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5 Days 'til Emmys: Bunk Mates and Sex for Science

It's my blog and I'll play favorites if I want to. Though I'm rooting hardest for Mad Men on Emmy night (mostly because I think it needs all the goodwill it can get at this point) my actual two favorite shows of the 13/14 television season were Orange is the New Black and Masters of Sex, both competing in various categories, though not enough of them in the latter case, for their stellar debut seasons. So for this round of group question festivities, posed to friends of TFE and contributors, I have two questions regarding my two favorites.

Answer them yourself in the comments.

1. Which Orange is the New Black character would you most want to bunk with if you were so unfortunate as to land in that prison?

Matthew Rettenmund: Sophia Burset would be a great bunkmate. She could do my hair so it wouldn't look bald on top.

Jose Solis: Not a character, but Jodie Foster directed the best episode and I'd love to be *anywhere* with her.

 Mark Blankenship: Clearly, I need to bunk up with Poussey. I speak a little German, I enjoy books, and I'm very interested in building up a tolerance for homemade alcohol.

     more answers & sex studies after the jump

 Andrew: I think I'd get along really well with Nicky and her oftentimes snarky distaste for her fellow inmates. She's also one of the more (relatively) laidback inmates, so unless you're trying competing against her in a sex-based competition she seemed like she'd be a good bunk-mate

Joe Reid: Nicky, for sure. Nicky's awesome, funny, conversational, not prone to dramatics .. this all hinges on her not getting hooked on smack again. In which case, I become Red's bff.

Abstew: If watching other prison-set "films" have taught me anything, the obvious answer is Pornstache. Let's see if he lives up to his namesake...

Anne Marie: I'd want to bunk with Red. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and the lady with the contraband gummy bears closest.

Denny:  Flaca. Goth-styled Latina with great taste in music? YES, PLEASE!

Nathaniel:  Common sense tells me to go Nicky because she's chill and funny and there's good conversation but my West Side Story obsession forces me to admit that there's no way I wouldn't want to hang with Morello every day. And if you bunked with her, you'd still get Nicky so that's my answer. BUT I do want to add that these disparate answers are a perfect encapsulation of why this show is so awesome. It is so strong across the board, its bench of great characters is so deep, that it's nearly impossible to choose a favorite and never waiver from that choice. 

2. Which character on Masters of Sex would you have sex with... for science!

Abstew: Teddy Sears' Dr. Austin. He's a bit of a cad and easy on the eyes-both good qualities when looking for a fun sexual romp...scientifically speaking. 

Mark BlankenshipNow that his work in the study has sent him on such an emotional roller coaster (including that affair with Margaret), I want to help Dr. Langham (Teddy Sears) scientifically explore what happens to his personal life when we get freaky. Chances are good that we climax, he'll buy me a vacuum cleaner out of some sense of misplaced guilt, and I do love solidly made vintage appliances.

Andrew:  Like so many TV shows Masters of a Sex has a particularly good looking ensemble so since this is for science I think I'd oblige and have it with the entire cast. But, I'd start with Finn Wintrock's Dale.

Nathaniel: They have yet to explore threesomes in their experiments but a Virginia/Ethan sandwich is a great dark-haired gorgeous place to start. After that, definitely Teddy Sears. (I saw him first people, back off. See: Dollhouse)

Anne Marie: Virginia Johnson. I guess it's probably because I've got a big, *LESBIAN* crush on her.


Do it for science. And name your preferred Litchfield prison bunkmate.

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Reader Comments (23)

Question #1 is easy. TAYSTEE. I mean, the woman is amazing:

"Don't be fucking with Harry Potter"
"See, they meant YOU'RE, apostrophe RE, as in you are gonna die"
"It ain't just an ice cream, it's a King Cone"
"'Cause I'll tell you right now, you ain't steppin' on the Goblet of Fire"

The woman is a bookworm, a grammar nazi, loves to make fun of people (Amanda and Mackenzieeeee!) and lives for a good laugh and a good treat. We'd be best buds in no time!

And if you're not convinced...

"Everybody likes it. Chicken for the people. I rest my case."

Question #2, also easy. Virginia Johnson. I have a crush on Lizzy Caplan for ages!

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJorge Rodrigues

Another good case for Taystee:

"This ain't The fucking Help, bitch".

Pop-culture-heavy one-liners are also part of her repertoire.

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJorge Rodrigues


"So I'm sitting there, barbecue sauce on my titties, and I'm all like, what the fuck? AGAIN?"

This bitch gives me LIFE! :-D

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDorian

Red for the groceries

Teddy Sears, Beau's rent boy, Nicholas d'Agosto and basically everyone except Michael Sheen.

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPeggy Sue

Sophie is fun, she's smart, she does hair, she has contraband.

I think I'll have the dirty with Sarah Silverman's Helen.

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah Lipp

Black Cindy because she'll make me laugh.

Have yet to see an episode of Masters of Sex because I hate the title.

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered Commenter3rtful

Tastyee season 1 because she was not corrupted and I'm sure she'd make me laugh. Then season 2 is have to bunk with Rosa because she is no nonsense and dying she'd tell me what it is plus she is sure to have some great stories.

Margaret Schully mainly because it's Allison f****** Janney and she is such a stunning women. I'm sure the character on the show is Virginia because she is so great and again it's Lizzy Caplan and I love her too.

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEoin Daly

I am torn between Nicky and Red. Nicky is fun and laid-back, but Red is wise and she has access to contraband.

I actually am starting to find Virginia really annoying. If she'd stop reading every line as though she were scolding her children...

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne

Taystee and Poussey. There are fun specially with their comedy routine.

Teddy Sears of course

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMurtada

Deborah -- 'have the dirty' LOL. good unexpected choice though. love that plot swerve on MoS.

Murtada -- that comedy routine is the classic of classics. If anyone ever updated that "things white people love" meme it would actually probably include "Taystee & Poussey making fun of white people"

/3rtful - this is a silly reason not to watch the best drama on television right now

Everyone -- can we all agree that if Taystee isn't Emmy nominated for Season 2 next year than something is very very wrong with the Emmys (not that that isn't already proven)

August 20, 2014 | Registered CommenterNATHANIEL R

Oh, it's a toss up for sure. Taystee and Poussey are my favorites; they are READERS and hilarious! But I do love Morello's red lipstick, and those freckles on that pale white skin, and she's so kind.

Allison Janney's character, of course, for "science". The men in that show don't do anything for me, although Michael Sheen was pretty freaking funny with Parker Posey in the abysmal Laws of Attraction, but I wouldn't take him in this one.

And, Nathaniel, something is always wrong with the Emmys. Listen to The Spin-off on KCRW for a funny convo about the Emmys.

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPam

Teddy Sears played college boy/bartender/playa Chad on One Life To Live in 2002. Soaps, soaps, soaps!

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbrookesboy

1. Definitely Nicky.

2. If no one is going to speak up for George, Virginia's ex (Mather Zickel), then more for me.

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterARPT

No votes for Piper?

Another vote for Taystee, with Poussey and Sophia extremely close seconds. A bonus of being with Taystee and Poussey is that they know the depth and richness found in the differences between the white and black MIchelle Williams.

I've had a soft spot for Michael Sheen ever since he was Wesley Snipes, but my vote has to go to Lizzy Caplan's Virginia.

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterF

Nat, I saw Teddy first, on One Life to Live (as brookesboy notes above). So dibs!

And I'd have to say Officer Bennett from OItNB.

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPaul Outlaw

^^^Matt McGorry can get it ANY TIME HE WANTS IT! Damn.

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulian

Taystee!! Absolutely. I'm assuming that if we become friends, i'll also end up being friends with Black Cindy and Poussey and then we could play the Celebrity game together! I could also be the Tristan to their Amanda and Mackenzie and have delightfully shallow conversations about Botox.

Masters of Sex? Well, pretty much everyone. I would feel like a total whore if i did but then Betty would tell me that there's nothing wrong with being a whore and then we'd also sleep together.

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDerreck.

I'll be the one to vote for Piper, I actually like her and we could be whiny white girls together. I know I'm definitely not cool enough to bunk with Poussey! Red or Daya would be my other picks!

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

That's easy when it comes to Masters of Sex. Virginia and that school chancellor's daughter.

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSteven

Steven -- Virginia is smoking hot. Lizzy always brings it. Remember how she raised the temperature on True Blood... which is hard to get noticed doing since everyone is always attempting to do that.

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNATHANIEL R

Nathaniel -- Whoa whoa whoa, back up. Lizzy Caplan was on True Blood?? Which season? This is exactly the kind of incentive I needed to watch the rest of the show.

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnne Marie

Anne Marie: Unfortunately for you if you really want to watch the rest, it was Season One. ;-)
I've been more or less hate-watching (or perv-watching) since that season.

August 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPaul Outlaw

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