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Click for larger viewThe Heston Tattered Trunk
★★★★ - 15 Reviews
Product Details
Designer Morton Haack did some hacking of his own to create this “doomsday chic” ensemble. Whether you’re overthrowing your ape overlords or discovering the relics of shattered humanity, this one-piece is sure to help you stand out from the mute hordes of your once noble species.
The tattered trunk will win you so much attention you may find yourself screaming "take your stinkin' paws off me you damn dirty ape!"
Color
Rotted Brown Canvas. Optional accessories include metal shackles, machine gun, or a stunning over-the-shoulder cape.
Size
One Size Fits All. Also comes in a fitted woman’s model
Preferred Method of Payment
Free with exclusive membership in Dr. Zira’s Human Domestication Program.
Shipping Date
This model won’t be available until after the atomic apocalypse, or the end of the current Planet of the Apes franchise, whichever comes first. Pre-order now!
Details & Care
Suit has not been water-tested. Safe for long horserides on the beach or collapsing in the sand in existential shock. Manufacturer is not responsible for any chafing, lice, or disillusionment with humanity while wearing the garment.
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