We're speeding up our red carpet convos with one event at a time. Today's guest is Guy Lodge, who you know and love...
Nathaniel: Time for a Red Carpet Quickie at the Savages Premiere. Hi Guy!
Guy: Okay, I've got Mary Louise Parker and Salma Hayek, but...?
Nathaniel: ...Blake Lively and Kelly Preston
Guy: Aha. And with that, hi! I just had a moment of Actressexual Identity Panic
Botwin, Frida, Blake LIvely, Mrs. John Travolta
Nathaniel: It happens. I think Mary Louise Parker may be heading for an Identity Panic herself when Weeds ends (finally. thank god).
Guy: I still have fond memories of Weeds, having stopped watching it about five years ago and forgetting it exists.
Veronica Lakeisms and Scientology Secrets after the jump
Nathaniel: Smart move. You performed your own Lacuna, Inc with abstinence.
Guy: Are you sure that's Blake Lively? Did the top half of her head melt and she stuck a magazine cutout of Helen Hunt there instead? She almost fooled me into thinking she's the undead Veronica Lake.
Nathaniel: The undead Veronic Lake? No, that's Kim Basinger.
Guy: I'm so confused. Still, things are looking rosy for MLP, then -- liberated from her TV shackles, and the best-dressed here! (Right?)
Nathaniel: Hmmm. I love Blake's dress... though I get the slight feeling of the dress creating the body rather than the body being in the dress. If everyone is going to be skinny, we'll create the voluptuous body -Exoskeleton chic!
Guy: It's a beautiful object, that dress, but I feel like it's wearing her -- though I suppose most things would wear Blake Lively, since we haven't yet worked out exactly who she is. I love Parker's look here because it's so summery -- why not get a little seasonal with red-carpet glam?
Nathaniel: I keep wanting to attach a sash because the shoulder is so "BEST ______" ribbon.
Guy: Maybe that's the idea. "I'm the best, bitches! Forget Weeds!"
Nathaniel: I wish Mrs John Travolta had come in a spa robe. Triumph through self deprecating sense of humor!
Guy: Preston's dress is SO tightly wrapped on her. As if she feared that, were it any looser, the collected secrets of scientology would spill from her assets.
Nathaniel: The cleanup costs alone would rival the collected budgets of the Oliver Stone filmography. Speaking of... have you seen SAVAGES? Do you intend to?
Guy: I think it's telling that it's taken us this long to even bring up the movie. I'll see it, but I sense a dark cloud hanging over it. (And that dark cloud isn't even Taylor Kitsch.)
Nathaniel: Awww. poor Taylor. He'll always have "Riggins". Okay. An exit question: Which of these dresses could convince you to see Savages and what would the movie actually be about if the dress could decide?
Guy: I'd have to go with Blake's exoskeleton, because that is some Cronenbergian shit right there -- the dress is the Savage, gradually fusing into the actress's own bones.
Nathaniel: Shades of Venom in Spider-Man 3 without all the extraneous subplots. Wait. I guess Venom was an extraneous subplot...
Guy: Salma's dress wants it all to be about her, of course -- but as much as I love the shot of oceanic colour, this one isn't working it for me -- perhaps because the cut is so matronly? Slip a white shirt under there and it's practically a schoolgirl's gymslip. (Sorry, revealing my Commonwealth schooling background there.)
Nathaniel: It's never all about her Post-Frida (2002). And yet she always muscles her way into red carpet convos. That's some sort of staying power at least.
Guy: I like how Blake Lively seems to be trying to clasp both hands around her tiny waist, as if trying to force the blood up into her face.
Nathaniel: It all rushed out when she saw the final print of Green Lantern.
Guy: Did Parker not get the memo that all actresses at this party have to stand with hands clamped to their waists? Did they think Savages was a superhero movie or something?
Nathaniel: Red Carpets *are* the Superhero Genre for hot actresses.
YOUR TURN...
Would you see a movie about Blake Lively's dress possessing her body?
Are you still watching Weeds?
Will it ever be all about Salma Hayek again?
Previously...
To Rome With Love premiere