Drag Race RuCap: "Grand Finale"

No one had a better time at the DRAG RACE finale than Daddy Nurve.

NICK TAYLOR: The seventeenth season of RuPaul’s Drag Race has come to a close, and with it our third year of RuCaps. Sadly, it’s a pretty deflating limp across the finish line. Our repeated comments about this season’s success as reality TV carried by the queens through brute force has proven true via an episode which showcased its contestants as little as possible. No RuGirls from years past in the audience, no group numbers with the cast, paeans to live performance that are 200% per-recorded, it’s all just weirdly hollow. Last week’s LaLaPaRuZa had much better momentum, plus it got to lean on the personalities of the queens in a way this episode simply couldn’t. At least the right queen won in the end, plus we got a lovely tribute to Liza. The Oscars couldn’t fucking do that. What did you think? 

CLÁUDIO ALVES: Meh…

That’s pretty much my response to the finale writ large, though I enjoyed portions of it. We’ll get there soon enough, but the moments when the queens got to shine - runway, performances, interviews, Nymphia Wind - helped bring some life into the proceedings. Then again, I wouldn’t have minded if this whole thing had been scrapped. Ru retroactively crowns Suzie Toot with last week’s episode and this entire episode is just one hour of Liza lounging on a throne. That would have been better TV. We’d still get cutaways to Daddy Nurve for eye candy purposes, but that’s about it. There, Emmys for everybody. I’m sorry to be such a grump. Yet, it’s hard not to be when the season finished with a winner that feels correct, whose victory is still marred by the fact she pretty handily lost the finale as far as the competition goes.

Before that came to pass, however, the entire cast got to strut down the runway one last time. We’re doing the finale on the upgraded MTV main stage rather than a theater, seasons 1-3-style. Per tradition, they come in elimination order, starting with Lucky Starr, the franchise’s latest porkchop.

Paying homage to her astronomical last name, Lucky is a galaxy made fashion. I love everything from the bottom to the top of her head, but our crafty queen loses me a little bit with that crowning piece. I just think the disk around her hips looks cooler and more purposeful. It should be the focus of the ensemble rather than an afterthought competing with the nebulous shape up top. Still, the craftsmanship is remarkable, like the most ostentatious science project ever jerry-rigged into wearable art.

NICK: The headpiece and the disk are both big enough to justify being the centerpiece of this runway - removing one would be easier on the eye, but I can respect Lucky going out as her most maximalist self. I’d also take the solar system on her hips, but I’m honestly so amazed by her creating such giant artworks from materials that don’t read as impossibly heavy. If nothing else, it’s very fun to see the back of her nebula from about half the cameras pointed at the main stage.

Anyone would look demure after Lucky, but Joella’s deconstructed mattress gown is the kind of callback that’s more fun than actually impressive. The black/pink palette and contrasting textures are visually interesting, and I love the wig, but she looked better last week. Still, I can’t argue against the quilted toilet seat cushion she brought with her. A fabulous gag. The personification of season 17’s delulu genius goes out on top. 

CLÁUDIO: Did she look better last week? Let’s not fall into revisionist history, but I agree this is more cute than finale-worthy. Funnily enough, while I wish Lucky had toned down that massive headpiece, I almost wish Joella had served something a bit heftier, more grandiose. After all, she is known for her opulence back home.

I could say the same for Hormona Lisa, who is leaning into that Sadness schtick by serving rainy cloud couture. The gown itself is somewhat boring and a tad too bulky to be elegant, with the white volumes more resembling a trash bag than celestial in nature. But her head styling is immaculate. That mug looks better than it did all season long. Attagirl! 

NICK: I just wanna rip off the cloud, which makes her head look smaller and fucks with her silhouette too much. Girl’s hiding her figure! The mug and wig are indeed marvelous - she should’ve gone as a crystal ball.

Next is Sam Star - no, wait, it’s Crystal Envy! Look at how fucking huge her pecs are, filling out that bodice as well as any breastplate could have. Crystal’s really figured out how to contour and feminize her mug, soften those features, and it’s so transformative. Her face has never looked better, and it more than makes up for how odd I find the cutouts of her outfit. At least the gloves are fab. 

CLÁUDIO: I saw a photoshoot of this look where it had a train attached to look like a giant hand encasing Crystal - a classic drag look, at this point, but wittily fabulous just the same. Without that, the gown looks a bit odd, more like a bathing suit with a towel wrapped around the waist. Love the hat, the gloves are fun, the hair is old-school without looking like styrofoam soft serve - take notes, Samantha Star!

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Acacia Forgot delivered one of my favorite lewks from the finale. Though stiffened to death, those swags and swaths of fabric still moved beautifully, arranged for a rigid look whose lines still suggest movement. Yet, it’s the color story that’s most surprising, mixing buttery yellow with forget-me-not blue, an ode to the queen’s country roots that doesn’t overwhelm the glamorous serve. It also makes her aggressive blush pop all the more, ensuring we don’t lose sight of her mug amid the floral explosion. It’s glorious.

NICK: Acacia’s had enough serves this season for me to recognize she knows to serve for a grand finale. Still, I wasn’t expecting this gorgeousness, suggesting an intricacy and sturdiness located somewhere between fine china and coral.  And god, look at that hairpiece. That’s how you make a wig into its own statement piece while still making it a cohesive part of your ensemble.

I am less excited for Kori King. She’s bringing some finale-appropriate drama in the silhouette, the fan on her back, the fierce makeup, and the textured beehive, but the actual fabric of the dress looks cheap, yeah? The best detail is her middle and ring fingernails having rounded ends - Kori’s always repping the lesbians.

CLÁUDIO: I don’t think it looks cheap whatsoever. I like this a good deal, in part because I think the color looks striking with Kori’s skin and that perfectly chosen wig. Finally, the bitch has let go of the brassy blondes that do nothing for her. My one major quibble is that the ruffles extending from the back, swirling vine-like down the arms, make this seem busier than it needed to, while demanding the deployment of illusion netting that’s cutting into Mrs. King-Kollins’ bicep in a way that looks far more painful than chic.

Magnificent, majestic, a masterstroke of a lewk that’s also a big middle finger toward Michele’s inane critiques throughout the season. Love this feline mug, treading the line between glamorous and grotesque, perfectly set up by an exaggerated portrait collar that’s a bit like a rose blossom morphing into the picture of a prolapsed hole. Weirdly enough, the bling might be my favorite part - those bracelets are to die for. 

NICK: Miss thing is nothing if not insanely detailed. Arrietty looks so fucking incredible, and since I can’t say anything smarter or funnier than your rose blossom line, let’s move on.

Lydia B. Kollins follows her wife in term of a simple color palette. I’m fascinated by the jagged sutures working to hold the jacket together and accessorize it simultaneously. The gray wig makes her look more glamorously alien than prematurely aged, and her makeup is on point as always. The big, fuzzy black boa is a great contrast to the whites and grays of her ensemble. 

CLÁUDIO: I wish I liked this more, but it feels half-assed in comparison to Lydia’s more outré offerings, yet just as messily realized. The safety pins needed to be bigger, the weird extension of the collar into the face more disruptive, the skirt less of an afterthought. Anyway, she does look nice, so there’s that. Great mug, fabulous wig, but, for the first time, I think Lydia was out-fashioned by the wifey.

Lana took accusations of sleepwalking through the competition to heart, it seems. I unconditionally love this, from the baby room color palette to the sleep mask on a stick, the glittering body half-enveloped by a couture gown that’s the midpoint between a fantasy cloud and a comforter. The one note? Can this bitch find a new style of shoe, please? Honestly, I’d like to take some of these girls to Willam’s shoe closet so they can learn a thing or two about fashionable heels.

NICK: Lana looks like a goddamn dream, and I promise I did not mean it as any kind of pun. The flowy, heavy moments and asymmetrical cut are all fabulous, as is her zig-zag walk across the stage. I can’t even be mad about the heels, though this seems like a great opportunity to wear some cunty slippers on the Drag Race stage.

Last but not least is Suzie Toot, dressed as Audrey and Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors. I love this look, with the multiple layers of frills and standing collars surrounding her face to the mug itself, which is maybe the best she’s looked all season. Everyone’s doing such cool, architectural things with beehive wigs these days. But of course the coup here is the piranha plant sleeves, her stems rhinestoned for the heavens while her hands chomp away. Bless Onya for being so gagged upon realizing Suzie’s “hands” were fake during the live viewing party - me too, diva.

CLÁUDIO: Incredible, top four worthy, a theater kid dream come true with style and show-stopping spectacle aplenty. The shoes could be better, but I’m getting tired of always pointing that out, so let me compliment the color scheme instead, and that fabulous Jessica Rabbit loop obscuring one eye. That may have been a bitch to endure throughout the finale, but it makes for some sensual silliness, hard to resits and oh so sweet to see. Toot and Nurve stay winning, always gagging for each other like the stagebound queens they are

The top four presentation starts on its strongest note, with Jewels Sparkles doing her best Ariana Grande cum Audrey Hepburn cum Galinda Uppland after a visit to the Jean-Paul Gaultier atelier. The aesthetic is classic as can be, but the execution is delightfully unconventional, reimagining a ball gown as a four-quadrant skirt that sprouts from a fully corseted bodice. It’s architectural yet girly, a frothy confection that takes up space like nobody’s business, a sartorial monument that exudes winner energy.

NICK: Jewels has really benefited from the year-long gap between filming the majority of season 17 and the finale. Her looks the past two weeks have really distilled the persona she’s built while sharply expanding into different styles, glam and zany all at once. This is absolutely an outfit Galinda would consider low-key because it’s not drenched in ruffles and trains, never minding the dress is as wide as she is long. Magnificent.

Lexi Love reads more like she’s sporting an alternate version of her entrance look, slanted more towards Victoria’s Secret floral prints than Vegas hearts. The wings are amazing, as are the floral detailings across her body doubling as censorship strips. It’s very much in the wheelhouse of what Lexi’s shown us this year, but she looks exquisite, so I’ll take it.

CLÁUDIO: Not sure if it’s the wig or the makeup, but her whole mug looks refreshed from when we last saw her in the season proper. Like you, I’m getting Victoria’s Secret model and am not especially enthused about that turn of affairs. It’s, by far, the least interesting and most generic thing Lexi wore all episode. I guess she deserves props for being the only queen to wear something other than a gown.

From the waist up, Onya Nurve is living her Wakandian fantasy, mixing a gorgeous honeycomb structure with the softest mug we’ve seen from her in a while. The colors look gorgeous on her and she posed the house down boots. However, it all goes a bit awry on the skirt portion. Hate that stupid ruffle and how stiff the main panel looks. Overall, I think a lot of these girls could tone down on the horsehair and starch and whatnot.

NICK: The doe-eye accents are delightful. Diva looks fresh, young, ready to tussle. Yes, I think the bottom half of this dress could do with some editing. But boy is the top half of her wonderful.

Sam Star closes the runway portion with a very on-brand cowgirl getup. No points for stretching her persona. Negative points, even - or as Lana Ja’Rae would say, the comments about this getup really do white themselves. The white base with gold accents scattered across her dress and accessories is quite stylish, and it makes Sam look tan, glittery, and expensive as fuck. She looks ready to host the CMAs.

CLÁUDIO: It does look expensive as fuck and I think that’s what makes me kinda hate it. Because there was no lack of resources involved, just a lack of taste. The gown itself could be lovely, if basic, but the vinyl lining makes that skirt move like a parade float rather than a garment. It’s stiff as a rock and, when she turned around with none of the folds moving, I almost wanted to laugh. The oversized hat is fun, but it fucks with the proportions to the point it makes her look shorter than she already is, almost squat. And then there are the gloves, an excellent accessory that’s spectacular enough for one to base the entire ensemble around it. Loved the way the fringe moved. You know what I didn’t love? How it was the only thing that did move, and how it got stuck in the rigid volumes of the skirt. I guess it looks better in stills and sure takes a good picture, but this was a televised thing. Sam and her designers should have taken that into consideration. On a positive note, this is the best wig Trinity’s daughter has worn all season - more of this, please. 

After the cast has paraded their fashion best, it’s time for Mama Ru to make her entrance.

Once again, it’s a musical performance where the hostess with the mostus does minimal moving around while a gaggle of chorus boys try to make the thing look dynamic. Credit where it’s due, the boys looked really cute in their school uniforms, and RuPaul was even more gorgeous than usual in a black number with bold eyeshadow and a unit that’s more golden than some of the platinum tresses that have been washing her out a tad lately. For a second there, I thought WOW and MTV were about to announce a new staging of Spring Awakening, now extra queer and a little bit kinky, too. But no, it’s just another autotuned Ru-track we’re all going to forget by next week.

Also, this was totally pre-recorded without even the audience of family, friends, and production employees, right? The cutaways to the public were so fake, even less convincing than the canned crowd noise they added in post.

NICK: I thought we barely got cutaways to the crowd during the performance as it was. The boys are gorgeous, costumed like Ru took inspiration from Doechii’s backup dancers at the Grammys with the note “MAKE IT SLUTTY!!!” underlined three times in red ink. It’s very silly, but Ru looks great, so why not. Let Grandma dance.

Ru transitions seamlessly from live performance to hosting duties. She welcomes her in-house audience and the millions of viewers tuning in at home, along with panelists Michelle Visage, Carson Kressley, and Jamal Sims. I can only assume TS Madison and Ross Mathews were double-booked this weekend, because I don’t think I saw them anywhere in the audience. Ru thanks her fans across the globe for their continued support and enthusiasm, with some punchy comments about resilience that make sense as politically pointed for these dark times, but might just be her usual schtick. Ru also announces that for the first time in herstory, the final four queens will be performing their own vocals for their original verses, which I absolutely misunderstood as her saying they’d be singing live. My bad.

Our first finalist to perform is the multifaceted Jewels Sparkles, who goes all in on the bionic woman angle for her intro video. It’s a pretty impressive reminder of how genuinely talented she is, all the different arenas she’s excelled at throughout the competition. Jewels also recounts the formative, harrowing experiences she’s survived prior to the show and her hardships with Arrietty. More than one person at my watch party had to remind themselves about Jewels’ bionic spine and her dead brother. We can talk about the fleetness of memory or what have you, but mostly I appreciate the show not milking her story. Jewels has come across as candid without wanting these events to overwhelm her narrative, allowing her drag to speak for itself.

Or does she let it sparkle for itself? Her original number is all about “ding!”s, shiny and stupid and oh-so captivating. We can criticize all the finalists for basically re-doing their talent show presentations, but Jewels did the best job to really utilize the space and the backup dancers given to her. The number is full of Vegas-ready acrobatics and Muppets Show-style shenanigans where Miss Sparkles accidentally crashes into her dancers without breaking a sweat herself. You can practically see her doing this with Sabrina Carpenter, and both of them getting into a fight with Miss Piggy for control over the spotlight.

CLÁUDIO: I’d argue Jewels differs from her talent show the most, serving clownery instead of cuntiness. And I, for one, am here for it. Give me slapstick drag and silly symphonies, Muppet realness and audience interaction. She really performed the shit out of that routine, making a fool of herself for our entertainment in a way that reminded me of BenDeLaCreme’s burlesque performance on season three of All Stars. The sparkling lady’s propensity for comical mugging and dropping her high register into deep boy mode for fun is deployed here to perfection, and it all ends with a pratfall for the ages. I especially love how in control she was with her wig. Additionally, the unit was brunette rather than the blonde she wore for the final competitive episode, which I appreciate. Not to get ahead of myself, but Jewels easily gets my vote for best top-four finale performance.

Her interview is almost as good, with the Latina princess somehow saying she wants to be like Ru without sounding like she’s licking Mama’s boots. This convo is peppered with fantastic reaction shots from Jewels’ parents, with Salchicha always on the verge of tears - at this moment and throughout the entire finale, if we’re honest.

I must also say how much the bionic drag she put on for that introductory video worked for me. It’s all about the extra-filigreed eye makeup, like a mega-evolution of Jewels’ trademark beat, extended into a whole outfit. Lexi Love’s next and she also uses the video portion of the presentation to underline something about herself. In this case, it’s her Indigenous heritage, as one-quarter Cherokee, wearing a bone breastplate, like the boundary-pushing supermodel she’s proven to be throughout the season. This package sells the idea that, above and beyond her competitors, Lexi had the fullest narrative arc and evolution, learning to transcend her insecurities and let her star shine despite the emotional rollercoaster of it all. A cynical read of this would point out how Jewels’ doesn’t let herself be defined by personal woes while Lexi makes that her whole winner’s pitch. But I want to be more generous and state that though Miss Love’s struggles are integral to her artistry, it’s the latter that’s on full display for the finale.

Indeed, Lexi’s performance is phenomenal. Sure, the whole thing’s just an update of her talent show routine. And yet, there’s variety, starting with a space queen couture moment that reveals into a roller-blading showgirl with the help of the backup dancers, donned in mirror trunks and glitter harnesses. Bitch uses the boys almost as well as Jewels did, making them into an integral part of the choreography, even into props. While I denote some self-consciousness at times, especially the final split whose success seems to surprise Lexi, every nitpick is nothing compared to the sheer star quality on display. Furthermore, you gotta love how she turns her sister’s ageism into the theme of this show-stopper. You go, girl! You’re classic!! 

NICK: Lexi’s number did a great job of encapsulating her run on the season. The “classic” stuff, the “Alter Ego” name drop, lots of little bits that make this feel more personalized than your generic “I’m a hot bitch” Drag Race track. I almost wonder if she’d have turned it out more without having to bounce off those chiseled bodies like a pinball, but she still incorporates them fairly well.

Overcoming personal tragedy has very much been a major part of Lexi’s narrative. You talk about Jewels making it less of her brand, and while I get the point you’re making, I would counter that Lexi’s just been through a lot more than Jewels has. We were learning new horror stories from her almost every episode. Her ongoing struggles with her anxiety, her self worth, and her transitioning are pretty heavy in and of themselves, and while we’ve discussed plenty whether this warrants some of the coddling she’s gotten from production, she’s also been very candid about wrangling with her emotions since the season started airing and owning up to her messiness. Hell, seeing her crying fit about the tarp basically being used as a punchline felt like Ms. Love was poking at her own hysterics.

In other words, as much as we’ve moaned about the show carrying her through some very real stumbles, the totality of how much making it to the Drag Race finale means to Lexi is very moving. I’m simply not going to complain about a trans woman getting her flowers on national television. Certainly not at this point in history. Watching Lexi honor her drag mothers as the people who saved her life and made her who she is today was so moving, as was their testimony about what a joy it was to watch her become the woman she is now. Her interview really does distill her rough edges and her sincerity quite beautifully.

Third up is Onya Nurve, giving the most boring performance of the night. I couldn’t stop thinking of Jaida Essence Hall’s number on AS7, which at least had a better beat but still leaned too hard on catchphrase branding for its own good. Onya boogies just fine, and her ass is enormous, but her tune feels much more generic to Drag Race and less specific to her own persona than what Jewels and Lexi gave. I’m also not a fan of her jumpsuit or her night-long refusal to wear a breastplate, which looked discordant with her otherwise voluptuous padding.

Still, once she gets to her one-on-one with Ru, her charisma is so evident. Even the comments from the judges get to the root of it in their praise: it’s simply so captivating to watch her perform, no matter what the material in question is, and she knows it. Onya walks across the stage and works the crowd like it’s her show. Her immediate ownership of the space is a much better argument for her winning the crown than her number, to include the way everyone is rapt to her speeches and her jokes. She’s a force, which is not new to us, but her spark really is undeniable.

Sidenote: It’s insane Onya’s mom is almost wearing the  exact church lady getup the judges bitched about two weeks ago. From the second we see her watching her child perform, she radiates such love and pride and support, to include the moment she says how much she sees of herself in her son’s drag. Mrs. Nurve also doesn’t seem the least bit concerned about anyone stealing her fine husband away, even with Law Roach hiding in the studio to snatch him up like the Phantom of the Opera. That’s family.

CLÁUDIO: Daddy Nurve is really such a treat. Law has competition if he wants to steal him away, especially as the man continues to melt queer kids’ hearts with his unconditional support of Onya. He was more teary-eyed than Salchicha, and was even sporting the blinged-out tie his son was sporting last week as part of the LalapaRuza Doechii cosplay.

You’re right to praise Lexi’s one-on-one with Ru, and even more correct in your assessment of Onya’s magnetism up there. Every time you’re watching a queen who seems like she could take hosting duties away from Mother Charles, you know we’re seeing someone with winner potential aplenty. Hell, I want Onya to get her own show so I can enjoy her presence on my TV. I can hardly begin to tell you how much my heart broke when I saw that her upcoming European tour with Jewels doesn’t include a stop in Portugal. Alas, you may have noticed how much I’m beating around the bush, failing to mention Onya’s performance. Well, there’s good reason for that because, despite delivering the episode’s best vocal track, my fave was weirdly lackluster. Out of the four finalists, she used her boys the least, had the most basic choreo and, even then, felt as if she could have gone further. Why include a titty shake in your dance and not wear more sizeable breasts? Especially since the derriere was so peachy and well-padded? I liked this number because I adore Onya, but watching this out of context wouldn’t have sold me on her as the deserving Drag Race season 17 champion I know her to be. 

But also, I hated the nude illusion of her first look, with a zipper down the middle for maximum St. Bartholomew skinned-alive effect. What was up with that? Awful fashion choice. Thank heaven for that mug, softer than ever, making Onya into her mother’s tethered but also a good candidate for a Janelle James lookalike contest. Honestly, get this woman to Abbott Elementary!

Our last finalist is Sam Star, whose intro is all about her pageant polish and country roots, the family support she’s got behind her and how much she loves the old-school drag her whole schtick embodies. It’s also about how many stars Trinity’s daughter can model, with sparkles and spangles everywhere you look. It’s all very unsurprising but immensely well-made. The same goes for her performance, which could be repurposed for a national pageant’s talent presentation with very few tweaks. While part of me is bored by the whole thing, I can’t deny how amazingly Sam performs the rote routine - I loved the smoothness of her train turning into a red carpet for the bitch to walk down. Energetic, with a megawatt smile, this Alabama princess showcased what she does best and it’s impossible to deny the sheer talent on display. Sam Star might not be unique, but she’s got the other C.U.N.T. tenets under her belt. Indeed, I only have two quibbles with the entire show. First, I hate the wig, but you already knew that. Second, her last pose was a bit wobbly, making me think that the lift needed one more rehearsal or two. They’re minor things, hardly a dealbreaker when everything’s considered.

The one-on-one with Ru is less successful, mostly because it feels like a repeat of what we already saw in the season’s last few episodes. The highlight was the business with the Star family, with Sam’s mother an eternal goddess blessing our TV whenever the camera’s on her.

NICK: Could the parents have collectively won Miss Congeniality? I love how Sam’s sister has the exact same pageant girl spitfire energy - apparently it’s genetic. Sam could’ve gotten her start under Jinkx Monsoon and she still would’ve turned out exactly like this.

I’ll co-sign everything you said about Sam’s number, which is hardly one for the ages but is nevertheless executed with real precision. The red carpet moment was also my favorite, along with how much Sam clearly enjoyed being tossed around by the backup dancers every which way. Between Sam fumbling a little when Ru asks why she should win and Plane struggling with the same question last year, I think we might need a moratorium on cis white queen making it to the finale until they come up with a good answer to this question, especially if their personality is at least 50% Teflon.

After this comes the crowning of Miss Congeniality, with Xunami Muse and Sapphira Cristál on hand to pass down the torch. It must be said, Xunami absolutely outserved here, wearing a golden dress and a headpiece that’s iconic in the most Biblical sense, capped off with LMAO enscripted on the back. Magnificence. Sapphira’s turquoise dress is flattering but absolutely shapeless. There’s some scripted nonsense about the queens being so shady that no one deserves Miss Congeniality - a bit Sapphira sells much better than Xunami - but they quickly smile and reveal it’s all a joke. Who could‘ve guessed? 

As voted by her fellow queens, the winner of a 5k tip from Olay Beauty, presumably with a starring role in an ad campaign for Drag Race next year, is . . . . Crystal Envy!! The first white girl since Nina West to take this crown, Crystal looks totally moved by her sister’s generosity. Olay also gives each queen a $2,000 tip as thanks for a sickening season. You’re privy to more tea about why Crystal won, so tell me, are you happy for Miss Envy?

CLÁUDIO: I confess I was a bit shocked to read people’s reactions on social media, who felt Crystal’s win came out of nowhere. After all, she was my prediction, as you know from our off-record chats. Looking back, I guess this decision is hard to understand based solely on the show’s edit, since they downplayed Crystal to such a degree you could barely get a read on her relationship with the others. But, following the queens on various platforms and reading the tea, one quickly realizes how much she helped her fellow contestants, leaving drag for the other girls and generally acting nurturing to everyone on the cast. There were challenges in the middle of the season where half the costumes were Crystal leftovers. For that alone, she deserves some love. It helps that, apart from grumbles about Onya’s top placement for Monopulence, the season’s resident Barbie didn’t get involved in the drama. She also left fairly early, which probably helps in this case - no time to become anyone’s frenemy.

Hopefully, she’ll serve more interesting fashion than Sapphira for next year’s stepdown look. Thank heavens for Xunami in her golden goddess fantasy, a Q original for those interested. It was the perfect blend of beauty and the unserious good vibes this Muse doll so effortlessly embodies.

And speaking of good vibes, no matter how disappointing much of this finale may have been, it had Liza, and that counts for a lot. The Oscar-winner got the room into such a brilliant mood, adoration from every direction as she sat on her plush velvet throne. You could feel the love - Suzie was on the verge of tears - and her anecdotes and stories were a delightful departure. I could’ve watched Ru fawning over Minnelli for a full hour, no need for anything else. Liza is enough. Liza is everything.

NICK: The love for Liza was one of the best moments of the whole night. She looked fabulous with her leg up on the armrest of her throne, and her candor was so refreshing amidst the canned bits and uneven presentations. It’s so rare to see Ru defer to someone the way she did with Liza, to acknowledge an artist as a titanic force whose cultural impact supersedes her own. The love in the room was so real. Some of the faggots at my watch party were on the verge of tears themselves, though we all gasped at our favorite references and got ourselves into a frenzy remembering how dirty the Academy did her in 2021 by making her get in a wheelchair to present Best Picture. Ru’s tribute is  If only they’d included Kristen Wiig’s SNL skit among the slideshow of drag queens who’ve followed Liza as their North Star.

After this, the final four are summoned onstage to learn who has been selected for the final lip sync. They enter the stage in new outfits. Jewels Sparkles wears a black leather Zorro costume with a pink feather in her cap, with a chic parasol as her sword. She looks like one of those fancy Dalmatians, yeah? The mask connected to her hat is to die for. Lexi is rocking a cosmic Bene Gesserit cloak, clearly hiding RuVeals but quite glam and menacing on its own, with only her mouth exposed under so much fabric. Onya doubles down on the church lady realness, going for a sensible red blazer with a fur trim and a very odd wig. She’s going full in on a character piece, almost disconnected from the song itself. Sam is also clearly packing a reveal under her white bodysuit and black-and-rainbow fringe, though the way she holds her arm so stiffly behind her back, she very well might be hiding a gun. 

Ru announces Onya Nurve and Jewels Sparkles as the top two, and I admit I felt a little ambivalent about it! Onya earned her placement based on her track record, and I can’t actually begrudge her that. But in this episode she did come behind Lexi, and if we take the original verse as more important than the interview, behind Sam too. Jewels is a somewhat happy surprise, and she’s rocked to her core to hear Ru call her name. Good for her!!! We’ve quibbled plenty about her placements all season, but Jewels has maintained a great batting average, and improving her already-considerable game right at the end is a great way to complete her ascendancy.

I do pine a little for Lexi, who seems crushed, and clearly had some big ideas going into this lip sync. There’s a world where she eats this song up. On the bright side, she’s ideally lined up for a Katya-style “My self-worth is tangible and my art is still weird, fear me” trajectory should she ever compete on All Stars. Clearly her plans are measured in centuries. Can’t say I’m bummed for Sam, honestly, but she did her thing. No one can take that away from her.

CLÁUDIO: I can’t believe you forgot one of the episode’s non-Liza highlights. After the 1972 Best Actress champion is done sharing her brilliance with the crowd, Ru introduces Nymphia Wind, prompting a video where the Taiwanese queen details her journey in character as her disastrous Snatch Game Jane Goodall. It’s hilarious and a good reminder that, though more fashionable than most queens who parade down the Drag Race catwalk, Nymphia is also a goofball whose sense of humor makes for a delightful surprise every time you’re reminded of it. I don’t know what’s better, the nonsense narration or the cameo by the real Jane Goodall at the end. Oh well, the real best part of the presentation comes at the end, when last season’s winner reveals her stepdown look. And girl, it’s a doozy.

If Willow Pill represented earth in her weeping willow glamour and Sasha Colby seemed to emerge from the cresting waves of a crystalized ocean, Nymphia brings the element of air to the stage. The dress she sports is a gorgeous column, structured to an inch of its life, covered in gorgeous goldwork of birds flying across. And then there’s the giant piece behind Mistress Wind, a cloud frame in the style of traditional Chinese art with an additional element in front of Nymphia, like a piece of jewelry en tremblant. Within the celestial frame, she has devised a mountain landscape, upon which a Formosan clouded leopard pounces. This extinct species was endemic to Taiwan, its appearance here posing another chance for Nymphia to honor her culture. It’s gorgeous, a work of art that’s probably my favorite stepdown look since Symone shocked the fandom with her Swarowsky-ed jeans and wet t-shirt cuirass.

It’s a major fashion moment, followed by more silliness as Nymphia reveals each audience member has a banana under their seat. That same dynamic repeats during the top four culling into a top two.

Sure, Sam isn’t serving major style, but the way she’s hiding her right hand is funny as fuck. And then there’s Lexi, a woman robbed if you are to believe the online chatter. While I agree that, based on the episode’s performances, the final lipsync should have came down to Lexi vs Jewels, Onya was an undeniable titan during the season and deserved to be there at the end. Still, my heart longs to see the doll’s reveals in context. They looked so fun, going from a Robert Wun-inspired shroud to a final dark fairy fantasy with wings sprouting from Lexi’s back. At least, the two cut bitches get a tip, as will the runner-up. Not as much as Suzie Toot’s lip-sync smackdown winnings, but a nice 10 and 25k nevertheless.

NICK: Let’s just say I lured you out to go deep on Nymphia’s fashion in a way I simply couldn’t, rather than “just” “forgetting her presentation completely”. She looks fantastic, and I’m so glad to see her fashion on the main stage again. We also have to give props to Jane clocking Nymphia’s wig being slightly askance on their zoom call. Hysterical. Almost as funny as Suzie winning more money than each of the runners-up. 

Once Sam and Lexi scoot backstage, Ru announces Jewels and Onya will be lip-syncing for the crown to “Abracadabra” by Lady Gaga, which has infected minds worldwide in the three months since she debuted it with the tenacity of the worms that ate RFK’s brains. Every single human being could throw ass to this, and the queen’s costumes reveal their very different approaches to this year’s gay anthem. Jewels succumbs to the tune’s macabre, dance-heavy energy while going heavy on reveals. I’m impressed at how many she has packed away, given her outfit looked pretty tight. But the reveals take up too much of her performance, and not all of them are seamlessly executed. At least her final outfit’s a keeper, but it’s not as sleek as her previous lip syncs.

Onya, on the other hand, has no reveals whatsoever, and uses the incongruity of her runway to full advantage. She’s going for Gaga’s intensity while summoning the commitment to the bit of a pastor’s wife who hasn’t broken it down since she had kids. I simply don’t believe her wig not getting air when she flips her head is an accidental flop rather than a well-calculated gag, especially by the third time she does it. Maybe I’m reading Onya’s performance too generously, but she strikes me as too smart to not know what she’s doing, and the effect is too funny and fierce for me not to be entertained. To see a bitch winning Drag Race wearing a suit from Regina Hall’s closet in Honk for Jesus, Save Your Soul is arguably cuntier than any haute couture we could’ve seen. I’m psyching myself up way too much for the least interesting finale lipsync we had since season 13, but we got the right winner, so it evens out. 

CLÁUDIO: Meh. Sorry to repeat myself but this was a lackluster throwdown to finish the season, especially considering the song’s potential. I like to imagine Lexi would’ve killed it, and then Sam would’ve killed her with the gun you posit she’s hiding. Would have been more exciting than what we got, no doubts about it.

I will say this for Jewels: Her best moments were better than Onya’s. The way she convulsed her body as if possessed was cool, and the parts when she let her wig do the talking and just fixed those eyes on Ru, as if trying to enchant the host into a Faustian deal, were fantastic, too. Sometimes, Jewels is a bit too lax with her facial expressions during the lipsync, but those bits worked. I was less enthused about the sheer number of reveals, most of which were more distracting than fierce. The hat and the umbrella needed to go, and the sleeves, while nice, fucked up her choreo at one point, coming loose before their time. I’m not sure Onya outright won this duel, but Jewels lost, on technicalities if nothing else.

But you’re right that the preacher’s wife realness was fun. Onya embodied a good church lady trying her hand at the occult, mayhap overwhelmed by the powers from beyond. Her auntie moves are hilarious, if repetitive, and she sells it all with that face of hers, coming alive when needed, whether to project clown nonsense or divine ecstasy. The outfit is a needle scratch, however, even if it plays into the whole character. And what is that wig? I’m glad you liked it because I sure didn’t. A shellaced crown of fingerwaves with a wavy loose bottom that kept getting stuck on the jacket’s fur is not my idea of fabulous. I can’t believe she won wearing a sensible blazer - no choice but to stan and all that.

And so, the season comes to an end with a result I agree with, despite the queen fumbling the finale. Onya Nurve is a deserving victor, just like Jinkx on All Stars 7, and I’m a bit tired of folks shitting on her achievement online. Jewels even had to speak up about her rabid fandom, which keeps posting hate, to the point that the Latina princess has decided to take a pause from social media while things calm down. Also, for what it’s worth, I’m really pleased to see theater kids reigning supreme with Onya and Suzie as the season’s biggest winners.

I am, however, disappointed that there was no Golden Boot recipient this year. Since we already spend so much time analysing the runways anyway, why don’t we present our votes for this dishonor? And let’s select our Golden Shoot, too, since not everything needs to be about lambasting failures. 

Starting with the best of the best, it’s a tight race to the top. Honorable mentions go to Suzie Toot’s opulent outerwear and Arrietty’s lion-fish couture from the Sea Sickening Ball, but my winner is Lexi Love’s Schiaparelli-inspired parasol runway. For the Golden Boot, I don’t like to count design challenge creations, so Lana’s ball schmatta and Onya’s Betsey Johnson catastrophe aren’t in the running for the Golden Boot. I also think Joella’s mattress cum blanket cum glory-holed padded cell wall was too funny to qualify. That thing is too iconic to call a failure. So, that leaves me Kori’s French tip stupidity from the nails runway as the runner-up, and Joella’s Marie Antoinette-ish cake ensemble as the Golden Boot winner. Damn, I hated that mess, especially the wig.

So, dear Nick, tell us your choices and conclude another season of the Drag Race RuCaps! 

NICK: Bless you for not giving Joella’s mattress the Golden Boot, unless there’s a cash prize involved. I believe that’s now relegated to whatever reunion special TS Madison hosts where Amanda Tori Meating won last year for her skin-suit alien woman. The Marie Antoinette is unforgivable though. Hormona Lisa’s sea creature couture was a huge letdown, as was Kori’s quilted mess and Lexi’s black-and-white diaper. As for Shoots, I loved Suzie’s Christmas tree couture, Onya’s outerwear opulence, Crystal’s quilted runway, basically everything Jewels has worn since the Vegas challenge. Lexi’s Betsey Johnson bridal gown is my favorite original design of the season, with Sam’s garbage queen and Arrietty’s Monopulence as close runners-up.

There’s a lot of gorgeousness I very well could name, but I know we’re running lot at the end here, and I don’t want to delay us any more than usual, so! Thank you again Cláudio for making this season even more fun than it already was. Thank you readers for following along. May next year’s queens be just as entertaining. May Liza bless you on this happiest Easter/Passover/420, may drag be legal next year and flourishing no matter what, and may we all be safe and healthy.

Previous RuCaps:

• Episode 1: “Squirrel Games”
• Episode 2: "Drag Queens Got Talent"
• Episode 3: "Monopulence!"
• Episode 4: "Bitch, I'm a Drag Queen!"
• Episode 5: "RDR Live!"
• Episode 6: "Let's Get Sea Sickening Ball"
• Episode 7: "Snatch Game"
• Episode 8: "The Wicked Wiz of Oz: The Rusical!"
• Episode 9: "Heavens to Betsey!"
• Episode 10: "Villains Roast"
• Episode 11: "Ross Matthews vs the Ducks"
• Episode 12: “Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve & Talent Monologues”
• Episode 13: "Drag Baby Mamas"
• Episode 14: "How's Your Headliner?"
• Episode 15: "LalapaRuza Smackdown Reunited"

Comments

[Philip H.]

I honestly thought Lexi was the worst of the episode. Her number didn't work for me... It get that she was on skates and that's cool but because of that, she probably needed extra rehearsal to really nail it.

I am not a Sam fan at all and didn't think she should've been top 4, but I would've ranked her above Lexi for the episode.

All-in-all, I thought it was the correct top 2 for sure...

I am really disappointed Jewels didn't win, yet not disappointed that Onya won, if that makes sense?

I don't think Onya won the episode, and I think Jewels absolutely did, although I understand Onya won "the season" with her track record.

However, I thought the judges were a tad bit overly generous with Onya and a tad bit stingy with Jewels when it came to challenge wins, and that's where my frustration lies.

Jewels' Big Foot (or "Miss Big Feet" or whatever) was my favorite Snatch Game hands down. I don't think Onya was a bad or undeserved win at all, but Jewels was easily the winner in my eyes.

Additionally, Sam winning the rusical was absolutely bananas--like, B-A-N-A-N-A-S level of buffoonery. That absolutely should've been Jewels' challenge.

Ultimately, Onya is not a bad winner... Her fashions were too crunchy for me to ever see her as a winner throughout the season, but she is clearly the most charismatic and that was evident on the finale.

I just wish Jewels has been treated fairly throughout the competition, because then she would've had a fair shot at the crown with a more even playing field re: track record, and I think she would've taken it. In my opinion, Jewels has something reallyyy special, an *it* factor that even Onya doesn't quite have.

I also think they didn't want a repeat of last season, where the frontrunner is blindsided by the underdog, which really didn't make sense considering the way they edited Nymphia's journey...

I still think a Jewels win would've made sense because even though they didn't give her wins when she deserved them, she was peaking at the right time, the very end...

But I digress. Once again, I'm very disappointed Jewels didn't win, yet not disappointed Onya did win. That sums it up perfectly.

[davidandwaffles]

I thought Lexi was great, and I loved her cheeky sashay away of her Ruveals before leaving the stage.
Onya is a totally deserving winner. So much stage presence. She can work a room!

And Jewels has definitely seen Naked Gun 33 1/3 a lot. That was basically Pia Zadora's Oscar number from the film (and I'm here for it).