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The best tradition of the Screen Actor Guild Awards each year, beyond their decision to keep the lifetime achievement award on air (are you listening Oscar?), is their opening bit wherein a random collection of thespians give little weird speeches that end with "I am an actor." Sometimes they're funny. Sometimes they're serious. Sometimes they're headscratching. Regardless, it's always something to look forward to each year. Here are the five actors they chose this year in ascending order of how well they pulled it off.

05 Ashton Kutcher
Kutcher read from a teleprompter. Noooooo.


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