Today is Rob Lowe's 50th Birthday. This photo was taken only a couple of years ago for Vanity Fair...
To unearth the mystery (or at least to celebrate) Rob Lowe's continual beauty, undefiled by age, fickle series-jumping, or scandals. A completely true embellished history...
1964 Born in Charlottesville Virginia to a schoolteacher and a lawyer
1965 Infected by a infant virus, Rob Lowe goes deaf in one ear. To date it remains his only known physical flaw. MORE...
1968 Younger brother Chad Lowe born. Later infected by Hilary Swank virus.
1970 The family moves to Ohio, where Rob Lowe might better acclimate to the eventual world of John Hughes and the Brat Pack
1973 The family moves to Malibu where Rob Lowe might better acclimate to his eventual world of celebrity
1983 Plant foreman Francis Ford Coppola, opens a star-making factory known as "The Outsiders" where Rob Lowe and other luminaries are processed for screaming teens to enjoy. The mold is chipped slightly by the cheekbones or jawlines of either Matt Dillon or Rob Lowe and the rest of them come out a little funkier but it's all good.
1984 Breaks up with Melissa Gilbert when she discovers him having sex with Nastassia Kinski. Even sapphic sister Jodie Foster is driven to have sex with Rob Lowe, who is also her brother, in The Hotel New Hampshire because in 1984 with Rob Lowe, who wouldn't?
1985 Rob Lowe deflowers Mare Winningham (it's his gift) in St. Elmo's Fire which drives her to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and monologue about it. Also wins the Razzie for Worst Supporting Actor. On the set he contracts vampirism from Andie MacDowell; both never aging a day since....
1986 Rob Lowe hooks up with Princess Stephanie of Monaco. And then Demi Moore, then his friend Emilio Estevez' girl, in About Last Night inspiring her to raid her fridge in the nude. Everyone is hungry for him...
1988 Rob Lowe pioneers the celebrity sex tape to very bad reviews which threaten to end his career
1989 As if taking a stake to his own heart, he deflowers Snow White at the 61st annual Academy Awards tarnishing her reputation so permanently that Kristen Stewart is later allowed to play her. Two months later Soderbergh's Sex, lies and videotape, super relevant post Lowe scandal, opens to very good reviews and the Palme D'Or at Cannes.
1990 Rob's ill-advised revenge is a movie called Bad Influence which involves sex, lies and videotapes. It mercifully disappears with the VHS tapes of yore.
1991 Rob Lowe settles down with Sheryl Berkoff and begins reproducing because you can't let those genes go to waste.
1992 Lowe & MacDowell are cut from a celebrity party scene at Lisl's mansion in Death Becomes Her at their request, fearing their secret will get out. Lisle reminds them they must disappear from public life after ten years to keep their secret; MacDowell complies but...
1999 Lowe reemerges on the politically themed D.C. set The West Wing but quickly grows bored of the confines of his role.
2003 Reemerges on the politically themed D.C. set The Lyon's Den but the show is quickly cancelled.
2006 Reemerges as a politician eager to get to D.C. on Brothers & Sisters but quickly grows bored of the confines of his role. Returns to his coffin in the rich soil
2010 Reemerges on the politically themed Parks and Recreation. His career "lit-rally" pics up with his game comic performance which makes great use of his well preserved hunkiness
2011 The immortal beauty releases a book called "Stories I Only Tell My Friends" but sales plummet when people realize it is filled with words.
2013 With nothing left to prove, and finally breaking from the government official mode, he mocks his own unnatural youth as a eye-lifted plastic surgeon in Behind the Candelabra.
2014 Happy Birthday Rob Lowe! Rob preps a TV movie, two features, and a new miniseries