The Films of 2013. The 14th annual FiLM BiTCH Awards
PICTURE | ACTING | VISUALS | AURALS | EXTRAS | SPECIAL | SCENES
Hero of the Year
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| "Ashburn & Mullins" Sandra Bullock & Melissa McCarthy THE HEAT |
"Captain Phillips" Tom Hanks CAPTAIN PHILLIPS |
"Celestine" animators ERNEST & CELESTINE |
"Katniss" Jennifer Lawrence THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE |
"Renée Saavedra" Gael García Bernal NO |
| Blessed with: Tenacity, survival instincts, sense of community, amazing line readings Achilles Heel: family and friends don't like them, binge-drinking, internal bickering, orange tabbies Triumph: Dept corruption exposed, lives saved, new friendship |
Blessed with: Leadership skills, quick thinking, compassion, negotiating skills, Achilles Heel: Not really. But that ship isn't really equipped for war Triumph: Crew survives, cargo delivered |
Blessed with: Strength of inner compass, in spite of everyone telling her she's doing it wrong Achilles Heel: Lack of interested in teeth Triumph: Defeats species-phobia, unites enemies in newfound (albeit nervous) respect, nurtures her inner artist |
Blessed with: Social conscious, killer friends, a poker face from the gods, fierce and fiery couture Achilles Heel: Those damn Hunger Games keep getting in the way of a revolution Triumph: Changes the game... again... by giving them the slip |
Blessed With: Creativity, game-changing optimism, social bravery Achilles Heel: the ex-wife, the coworkers you can't trust Triumph: Pinochet overthrown by the power of goofy über 80s ad campaigns |
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Finalists: Dr Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock), Our Man (Robert Redford), and Solomon Northup in Gravity, All is Lost, and 12 Years a Slave respectively. Since their heroism is largely about keeping themselves alive, I've grouped them all as a three-way honorable mention. with a special dishonor to the Man of Steel for making Superman a mass murderer, or at least entirely unconcerned with mass death. |
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Villain of the Year
comment away |
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| "Master & Mistress Epps" Michael Fassbender & Sarah Paulson 12 YEARS A SLAVE |
"Encarna" Maribel Verdu BLANCANIEVES |
"General Zod" Michael Shannon MAN OF STEEL |
"Uncle Charlie" Matthew Goode STOKER |
"Violet Weston" Meryl Streep AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY |
| Guilty of: slavery, torture, rape, oppressive preaching and false piety, allowing their toxic marriage to have a (presumed) body count Accomplices: the US constitution, plantation culture, Armsby, Judge Turner Sentence: Still abusing their slaves when we leave them but "a great reckoning" is coming |
Guilty of: Shady nursing that would make Nurse Ratched proud, lies, seduction, mariticide, child abuse, greed, and plain old vanity. Accomplices: The chauffeur under her boot, the poisoned apple (but no Mirror Mirror). Sentence: Death. This is a Grimm(er) fairy tale than most Snow White interpretations |
Guilty of: Treason, attempted genocide, mass murder, military jingoism, growling Accomplices: the Kryptonian military, some sort of fancy terraforming ship because: science fiction! Sentence: "300 cycles of somatic reconditioning" but he avoids that sentence. Superman offers another: death by neck snapping |
Guilty of: Hitchcock referencing, fratricide, eery paralyzing ivory-tickling beauty, knocking off women who get in his way, incestuous seductions Accomplices: Richard & Stoker (unwittingly) Evelyn & India Stoker (half-wittingly) Sentence: He tried to kill Nicole Kidman. We sentence him to death. | Guilty of: The mouth cancer is both literal and figurative; she's toxic. Racism. Soul-destroying spousal and child abuse of the verbal variety. Accomplices: Beverly Weston's booze and silence, Mattie Fae's secrets, numerous pharmacists Sentence: From now on this bitch will eat her fish alone. |
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Finalists: "Jordan Belfort " (Leonardo DiCaprio) although The Wolf of Wall Street enjoys his crimes quite a lot placing him more as theanti-anti-hero than the villain he is |
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Diva of the Yearcomment awayWorship their fabulousity. Key diva ingredients: presence (life force), theatrics (larger than life), narcissism/ego (believes own hype/craves attention), the goddess principle (a certain remoteness), vocal fireworks (of one sort of another) |
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| "Divine" Divine I AM DIVINE |
"Elsa" Idina Menzel FROZEN |
"Jay Gatsby" Leonardo DiCaprio THE GREAT GATSBY |
"Nicki" Emma Watson THE BLING RING |
"Rosalyn Rosenfeld" Jennifer Lawrence AMERICAN HUSTLE |
| Turn ons: Elizabeth Taylor, musicals, playing dress up, eating, gender- bending, frightening people, mocking "beauty" Hobbies: Acting, Singing, being "Divine" Enablers: John Waters and the Dreamlanders Turn offs: Being basic |
Turn ons: The Cold. Solitude. Makeovers. Hobbies: Wanting to build snowmen. Actually building spectacular ice castles. Letting It Go. Enablers: King & Queen who encouraged all that self-denial Turn offs: concealing / not feeling. | Turn ons: Daisy Buchanan. The Haves. Hobbies: Throwing massive parties, vulgar displays of wealth, saying "old sport" millions of times Enablers: Long Island high society. Shady bootleg fortune. Turn offs: Tom Buchanan. The Have Nots. |
Turn ons: Celebrity, Paris Hilton, Label Couture Hobbies: "I wanna rob", dancing, taking photos, lipliner, dressing up Enablers: The Bling Ring, Vacuous paparazzi pop culture, Turn offs: Prison, not being famous. |
Turn ons: Herself "Thank god for me!", perfume that smells like garbage Hobbies: Performative housekeeping, driving men crazy "there's good stuff in this bed" Enablers: Irving Rosenfeld Turn offs: Science Ovens, Sydney Prosser |
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Finalists: A collective shout-out to the backup singers in 20 Feet From Stardom whose tantalizing proximity to their own inner diva was so moving |
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Sexpot of the Yearcomment away |
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| "Barbara Sugarbaker" Scarlett Johansson DON JON |
"James Hunt" |
"Naomi Lapaglia" Margot Robbie THE WOLF OF WALL STREET |
"Samantha" Scarlett Johansson HER |
"Sydney/Lady Edith" Amy Adams AMERICAN HUSTLE |
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A perfect "dime" (at least on the outside) and she knows it. If you've got it, flaunt it |
Much to his competitor's chagrin he's super fast on the race track and off, a legendary lothario who even wears it out his uniform "Sex: Breakfast of Champions" |
She's tired of wearing panties! Margot nails her breakthrough role, and Leonardo DiCaprio |
Scarlett Johansson was superhuman long before she was a superhero and is now a superactress. She's so good she's our first noncorporeal nominee in this category! |
.Whether seducing FBI agents with absurd cleavage and (very) dirty dancing or romantically mesmerizing a conartist in the dry cleaning racks, Adams is on fire. Who knew she had this in her? |
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Finalists: "Adele & Emma" (Adele Exarchopoulus & Lea Seydoux) though they'll definitely compete in best sex scene, I am strangely averse to honoring them here... the director was objectifying them enough for both of us, so let's leave them as finalists. But it's easy to see why both of them can't keep their hands off the other. |
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Best Poster Design
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| 12 YEARS A SLAVE |
THE BLING RING |
KISS OF THE DAMNED |
NO |
THE WOLVERINE |
| instantly iconic and evocative of larger feeling and narrative possibility | a classic chic tease | in tune with its Eurotrash retro horror feel | smartly modernizing and sobering up it's gawdy 80s rainbow - such a great mix of severity (title) and positivity (color) |
Asian influenced water color for a superhero movie poster. More imaginative work like this please |
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Finalists: Spring Breakers, Blue is the Warmest Color (for an alternate view: Glenn's take on the best posters of the year) |
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