Red Carpet Conversations continues on the road to Oscar night. The Critics Choice Awards fashions were like something out of easter but the Globes stepped it up with all the colors of the rainbow. Now we've reached the Screen Actors Guild Awards and Pajiba's Joanna has returned!
Joanna: wooo hoooo fashion
Nathaniel: Welcome back Joanna. So how is awards season treating you? You were sick yesterday when we were supposed to talk. Was it red carpet overload?
Joanna: There's only so many ruffles one girl can take.
Nathaniel: So we start on a sun-drenched field.
Lane, Wiig, Carpenter, King, and Mol
It was sunny at the SAGs and I'm not just talking about Jean Dujardin's disposition. Look at all the solar rays powering this first group.
Joanna: I love love love love love the sparkles on Jennifer Carpenter. Also, the length. It's not something you can wear to the Oscars, but is delightfully SAG worthy.
Nathaniel: I think the dress is great but maybe not on her. There's something about the lines on the side (gorgeous) that resemble a jutting rib cage. So skinny that one. But I included her as a thank you for being the only good thing about Dexter anymore (done with that show)
Joanna: Oh, yes, our Deb is in need of a sandwich or two. That's for sure. Speaking of curves, I'm not usually a fan of frou-frou, but that purple number looks great on Regina King. She looks very dishy. Not quite Viola territory, but close.
Nathaniel: She is SAG's Social Media Ambassador so I want to click "like" on this.
Joanna: Is she? If I were an ambassador I would demand a sash. A REALLY fancy sash with Twitter birds on it.
Nathaniel: That's over capacity fo the red carpet.
Joanna: Speaking of accessories. I am not a fan of whatever it is Kristen Wiig has on her neck. A choker? From Wet Seal? It's competing with the neckline of her dress.
Nathaniel: I can see that but independently I would digg it. I like that she doesn't try to soften her angularity much on the red carpet. She's got a bit of a dark side, yes?
Joanna: Are you saying you think she has handcuffs in that bag?
Nathaniel: Shhhhh. No one must know.
Joanna: Ugh, her date is so lucky. Can we talk about Gretchen Mol who looks like the fanciest lady on the USS Enterprise?
Nathaniel: Hee. I keep wanting not to like it but I totally do. Which is sort of how I have always reacted to Gretchen Mol. No one remembers this but Vanity Fair was trying to make her happen for the longest and I was like "does Conde Nast have stock in her career?" so I was suspicious but i almost always like her in things.
Whenever I see Diane Lane I think "movie star without the movies"
Joanna: Mol's fancy space collar looks itchy. Oh I remember her and "Vanity Fair"! I always felt like Weinstein had his sticky fingers all over that situation. But, speaking of Real Genuine Movie Stars, Angelina Jolie was back in her Cruella style. All slinky and drapey and eeeeeevil.
Nathaniel: YES. It's like a Project Runway challenge with unusual materials and she picked up an oil slick and fashioned it into a gown.
Joanna: Seals and seagulls beware!
Nathaniel: Your warning comes too late to whatever Cicely Tyson killed for her wrap.
Joanna: Did she and Rose Byrne coordinate on the hair? Can you imagine the magnificence of that phone call?
Nathaniel: Why do I feel they would need an interpreter? I can't ever imagine Rose Byrne speaking in real life actually. Does any Australian actor have a more convincing American accent. I always forget she is not from the burbs or something.
Joanna: Like how Madonna always sounds like she's ringing you from her mobile whilst wearing full hunting gear and sitting astride a horse ...in Warwickshire?
Nathaniel: Yes, only Byrne is ensconced in some wealthy gated community in Connecticutt or some such after graduating from Harvard.
Joanna: Speaking of a sense of place, Shailene, precious, I get that your movie was set in Hawaii. But the red carpet is NOT a lanai.
Nathaniel: Thank you. Shailene Woodley is giving eyestrain. So I have to ask you my standard question which of these first two sets of gowns would you wear.
Joanna: I think Jennifer Carpenter's dress is my favorite. You're right it might sit better on someone with curves. But I have those. So. . .GIMME.
Nathaniel: Do you like the SAG statue? I always feel like it looks like a school project, like, "Look what I made?!?" Especially when you see super cute stars holding it. Cue: Jean Dujardin
Chastain, Stone, Blunt, Dujardin, Greer
Joanna: I wonder if the prospective winners dress to match the minty green? Do you think that's a factor?
Nathaniel: No. Honestly I think stars just pretend everything is the Oscar. That's why they get so excited when they win anything. All colors are wondering what they look like with GOLD. I'm actually surprised you don't hear more flubs like "I'd like to thank the Academy of... uh.... Screen Actors!"
Joanna: You know, I love this set. Emily Blunt's dress was my second favorite of the night. And she had a better accessory than that SAG statue with John Krasinski on her arm. But, doesn't Judy Greer look smashing?
Nathaniel: YES. I was so proud of her. It's perfect. And I tend to think white is hard to pull off at these things. She wore a really heavy black outfit to BFCA I think it was and she looked 10 years older so, well, done. fresh as a daisy and ready for that lead in a romcom she's been waiting for. The Romcom genre needs a new leading actress anyway. who isn't sick of the current batch?
Joanna: Shhhhhhh, Emma Stone will hear you!
Nathaniel: Well. Other than Emma! Speaking of fresher than fresh. It's impossible not to adore her so she's the natural successor to the long vacant throne.
Joanna: She was just the cutest thing in Crazy Stupid Love.
Nathaniel: And she had a lot of competition!
Joanna: But I'm not in love with her outfit here. Like Shailene's Hawaiian theme, this feels too matchy matchy with Emma's movie. Too costumey.
Nathaniel: Okay i hear you. I do feel like I have no idea what Emma Stone's style is like because it's impossible to predict from one event to the next.
Joanna: To be perfectly honest, she always looks just so delighted to be there. It almost doesn't matter. Contrast with Jessica Chastain. Tell me. What do you think of her dress? Cause my breasts and I have a lot of opinions on the matter.
Nathaniel: HA. I was going to say. I feel awkward talking about this one because even though I love talking dresses I hate it when men talk about women's bodies in unflattering ways (seems so misogynistic) but, oh okay, she seems a little, the chest is a little... But she is so beautiful and the color is perfect.
Joanna: The color is gorgeous. We don't have to insult her, we can just say this is not the cut for her body. Those breast cup things are EVIL and it makes her look like she's going to the Winter Formal. Great hair though.
Nathaniel: And the breast cups aren't EVIL in the glee-inducing way that, say, Angelina is EVIL.
Joanna: Yes. No happy cackling.
Nathaniel: Cleavage conundrums aside, this is a marked improvement over the pink sheath, yes? remember that?
Joanna: Oh, yes. Pink is the enemy of red heads everywhere. Except Molly Ringwald. But we can all agree that the best-looking "Help" cast member was Viola "Grecian Goddess" Davis. Yes?
Davis, Streep, Tilda, Williams and Close
Nathaniel: Yes. How on earth will she top this for BAFTA and the Oscars? I actually think that's the greatest sartorial challenge of awards season for the frontrunners. How do you keep making best dressed lists while also making it look like an ascent?
Joanna: Oh, like how Jennifer Hudson was doing pretty well and then whipped out that dreaded bolero for the Oscars? You never know when the mighty may tumble.me: AHHHHHH. and i had so successfully blocked that out. Thanks Jo
Joanna: But Viola Davis is SO good at this. Speaking of "what is going on in the sleeves department"? Glenn? Not even close.
Nathaniel: heh. It's a full look but the sleeves do look like they were meant to be full fabriced (given their oomph at the shoulder but then sort of gave up.
Joanna: And I'm not a fan of apparent boning. I don't think it can ever look classy.
Nathaniel: Apparent boning. That's why Michael Fassbender isn't on the red carpet at these events anymore.[sorry]
Joanna: WHERE ARE YOU MICHAEL? Where are your accolades??!?! Okay, I'm not ready to heap accolades on Meryl Streep for what she's wearing either. Why does she cling so stubbornly to that Southwest style?
Nathaniel: I think because she's exempt from fashion discussions. It's part of her charm that everyone knows she doesn't think about it beyond "where's my hairbrush?"
Joanna: Don't forget your glasses!
Nathaniel: I'm dying to know what you think of Michelle Williams. I think it's really pretty and weirdly delicate despite how solid it looks what with the second sort of skeleton of a lace dress underneath...
Joanna: Okay. I think I would love it if it DIDN'T have the lace. I love red lace (see that aforementioned Jennifer Carpenter) but the odd combo of bold asymmetrical solid and dainty little sleeves. It clashes. Good thing she dyed her shoes to match! (Hate the shoes.)
Nathaniel: Hmmm. I see it as a subconscious visual manifestation of her own discomfort with celebrity (the lace) but her own brilliance as an actress (the solid bold color). But I'm probably reading too much into it. I do get carried away.
Joanna: Hahaha. I miss that yellow number. From the Brokeback year. I don't think she can ever top that. But that was a combination of a lot of things. Including Heath. And now I'm sad. WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT TILDA. That will make me feel better.
Nathaniel: I was beginning to think we were skipping her which would have been very subversive of us given that it's Tilda & Fashion. But then isn't this very gown kind of subversive of her to wear. Given what she usually graces us with.
Joanna: It's very Dynasty. But, like, the Cream of Wheat version of Dynasty.
Nathaniel: It's not Dallas. There was enough of that on stage.
Joanna: Oh, nothing says "sag" like Larry Hagman. I know we're supposed to stick to fashion, but I do want to say how much I want Viola to win over Michelle. That I love them both, but Viola's performance was better this year and I hope she shows up looking hot as hell and ready to take the statue home.
Nathaniel: I don't think it's Michelle Viola needs to worry about but I'm already definitely out as a Founding Member of Team Viola. Take it all the way, Vi!
Joanna: Is there anything more the be said about the SAGs (most unfortunate name for an awards show ever)
Nathaniel: Only two left: BAFTA and Oscar
Joanna: Any fashion predictions?
Nathaniel: Hell no. The trends change so fast they arent even the same from week to week. Only the stylists know and they're not even certain they know since they're the first to abandon ship at the first sign of a new bandwagon.
Joanna: Well, for me, the person I most want to see shine is Jessica Chastain. She just hasn't figured it out yet, which is odd, because she is so damn beautiful. I hope she knocks the Oscar carpet out of the park. We shall see! Maybe Viola can give her some advice.
Until then!