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Oscar Trivia Madness
Oldest Years in Which All Oscar Nominees Are Still Alive


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The 12th annual FiLM BiTCH Awards celebrating the films of 2011.


Hero of the Year

"Arthur Christmas"
(James McAvoy & animators)
"Captain America"
(Chris Evans)
"Carlos Gallindo"
(Demián Bichir)
(Andy Serkis and animators)
(six beautiful equines)
Blessed with: Extraordinary holiday spirit, global concern, and a handy gift-wrapping companion elf. Achilles heel: Clumsy. Not so tech-savvy. Triumph: saves Christmas and mends strained family bonds.
Blessed with: Super everything: strength, purity, patriotism, agility, old fashioned modesty. Achilles heel: Unknown though he did need super steroids serum to get there. Triumph: Saves the world. Dethawed from huge block of ice.
Blessed with: Honesty, patience, work ethic and big love for his son.
Achilles heel: Way too trusting. Take the keys with you up that tree! Nooooo. Triumph: Not for himself but it was all for his son anyway. Giving him a shot at a better life.
Blessed with: Intelligence, loyalty, love of big trees, sympathetic scientists.
Achilles heel: He wants so much more he's practically a Disney heroine show-tuning it. Triumph: Escape to the Sequels of the Planet of the Apes.
Blessed with: Loyalty, extraordinary luck, mad ploughing skills, and extremely photogenic. Achilles heel: Not so picky about who's riding him; you win some you lose some. Also barbed wire. Triumph: Thrilling escape + Touching reunion.

Finalists: "Coltor Stevens" (Jake Gyllenhaal) in Source Code; "Aibileen, Skeeter & Minnie" - but they have to share the heroics with all of the nameless characters in The Help; "Moses" (John Boyega) in Attack the Block; The Monks in Of Gods and Men;


Semi-Finalists: Thor (Chris Hemsworth) in Thor and this one is dedicated to Harry, Ron & Hermione as their franchise ends. I was never a big Harry Potter fan and I don't believe in honoring franchises over and over again for the same achievements but there is no doubt that they left a mark on global imagination when it comes to super heroics. 


Villain of the Year

"Bernie Rose"
(Albert Brooks)
"Jerry Dandrige"
(Colin Farrell)
(Ezra Miller)
(Tom Hiddleston)
(Ned Beatty & animators)
Guilty of: easy irritability, murder, shitty "European" movie making, and all around shady business practices; Accomplices: loud mouth Nino and other mobsters; Sentence: death in the shadows
Guilty of: Mass murder, lust, trespassing, malevolent pranks, driving down real estate values; Accomplices: a whole cave full of undead; Sentence: death. This time for good.
Guilty of: mass murder, patricide, creative destruction of home offices, making his mother's life a living hell from birth; Accomplices: the bow and arrow; Sentence: Prison.
Guilty of: deceit, tricks, war mongering and fraternal jealousies of mythic proportion; Accomplices: the frost giants, The Destroyer, and multiple images of himself; Sentence: Still at large.
Guilty of: lies, abusing his office and trust of constituency, theft, Chinatown referencing; Accomplices: Rattlesnake Jake; Sentence: Dragged off into the desert after one last double cross

Finalists: "Dr. Ledgard" (Antonio Banderas) in The Skin I Live In; "Jack and Jill" in Puss in Boots; "Melancholia" in Melancholia; Semi-Finalists: "Martin Vanger" (Stellan Skarsgård) in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and "Margaret Thatcher" (Meryl Streep) in The Iron Lady though the film thinks of her as a hero for some reason.



Diva of the Year

"George Valentin"
(Jean Dujardin)
"Helen Harris" (Rose Byrne)
"Mavis Gary"
(Charlize Theron)
"Suzanne Pujol"
(Catherine Deneuve)
(Chris Hemsworth)
Turns ons: dancing, his own stardom, watching his own films, and Peppy Miller; Hobbies: dancing, posing, exuberant facial expression; Enablers: moviegoers, wealth, and definitely Uggie. Always Uggie; Turn offs: change, failure, The Talkies.
Turns ons: Outdoing everyone else with her wealth, beauty, and knowledge; Hobbies: throwing parties, name dropping, gift-giving; Enablers: Lillian and her husband's bank account; Turn offs: Any of Annie's ideas. And, well, Annie.
Turns ons: Buddy, her old boyfriend, Hello Kitty; Hobbies: sleeping, ignoring her dog, plotting, husband stealing, writing single sentences; Enablers: Matt (reluctantly) & Colette (whole-heartedly), alcohol; Turn offs: work, reality.
Turns ons: umbrellas, business and politics, sex, old boyfriends; Hobbies: fixing problems, not-so hostile takeovers; Enablers: in a fun turn of events, her husband's mistress; Turn offs: being underestimated
Turns ons: himself, Jane, godhood, and his hammer (everybody names theirs. His is Mjölnir); Hobbies: boasting, ordering people about; Enablers: Loki and Odin (at first) and the Warriors Three; Turn offs: Exile with sudden hammer-related impotence, Jotunheim
Finalists: "Justine" (Kirsten Dunst) in Melancholia could've ruled this category -- who else can destroy the world with their terrible mood? -- if she could be bothered to get out of the bathtub Semi-Finalists: "Jacob Palmer" (Ryan Gosling) is Crazy Stupid in Love with himself; "Margaret Thatcher" (Meryl Streep) The Iron Lady is a diva all right. Well for half the film. Otherwise she's an old hallucinating woman;  "Lisa" (Anna Paquin) isn't fabulous enough to be a true diva in Margaret but she thinks of herself as the center of her universe anyway.


Sexpot of the Year

(Michael Fassbender)
"Eun-yi Li & Hoon Goh"
(Jeon de Yoen & Lee Jung-Jae)
"Jacob Palmer"
(Ryan Gosling)
(Kirsten Dunst)
"Marilyn Monroe"
(Michelle Williams)
Oversexed but can you blame the roundrobin of partners?
So horny they can't stop themselves. So hot that one of them self-immolates.
"It's like you're photoshopped"
Dunst's somnabulistic sex appeal hasn't been used this well since Virgin Suicides.
What a task to inhabit the most famous sex symbol of all time.
Finalists: none
Semi-Finalists: "Captain America" in Captain America... it's so hot when someone doesn't even know they're hot and Steve Rogers isn't used to thinking of himself that way; "Thor" (Chris Hemsworth) in Thor; "Britney S. Peirce"'s boobs are in 3D in Glee The Concert Movie; "Annika" (Dagmara Dominczyk) enjoys painting her husbands penis in Higher Ground and we loved her;


[You can find a menu to the last two years of awards to your right in the sidebar.]