the 10th annual film bitch awards, celebrating the films of 2009
Best Action Sequence
'There are no small parts' |
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| AVATAR |
AVATAR |
DISTRICT 9 |
PUBLIC ENEMIES |
STAR TREK |
| Taming the Dragon |
Humans vs. Na'Vi Finale |
Escape to Mother Ship |
Forest Escape |
Drop zone and drill. |
| Gold: TAMING THE DRAGON Silver: HUMANS VS. NA'VI Bronze: STAR TREK Finalists: TERMINATOR: SALVATION (Robots, Cycle, Helicopters... what a pileup) | RED CLIFF (pick a scene, any scene) Semi-Finalists: THIRST (final battle) | THE HURT LOCKER (I tend to think of the whole movie as one slow burn action sequence, only without the typical action movements) | HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE (Surrounding the Weasleys) | MONSTERS VS. ALIENS (in Galaxa's spaceship) |
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Best Musical Sequence (in a Musical)[this category is only held in years in which there are musicals] |
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| Crazy Heart "Somebody Else / I Don't Know" Jeff Bridges |
Every Little Step "At the Ballet" various artists, auditions |
Nine "Be Italian" Fergie |
Nine "My Husband Makes Movies" Marion Cotillard |
Nine "Take it All" Marion Cotillard |
| Bad Blake's washed up two-part musical intro in a bowling alley. It's expertly thorny and revealing. |
Why are audition sequences so fascinating despite the cliche of it all? |
The best choreographed of the hit & miss numbers... Fergie invites you to play in her sandbox. |
This ballad reminds how wondrous musicals can be when in the hands of performers who can both act and sing. |
Both of Marion's numbers are true highlights. This one gets interrupted too much, though. Damn you framing device! |
| Gold: MY HUSBAND MAKES MOVIES Silver: SOMEBODY ELSE Bronze: BE ITALIAN Finalists: "Falling and Flying" (Colin Farrell and Jeff Bridges) in CRAZY HEART Semi-Finalists: "A Very Unusual Way" (Nicole Kidman) and "A Call From the Vatican" (Penélope Cruz) in NINE |
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Best Musical Moment (in a non-musical)
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| (500) DAYS OF SUMMER "You Make My Dreams Come True" Joseph Gordon-Levitt |
CORALINE "The Actresses" French & Saunders |
AN EDUCATION "You've Got Me Wrapped Around Your Little Finger" Beth Rowley |
FANTASTIC MR FOX "Petey's Song" Jarvis Crocker |
THE HANGOVER "Stu's Song" Ed Helms |
| From Han Solo's wink to the fountains to that bluebeard... perfection! |
Hilariously bawdy "If you go swimmin' with bow legged women." |
Jenny caught up in the glamour of fine dining, chanteuses and nights on the town. |
"That's just weak songwriting! You wrote a bad song, Petey." |
"What do tigers dream of?" |
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Gold: YOU MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE Silver: THE ACTRESSES Bronze: STU'S SONG Semi-Finalists: solo ME AND ORSON WELLES | the men harmonizing in BRIGHT STAR |
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Best Kiss
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| (500) DAYS OF SUMMER Joseph Gordon-Levitt & Zooey Deschanel |
AVATAR Sam Worthington & Zoe Saldana (and animators) |
BRIGHT STAR Abbie Cornish & Ben Whishaw |
BROTHERS Jake Gyllenhaal & Natalie Portman |
A SINGLE MAN Julianne Moore & Colin Firth |
| A copy room surprise. She's hard to figure, that Summer. |
Perhaps this should've been in sex scene. They do "join" their tendrils. |
Not just the best kiss, but one of the best scenes, period. A lovely confession of affection and its playful aftermath. |
Who can blame them? But, oh the repercussions. |
A desperate clinging to a shared past, a quick buss and Charley is abandoned again. |
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Gold: BRIGHT STAR Silver: A SINGLE MAN Bronze: (500) DAYS OF SUMMER Semi-Finalists: THE YOUNG VICTORIA | BROKEN EMBRACES | That amazing almost-kiss duet between Ben Foster & Samantha Morton in THE MESSENGER. |
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Best Sex/Love Scene
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| BROKEN EMBRACES Penélope Cruz (w/ José Luis Gómez or Lluís Homar) |
THE LAST STATION |
THIRST Ok-Bin Kim & Kang Ho-Song |
WATCHMEN Billy Crudup (x3) & Malin Akerman |
WHIP IT Ellen Page & Landon Pigg |
| Lena and Her Lover. Almodóvar is so gifted with screen eroticism. Cruz, too, of course. |
The exuberant deflowering of celibacy sworn Valentin (Our Mr. McAvoy) |
Tae-Ju finally vocalizes her sadomasochism. Uh-Oh. Lots more pain to come. |
Electric blue fourgy... "It's like licking a battery." |
An innocent charmingly shot and scored bit of poolside love (with watery striptease) |
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Gold: BROKEN EMBRACES Silver: THIRST Bronze: WATCHMEN Semi-Finalists: CHERI (Michelle Pfeiffer & Rupert Friend) intergenerational soulmates | THE MAID gets cold feet | BRUNO -a comically perverse kama sutra |
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Best Credit Sequence / Title Design
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| (500) DAYS OF SUMMER |
ANTICHRIST |
CORALINE |
UP IN THE AIR |
ZOMBIELAND |
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Tom & Summer's childhoods and those moody (day) markers. |
Hilariously histrionic sick-colored chalkboard sequence titles. |
Needle & stitch work. Don't forget the button eyes. |
up int eh air... literally! Overhead geometrics, slickly dissected. |
Demolished and splintering titles and intermittent "rules" |
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Gold: (500) DAYS OF SUMMER Silver: ZOMBIELAND Bronze: CORALINE Semi-Finalists: UP (end credits) |
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Best Opening Scenes
First impressions are everything |
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| DUPLICITY |
HUNGER |
THE HURT LOCKER |
JULIA |
WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE |
| Spy Games & Corporate Warfare, humorously stylized. |
At first cryptic but entirely hypnotic as the images become contextualized. |
"You are now in the Kill Zone." (thanks for the warning) |
Julia on the prowl: randy, relentless, and enderaingly arrhythmic. |
Max's wild rampage. He tackles dog, snows sister, bites mom. |
| Gold: DUPLICITY Silver: WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE Bronze: JULIA Finalists: INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (Dairy Farm) | FANTASTIC MR FOX (Squab Farm) Semi-Finalists: PRECIOUS (Classroom Daydream) | UP (Pixar's done the newsreel intro before but "the spirit of adventure is out there" is still pretty charming.) | (500) DAYS OF SUMMER "this is not a love story" your first clue as to how to read this sly and oft misread movie. |
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Best Ending
SPOILERS |
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| THE HURT LOCKER |
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS |
NINE |
SUMMER HOURS |
WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE |
| After that smart monologue, a gut punch. Hit the reset button. |
"This just might be my masterpiece." Tarantino knows how to delight his movie-buff audience. |
"Begin again. Start from the beginning each time." Nine loops back in on itself as the stage curtain call looks out over the film shoot. |
The granddaughter leaving her own party at the estate, a leisurely drift away from childhood and family history. |
A beautifully wordless homecoming. There's no place like Mom. |
| Gold: WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE Silver: SUMMER HOURS Bronze: THE HURT LOCKER Finalists: UP IN THE AIR | CHERI (Devastating though I wish the film had earned it a little more.) |
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Top Dozen Scenes of the Year(excluding previous scene categories) |
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| BAD LIEUTENANT: PORT OF CALL NEW ORLEANS |
BROKEN EMBRACES |
FANTASTIC MR FOX | FANTASTIC MR FOX |
HUNGER |
| Iguanas | The Blind Caress |
Canis Lupis |
Whackbat |
Urine Sweep |
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| HUNGER | INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS |
JULIA | PRECIOUS | A SINGLE MAN |
| Wee Foal |
Meet Brigitte |
Masked Mother Proxy |
Who Was Gonna Love Me? |
The Phone Call |
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| TAKING WOODSTOCK |
UP | |||
| Acid Trip |
Married Life |
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Gold: MARRIED LIFE Silver: WHO WAS GONNA LOVE ME? Bronze: THE BLIND CARESS Semi-Finalists: Masturbation THE WHITE RIBBON | Marcus on the cross TERMINATOR SALVATION | 3 & 4: The Archivists 9 | A bird - THE WHITE RIBBON | Settling - UP IN THE AIR | The Garden CORALINE | the Mall THE MESSENGER | Lip Reading BROKEN EMBRACES |
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