The Film Experience

Year in Review continues...

We're attacking 2016 from multiple angles (with a few more categories to go so yes, we never quite fit it all into the right calendar year. Sigh). For today's topic, showbiz men and their gratuitous hunkiness. Who won our, um, "hearts" this year?

Herewith a semi-random collection of hotness.

Not Quite There but Still Sexy
We'd love to embrace Deadpool's pansexuality wholeheartedly but it's been wildly overstated by its creators and Deadpool himself Ryan Reynolds. In truth the character is a straight superhero (like all the others) only with a flirtatious teasing sexual vulgarity. This is easy to spot in the otherwise funny and raunchy "holiday f***" montage when the movie reminds us that Deadpool is no catcher (gross!), ONLY a pitcher... and his girlfriend is a lot happier to experiment than he is.

Would you take his measurements?

The Youngest Hemsworth
It was hard to even mind that the casting of The Dressmaker decided it didn't matter that Liam Hemsworth was 15 years younger than Kate Winslet though they were supposed to be the same age in the story. What mattered was the fantasy of Tilly's perfect comeback which includes winning the most eligible or at least most delicious bachelor in town. Pity about that 3rd act twist, though. Why can't we have nice things?

Animated Beefcake
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson was named sexiest man alive this year and his most popular alter ego on the screen had so much hulking muscle it was a miracle he could even move at all. But if Moana's Maui was too beefy for your tastes, gaze upon the every-man bearded-dad handsome of The Red Turtle's lead since everyone is into bears these days.

And let us all bow down to Zootopia's hilarious subversion of hunky gogo boys. Rough trade looking predators surrounds a vulnerable gazelle but are transformed into her harmless adoring backup dancers once the great pop tunes kick in.

Batter Up!
We'll let Tyler Hoechlin stand in for the whole goofy funny cocky homosocial hunkiness of Richard Linklater's unexpected lark just after his most ambitious film (Boyhood).

Easily the best thing about Train to Busan
was being introduced to Gong Yoo - goddamn! pic.twitter.com/bVGrIIGj4P
— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) December 27, 2016

Dev Patel wins Woofiest Performance of the year for Lion. So glad his character's depression didn't cut into his gym time.
— Kyle Stevens (@cinementalist) December 31, 2016

Oh Everyone's Finally Admitting That Asian Men Are Hot? We're Still Way Ahead of Hollywood!
Our primal grunted thanks to Hayden Szeto in Edge of Seventeen, Vincent Rodriguez Jr in Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Gong Yoo in Train to Busan, Joe Seo in Spa Night, and also to the casting directors and directors and studios who took a chance on them because it's about f***ing time that Hollywood plays fair with Asian actors, which is has historically ignored altogether when it wasn't desexualizing them. We're still a long way to go of course, most of the examples of Asian men in leading romantic roles are still indies or coming from rogue creative teams, but it's still so cool to see this wall finally breaking down on screens big and small.

And on that same front, a definite contender for Man of the Year...

Sneak Attack of Sexy Ubiquity
Riz Ahmed owned 2016 with his excitingly ambiguous star turn in The Night Of... which was part geek part criminal part hunk part nerd and difficult to predict in its passive and aggressive detours. He was also a comforting shoulder to cry on (metaphorically) as the counsellor in The OA, and then came that jittery and partially catatonic but eye-catching supporting role in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. We're always happy to see him. More leading roles please.

Altruistic Achievements in Gratuitous Nudity
Ralph Fiennes put it all out there for A Bigger Splash -- and we do mean all -- giving one of his best loudest craziest but still nuanced performances ever, a performance that frankly runs circles around much of what's in "the Oscar conservation." Awards groups, critics groups in particular, ignoring him is a textbook case of dereliction of duty. But we've already raved about Ralph Fiennes and how the movies -- or at least the Academy-- just doesn't deserve him.

Meanwhile in the Pacific Northwest!

Viggo Mortensen received his first Oscar nomination for Eastern Promises (2007) a movie that was instantly famous by way of its vicious and totally naked steam room brawl. Viggo may well be heading to his second Oscar nomination for Captain Fantastic (2016), dropping trou again but this time for no story reason other than that this is exactly what his counterculture character would do... including then judging and feeling superior to the people staring at him. If Viggo is nominated again he'll be the first man ever Oscar nominated twice for roles which involved full frontal nudity. That's some kind of Oscar trivia, huh?

It's only a penis. Every man has one.

FLEET WEEK FANTASY
That is all.

Oh and finally, a huge round of applause for...

more photos at OMGBLOG

Sense8's Insatiable Libido
A final thank you to the Sense8 cast on Netflix for their gleeful selfsploitation in the show's trademark orgy sequences which gets its best version ever in the Christmas special. And to the Wachowski Siblings, transwomen directors who broke out with Bound and The Matrix, who are blissfully inclusive (there are trans, gay, lesbian, cis, hetero characters of all races all getting off together and the show never places their individual desires in any kind of racial or orientation hierarchy!)

If you haven't watched the show it's about 8 people born at exactly the same moment around the world in a psychic cluster (their octo-mother, in this psychic sense, is Daryl Hannah) who are always flitting about in each other's heads. When emotions and tensions of any kind rise, they tend to help each other out with their unique skill sets. Or get each other off in the case of the show's abundant sex scenes. See, whenever any of the psychic siblings horn' up at least one or two others will join in. The threesomes, foursomes and rare all-eight-of-them orgies aren't so literal but one gets the sense that all of the sensates would be happy to engage in the real thing if they were in the same country. Sense8 isn't a particularly "good" show -- it's often meandering, nonsensical, repetitive, heavy-heanded -- but it IS a radically sex-positive creation, which makes it a total unicorn in pop culture whether you're talking TV or movies.

Sense8 understands that sex can be both a source of hedonistic pleasure and a comforting expression of emotional intimacy... if you're doing it right! There is literally no other show like Sense 8 on the air so let it run forever to help heal our world of \its damaging, repressive, and violence-encouraging sexual hangups... eight orgasms at a time!

Who would you have included in this eye candy celebration?