wasn't having fun but merely trying too.  That might explain the cartoonishly horny posing (what else is there to do at this weirdly empty party but flirt?), the waivering accent, and her delight in liquid courage. To be fair to her earnest co-host, Miles did perk up for a few minutes in the middle to goof around playfully with her. That was a relief. We should have known it was all downhill after that inexplicable but highly welcome rom-com intermission. C-