The Spy Who Crunched Me
Thursday, December 3, 2020 at 12:00PM by Jason Adams
Hey! Eyes down here! Thank you. Yesterday came news that the long-rumored sequel-of-sorts to David Cronenberg's 2007 film Eastern Promises was gaining some momentum... and that momentum was taking it straight towards the above-splayed abdominal muscles of one Jason Statham. Should we all be so lucky. And I think you can tell already that I'm hoping this film exists solely for a re-do of Viggo's balls-out sauna-brawl, just subbing in Jason, so we'll just go ahead and get that out of the way upfront. Say hello to our upfront business!
That aside and moving on, the sequel was written by the original's Steven Knight and is to be set in the same universe of bad-dude Russian mobsters, but it isn't supposed to follow up on any of that first film's characters (no Viggo, no Vincent Cassel, and no Naomi then) and David Cronenberg has no plans to return to the director's chair either. As of now Danish director Martin Zandvliet, whose 2015 film Land of Mine was nominated for Best Foreign Film, is attached.
Abs aside -- a large aside, I realize -- I think Statham somehow still remains underrated as an actor after all these years; I guess making the same movie fifty times, in between Fast and Furious sequels, will do that. And an Eastern Promises sequel would fit right in that wheelhouse -- it would not an enormous leap from the star of the Transporter films. And as good as Land of Mine was it was Cronenberg's forever-present weirdness that set EP out from the pack -- that is something that I don't know if Zandvliet has, that special weirdo quality. Truth told what it comes down to is I really just want Statham to co-star in a Spy sequel with Melissa McCarthy, and I'm putting all my energy into the world for that to happen. Until that happens everything else can suck it!
Reader Comments (10)
Spy is honestly one of the best comedies of all time.
His performance in Spy was incredibly unexpected; I'm sure much of that has to do with his great dialogue, but he really leaned into the buffoon with a gun character. I'll co-sign a sequel (or a spin-off!)
I think he surprised everyone with his comedic skills in SPY. Comedy GOLD
Eastern Promises is such a great movie.
I have such a sexual attraction to Vincent Cassel's character. I have never been able to understand why, but I'm just so aroused by him. And it's never happened in any other role of his.
I'm still upset that Jason Statham didn't get any awards consideration for Spy. Honestly, he was the best thing in that film and he was so fucking hilarious. He played his usual tough-guy persona and made it funny. I really think he's found a second career in doing comedies as he just feels like a total natural in the genre. Seeing Jean-Claude Van Damme appearing in a few comedies recently showed that he had some range all along but also proof that he's stopped taking himself so seriously. I think action stars doing comedy could really help them in the long run. It worked for Schwarzenegger. Sly, not so much but he had his moments like Oscar.
Steven Seagal.... he was never funny and he has no sense of humor. No wonder people think he's a piece of shit and he runs like a tubby bitch. Girls and women can outrun his fat ass and for all of the things he's done to them. I hope they kick the shit out of him.
Statham already made a "serious" attempt at acting. It was called London and co-starred Chris Evans. Nice try but it didn't go well.
His first two film roles were in Guy Ritchie comedies, so we knew Statham had it in him.
"Spy" is superb, and one of those shining moments for the continued existence of the Golden Globes' Musical/Comedy categories.
I rarely laugh out loud at a comedy, but SPY really did it for me. I wish Jason AND Melissa could return to that kind of project.
Jason Statham is a rock solid actor in my opinion. He makes utter nonsense like CRANK actually seem plausible.
Who do we have to pay to have another naked sauna fight with Jason Statham???