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« Distant Relatives: Hamlet and The Dark Knight | Main | Reader of the Day: Walter »
Thursday
Mar172011

Ten Reasons Aronofksy Really Left "The Wolverine"

(not really)


By now you've heard the news that Darren Aronofsky has left the director's chair of The Wolverine, leaving Fox and Hugh Jackman scrambling for a new leader. They're going to move aggressively to replace him. Aronofsky cites a year away from home (presumably in Japan) as the reason for his departure. Sad. Just when we had totally acclimated ourselves to the idea of Aronofsky's madness servicing Wolverine's berserker rages, too. Who didn't want to see Hugh Jackman challenged again by an auteur -- and not just to up his protein consumption -- particularly the auteur that wrestled his best performance out of him?

We think there's way more to the story that Aronofsky and Fox just aren't telling. I was talking to Joe about this and perhaps our imaginations are just overactive but wouldn't any studio simply adjust their current plans to accomodate a director who has a proven track record of upping their star's game and of creating amazing visuals with $1.57 in petty cash that outdo their million dollar investments. Plus, Aronofsky is just off a huge surprise worldwide success.

So herewith...

TEN (IMAGINARY) REASONS ARONOFSKY REALLY LEFT WOLVERINE

10. Darren prefers pencil moustaches to mutton chops.

09. Fox demanded a Halle Berry / Storm cameo.

08. Studio objected to scene Darren referred to as "Uncle Hank's Cigar Challenge"


 

07. Fox insisted that Coney Island was not a suitable stand-in for Tokyo exteriors. Not even with CGI embellishments.

06. Fox demanded a Black Swan Reboot option added to Darren's contract.

05. Hugh Jackman refused to allow actual steel blades to be placed in his arms. Wuss. Mickey Rourke was totally okay with the staples!

04. Aronofsky couldn't stop giggling every time "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" was uttered in studio meetings.



03. Wolverine's mutant healing prevented all attempts to dramatize self-mutilation, Aronofsky-style. Aronofsky to Fox: "Booooorrrring!"

02. Fox rejected new costume concept involving Wolverine in a natty scarf.

01. Hugh Jackman wanted Benjamin Milipied to 'choreograph' the fight scenes.

 

Maybe you can think of more reasons in the comments?

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Reader Comments (18)

The box office success of Black Swan did enough in proving that he could make films he wants to make and get that big box office -- Wolverine always seemed like a movie to up his profile. After all the Black Swan hype, he no longer needs to sell out.

March 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbia

Hugh didn't want to say the lines - Mommie he choose me because IT"S MY TURN NOW - which Darren now had added to all his contracts for new movies

March 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMurtada

He left because he didn't want to travel all the way to Japan just to be Silkwood.

March 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter/3rtfu11

11. Clint Mansell was like "F*ck if I'm gonna score a Comic Book movie! I may have scored Sahara but I'm a Golden Globe nominee now!"

March 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommentermB

Jackman wouldn't let Aronofsky do it ASS TO ASS with him.

March 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAndrew R.

Fox didn't like the idea of the climactic battle simultaneously taking place in an orange bubble floating through space, 16th-century Mexico and present-day Japan.

March 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJason H.

Irreconcilable differences brought on by 5 little words: "Mark Margolis as Omega Red"

March 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRobert

Ha! This is pretty funny shit.

March 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterthemoviesnob

I am SOOOO disappointed. I realy, REALLY wanted to see Aronofsky do Wolverine with Jackman - I really, really wanted to see that. Someone needs to take Jackman and do something outrageous with him!!!

March 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbillybil

I just want a musical with Hugh Jackman...

March 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrianZ

I'm so relieved he's not doing this anymore. I've been trying to put the best face on Aronofsky directing a Wolverine movie, but honestly, this is for the best. I'd still like to see Aronofsky reunite with Jackman at some point, but...not like this. Not this way.

I think that Almodovar should be the new director :)

March 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMiguel

Miguel -LOL. could you imagine? actually i can't. Well... he does like the color red.

March 17, 2011 | Registered CommenterNATHANIEL R

BrianZ -- me too but i've given up the ghost i think, having realized it's just not a priority for Hugh Jackman for some reason. Talk about hiding your light. (sigh)

March 17, 2011 | Registered CommenterNATHANIEL R

Thanks for the giggle. After seeing Jackman in The Boy From Oz, I especially love #1

March 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlice

Alice -- ayiyiyiyiyi. i try never to think of THE BOY FROM OZ because then Hugh Jackman's refusal to do a follow up musical make-a-me so sad. cry. cry. he was GREAT in that.

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNathaniel R

Woody Allen for Wolverine: A nevroutic Jackman talking to himself while Diane Keaton is walking around in "Japan" in a 70s costume made Geisha with a free speech pin

Lars von Trier for Wolverine: Jackman has lost his power and geisha Gong Li must do some canooondling with Cyclops, professior Xavier, the Beast and Phoenix to get Wolverines Mojo back

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterManuel

Manuel -- now i must see it as an omnibus film. How cool would it be to see some totally avante gard approach to superhero genre. just something anything </.i> different. which is why the Aronofsky film might've been a rare treat.

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNathaniel R
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