Tim's Toons: Will the real Jem please stand up?
Saturday, October 24, 2015 at 8:00PM 
Tim here. You might be aware of the new release Jem and the Holograms, but it's probably likelier that you're not. According to The Wrap, the film wrangled $34,000 from Thursday night previews on 944 screens, for an awe-inspiring average of thirty-six dollars per screen. That's like a group of four friends per location.
In lieu of mourning the quick demise of an unwanted property, I would instead turn back to the series that inspired it, in the loosest conceivable sense of the word "inspired". The original Jem and the Holograms cartoon was one of the glories of manic Reagan-era TV animation, a transparent attempt by Hasbro to do a show for girls that would match their popular toy commercials disguised as television for boys, Transformers and G.I. Joe. What it lacked in having an equally successful toy line to keep its memory secure in the public imagination, Jem made up for in being totally absurd and tacky in the most exquisite manner possible.
It is one of the most '80s of all '80s properties.