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 Gemini, Cinephile, Actressexual. Also loves cats. All material herein is written and copyrighted by him, unless otherwise noted. twitter | facebook | pinterest | tumblr | letterboxd

 

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Hunter is so expressive, like a firework (intended) exploding again and again.
❞ - Henry

THELMA & LOUISE
I took a "fluff" class senior year of high school called Mass Media, and we were allowed to do a project on anything we wanted. My friend Meaghan and I decided to do our project on Brad Pitt,..I had never seen "Thelma & Louise" and found myself obsessed with it. I think I watched it five times by the time my senior year was over. ❞ -Jakey

 


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The 11th annual FiLM BiTCH Awards celebrating the films of 2010
see also:
Pictures, Traditional Acting, Aurals, Special ActingBest Scenes 

Hero of the Year

"Rita O'Grady"
Sally Hawkins
MADE IN DAGENHAM
 "Flynn & Rapunzel"
Zachary Levi & Mandy Moore and animators
TANGLED
"Hiccup"
Jay Baruchel & animators
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON
"Mattie Ross"
Hailee Steinfeld
TRUE GRIT
"Scott Pilgrim"
Michael Cera
SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD
 Blessed with: Natural leadership skills, surprising reserves of steel, red (borrowed) dress, (mostly) supportive husband. Achilles Heel: Initial timidity, wary peers. Triumph: Equal pay for women, and her triumph spreads far from her hometown.
Blessed with: Flynn: Agility, Non-Pointy Teeh, Smolder; Rapunzel: Magic Hair. Achilles Heel: Flynn: Sticky fingers and the inability to be captured in portraiture; Rapunzel: Co-dependency. Triumph: Return of royal birthright. living happily ever after.
Blessed with: Smarts, compassion, animal husbandry skills. Also skilled with drawing and forging. Achilles Heel: Clumsy, Father who won't listen to him. Triumph: Changes entire lifestyle of his village. Living in prosperity with the best pets in the world.
Blessed with: Grit, legal know how, verbal cunning, discernment in hiring practices, cute pigtails. Achilles Heel: Bickering employees, self seriousness.Lighten up! Triumph: Avenges her father's death and makes quite a personal sacrifice to do so.
Blessed With: enthusiastic bass playing, hilarious friends and advisors, the affection of his dream girl. Achilles Heel: "lesbians". Knives Chau, He's little slow on the uptake, too. Triumph: Finally "Gets it." Starts to grow up. Wins the Sword of Self-Respect.
 

Finalists: Angelina Jolie as "Evelyn Salt" in SALT is blessed with the world's best poker face, Macgyver level improv skills and Angelina-sized lips. | Colin Firth as "King George VI" in THE KING'S SPEECH |

Semi-Finalists: Jennifer Lawrence as "Ree Dolly" in WINTER'S BONE | Dany Boon as "Bazil" in MIC-MACS| Hilary Swank as "Betty Anne Waters" in CONVICTION  | Mark Wahlberg as "Mickey Ward" in THE FIGHTER

 

Villain of the Year

César Luciano
Niels Arestrup
A PROPHET
The Cody Boys
Mendehlson, Stapleton, Ford, Edgerton
ANIMAL KINGDOM
Hailsham
art directors
NEVER LET ME GO
"Lotso Hugging Bear"
Ned Beatty & Animators
TOY STORY 3
"Mother Gothel"
Donna Murphy & animators
TANGLE
 Guilty of: ordering hits, drug dealing, intimidation, racism, physical abuse by spoon, general humorlessness. Accomplices: The Corsicans, Malik, dirty lawyers. Sentence: Rotting in prison, ever declining power.
 Guilty of: Their crimes against society are multiple and murky. The short version: they've done some bad things, sweetie. Accomplices: Janine "Smurf" Cody, she'll do anything for her boys. Sentence: Various. They'll come undone.
 Guilty of: Systemic oppression, squashing the dreams of the vulnerable, excessive "donations" to ethically suspect society. Accomplices: "Miss Emily". Sentence: Shut down. But who is to say what new evils have taken its place?
Guilty of: misleading plushness, mob rule, sewing dischord, lying to friends and enemies alike, holding grudges, turning a paradise sinister. Accomplices: Ken, Monkey, Stretch, Big Baby.  Sentence: A life of bug eating monotony.
 Guilty of: Two decades of lies and emotional child abuse, vanity and selfishness. Accomplices: She's too craft to need any. In a pinch she'll hire a couple of thugs. Sentence: How do all Disney villains bite it? That.
 

Finalists: Mickey Rourke as "Whiplash" in IRON MAN 2 would have made the list if he weren't such a henchman and if his costume were better | Helena Bonham-Carter as the "Red Queen" in ALICE IN WONDERLAND, the film's saving grace if only it could be saved. | "Gru" in DESPICABLE ME is amusingly stuck between villainry and heroism.

Semi-Finalists: Various actors as "Seven Evil Exes" in SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD | Justin Timberlake as "Sean Parker" in THE SOCIAL NETWORK

 

 

Diva of the Year

Worship their fabulousity. Key diva ingredients: presence (life force), theatrics (larger than life), narcissism/ego (believes own hype/craves attention), the goddess principle (a certain remoteness), vocal fireworks (of one sort of another)
 "Joan Rivers"
Joan Rivers
JOAN RIVERS: A PIECE OF WORK
 "Red Queen"
Helena Bonham Carter
ALICE IN WONDERLAND
"Sean Parker"
Justin Timberlake
THE SOCIAL NETWORK
 "Tess"
Cher
BURLESQUE
"Thea"
Paprika Steen
APPLAUSE
 Turn ons: Workaholism, fame, wealth, "acting", New York City Hobbies: Fretting about fame and fortune, writing jokes, plastic surgery Enablers: Melissa  and "The Apprentice". Turn offs: Hecklers, any criticism whatsoever, blank white calendar pages.
Turn ons: Warm pig bellies, the Knaves of Hearts. Hobbies: Screaming at her minions, decapitating foes. Enablers: the royal court of prosthetics-users, the Knave of Hearts, frogs. Turn offs: Alice, The White Queen, tart thieves.
Turn ons: Petty but deadly revenge schemes, interns, cocaine, California Hobbies: Showing off, dispensing advice, revenge.  Enablers: Mark Zuckerberg, Christy Lee, Napster-Legend. Turn offs: Eduardo Saverin, existing power structures
Turn ons: Showing a little more, showing a little less, welcoming you to Burlesque, "air rights". Hobbies: Being Cher, bragging about her indestructability Enablers: Nigel (on loan from Miranda Priestly) Turn offs: Debt, sharing a mirror, drunk whores
Turn ons: Herself, Alcohol, The Theater, Acting. Hobbies: Belittling people at bars, backstage and a toy stores, making loved ones uncomfortable Turn offs: Civilians who take her photo, civilians who hit on her at bars, sobriety, aging.
 

Finalists: Angelina Jolie as "Evelyn Salt" in SALT, Jemima Kirke and "Charlotte" in TINY FURNITURE.
Semi-Finalists: There were so many half divas floating about this year. Jesse Eisenberg is "Mark Zuckerberg" but far more of a diva-in-training than an actual diva in THE SOCIAL NETWORK, "Ken" in TOY STORY 3 would like to be one, but you gotta be able to command the room, Melissa Leo as "Alice Ward" in THE FIGHTER would definitely be one if she weren't all about propping up the legend of others (her boys) and one senses that Isabelle Huppert as "Marina Vial" in WHITE MATERIAL was a diva before the film began. Kristen Bell's "Nikki" in BURLEQQUE was too drunk to maximize her divatude. Helen Mirren's "Victoria" in RED is a diva, but you can't fully sell your grandiosity when you're that far down the call sheet of a movie.

Honorable Mention: Is "Banksy" of EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP a diva? How can you be a diva when you're purposely do not have a presence? Otherwise surely.

 

Sexpot of the Year

 "Chloe"
Amanda Seyfried
CHLOE
"Connor"
Michael Fassbender
FISH TANK
"Eames"
Tom Hardy
INCEPTION
"Jamie & Maggie"
 Gyllenhaal & Hathaway
LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS
"Lily"
Mila Kunis
BLACK SWAN
Seyfried may blank slate it a bit but that's for whatever nasties the other characters are projecting onto her: horny/innocent schoolgirl, bicurious fantasy object, sexual mentor, you name it.

From the moment he saunters into her kitchen, all yeah, I just banged your mom casz, you know Mia is in deep trouble. Making coffee has never read so dirty.

Pity they didn't let Hardy actually play his forgeries. From his intro he's exuding fluid carnality in a largely asexual piece and a movie about the subconscious needed more of just that. "Dream bigger, darling."

Lust and other drugs.

When Jake and Annie are senior citizens in the Academy retirement home, here's a historical record of their physical perfection.

A perfect effortlessly erotic foil for Nina's pent-up virginity (?). "I have my ways..." she teases. And who are we to doubt her?
 

Finalists: Mark "I'd use your stuff" Ruffalo as "Paul" in THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT | Marion Cotillard as "Mal" in INCEPTION. Other than Hardy she's the only one bringing sexual force to a film about dreams for r.e.m.'s sake | 

Semi-Finalists: Hrithik Roshan may be trying too hard to win Sexy Prizes as  "Jay Ray" in KITES but he sure can move. | Thandie Newton as "Tangie/Orange" in FOR COLORED GIRLS. If only the blazing lust didn't keep curdling into something entirely unsexy.| Marisa "Sex Angel" Tomei in CYRUS

 

Best Poster Design

BLACK SWAN
FOR COLORED GIRLS
I AM LOVE
LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS
THE RUNAWAYS
This nomination isn't for one particular poster but for an entire campaign (well, nearly, hated the red arm one). Poster after varied poster sold the movie as an appropriately freaky multiple-identity event.
This bright watercolor beautifully captures the play's poetic, feminine mystique and for a movie so wet-eyed, watercolor and its bleed are perfectly apt.
The film's florid elegance, romantic spirit, and famiilal drama featuring Tilda as a family & movie's crown jewel. How on earth do you convey all of tho.. oh never mind, they managed. What a feat!
The film was a mess but the poster is the kind of loose, funny, sexy and charming romp that the movie wants to be, half the time at least. I can't account for the other half, can you?

Brashly confident, in your face dirty and instantly iconic.

Or it would have been if the target audience had been a little savvier about rock history. A clever riff on "Cherry Bomb" for sure.

 

Finalists: JOAN RIVERS: A PIECE OF WORK | RABBIT HOLE | SALT | LET ME IN (teasers)
Semi-Finalists:
ANIMAL KINGDOM (the toothy jawed Euro version. The others were often cluttered/uninspired) | BURIED | LOVE RANCH

 

TRADITIONAL CATEGORIES: PICTURES | ACTING | VISUALS | AURALS (plus: traditional nomination tallies)
EXTRA CATEGORIES: SPECIAL ACTING | REAL CHARACTERS | BEST SCENES (plus: all nomination tallies)