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« Teen Wolf Eye Gougings (& Shark Jumpings?) | Main | TIFF13 Lineup Announced »
Wednesday
Jul242013

Cinema Swimwear: Planet of the Apes

This summer The Film Experience is launching its own swimwear line!

Back to Results | You are in: Swimwear

Click for larger viewThe Heston Tattered Trunk
★★★★ - 15 Reviews

Product Details
Designer Morton Haack did some hacking of his own to create this “doomsday chic” ensemble. Whether you’re overthrowing your ape overlords or discovering the relics of shattered humanity, this one-piece is sure to help you stand out from the mute hordes of your once noble species.

The tattered trunk will win you so much attention you may find yourself screaming "take your stinkin' paws off me you damn dirty ape!"

Color
Rotted Brown Canvas. Optional accessories include metal shackles, machine gun, or a stunning over-the-shoulder cape.

Size
One Size Fits All. Also comes in a fitted woman’s model

Preferred Method of Payment
Free with exclusive membership in Dr. Zira’s Human Domestication Program.

Shipping Date
This model won’t be available until after the atomic apocalypse, or the end of the current Planet of the Apes franchise, whichever comes first. Pre-order now!

Details & Care
Suit has not been water-tested. Safe for long horserides on the beach or collapsing in the sand in existential shock. Manufacturer is not responsible for any chafing, lice, or disillusionment with humanity while wearing the garment.

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Reader Comments (7)

doomsday. chic.

LOL

July 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercal roth

I remember seeing this movie when I was just a kid. Charlton Heston diving into the water excited the hell out of me. Back then I wasn't quite sure why but I knew not to mention this to my brothers. That pale upper thigh contrasting with a tan leg is a good look that this ensemble pulls off very nicely. UPS drivers also often pull off this look. :-)

July 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBen Nevis

Ben, Heston also rocked the bare-legs look in Ben Hur. Besides all those Roman skirts-and-sandals (great for showing off the calves), he also shows lots of leg during the shipwreck scenes. And let's be honest; Charlton Heston had good legs!

July 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnne Marie

Mmmm. Mmm mmm mmm. Planet of the Apes when I was a little kid was one of my first inklings of sexual attraction.

After I got in a LTR with a woman and came out and all that, I sort of asked myself if I was still bi, or was I really gay? Then Charlton Heston came up in conversation and I was like WHOA! NOT GAY!

I know, I know, the politics. But that raggy loincloth has lost not one iota of its appeal to me.

July 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah Lipp

As a kid, I was obsessed with the POTA series. Loved all of the films, but my favorite was and is Escape. The scene in the first film where the apes are heard but unseen, hunting the humans in the cornfield...still way scary. I don't think anyone could rock this suit like Chuck. And ITA with Anne--he pulls off a quite similar look in Ben-Hur like he's on the damn runway in Paris.

July 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterbrookesboy

this one-piece is sure to help you stand out from the mute hordes of your once noble species.

LMAO

July 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNathanielR

You're right Anne, Charlton Heston DID have great legs. I remember adults talking about the scene where he jumped into the water. Sometimes I think that's one of the main reasons I even wanted to see this movie. Pickin's was slim in small town Texas in those years and you had to take what could. Roddy McDowall was also in that movie and I remember having such a weird crush on him from the movie The Adventures of Bullwhip Griffin.

July 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBen Nevis

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